Don't tell me
by ElvenMuggle
Summary: Lily was raped when she was only fourteen so she doesn't trust anyone at all, mostly men. So how does she handle James Potter? Will James be able to break through the ice walls she's built around her heart? Or will it be too late?
1. Can Things Get Any Worse For Me?

"No, no… Please no... "

"Oh yes, we both know everything I want, I get." He said, shoving her small, trembling form onto the bed.

She sat up, dark red hair falling back onto her shoulders.

"NO! I won't let you!" She said attempting to jump out of the bed, but only succeeding in getting caught back in his arms. He threw her back onto the bed and placed himself on top of her so she wouldn't be able to attempt another escape.

"Oh Lillian..."

He held her hands together above her head and kissed his way down her neck. But she wasn't about to give up without a fight. Wriggling one of her hands free from his grasp, she slapped it hard across his face as he looked up at her, feeling her arm loosen from his grip.

"You stupid bitch!" He raised his arm up and elbowed her in the face, causing her nose to start bleeding violently. She whimpered helplessly as he undid his pants and shoved himself into her.

* * *

That was me two summers ago. My sister to whom I no longer to speak to anymore because of the incident, set me up with him on a blind date.

Jeremy Stanfield, that was his name. A rich seventeen-year-old kid who got everything he wanted... I was only fourteen years old at the time... My parents never knew I was out, and were furious when I came home, bloody and raped. They believed me. Petunia, my sister though, did not.

Of course we went to court with it, he got away though, his father being so powerful and all…But since that night, I've never been the same... I don't trust anyone anymore. Not one living soul. That is, if you take out my parents of course.

I don't have any friends at school. No, I'm better off alone... And it doesn't help that the stupid Potter boy, a sixteen-year-old kid, the same age as myself, who also attends Hogwarts is always asking me out, sending me love letters, throwing cat calls at me as I walk by in the hallways, and wiggling his eyebrows at me during class of dinner along with his stupid grin that makes girls melt and giggle whenever they see it.

And today is my least favorite day of all days in a year. Today I have to go back to Hogwarts to study magic and endure Potter's never-ending crush on me. Today, I have to go back and start my sixth year there.

Can my life get any worse?


	2. The Hogwarts Express

"Lily? Lily dear, wake up..."

Lily opened her emerald green eyes to her mother, leaning around the front seat of the car to wake her. She groaned and slowly got up out of the car. She hated going back to that stupid school with the happy people bustling around her and other teen girls her age, running around with their friends and giggling like mad about boys and makeup and such nonsense.

"I love you, honey." Her mother grabbed her and gave her a rib-breaking hug.

"I love you too, mum..." She said against her mothers chest, hugging her back.

She turned to her dad and hugged him hard.

"I love you baby." 

"I love you too, daddy."

"Well, I'll see you guys at Christmas!" Lily hugged her parents once more, grabbed one end to her trunk, put on a painfully fake smile and walking toward the barrier between platforms nine and ten.

She walked strait into it, and at seeing the huge scarlet-colored Hogwarts train groaned aloud again.

"Practicing for the bedroom?"

Oh God, she KNEW who that was...

"What do you want, Potter?" She said, turning to see him looking at her with that stupid grin on his face she wanted so badly to wipe off.

"I think you know what I want Lily, dear," He said, leaning in closer to her.

"I really hope it's a breath mint," She said, waving a hand in front of her face so as to wave away the pickle-smelling breath.

He looked a little taken aback, but composed himself quickly. "And you would probably want a shirt that goes higher up to your neck..." He said, looking down her shirt.

She shoved him backwards. "Get away Potter!"

"Now, now, what's going on here?" A brown-haired blue-eyed seventh year boy with the head boy badge pinned to his chest appeared at their sides at that moment.

James grinned and turned to him. "Nothing, nothing at all. I'll see you later, Lily dear."

Lily glared at his back as he strutted away. Stupid Potter, why did he insist on starting off the school year like that? But it didn't matter really, either he was going to bother her now or he was going to bother later. Better to get over with now…If it was only that easy.


	3. Arriving

James Potter. He was the good looking, cocky, self-centered kind of guy who liked to have sex--And a hell lot of it. In fact, it was rumored that he had had sex with every girl in the school except for third years and down and...Lily Evans. For some reason, James wasn't quite sure why, but she didn't fall for his charm, or swooned when he smiled at her. In fact, it seemed as if she absolutely loathed him.

James looked glumly out at the Hogwarts grounds at the thought of her. "I'll get her this year, though." Even though that was what he said every year, he was sure it was going to be this year. He was positive.

"Oi, Prongs! Are you coming?" James turned to see his best friend, Sirius Black, who pushed his elegant looking hair out of his eyes while grinning at him.

"Of course, Padfoot," He said, following his friend through the great hall and up the Gryffindor house table.

"Hi, James!"

"Hi Ashley," He said, looking down at the pretty blonde-haired girl who had had a crush on him since both of their first years. "Would you like to sit with me during the feast?" She said and giggled, looking up at him with big blue eyes.

"Not sure yet, babe," He winked at her, "We'll see,"

He grinned at her and she looked dreamily back up at him. It was then that James noticed Lily sitting down at the end of the table by herself, looking up at the ceiling, which revealed the night stars twinkling down at them all. He grinned, displaying his dimples to the girls in front of him, who all began to giggle at once.

"I'll be back ladies," he said, still grinning, and sending a wink their way before running a hand through his hair, causing it to stand strait up, and strutting down to where Lily sat.

"Beautiful aren't they?" He whispered into her ear from behind her, hand on each of her shoulders. She shook his hands off and looked up at him, seeing him staring into her shirt.

"Potter, you pervert!" She exclaimed, taking her hand up to the collar of her shirt, successfully blocking James's view of her chest.

He quickly walked around the end of the table and sat down opposite her, crossing his arms out on the table in front of him. He chuckled as he looked at her red face that was currently glaring at him.

"You're so cute when you get mad…" he said, gently running a finger along the back of her hand, making little circles.

Lily still glaring daggers at him, jerked both of her hands out of his reach.

"Go away, Potter, I want my supper in peace." She said angrily.

"What do you say to meeting me in the astronomy tower later tonight?" He said, in a would-be-seductive voice if it were anybody but Lily Evans he was talking to.

"Yeah, sure."

"Really?" James perked up.

"No."

"Why?"

"Potter..." She started in a menacing voice, before a much more cheerful one interrupted her.

"PRONGS!"

They looked down the table, to see Sirius standing on his chair, grinning at them, girls swarming around him, trying to pull him down. "A little help?"

"I'll see you, Lily dear," James said, standing up, sending her one more lopsided grin and heading down the hall to rescue Sirius from the army of girls giggling up at him. (A/N: Sounds kindave creepy...)

Lily, still red in face, turned back to see someone else sitting in the seat in front of her. She jumped slightly, but she didn't think the girl noticed. The girl just nodded at her and studied her hands resting in her lap. Lily had never really seen anybody look like her before. She had short, black hair, and wore... black. Black everything. Long sleeved black shirt, black skirt, black pantyhose, and black boots. Even her nose ring was black, which Lily thought looked quite painful.

"Like it?" Lily moved her gaze up to the girls eyes which were a startling blue. Lily nodded uncertainly, scared if she admitted that she didn't really like it, the girl might attack her.

"Ya' know, if you don't like it, you can say it, I'm not gonna attack you or anything..."

"...I know, but I'm serious, I really do like it."

The girl smiled at her, showing her a mouth full of pearly whites. "I'm Adrienne Broxter, I'm an exchange student from America."

Lily wasn't sure if she was ready to open up to anyone yet, half of the students found out her name from hearing teachers speaking to her in class, and the other half found out from James Potter, who after he saw what he called the most beautiful girl in the world (Lily), decided to go through her personal school file and then go in front of the school, declaring his love (in other words, lust) for her.

That happened in the middle of their fourth year, and ever since then, James had gone completely ballistic. Just the morning after that incident, he sent her a dozen roses, which she had dumped out her dormitory window, and sent him a nasty letter she would never have uttered aloud in front of anyone. Things like this had been going on for the next one and half years to no avail, Lily had not given in. She would never give in.

'Not even if my miserable life depended on it,' she thought, looking at Adrienne, who was watching her, as if expecting something, probably her name, in which Lily was in no hurry to say.

"Er..." What could she say? She didn't want to tell the girl her name, but she didn't want to look like an idiot either.

"Lily Evans..."

Behind Adrienne, Lily saw a group of girls, passing the Gryffindor table to take their seats at the Slytherin one. But before they got there, they saw what Adrienne...looked like, and started pointing her out to other Slytherins, giggling evilly.

"Are they laughing at me?"

Lily nodded silently.

To her surprise, Adrienne swung around in her seat to look at the crowd of Slytherins behind her, and did something Lily never would have done to anybody, not even Potter, with her middle finger.

"What are you looking at, fuck bags?!"

Lily was surprised that she used the term 'fuck bags', she thought she had made that up herself. The whole hall went silent; everyone stared at the Slytherins, waiting for their retort. But before any could come, the double oak doors opened, and Minerva McGonagall, with a trail of first years behind her, came walking in, heading to the front of the hall to be sorted.

Everyone immediately dashed into their seats, scraping their chairs on the floor and making a great deal of noise. McGonagall, lips a thin white line of disapproval, looked up at Dumbledore, an angry look on her on her face. Dumbledore smiled at her warmly and waved his hand, signaling her to keep moving.

* * *

Lily pulled herself up from the Gryffindor table, stomach now full. Hoping no one would follow her, mainly Adrienne, who had spoken to her all through dinner explaining that she was in sixth year too, she hurried through the crowd, out into the entrance hall, and started up the main staircase before hardly anyone had even stepped out of the great hall.

"Hey, Lily, wait!" It was Adrienne.

Lily didn't stop, but she slowed down. "Yes?"

"Will you show me the way to the common room?" She asked, pushing her black hair out of her eyes.

A little annoyed, Lily nodded silently, and started heading back toward Gryffindor tower.

"You wouldn't mind showing me around tomorrow, would you?"

Lily stopped, not noticing she caused the people behind her to stop also before moving grumpily around them.

"What?" Adrienne asked, stopping also and turning to Lily.

"Alright, listen, I am NOT your friend, nor do I intend to be in the future, so just back off...Got it?"

Adrienne stood silent with hurt and fury but said silently, "Yeah, okay, I get that a lot..."

Lily tried not to let go of the tears that were threatening to spill over the brims of her eyes as she hurried past Adrienne and up toward Gryffindor tower.

Later that night, Lily lay in bed, crying. Why did she have to be like this? Why couldn't she just let anybody in? How come every time someone tried to get close to her, she pushed them away, no matter if she wanted to be their friend or not?

She finally cried herself to sleep, not noticing that Adrienne, in the bed next to her, was doing the same.


	4. School and Stupid Potter

Lily awoke to the sunlit dormitory to find that everyone else had already gotten up and gone down. Rolling over to check the time, she saw a big bouquet of purple day lilies on her bedside table with a little, white envelope next to it with her name on it. Lily had learned long ago that the girls in her dorm did such favors as coming into the dorm and placing presents from James on her table or bed. She had over heard them talking one day and wondering why on earth she wouldn't want to go out with a 'sweet, gorgeous guy like James Potter'. Well that shows how much they knew about James...and Lily.

Lily got up, grabbed her wand, the bouquet of flowers, and the letter next to it and went into the bathroom, setting the flowers and note, which she didn't bother to open, into the bathtub.

"Incendio." she muttered, sending a small flame at them, causing the flame to grow and eat the flowers up.

Lily watched until the flames died down and removed the ashes with a wave of her wand.

Sighing to herself, hoping she had not wasted time and was going to late for class because of Potter yet again, Lily used a quick cleaning charm on herself and threw on her robes over a pair of old jeans and a tee-shirt.

She quickly grabbed her bag, stuffed with books and parchment and quills and walked down the stairs into the common room to find it empty of anyone. Or so she thought...

"Lillian!"

She flinched. Not because of the sudden, unexpected outburst behind her, but because of the name. It was her full first name, but that was what HE used to call her...

Lily kept walking, just KNOWING who that was.

"Lily!"

This time he started sounding more whiney, and James jumped in front of her, blocking her way out.

Trapped alone in a room with a man (or in James's case, boy) was defiantly NOT the way to win Lily over. She started to panic, imagining him throwing her onto the couch behind them and...and...She didn't want to think about the rest. Instead of doing what Lily had been fearing, James cheerfully looked at her and said, "Did you like the flowers I sent up for you?"

"No, Potter," Lily said quickly.

James's face fell slightly. "Did you throw them out the window again?"

"No, Potter,"

"What did you do with them?"

"I burned them."

"I knew you would like them," he said, grinning like a maniac.

"Potter, you're an idiot!"

"Why do you say my last name every time you say something?" James asked.

"I don't know, Potter, just shut up and let me pass."

James stepped aside and let her pass as he leaned over to look into the oval-shaped mirror on the wall and started making his hair stand up.

"Wait up," James said, following her out of the portrait hole and down the corridor toward the great hall, "May I walk you to breakfast?"

"No, you may not," Lily said, glancing at her watch, seeing it was way too late to even consider breakfast now, and walked right past the doors to the great hall and down towards the transfiguration classroom, James strutting along beside her.

"Care to sit with me today?" James asked, ruffling his hair again.

"Like I tell you EVERY time you ask that Potter, NO." Lily glanced at him and seeing him about to respond, said quickly, "And you're not sitting with me either."

James's face fell, and he hung his head in mock hurt, and said, "Oh Lily flower, why do you put me through such agony? Why do you torment my poor soul that is so desperately in love with you? I live for you Lily Evans, I breath you with every breath I take, I would do anything for you, my love, for I-"

Lily walked into the transfiguration classroom, James right behind her, ranting on when Lily swung the door shut behind her, James walking strait into it, and stumbling backwards.

She took her seat in the front of the empty classroom, James coming after her, looking a little dizzy.

Lily rolled her eyes, and set to pulling out her books, quill, and parchment.

"Potter, I said you couldn't sit with me," She said angrily, looking at James who had placed himself in the chair beside Lily, and sat grinning at her.

"Yeah, but I don't really fancy getting doors slammed into my face." James said, tilting the chair back on two legs.

Lily was about to retort when the door opened and the classroom started to slowly fill up with students laughing and talking .

"Potter, go away before all the seats are taken up!" Lily said angrily.

James laughed a cheerful laugh and remained seated. Lily glared daggers at him, but he didn't notice, he was looking the other way at a group of giggling girls.

Lily saw Adrienne enter the room, looking grumpy and wearing more black than she had the night before. She saw Lily seated and to Lily's great surprise, sent her a small, almost undistinguishable, smile. It came and went so fast, Lily wasn't sure it had even really happened. She decided it must have just been her imagination, because two seconds later, Adrienne was glaring again and walked to the back of the classroom and sat down.

Next through the door was Professor McGonagall, carrying her wand in one hand. She did the roll call, and seeing that everyone was there, rolled up and set down the parchment on her desk, and looked around at them all.

"This year in transfiguration is going to be a lot different from any other you've had and will have." McGonagall said, walking down through the rows of tables.

Everyone was quiet, watching her, and waiting for her to continue speaking.

She continued, "Most of your work and learning will not be down here, you will be doing most of it with your partner." She looked around at them all," The person sitting next to you will be your partner for the year."

Lily held back a tremendous groan while a few people let theirs out , some people laughed and others started talking to their neighbors excitedly.

James looked over at Lily, a goofy grin on his face. She glared at him, and looked back at the professor, hating her more than ever at that moment while she tried to quiet the class down.

"Your project will be human transfiguration."

At this, there was a big, long, ooooo, before she continued, "Now not all of you are animagi, I know that, you won't be able to transfigure yourself, but your partner, and it won't be just animals you will be able to transfigure into, but other things."

"I am not going to teach you how to do this, you will go with your partner to the library at least three times a week and study it and practice on each other because it is very difficult magic to perform. Any trouble, just send for me or Madam Pomfrey and we'll fix you back." At seeing the surprised faces in front of her, she quickly added, "Nothing will do any real damage, so you don't have to worry about that."

A small, shy girl with blonde hair three tables down from Lily and James, slowly raised her hand.

"Yes Ms. Abbot?" McGonagall asked.

"Do we have to be partners with the people next to us? I'm er...not sure if Sirius and I would really work together very well..." She said slowly, glancing at Sirius, who was sitting next to her, with a look of surprise on his face.

There was an explosion of whispers around the room and McGonagall was starting to look quite strained.

"I'm sorry Ms. Abbot, but that's the way I do it. If you were to pick who you were to work with, then you nor your partner would ever get any work done. DON'T argue with me, Ms Cleveland, I've had my experience, I know."

"So you do this every year?" Someone asked from the back.

"Every year." McGonagall confirmed.

A chorus of 'whys?' rang out.

"Because, it gives me more time and energy to work with the other students from other grades, and it gives you some experience for when you're out in the real world; you're not always going to have a teacher there telling you how to do everything. But you will come to this classroom on the assigned day, and show me what you've accomplished so far."

One of the giggling girls James had been looking at, raised her hand and asked, "Is there any specific books you want us to looks at?"

"Yes, but I'm not to tell you, you're to work it out on your own with your partner. But I will give you all permanent passes into the restricted section so you may look in there too.

James leaned over and whispered into Lily's ear, "They have quite a selection of sex books in there."

"Shut up, they do not." Lily whispered back. She highly doubted that the school had sex books in the library.

"You will start your studying tonight," McGonagall said, finishing up. "Any Questions?"

No one said or did anything.

"Alright then, class dismissed."

It was ten minutes till it was time for the bell to ring, but the class was happy to get out of class early, so everyone packed up their unused things back up into their bags and headed for the door.

One minute later, out in the hall, Lily turned to James, who, was trailing along behind her happily.

"Potter, you just made me hate you even more than you could have ever possibly imagined. So stay away from me unless you want your head bit off."

James looked at her worriedly and backed away slowly.

'Wow, I didn't think that would actually work...' Lily thought to herself, surprised by James's reaction to her threatening.

"You know," James said, "You're really scary, yet, cute when you get mad..." He looked at her thoughtfully.

Lily turned and walked away.

"I'll see you in the library later tonight, love!" James called after her.

This was going to be one hell of a year.


	5. The New Girl

Lily waited for James in the library.

'Thirty minutes late! Where the hell is he?!' She thought angrily.

They were in this together, even if she didn't want to be. Deciding she had waited long enough, and she should just go ahead and look for books on human transfiguration herself, Lily picked herself up from the table in the back of the library, and headed toward the T's section just as James came strutting up as if he were on perfect time.

"Potter, where the hell have you been?" Lily asked, crossing her arms out over in front of her chest.

James clicked his tongue mockingly. "Now, now, Lily dear, language!"

"Ok Potter, one: don't call me Lily dear or dearest, it's starting to make me want to chop off all of your fingers and shove them done your throat. Two: don't ever be late and keep me waiting again or I'll make it so that it's not possible for you to have babies. Three: don't talk to me about language when you have the perfectly distinguishable lipstick on your shirt or I'll knock you out somehow, drag you to the great sorceress in Hogsmeade, and have her put a spell on you to make you think that you're a girl."

James swallowed uncertainly. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to work with this girl all year. She was pretty scary! Now that he had actually talked to her more, and seen this scary side of her, he wasn't even sure if he still wanted to sleep with her. He watched her walk away from him, seeing those sexy little hips move from side to side as she walked, the curves that curled themselves around her body...speaking of curls...the thing James liked most about Lily was thick, red, curly hair that bounced up and down playfully as she walked. But he also liked her emerald green, almond shaped surrounded by thick, black, curly lashes and her luscious, red lips. Oh, and her boobs of course.

Oh yeah, he DEFINETLY still wanted to sleep with her.

He shook his head and snapped out of his daze as Lily turned into the rows of bookshelves. James quickly walked up to the bookshelf Lily had just entered and headed in after her.

"You know Evans, you're really scary." He said when caught up to her, eyeing the couple of books she already had in her arms. "Here, let me help you with those," James said, grabbing hold of the books in her hands.

"Potter!" Lily turned to him angrily. "It would help if you would looks for books too, not steal mine," She said, grabbing the books back out of his hands with strength that surprised both James and Lily.

James looked and felt mortally offended. No one had ever turned him down on letting him hold their books for them before!

"Potter, get that stupid look of surprise off of your face, I turn you down every time, it's not like something new just happened here. Just help me find more books on human transformation."

But James wasn't listening. There was a short brunette girl in the middle of the bookshelves, looking around as if trying to find someone.

James leaned over to Lily's ear while still keeping an eye on the girl who's back was turned to him and whispered, "Hey, who is she? I don't think I've met her before..."

"You don't think you've met her, or you don't think you've slept with her yet?" Lily whispered back keeping her eyes on the books in front of her, searching. "How would you know anyway, you're hardly even near her."

"Oh, I would know if I had slept with her, I study them very closely."

"No you don't Potter, you're a man whore, you see a female and you run strait for them." Lily whispered before she headed back to the table she had reserved for herself and James with the eight books in her arms.

Not hearing James behind her, she turned, and saw him, standing in the middle of the isles, talking to the girl he had been wondering about, who was at that moment, looking a little scared.

Lily turned back to the table, not caring to hear, when she accidentally caught some of what they were saying...

"I'm looking for a James Potter and Lily Evans, do you know them? I was told that they would be in here..."

"Well today's your lucky day, love, because I am the James Potter." Lily heard James say pompously.

"Well…what about Lily Evans? Isn't she your girlfriend?" The girl asked timidly, nearly causing Lily to gag.

"Whoa, whoa," James said loudly, "Now I'm a bachelor, but I've been waiting for someone like you to come along my path, sweetheart."

"Er, sorry, but I'm not really sure what that was supposed to mean, but I need to see Lily Evans and James Potter."

"Well, I told you I'm he didn't I?"

"Yes, but where's Lily Evans?"

Lily heard James sigh and heard him walking back to the table.

"Evans," James said, sitting down at a chair across from Lily's and leaning it back on two legs just as he had done in transfiguration earlier that day, "There's someone here who needs to speak to us."

Lily lifted her eyes from the book she had been trying to read and looked at the brown-haired girl with blue eyes, and a splatter of matching brown freckles across her nose and the tops of her cheeks.

The girls cute, freckled face turned pink, "Er, I'm an exchange student from Canada...I came in late though and my teachers gave me my work, and the transfiguration professor told me that I should team with you two for the year because you're her best students..."

James smiled and stuck out his hand. "Well I guess you can tell I'm James Potter and that's Lily Evans," he nodded at Lily," But what's your name angel?"

The girls face turned red again. "Elizabeth Rice," She said, shaking James's hand.

He winked at her, and Lily thought she would explode into tears with embarrassment, judging by the color of her face.

Lily rolled her eyes and said to Elizabeth, "We're studying for human transformation," she said, eyeing James who was looking at Elizabeth with that look in his eyes that he wore every time he looked at a girl.

Did he look at her like that? He must have, but Lily had never noticed it...Suddenly the look sent a chill down her spine. He probably did look at her like that! He wanted to do things to her...Noticing Elizabeth and James staring at her, she mentally shook the thoughts out of her head. It probably wasn't the best thing for her to be thinking about in front of anyone, especially James. "What?" she had thought she had heard Elizabeth say something.

"I said the professor has already told me all about it." Elizabeth said. My name's Elizabeth, but you all can call me Lizzy, it's what I've always been called."

"Lizzy," James said standing up and pulling out the chair beside him, "Has anyone ever told you how absolutely gorgeous your eyes are?"

It was the words James had used on Lily the first time he had hit on her in fourth year right after that summer...

Lizzy blushed and stared at the chair he offered for her.

"I'm sorry...I have a boyfriend back at home..." Lizzy said, studying her shoes. She quickly walked to Lily's other side and sat down there instead.

Lily snorted into the book she was reading at the look on James's face.

Lily handed Lizzy one of the books out of the stack and looked back up at James who was still standing, a look of horror on his face. He seemed to have realized something and quickly turned and started walking out of the library.

"Potter!" Lily yelled after him.

He kept walking, apparently not noticing her.

"Excuse me," Lily said to Lizzy before quickly picking herself up from the table and hurrying after James, who was already half-way through the crowded Library.

But James was the athletic quidditch player, not Lily. Before Lily had even gotten half-way out, he was walking out of the stain-glass doors leading out of the library.

"Potter," Lily muttered angrily. She wasn't going to do this project herself! He needed to stop being such a lazy ass and help her!

She sped up slightly, not wanting madam Pince, the librarian, to become angry with her.

One minute later, stepping into the hallway, James was no where in sight.

Lily looked down one end, and then the other, not seeing him.

Hoping it was the way he went, Lily turned left and went down that way.

"Potter, if you're not down here, you're going to die." She muttered absently, not watching where she was going, and accidentally bumping into someone.

It was Adrienne.

"Watch where you're going," She said before she backed up some and noticed it was Lily.

"Oh...you.." She said slowly and quietly.

There was a terrible and awkward silence which was broken a few minutes later by two people behind Adrienne's back, arguing.

It was James and madam Pomfrey.

"Poppy, I'm telling you, there's something wrong with me! I've been turned down twice in the same day! And I think it's something serious-"

"Potter, that's natural, and don't call me Poppy-"

"It's not natural for me! I'm James Potter! Don't you see how wonderfully handsome I am!?"

"Yes Mr. Potter, I see you-"

"Then you see how handsome I am, and know that there's something wrong if I'm turned down twice in ONE DAY!"

"Potter, I've checked everything, there's nothing wrong with you," Madam Pomfrey said, beckoning him out of the hospital wing door.

"Potter!" Lily walked forward and took hold of his upper arm and pulling him out into the corridor with difficulty. "How could leave me in the library with all that work to do!? I'm not doing it myself, you're going to help me, like it or not."

"Lily," James said, looking at her solemnly.

"What Potter?" Lily asked, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Do you think I'm ugly?"

Lily had actually never even thought about this before; he had just started hitting on her, and she didn't want anything to do with anybody, especially guys. She had never noticed the way his dimples stood out when he grinned, or the way you could see his well-toned muscles through his shirt and on bare arms...She had never noticed how soft his hair looked, or how big and pretty his hazel eyes were...She hadn't even noticed that he was six feet tall, and compared to her five foot three, that was pretty tall. But it didn't matter whether or not he looked good to Lily, she didn't want anything to do with him. There was no telling what he was capable of.

"Yes Potter, I do." She had just lied through her teeth, something she had learned to do very well over the past few years.


	6. Quidditch and friendships

**A/N: Ok, peeps, I skipped a little ahead in time in this chapter because they're in their six year now, and I want to go through the six and the seventh year without having eighty chapters so this is starting in mid November. I had actually written another chapter that started off right after Lily told James he was ugly, but I thought it was just a big waste of time and space, so here you are…I hope in this chapter I'll be able to type out some quidditch scenes, and maybe a little more friendship/trust between Lily and other 'people'. Before I start the chapter, I just want you all to know that Lily doesn't like James, just thinks he's not ugly.**

**

* * *

**The leaves had turned different colors and had fallen gently down on the lake, resting there before the giant squid had come up and eaten them all up in one swallow. It was mid November and Lily smelled winter in the air. She wished desperately that winter break would come soon, anything to get away from James. Every moment she spent with him was agonizingly torturous. And things had gotten ten times worse when McGongall had discovered that Adrienne didn't have a partner and had decided to take Lizzy away from them and give her to Adrienne, making it so that Lily was the only person left for James to annoy. All he ever seemed to talk about was sex and quidditch. His first match of the season was coming up and he was restless about it. He had continually asked her if she thought he, as quidditch captain, had chosen the right players and if she thought that they were going to win. Of course, she didn't know how to answer these questions, and didn't really care to. She didn't know anything about quidditch and very seldom went to games. 

"You will go won't you? To the match? It's tomorrow night." He asked her one chilly afternoon.

She rubbed her eyes, wishing she were somewhere else. "I don't know, it depends on if you help me finish this essay."

"Why do you think McGonagall added reports and essays to this stupid project anyway?"

Lily didn't look at him but kept writing about why it was important for all wizards to know transfiguration well. "If you were doing the essay, you would know."

"I tried to do it but you told me that my words were too stupid to put onto paper," He said, crossing his arms over his chest, tilting his chair back on two legs, and putting his feet up onto the table, a habit that had nearly driven Lily crazy. "I think you should know, I have the highest score in transfiguration of anybody in twenty years."

"Yeah Potter, I believe that. Besides, how would you know? That's only in private school records…" Lily trailed off. Maybe he **did **have the highest scores in transfiguration…But Lily just couldn't see that happening. But she could see James sneaking into private records and running across it. James good in school?? No, it had to be a bluff…

James only grinned at her.

"Aren't you coming to the match?"

Lily jumped slightly in her chair next to the fire. She cleared her head of James and looked up and surprisingly, saw Adrienne smiling lightly at her.

"Er…No, I wasn't going to…why?" Lily said, standing up and clearing her throat awkwardly.

"Well, I was going to ask you if you wanted to come with me…."

Lily looked at her like she had grown an extra head. What was she playing at?? Hadn't she told her that she didn't want to be friends? "Er…I thought we-"

"I know what you said," Adrienne said in an impatient voice, "I'm not asking you to be my friend, I'm just telling you that I'm lonely and wanted to know if you wanted to come and watch the stupid match with me."

Lily held in a giggle. She had been calling the quidditch game 'the stupid match' also. She guessed it wouldn't hurt if she went with Adrienne to the game…But it was so weird…She had told her she didn't want to be friends, and had thought she had hurt her feelings…Maybe Adrienne was just that tough…

"Er…Ok."

Adrienne smiled. She and Lily walked out the portrait hole and down to the great hall together, silent the whole way.

"Hey," Adrienne said as they stepped out onto the grass outside of the castle. "Your boyfriend Potter asked me out the other day."

Lily nearly tripped. "He is **not** my boyfriend!" She said, straightening up.

Adrienne gave her a funny look.

"He's not my boyfriend." Lily said more defiantly this time. "I hate him, he's always trying to get me to sleep with him. I tell him to screw off every time but he keeps coming back."

Adrienne rolled her eyes. "I know, what is it with guys? Why can't the bastards just get it through their thick heads?"

For the first time in a long time, Lily was actually enjoying someone besides her parent's company, even if they cursed in every sentence they said. And it was scaring her.

"So," She hesitated, "What did you tell him?"

Adrienne laughed. "I told him to fuck off."

Lily smiled, loving that there was someone else here who also had it in them to tell James Potter no.

Adrienne blew out, showing Lily how cold the air was. "I can't believe how damn cold it is over here,"

"I know," Lily said, rubbing her arms. She wished she had brought her cloak with her.

"Finally! Why is thing so far away from the castle?" Adrienne said, walking into the stadium to a roaring crowd. She said something to Lily, but Lily didn't hear; the crowd was extremely loud. Yet, there was no one out on the field.

Adrienne leaned closer to Lily and yelled, "Do you want to sit together, or do you not like me anymore?!"

Lily made a sheepish face. "I'm sorry, I was just-er, tired…"

Adrienne gave her a funny look and waved her hand. "It's alright, I get it all the time." She started up the stairs, and Lily felt a pain in her heart. Adrienne got that a lot? Or maybe she was just saying that…But there was just something about the way she had said it that made Lily believe her…How could she have been so mean to Adrienne? She had only been thinking about herself and her past. What was Adrienne's past?

Lily ran up the stairs after Adrienne, almost losing her balance. The seats were half-way up and in the middle, so Lily had to scoot past a lot of people, mostly Slytherins.

Lily heard Adrienne yelling up ahead and looked up. There was a Slytherin boy, grabbing hold of Adrienne's waist and trying to pull her down onto his lap.

"Oh come on, Andy, it's not going to hurt you," he laughed.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me Andy?! Just leave me alone already," she yelled angrily, thrusting herself out of his grip and stomping down the row, smashing into people's legs.

As Lily got closer to the boys, she heard them talking.

"I told you she wanted me," The boy who had tried to pull her down said, a grin on his face.

"Jack, you're daft, she doesn't want you, mate," another boy beside him said.

Lily walked toward them, she could see Adrienne seated ahead, five seats down.

"Well hello love," Jack said as Lily was walking in front of him, "How about you? Would you like to sit?" He patted his lap.

Lily shook her head, keeping her eyes down and kept walking. Jack reminded her greatly of someone she knew…Someone who's name started with J and ended with an a-m-e-s.

Finally in her seat, ten seconds later, Lily asked Adrienne who he was.

"An asshole," Was all she would say, so Lily dropped it.

The players walked out onto the field two minutes later. Lily saw James strutting along, his broom over his shoulder. The game was against Hufflepuff, and their seeker had been injured during practice, causing them to have to find a fill in, so the Gryffindors were confident that they were going to win.

The announcer, Jamie Rail's voice filled the stadium as he announced the players.

"And on the Gryffindor team, we have Potter as Seeker and captain, Trullivan and Rivers as beaters, Keaton, Corsesia, and Smith as chasers, and Willis as keeper."

The Gryffindor crowd roared.

"And on the Hufflepuff team, we have Bones as Seeker and captain, Diggory and Clay as Beaters, Martin, Bouvier, and Desrosiers, as chasers, and Banks as keeper."

The Hufflepuff crowd roared also, and as the captains shook hands and the match started, the noise was almost deafening.

James was the best flyer Lily had ever seen, though she would never admit it. He coursed through the players as if he were light as a feather, searching for the snitch. He paid no attention to what was going on around him, he centered all of it on finding the snitch, which didn't turn out to be a good idea.

Ten minutes into the game, the score was 40-20 to Gryffindor, the Hufflepuff beater, Diggory aimed a bludger at one of the Gryffindor chasers, Keaton, who was racing towards the Gryffindor goal post with the quaffle. The bludger hit Keaton on the arm, causing him to drop the quaffel.

The bludger then flew off in the other direction. Toward James. Looking around for the snitch, he didn't notice it, and by the time he did, it was too late. Lily imagined hearing a sickening crunch as the bludger slammed into James's face.

There was a big groan from the Gryffindor crowd as James called for a time out and flew to the ground, holding his nose.

"Oh bloody hell, why?!" James grabbed his wand and put a healing charm on his nose just as the other six Gryffindors landed down next to him. He didn't know any really good charms, so his nose was still throbbing painfully.

"Where were you guys!?" He yelled at the two Gryffindor beaters.

"Hitting a bludger back at Diggory for hitting Keaton over there." the beater, Trullivan said, pointing over to the bench where Keaton sat, murmuring spells at his arm.

"Why weren't you protecting Keaton??" James asked.

"We were keeping Bones from finding the snitch." Trullivan and Rivers said in unison.

James felt guilty. "Alright, alright, it was my fault…Come on, let's get back out there and kick some Hufflepuff ass."

They kicked off again and the game continued, this time a little more roughly. The Hufflepuffs, seeing how it affected them, threw more bludgers at James, who dodged them.

"And Banks passes to Desrosiers, Desrosiers passes to back to Banks, whoa! Nice interception there by Smith! Smith passes to Corsesia, and Corsesia scores! 50-30 to Gryffindor."

James saw it. The snitch. Not taking his eyes off of it, James put on a burst of speed and raced toward it, the Hufflepuff seeker, Amelia Bones at his side. Amelia looked at him and knocked into him, trying to throw him off course. But she was so light weight, it did nothing but push James half an inch to the side.

James knocked her hand away when they were two inches from the snitch and caught it, flying to the ground.

"Was that supposed to be exciting?" Adrienne drawled to Lily as the Gryffindors around them ran onto the field. "God, this is the worst game on the planet! Every single fucking thing about it is boring."

"It's not _that_ bad," Lily said, smiling at her.

"Of course it is," Adrienne said, "What the hell is he doing?"

Lily looked down at the field, seeing James, who had thrown Amelia Bones over his arm, and started kissing her. She heard Adrienne laugh beside her.

"Look!"

Adrienne was pointing at the other side of the stands. Lily looked in that direction and saw Professor McGonagall looking very appalled, struggling to get down the stands to James and Amelia.

Lily laughed as Adrienne turned to her.

"So, I guess now I'm your enemy, so goodnight.." She smiled warmly at her and started her way down the row.

Lily _knew_ that she shouldn't do it; knew that she shouldn't trust anybody, but Adrienne couldn't rape her….Why couldn't she trust her? She needed a friend…The only strange thing about this was that Adrienne **wanted** to be her friend after what she had said. Why???

Wondering if she was going to regret it later, but not caring, Lily ran after Adrienne who was already half-way down the steps. She finally caught up to her at the bottom and grabbed her arm. Adrienne flinched and turned quickly, but at seeing Lily, she relaxed.

"Er…Adrienne…I er…I'm sorry…" Lily said shyly, turning red.

Adrienne smiled. "It's ok, come on, let's go back to the castle."

Adrienne hooked her arm in Lily's and they walked back to the castle together, both of them finally finding a friend.


	7. Going Home

**Disclaimer: I'm not taking any credit for any of the characters or anything else you recognize. The only thing that belongs to me is the plot. Everything else belongs to J. K. Rowling. **

**A/N: Yes, I'm skipping ahead of time again; this chapter is starting about maybe the seventeenth of December.**

Lily had been searching through book after book for something that would help them transform into anything, and had found nothing. Pretty much all of the books they needed had been checked out by other students. She soon had had enough and threw her book at James's head, making him fall over.

James looked at her angrily before getting up and leaving out of her sight. Lily thought he had left her in the library for good, when he came back, book in hand. Lily could hardly believe her eyes as she watched James opening up the book and searching inside. He hadn't lifted a finger the whole time that they had been working on this project.

"There's loads of information in here," He said, flipping though it. "Here's how to transform a gorilla into a broomstick, and how to transform a person into a monkey."

Lily eyes widened. She went around and looked over James's shoulder seeing that James was telling the truth. "Where the bleeding hell did you find this bloody book?"

James looked a little confused and said, "I really don't know; I just picked a book up and brought it over…"

Lily rubbed her temples and grabbed the book from James, looking over the human-into- monkey spell. It didn't look to hard…All she had to do was point her wand to James on the head and say a spell…

"Alright Potter, get over here," she said before she stood up and rolled up her sleeves.

"Oh finally, Lily, I've waited so long!" he said ecstatically, jumping out of his chair and running over to her.

"You're sick, Potter, real sick."

James grinned widely at her and rolled his sleeves up also, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Lily pulled out her wand and rested its point on James's forehead and looked back down at the book that was resting in her hand.

"I'm going to turn you into a monkey," Lily said, shifting the book in her hand so that it was more secure.

"Do you have the counter curse?" James asked.

Lily glanced at the book, seeing the counter curse. "Yeah, alright, let's do this."

…Three Minutes Later…

"Ouch," James said, stretching his limbs out on either side of him. "That hurts. It felt like my arms and legs were forced into the rest of my body."

Lily held in giggles at seeing James turning into a monkey and back again. James leaned in closer to her.

"Think that's funny do you? Well it's your turn now, so give me that book." Lily hesitated. Having sex with him was one thing, but letting him turn her into something other than human? What if he turned her into a monkey and then hid the book and left her like that? What if no one was able to figure out how to change her back and she stayed a monkey forever? And the only person that could was professor McGonagall and James seduced her or something-

Lily laughed out loud as that last thought went running through her head. James was looking at her strangely, still holding his hand out for the book. Thinking quickly, Lily shoved the book at him and muttered something about the loo and ran out of the library, planning not to go back that day.

Man, she had some problems…

* * *

"Ok, Lily, so let me get this; you don't want Potter to turn you into a monkey," Adrienne snorted but quickly recovered, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. You don't want Potter to turn you into a monkey because…" 

"I don't trust him." Lily replied, pulling her cloak around her more tightly and leaning her head back on the willow tree behind her.

"Well, I guess I wouldn't either if I had to consider his reputation, but he's your partner, so you're going to have to trust him in order to get a good grade."

"That's just it,' Lily snapped, jerking her head up and looking at Adrienne who was pacing back and forth in front of her. "I have to trust him, but I don't want to."

Adrienne looked at Lily, her brow furrowed. "You have a hard time trusting people. Why is that?"

Lily remained silent. The whole month she and Adrienne had been friends, Lily hadn't said anything to her about what had happened to her two years before. And she wasn't ready to.

"I've…I've had my bad experiences." She said quickly.

Adrienne looked at her for a moment, looking a little hurt. She plopped down beside Lily in front of the tree. "Ok Lily, you tell me when you're ready."

They were silent for a few moments, just listening to the wind whistling around them. Finally, the silence was interrupted by two pairs of feet walking up to the girls along with the shouts of two boys.

It was the Slytherin guy from the quidditch game who's name turned out to be Jack, and a friend of his. Adrienne had told Lily about Jack nearly two weeks ago. According to Adrienne, despite her nose ring and black clothes, Jack had fallen head-over-heels in love with her. Or at least that's what Jack had said. Lily said he was head-over-heels in lust with her.

"Hello, love," He said to Adrienne, seating himself down beside her. "What are you doing for Christmas?"

"Bugger off," Adrienne said, not looking at him.

"Ah, come on, it's Christmas, show a little compassion."

"Show me some compassion and bugger off," She said once again, still not looking at him.

"How about you, what are you doing?" Lily turned slightly to Jack's red-haired friend beside her.

"I'm going home," Lily said, scooting closer to Adrienne.

"Why do girls do that to me?" He asked Jack.

"Mate, if I were a girl, I would scoot away from you too. Of course, that's because I would be a lesbian."

They both guffawed stupidly.

Jack swept his chocolate-colored hair out of his eyes and stood up, his friend doing the same. "Alright, Andy, don't even tell me. But I will be watching you! I'll know if you get on that train home or not." He winked at them one last time and strutted off, leaving a fuming Adrienne behind them.

"Ugh, I hate him! He's so annoying!"

"Trust me, I know what you mean." Lily muttered, looking up at the sky. It was the strangest thing; it hadn't snowed yet at all. Usually it would be poring buckets of snow onto them, but this year, it hadn't. It was freezing, yes, but there hadn't been a single cloud in the sky.…Except for today. There were gray clouds in the sky and it was colder than normal. Why Adrienne wanted to come out here and talk, she didn't know. So she asked.

"I grew up in burning weather, I like the cold." Adrienne stated.

"Where was that?" Lily asked, curious as to why she hadn't asked that question before.

She herself liked the snow, but absolutely hated the cold. Which was very strange…

"Arizona," Adrienne answered. "So I figure you're going home for Christmas?"

"Yeah… Are you?"

"No."

Lily thought she answered that question a little too fast, but did not know how to make

sure.

* * *

"Ok, well, write to me please, or else I'll be bored as hell." Adrienne said to Lily after helping her get her trunk onto the train and in a compartment. 

"Ha, I will, and have a happy Christmas," Lily said, hugging her friend good bye before stepping back onto the train.

Adrienne smiled up at her. "Do you see him behind me anywhere?" She asked.

Lily giggled and looked around behind Adrienne. "Yes-he's way over there saying goodbye to his friends…I can't tell who's leaving…"

Adrienne took a deep breath. "Ok, I'm going to try to sneak past him to the castle. Wish me luck." She turned and started off back to the castle, ducking behind people and running, looking like some kind of spy.

Lily laughed watching her and moved into the train as soon as she was out of sight. She walked back to her compartment only to find someone else in it.

"Black, what are you doing here?"

"Ah, hi Evans," Sirius Black, his coal black hair falling elegantly into his eyes, "I just wanted to ask you something."

Lily crossed her arms over her chest and waited.

"Well, sit down, it's not like I'm leaving after I ask you." He said, spreading his arms out on either side of him on the back of the booth

Lily gave him a look of annoyance and sat down on the opposite seat. She waited and waited for him to say something. He said nothing, and even when the train started to move he still stared at her and grinned happily. This was starting to get annoying.

Lily sighed. "Black, I thought you had to ask me something."

Sirius laughed. "Oh, I didn't really need to ask you anything, I was just pulling your leg."

Lily looked at him as if he were crazy and turned to the window, watching things flash by as they rode on. All was silent until…

"Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?"

Lily turned and looked at Sirius slowly, seeing his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Why do you want to know that?"

"I dunno, the thought just occurred to me," Sirius said.

Lily thought about his question. What was the zebra's background color? Black or white? Black or white, black or white, black or white, black or white, black or white, black or black or white, white, black or white, black or white, black or white, black or white!?

"Black, I have no idea, I guess they don't have a background color, they're just black and white."

Sirius looked as if this was the perfect solution to the problem and smiled, nodding. "Yes, that must be it…"

Lily rolled her eyes and looked back out of the window. All was silent for a few more seconds and then-

"What do you call male ballerinas?"

Lily rubbed her eyes. "I have no idea."

"You think they're called malerinas? Or maybe Ballermans."

"Ballermans? Where did Ballermans come from?"

Sirius sat and thought, Lily closed her eyes and leaned her head back.

"Where's James?"

Lily opened her eyes and looked at Sirius. "Why would I know that?"

"Dunno, maybe because you're his lover."

Lily jerked her head up, and screeched, "WHAT?"

Sirius smirked. "That's what he told me. He said you were quite good in bed."

"I have never-"

"Maybe you could show me some of those moves James was telling me you do."

Lily stood up and marched out of the compartment, planning on finding James and ringing his neck.

* * *

Lily followed the point me spell she had performed to find James down at the very last compartment. The door was open. She stepped up to it and cleared her throat. James looked up from his game of exploding snap with Peter Pettigrew, a slightly stout boy with small, black eyes, and Remus Lupin, a tired looking boy with honey-colored hair. 

"Yes, dear?" He asked playfully grinning that same old grin.

"I need to speak with you outside for a second," She said crossing her arms over her chest.

"Anything for you, love." He responded. Five seconds later, out in the hallway, Lily smacked James across the face. Not hard, just hard enough that he understood her well.

"I did not sleep with you!" She hissed at him.

"I know!" James touched his cheek, winced, and then dropped his hand.

"Well then why did you tell Sirius that I did?"

"Um…I didn't." James looked at her strangely.

"Oh don't try to act innocent! I'm not stupid-"

"No, Lily, I really didn't tell him that." James was still looking at her strangely.

Lily heard a movement from behind her and looked around. Sirius was running off, laughing like a maniac. James laughed at this sight and Lily's mouth dropped open. She looked at James.

"Sorry about that," and without realizing what she was doing, she reached her hand over and stroked his cheek where she had hit it. James seemed a little surprised but took the opportunity to place his hand over hers.

"It didn't hurt," he murmured.

She gasped, realizing what she had just done and whipped her hand away. "Your friend's an ass, you know."

James sighed. "I know." Lily turned and rushed off, this time planning on finding Sirius and having her revenge.

* * *

James, laughing hysterically, stepped off of the train and gripped Sirius's hand, helping his down. 

"Come on Delilah, this way!" He said, leading Sirius over to the brick wall and walking through. Sirius's eyes grew wide with wonder and he held tightly onto James's arm.

James led 'Delilah' over to his parents, hugging them both and explaining to them that Sirius thought he was a little girl and was going to for a few more hours. He turned, heading back for his and Sirius's trunks, passing Lily on the way, who smirked at him.

"You do realize he won't leave you alone for the rest of the year, now?" He asked, slowing down next to her.

She smiled, nodded and then hurried off in the other direction, towards her parents.

* * *

Lily sat in the backseat of her parent's car and told them all that had happened that year so far, which was her project for transfiguration and Adrienne. She left out everything about James, not wanting to think about him. They talked and laughed the whole time and Mary Evans, Lily's mother, told her that Petunia, her sister had gotten a new boyfriend, Vernon Dursley. 

Lily laughed. "She has another one?"

Her mother looked around at her and grinned. "Yes…But she seems to feel different about him…I don't like him, but she seems to."

"That's because he gets paid a lot for working at a big company." Her father snorted.

Mary Evans gasped and looked at her husband. "Phil, that's awful!"

"Well honey, you know it's true; Petunia goes after men with a lot of money."

The rest of the ride home was silent between the three of them, all of them pondering this.

* * *

Lily did not like Vernon Dursley. He kept sending her filthy looks as if he were undressing her with his eyes. Though Lily only seemed to notice, she put herself in-between her parents while they ate dinner. 

Three days later, and Lily was wishing that she hadn't come home for Christmas. Everyday, Vernon would come over and look at her with greedy, hungry eyes before she rushed up the stairs to her room.

She got out of the house once, and that was when she went Christmas shopping with her mother, but other than that, she didn't get out much for typical reasons. And she didn't think that she would leave the house until she went back to school. Until one day, they got an invitation to a Christmas party at the Freedman's, Phil and Mary Evan's friends since high school.

They knew the Freedman's well, and the Freedman's knew them well, but not so well that they knew that Lily didn't like to go out much where there were a lot of people about, especially men.

But, in the end, Lily's mother talked her into going, and was guaranteed a good party. Or at least that's what she thought…


	8. The Worst Party Ever

_You held my hand and walked me home, _

_I know. Why you gave me that kiss,_

_It was something like this, and made _

_me go oh oh. You wiped my tears, got _

_rid of all my fears, Why did you have _

_to go? Guess it wasn't enough, to take _

_up some of my love. Guys are so hard to trust._

_Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl?_

_The one who, who gives it all away._

_Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you? _

_This time?_

_Did you think that it was something I was gonna do?_

_And cry?_

_Don't try to tell me what to do_

_Don't try to tell me what to say_

_You're better off that way_

**Avril Lavigne's 'Don't Tell Me'

* * *

**

Adrienne Broxter hid herself behind a giant oak tree and pulled out her pack of cigarettes, pulling one out and lighting it up. She leaned back and puffed out a cloud of smoke. She was content on just sitting there and doing nothing when an owl flew up to her and dropped a letter onto her head. 

She glared at the bird that sat on the ground and looked at her expectantly.

"You really expect me to give you something when you pelt this at my head?" She asked it, sliding down the tree and resting at the bottom on the dry grass. It still hadn't snowed and she was wishing that it would. She knew it was coming soon though, so she had decided to be patient.

The owl glared fiercely at her and flew away past her, making sure to smack her in the face with his wings on the way by.

She sighed, took another puff of her cigarette, and opened up her letter which she noticed was from Lily.

_Dear Adrienne,_

_Everything here so far has been has been horribly and boring. What about you? Has it snowed there yet? Its pouring bucket's over here and the road's are completely iced up. I'm not sure if you know what electricity is or not, but it's gone out several times. In fact, it's out right now, and I'm freezing my ass off as I write this letter. Anyway, my parents convinced me to go to this stupid Christmas party at a friend of theirs house. I expect it to be dull, and full of adults who stick their noses up at all teenagers because they think they're all the same. Rowdy and immature. Except for my parent's friends of course; they were always pretty nice…and I nearly forgot to tell you the story of 'Delilah'. I put this very useful charm on Sirius Black to make him think that he was little girl named Delilah. Of course, it was only temporary…Well, that's what's been going on with me lately…Anything new with you?_

_Lily_

Adrienne stopped laughing at the story of 'Delilah', and folded the letter up, stuck it into her jeans pocket, and stood up, stepping on her cigarette. She said a quick spell to get rid of the cigarette butt and turned around, heading back up to the castle.

Inside, she immediately saw someone she didn't wish to (Jack) and turned sharply down a hall, though she had no idea where it led.

Unfortunately, that certain someone saw her and came walking up beside her.

"Hey Andy, why are you walking down here?" He asked, matching her pace.

"I was trying to avoid you," Adrienne said, not looking at him.

He grinned. "Really? How come?"

She turned her head slightly and gave him a blank look.

He decided to annoy her even more. "Are you scared of me? Or did you just forget?"

She stopped and he stepped in front of her, sending her a crooked grin.

"I am _not_scared of you, you idiot, you're just really annoying, now get out of my way," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Um, no." He said playfully, sticking his hands in his pockets.

Adrienne stared at him incredulously for a few seconds before finally blinking her eyes a few times and saying firmly, "Um, YES."

He looked her up and down quickly and licked his lips. "And what are you going to do if I don't? Spank me?"

She wouldn't allow herself to gasp out loud in front of him, but imagined herself smacking him in the face…But that would mean that she have to get closer to him, so she put that thought out of her head. She took a deep breath and looked back up into his grinning face.

"No, but I might break your nose," of course she wouldn't, that would also mean that she would have to get closer to him.

He stood still in the same place grinning happily, and Adrienne wondered if he did want a broken nose…It was possible…Maybe…

She looked at his tall form. She stood only to his broad shoulders, but wondered if she could win in a fight. He was handsome, but not really muscular or anything…She couldn't really tell if he was lanky or not, due to the thick leather jacket that he was wearing, really, the only way you could tell was if you saw him naked. And Adrienne wasn't really sure that she wanted to see that…

**

* * *

**

Lily placed a random record into her record player and sat on her bed. There was nothing else to do; Petunia and Vernon where downstairs snogging on the couch in front of the TV and it wasn't something Lily wished to see. Also, her mother and father had gone off Christmas shopping, leaving her with nothing to do.

She heard Petunia giggling outside her door and her eyes got wide. She didn't want to know what was going outside of her door, and she didn't want to know what Vernon and Petunia were up to either. She heard a door slam. She shuddered. She had to get out of the house…

* * *

Lily hated her town, everyone seemed to be snotty and they looked down their noses at you…or maybe she imagined it…Either way, Lily couldn't understand why her parents had lived here for so long; all of it was owned by the Stanfield's. (The guy who raped her.) 

She kicked at the snow, and turned a corner, remembering walking down this same road two years ago.

**Flashback..**

He placed his hand in Lily's and they walked down the road together, past her street.

Lily stopped, causing him to stop and look back at her. "Jeremy, I thought we were going to my house," she said looking at him curiously.

He stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her face gently, looking into her eyes.

"Lillian, you're the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on."

Lily felt her face and neck get hot, and before she could say anything, Jeremy pulled her to him and kissed her deeply.

Ten seconds later, he pulled his head back and Lily was left gasping for breath. This time, she let him lead her to his huge estate and big mansion. They stumbled up the driveway, trying to walk and kiss each other at the same time.

Inside, there was a huge hallway which looked more like a ballroom with chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, giving the place an elegant look. Lily gasped at the beauty of the room, while being led away to the left end of the room where a set of very wide steps curved upward onto the higher levels. A similar set of steps was on the other side of the room.

Jeremy led her through several long halls until they appeared at a big wooden door at the very end of the hall on the second floor.

Jeremy led her inside and closed and locked the door. She stood at the end of the big, white bed, suddenly very nervous, wringing her hands in and out.

"Jeremy, I don't know if-"

She was cut off by him kissing her. He kissed her roughly for several seconds and then pulled back.

She brought her hand up to her lip. "Ow,"

Jeremy looked stepped closer to her. "I'm sorry," He said, taking her lip between two fingers and rubbing gently.

Lily pulled away from him and stepped toward the door. "That's ok, I better go now, my parents don't know I'm gone."

Jeremy turned to her at the door, a strange glint in his eye. "Really? They don't know that you're here with me now?"

Lily gave him a strange look. "No…" She turned and pulled at the door and tried to un lock it.

"Lily," Lily turned to find herself pinned to the door by Jeremy who had both of his arms resting on the door on either side of her head. She could feel his hot breath on her neck as he leaned in closer and closer.

"Jeremy, I told you, I have to go." Lily placed her hands on his chest, ready to push if she had to.

"If you were just going to say that, why did you come up with me in the first place?"

Lily blushed. "I-I changed my mind."

"Kind of late for that don't you think?" Jeremy chuckled.

"No, we haven't done anything, and we're not going to, so back off!" Lily pushed against him desperately. Now she was starting to get scared as terrible thoughts and images flashed through her head. But then she thought again. Jeremy wouldn't do anything like that, would he?

She changed her mind right after that thought as their struggle became rougher and Jeremy picked her up and threw her onto his bed.

She jumped up before he could get to her and attempted another escape for the door only to have him grabbing her around her waist, lifting her into the air, and roughly placing her back onto her feet in front of him.

"Ok, Jeremy, this isn't funny anymore, let me go!" Lily could hear the fear in her voice as she struggled in his strong grip.

"Lillian, it was never funny, this is completely serious! I want to fuck you, so I'm going to fuck you! No one holds anything back from me that I want!"

Lily froze, realizing that this was true, and she was pretty much helpless. She felt herself go into a daze, realizing what was about to happen to her. She couldn't feel her legs anymore, though she knew they were shaking. The only thing left to do now was beg…She had seen that the physical way wasn't going to work… He let her go cautiously.

"Please don't do this Jeremy, it's not going to turn out good for you in the end, think about it, you'll be sent to jail!" Lily pleaded.

"Not if I can help it, Lillian, now come here and give me a kiss," He said, grabbing her waist and pulling her toward him.

"No, no… Please no... "

"Oh yes, we both know everything I want, I get." He said, shoving her small, trembling form onto the bed.

She sat up, dark red hair falling back onto her shoulders.

"NO! I won't let you!" She said attempting to jump out of the bed, but only succeeding in getting caught back in his arms. He threw her back onto the bed and placed himself on top of her so she wouldn't be able to attempt another escape.

"Oh Lillian..."

He held her hands together above her head and kissed his way down her neck. But she wasn't about to give up without a fight. Wriggling one of her hands free from his grasp, she slapped it hard across his face as he looked up at her, feeling her arm loosen from his grip.

"You stupid bitch!" He raised his arm up and elbowed her in the face, causing her nose to start bleeding violently. She whimpered helplessly as he undid his pants and shoved himself into her.

**End Flashback…**

Lily sighed as a tear rolled down her face. He had no idea how much of her he had taken away. Her trust for any other person, her virginity, her first kiss, her happiness, and her future with anyone was completely gone; she doubted she could ever trust any other man again enough to marry him or have children with him. Now, a deep, strong hate was stored inside of her, boiling and threatening to spill over at any minute. She wanted revenge, and she wanted it badly. But being the person she was, she couldn't bring herself to hurt anyone that badly, not even someone who had hurt her that much.

Lily turned to head back for her house before she caught a glimpse of large brown owl flying toward her. She stood and waited, and the owl dropped a letter at her feet.

She picked it up and read:

_**To my lover, Ms. Lily Evans, who has the best ass I've ever seen. **_

Lily made a disgusted face at the envelope and wondered what James could have sent her. The first thought that ran through her head was a love letter; or more like a lust letter in Lily's opinion. But James didn't usually send her any of those kind of letters during the holidays…

She stepped onto her front porch, and not seeing her parents car there yet, she decided to sit outside and read the letter. There was no telling what she would run into inside…

She sat down on the porch swing and wrapped herself more tightly in her cloak. Opening it up, she saw that she was right; it was from James.

_Dearest Lily, _

_It's your lover James here, I would just like to inform you that Sirius, who is now back in his normal state is very pissed and planning a surprise attack on you. He has not yet planned out the whole thing, but he's planning something embarrassing or something like that…but I can get you out of it if you want…I'll make him stop somehow if you want…Bugger, Sirius just caught me, I have to go._

_James

* * *

_

Adrienne was not quite sure how she had gotten into where she was, but to her surprise, she was actually enjoying herself. She sat eating dinner with Jack, who had sat down next to her when dinner had started and the next thing she knew they were in deep conversation about the project that McGonagall had given to them earlier in the year.

"Well it was very hard to find a book about it at first because everyone had checked out the most popular ones, but once I just started going along the shelves and looking at all the books, I found one." Adrienne said, taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

"That's what I did, I looked and looked, well, I didn't really look that much, just one time actually, and then I sent my parents a letter and they found me a book." Jack said tossing his chocolate brown hair out of his eyes and grinning.

Adrienne stopped eating and stared at him. "You had your parents do your work for you?"

Jack laughed. "Hey, it's not like I'm the only one who did it; a lot of kids did."

"What? What kids?"

"Ah, I don't know what kids, I'm just guessing that."

Adrienne laughed. "If Lily knew that she would get mad. She seems to like, long, depressing, hard work."

Jack grinned and asked, "Why do you hang out with her anyway? She's very quiet, but if you go near her she either runs away or bites your head off. No one likes her very much, except for James Potter, but I know he's just looking to score."

Adrienne remained silent for a moment but then answered, "Yeah, she bit my head off the first time I tried to speak to her too, but just because she was mean to me doesn't mean that I dislike her. And you should always be careful because you don't know what someone has been through in the past, and however you treat them always adds up in the end."

Jack gave her an admiring look for a moment and then asked, "Remember when we were kids? And we used to go to park with Jesse and we would pretend that the monkey bars was our airplane and we could fly anywhere in the world we wanted?"

Adrienne was silent for moment and then sighed. "Yes…you always wanted to go to the north pole…"

"What? It's where Santa Claus lives!" Jack said between laughs.

Adrienne raised her eyebrows. "Jack, did you not ever find out the truth about Santa Claus?"

Jack placed a look of false alarm on his face. "What? What truth?"

Adrienne giggled. "You're so stupid…"

"Well I thought I was the smartest of the three of us; _you_ always wanted to go to Antarctica to see the polar bears and penguins because you insisted that that was the only place you could find them. Did you ever figure out that that's not the only place they are?"

Adrienne shifted in her seat. "Can we please not talk about the _three_ of us?" She pleaded to him silently. "It's just something I can't let go; I still feel like it was my fault."

"Adrienne, you have to let it go, it wasn't your fault! I saw what happened, and it _wasn't your fault._" Jack whispered back at her fiercely.

"No, Jack you don't know, we weren't supposed to be there, I was supposed to bring him back home and I didn't!"

There were tears brimming on the edge of Adrienne's eyes now and she blinked fiercely to keep them back. She stood up from the table.

"I'm going now. Don't talk to me anymore," was the last thing she said before she walked out of the Great Hall, leaving Jack behind sadly watching her go.

* * *

"Lily! Are you ready yet? We're going to be late!" 

"I'm coming mum!" Lily yelled, tripping over herself on her way to the stairs. She picked herself back up and jogged down to meet her parents and Petunia at the bottom.

Mary Evans took one look at her daughter in her casual pair of jeans and blue jumper. "Is that what you're wearing?" She asked, eyeing her up and down. "It's not that you don't look nice, but I thought we were supposed to be a little more dressed up."

Phil Evans interrupted before Lily could reply. "She looks fine Mary, but we're supposed to be there now, so let's go."

But before they could move, Petunia spoke up.

"Wait! I have to dress up, but if Lily doesn't then it's ok?"

"But Petunia, you like to dress up!" Mary said softly. "And you look very pretty. You _both_ look very pretty." She said looking at both of her daughters.

"Fine." Petunia stalked out of the door with her nose in the air.

The rest of the family sighed and walked out after her to the car.

The Freedman's house was rather large. No where near as big as the Stanfield's giant mansion, but it did have an upstairs, a downstairs, and a basement, and was very nice. The downstairs was very big, and that was where the party was being held.

Mr. And Mrs. Freedman greeted them warmly, took their coats, and led them into the somewhat crowded room.

It was just as Lily expected. The room was full of people in their mid-forties and fifties. They looked at her and Petunia as if to say, 'What are _you_ doing here?' Not many of these people were nice, so she told her mother she was going outside, grabbed her coat out of the Freedman's closet and was stepping outside when she ran into someone she would never have expected to see here. Remus Lupin.

"Er, Lupin?" Lily asked tentatively looking up at his tired face. Remus Lupin was always tired looking, and Lily wondered if it was because of all of the school work he had to do, or the pranks he helped pull with Sirius and James and Peter, or if he was just plain tired. But it had always made Lily wonder. Ever since she had known him, he had always looked tired.

He looked at her with a pair of gray eyes and smiled warmly. "Oh, hi Lily…what are you doing here?"

Lily was going to ask him the same question, as it was stranger that he was here than she was, but she answered him all the same. "My parents made me come…How about you?"

"Oh, I'm here with James."

This was too strange. Every year she came to this party and not once had she seen any of them here before. "Um…If you don't mind me asking, why is James here?"

Remus stepped into the house behind Lily and answered her while taking off his coat. "His stepbrother and mother lives here."

Lily looked around behind her when she heard footsteps in the snow. Walking up behind her was Peter and Sirius. And walking up behind them was James and Jeremy Stanfield.

* * *

Adrienne swiped at the tears streaming down her face. She had to stop crying. It wasn't worth crying over something that had happened years and years ago. She lit up a cigarette, sure they were forbidden inside the castle, but she was the only one left in her dorm, so she figured, who gives a shit? She situated herself at the desk in front of the tall window on the west wall. 

Pulling out a quill and roll of parchment, she started her reply back to Lily.

_Dear Lily, _

_You told me to write, but I really have no idea what to write…Delilah was funny, I don't know why you never thought to do that before! No, nothing's new with me, but I did have a run in with Jack…Unbelievably, It hasn't snowed yet…It's going to snow tonight though, I have this feeling…Well, I hope you have a nice time at the party! Write me back and tell me how it went._

_-Adrienne_

Adrienne re-read her letter before opening up her window and looking out into the dark night for any sight of an owl. There wasn't any and she sighed, about to close the window when something big flew up from down below. She screamed and fell back onto the floor.

Hearing the sound of laughter she stood up quickly and saw just what had come flying up at her. It was Jack, floating in midair on a broomstick, laughing at her.

"Oh Andy darling!" he called through the open window, still laughing.

She glared at him and prepared to shut the window. "Go away asshole!"

"You can call me Jack!" He called. "I saw you were looking for an owl…If you come with me I'll fly you to the owlery."

Adrienne actually considered it. She did want to send the letter tonight, but it was Jack. It wasn't a smart idea to go anywhere alone with Jack. When they were younger, they had been best friends. Her, her big brother Jesse, and Jack. But they had fallen apart, when something Adrienne didn't even like to think about happened, and now, both of them tried to act like nothing ever happened. Jack had seemingly fallen for her. How that happened she didn't know. But every time she was around him, she felt a tingling sensation flutter through her stomach. She tried to ignore it but it came every time she was with him, and she couldn't just stop it.

"Ok," She said quietly, folding the parchment and placing it in her pocket.

Jack looked extremely surprised by this, but all the same, he flew over to her window and helped her out onto his broom behind him. She wasn't about to grab his waist to keep her on, she could just hold onto the little bit of broom in front of her. But he sped off as soon as she was on, and she threw her arms around his waist, her body going into his. She knew he had done this on purpose, and glared at the back of his head the whole way down to the owlery.

The next ten minutes flew by in a flash. Jack flew her to the owlery, she sent the letter and was turning back to him when he grabbed her roughly around the waist, and pulled her into his body, kissing her deeply.

At first she resisted but soon was kissing him back. She wasn't sure how they didn't fall off of his broom on the way back to her dorm, or how she got to laying underneath him, or how quickly things got heated between the two of them, but she did know one thing: Not one minute of it did she regret.

* * *

Lily panicked. Her mind was screaming at her to run out of the house, run as fast and as far as she could. But he would see her if she ran out right now. She turned sharply, and almost bowling Remus right over, ran back into the big living room. 

WHERE WAS HER MOTHER? Her father was gone also. The only person she saw was Petunia, who was standing at the fireplace flirting with a much older man. She ran over to her.

"Where is mum and dad?" She nearly screamed and Petunia glared at her, embarrassed.

"In the kitchen. Why are yelling?"

But Lily was gone. She weaved in and out of people, trying not to knock anyone over.

She saw the door to the kitchen. She was there. Just a few feet further… But it stopped coming closer and in front of her now stood James Potter.

"Hey Lily!" James said excitedly, pulling her into a hug.

He had never hugged her before, and it surprised her. His chest felt hard, and he had a very interesting smell to him. Not a bad smell, but a good, very interesting one. He let her go and smiled. Not grinned, he actually smiled. Another new thing Lily had just seen him do.

"Hey James, they have alcohol here!"

Sirius was here. Lily didn't dare look at his face. "James, I was looking for my parents, I have to go." whatever possessed her to say James, she didn't know. She was feeling very strange and she could feel a head-splitting headache was coming on.

Something was _**wrong**_She had a terrible feeling something bad was about to happen, and she had to find her parents _now_. Perhaps it was just the panic from seeing Jeremy here, but she didn't care, she had to find them _now_.

"Ok, but before you go, meet my brother." James said, motioning out in front of him.

The night was just getting worse and worse. There in front of them, James was motioning to none other than her rapist. "This is Jeremy, Lily. Lily, Jeremy, Jeremy, Lily." He introduced them, but Lily didn't look up at him. She didn't want to look up at him and didn't have to. Then she heard him speak in his deep, masculine voice.

"Hello Lily, it's so nice to finally meet you. James talks about you a lot."

She stared at his neck as he talked. He reached for her hand and she flinched away but no one noticed; right at that moment a loud blast sounded from the next room.

Everyone stopped talking at once and stared at the door that led to the kitchen.

Lily flinched violently when someone behind the door screamed, followed by several other screams. People on this side of the door didn't even know what was happening, but some of them ran for the exit.

Green light suddenly burst through the edges of the door, and quickly, the screaming seized, and everything was sickeningly silent.

Lily looked at James who was staring right back at her. They had studied the unforgivable curses last year, and that light was unforgettable. That was a killing curse, and they both knew it. Judging by the looks on Sirius, Remus, and Peter's faces, they knew it too.

Then she realized. **Her parents**. They had to be dead, she just knew it. But she didn't want to admit it. Why would anyone want to kill her parents? Why? But there wasn't any time to answer that question right now.

Lily panicked, just like everyone else in the room, she ran for it. She ran to Petunia, grabbed her wrist and dragged her out the door.

Before she even got outside, she heard a loud BANG as the kitchen door was thrown off of it's hinges and people screaming in terror.

She ran out to the street, lit up with the light from the lamp posts on either side of them, and ran, not daring to stop, not even to look back.


	9. Tears, Fights and Comforting

_Be strong, be strong now_

_Too many too many problems_

_Don't know where she belongs,_

_where she belongs She wants to_

_go home but nobody's home_

_That's where she lies broken inside _

_No place to go, no place to go_

_To dry her eyes broken inside_

_Her feeling she hides Her dream_

_she can't find She's losing her mind_

_She's fallen behind She can't find _

_her place She's losing her faith She's_

_fallen from grace She's all over the place._

_Yeah…_

Avril Lavigne's 'Nobody's Home'.

* * *

Lily and Petunia ran all the way back their house. As soon as Petunia, who had been running behind her, was inside, Lily slammed the door shut and bolted it.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Petunia thundered, starting on her. "WHAT WAS THE GREEN LIGHT, WHY WAS EVERYONE SCREAMING AND WHY DID WE RUN ALL THE WAY HOME?"

Lily was in a panic. "Petunia, shut up! It was…but it couldn't be…It had to be wizards Petunia, evil wizards! In my world, in the wizarding world, there's an evil wizard, his name is Voldemort, and he's got this army of evil wizards and, and giants and a lot of creatures who are getting stronger everyday! They go around and torture and kill people, just for fun…"

Petunia looked at her like she was crazy. "And why hasn't anyone tried to stop this… lunatic?"

"They have, but he's too powerful."

Something flickered on Petunia's face as if she had just remembered something. "Lily, where is mum and dad? Why did we leave them at the house with-" She gasped, "The kitchen!"

Petunia sat down on the couch slowly, her face in her hands. "Lily," She muttered, "Don't you dare tell me that they're dead. Don't you dare."

Lily hesitated, not knowing what to do. She sat down slowly and gently placed a hand on Petunia's back.

"Petunia I…" She wondered how she wasn't crying. Her parents had just died and she wasn't crying? It was most probably because she hadn't seen them die, but still, she felt like she should be crying.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Petunia burst out, jumping up from the couch. She looked a mess with her hair going everywhere, and her mascara running down her face from her tears. "This is all your fault!"

Lily jumped up also, getting angrier by the second. "What? How the fuck is it my fault? I didn't want to go to that bloody party, but mum wanted me to and talked me into it!"

"If it weren't for your lot, my parents wouldn't be dead!"

"That still doesn't make it my fault Petunia! Just because someone from my world kills someone we love, doesn't make it all the magical world's fault!"

"Yes it does! All of you, you're all bad! I hate you all!" Petunia's face was turning quite red as she screamed, and her voice was getting hoarse.

"Ok Petunia," Lily screamed back, "If your precious Vernon had come to that party today and killed mum and dad then I guess it would be the rest of the world's fault that wasn't magical?"

"Don't talk about Vernon like that!" Petunia screamed, balling her hands into big, bony fists.

"Oh come on Petunia! Vernon is a messed up fuck and we all know it!"

Petunia gasped. "You're just jealous because you were raped and you can't get any men because you've been spoiled!"

Lily glared at her, a fierce hate in her eyes. She had never hated anyone so much before other than Jeremy.

"Don't," She whispered, "you ever talk to me about that again Petunia. Don't even think about it. Vernon is the first guy you've had since um, never. He only wants you because you give him want he wants. He wants sex, and he's sure as hell getting that as long as he keeps buying things for you. I just wish you would see that. A guy who needs to have sex with you to find out whether he wants to marry you, is not a man. He's not worth it, don't waste it on him."

Lily thought Petunia would be so mad at her, she'd either come with a sharp comeback about her past, or would attack her. But she did neither. She turned and walked out of the room and up the stairs. Lily heard her bedroom door slam so hard that the windows shook.

She sat down on the couch and rested her head back. Now she felt like crying. And she did, for a long time. She wasn't sure how long. She could hear sirens out side driving past toward the Freedman's. And she cried. She heard the phone ring; probably the police, but she didn't answer and just cried until she couldn't cry anymore. She had to have cried for about an hour and a half.

She stood up, went into the bathroom, and washed her face. She looked absolutely horrid. Her eyes were red, her nose looked swollen, and she had big, red blotches on her face. She washed, and looked a little better. The doorbell rang.

Expecting the police, she pushed her hair out of her face and ran to the door. But what she saw when she opened it, was not the police, but James Potter.

* * *

Adrienne ran her fingers through Jack's soft brown hair as he lay his head on her stomach, sleeping. She watched the white snow falling very heavily outside and wondered if it would be too bad for them to go out.

She didn't even notice that Jack had awoken and was watching her intently.

"That feels good," He said pressing his head up against her hand lightly.

He pulled himself up so that his face was level with hers and kissed her softly on her lips. He lay down beside her and they just stared at each other, both very content on what they were doing.

"Andy?" Jack whispered after several moments of this.

"Yeah?" Adrienne murmured, closing her eyes and snuggling under the covers.

"What really happened? I mean, what happened that I didn't see to make you so…I dunno, unhappy. I know the main story, but everyone knows there was something else that no one explained… Will you please tell me?"

Adrienne opened her eyes slowly and stared at him. Why did he have to ask that now? She sighed and after much more of Jack's persistence, started the story of her life.

…Flashback…

"Well ma'am, it looks like she's going to be fine; just don't let her go climbing any more trees. Her ribs are fine, she's just bruised up her side pretty bad."

The doctor in the white coat smiled and ushered Adrienne and her mother, Belle, out of the doctor's office.

In the car, driving home, they stopped at a red light, and Belle turned to the nine-year-old Adrienne.

"Honey, don't tell your father we went there today, understand?"

Adrienne nodded and her mother smiled.

"Now, when we get home, I'm going to fix all of us some supper and we're going to eat together. After that, you and Jesse go see your friend Jack. Ok?"

Adrienne nodded again, more than happy to be able to get out of the house and away from her abusive father. After kicking her continually in the side for several minutes the night before last, Adrienne was lucky to be alive. She hadn't done anything wrong, and she just couldn't understand why her father hated her so much.

"Mom, why does daddy hate us so much?" She asked in a small voice.

"Adrienne Leslie Broxter! You're father does not hate us! He loves us, he does, he's just not able to control his temper is all." Her mother tried to tell her this almost every day, but Adrienne had a hard time believing it.

They went home and started dinner. When they were nearly done, Adrienne's father came home and kissed her mother and then her. She tried not to shiver as he let his hand run slowly down her back and onto her bottom.

"Hi sweetie," He said, "What did you do today?"

"I played outside with Jesse."

She let out a relieved sigh when he left and ran to her mother, helping with the rest of dinner.

Dinner came and nothing bad happened, her father seemed fine, and asked them how all their days went. After, Adrienne and her brother Jesse excused themselves and walked outside and down the road.

They were silent the whole way before Adrienne spoke up.

"Jesse, do you think daddy loves us?"

Jesse glanced over at her with big green eyes. "No Adrienne, I don't."

"But mom said-"

"Mom wants to believe it, but he's not a good man, and he doesn't love us."

Adrienne crossed her arms as they walked, knowing he was right but trying so hard to believe that her father still loved them just a little bit.

"Don't start crying, Jack's over there."

Adrienne liked Jack. She was a few months older than him, but he acted as though he was her big brother. Jesse was her twin brother, so she figured that's why they both had the same friends.

"Hey Andy," said Jack smiling, "Hey Jess."

They walked for a while before playing a game of hide-and-seek. When they returned home, their father seemed just as he had earlier and was sitting on the sofa watching a movie with their mother.

"Time for bed guys," She told them.

They headed upstairs and Adrienne locked her door just like she did every night and lay down in bed praying that one day she would be able to break free from her father, or either her father stopped acting the way he did.

The next morning, walking down to the breakfast table, her father wasn't in such a good mood as he had been the night before. He had opened up the mail, and after looking over many bills with a red face, reached over the table for his mug of coffee.

He knocked past the milk bottle which wobbled dangerously before tipping over right onto his lap, wetting his fresh pair of dress pants. He screamed and jumped up, throwing the mail down on the floor.

Adrienne, knowing something bad was bound to happen, backed away. But Jesse stood up and started cleaning the table with a kitchen towel, along with his mother behind him.

Adrienne watched her father quietly as his face turned redder and redder. What was wrong with him?

Suddenly, with no reason, he pulled up Jesse, who looked at him in surprise and back handed him, right across the face. He fell to the floor and Belle Broxter screamed in surprise. She jumped forward.

"Honey," She said in a shaky voice, "let's go get you a change of pants. You're going to be late for work."

"Move Belle," he growled, shoving her out of the way.

He headed for Jesse and grabbed his upper arm, pulling him back onto his feet. But just as he was standing again, he hit him. Again, and again and again….

"STOP!" Adrienne's mother and forward and attempted to pull her husband off of her son.

He stood up and jerked his head at her. "What did you say to me woman?"

"Richard please, I'll do anything, please don't hit the children," Belle backed up while she spoke.

Richard stood, pondering this for a moment. Then slowly, with a malicious sadistic grin on his face he spoke. "Ok Belle. I won't hit the children. I won't hit them if you show them the proper way to beg for mercy."

Belle's trembling form fell forward onto her knees without hesitation and started to plead.

Jesse got up and ran from the house as this was going on.

Her father yelled at her. "GO GET YOUR BROTHER!"

Adrienne jumped up and ran past her parents, her mother crying and kneeling in front of her father.

She ran out the door and didn't look back.

…End Flashback…

Adrienne cried into Jack's chest as she talked.

"And then I went out to find him. I didn't know I would never see my mother again. That bastard killed her with a hammer to the back of her head, she didn't slip on the fireplace bricks, I saw him put it in his car and drive away. I found Jesse in the park and he begged me not to go back, to go with him, to run away. And I was going to, we were planning on it, and that was when he found us…

I didn't know you were there. He didn't run over Jesse by accident Jack, he did it on purpose. And he was going to do it to me too, but too many people were already outside. I ran home…and found my mother lying there…My dad came, took that hammer, and drove away. I never saw him again, but I'm sure you knew that…And I guess you know that they sent me to my grandparents and that's where I lived before I got my letter…and then I went to a school in New Jersey for a few years. And then we moved to Britain and I ended up here…and then, well you know, they were old, and they had been through a lot…now when I go home for summer holidays I have to go back to the foster home."

They were silent for a long time, Jack holding her letting his fingertips run over the skin of her neck.

"You can come stay with us…My parents always liked you."

Adrienne lifted her eyes up to his.

"Really?"

"Of course babe, I'll send my mom an owl today." He sighed. "Isn't it strange? Us both ending up being wizards and coming to the same school?"

"I guess it's just fate doing it's job. I suppose we were supposed to come here, meet each other, and end up like we are right now, in each other's arms."

* * *

"What is it?" Lily asked James, who stood on her front porch, shivering in the cold.

"I…I guess you know your parents-"

"I know," Lily said in a grim voice. Her eyes burned from the previous tears and her head ached.

"I er…I just wanted to see how you were."

"I'm….fine, I guess. I'll be ok."

"Ok, well…" James shuffled his feet, trying to keep himself warm. "Can I come in?"

"No." Lily answered automatically.

"Why not?"

She was about to say: 'My parents aren't home', and the thought of them here, home with her, in the house made tears well up in her eyes and she let out a choked sob, covering her face with one hand. She didn't want to cry in front of James, but couldn't help herself. She sobbed again and leaned on the door frame.

James felt rather un-comfortable. How was he supposed to deal with a crying girl? She started sobbing constantly, her face buried in her hands.

"Please don't cry…"

She ignored him and continued, he didn't think she had heard him, but decided to do what his mother did when someone was upset. He took her into his arms, pulled her close and hugged her tightly.

"Shhh…"

He soothed her, caressing her hair and just holding her there.

This was something new. Lily would have never thought that James Potter, Hogwarts extraordinary whore, could be this caring and this gentle. She never liked him, and still didn't, but at the moment, she was just happy to have someone to lean on. Her mother had always held her when she cried. The night she was raped, her mother held her for hours and hours, just rocking her back and forth, and singing to her in her soft voice. The thought brought on a new sea of tears, and she cried into James's chest as he stroked her hair and whispered to her that it would be ok.

James never knew how long they stood there, neither did Lily. But he did remember when she finally stopped and still they stood, just quietly, her body against his. And then it was interrupted by an owl, a brown owl swooping down on them and tossing a letter at Lily's feet.

She picked it up and tore it open. "It's from Dumbledore," she said, walking inside.

She glanced back at him before she went in. "Erm…you can come in if you like…"

He smiled and walked in, shutting the door behind him. Lily sat on the couch and read the letter.

_Lily,_

_I've heard about what happened and it doesn't sound right to me. I don't want you to worry or panic, but I'm coming to get you because I think you may be in danger. I will be at your house at approximately twelve p.m. DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE. Hopefully, you will be safe as long as you stay out of site._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

Lily passed the letter to James and let him read it. She didn't know why she let him read it, it was like her hand propelled itself toward him on it's own without her telling it to.

"I guess I better leave then…It's an hour and ten minutes before he gets here," said James, checking his watch. He stood up and headed for the door. "Goodbye Lily."

He opened the door, and Lily did another thing she never thought she would do. "Wait!"

James turned and looked at her, curiosity on his face.

"Er…I'm scared…I don't want to stay here by myself…"

James knew what she was asking and closed the door back. He walked to the squashy arm chair beside the couch and sat down on it.

They sat like that for a long time, James occasionally glancing at Lily as she bit her lip in thought.

Finally, he spoke up. "Maybe you should get your things together?"

Lily nodded. "Yeah…I'll be right back."

Lily ran upstairs and into her bedroom. She packed up almost everything she owned and stuffed it all into her trunk. She had a nasty feeling that if she didn't take her stuff, Petunia would take it as her responsibility to get rid of it.

Petunia. She supposed she should tell her she was leaving. Lily walked to her bedroom door, knocked softly and opened it up a little.

Petunia was on her bed, sniffling. She glanced up at her when she walked in, but didn't seem to care and laid her head back down.

"Er…I just wanted to tell you I'm going back…I suppose I'll be back in a couple of days for the funerals…"

Petunia ignored her.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No." Petunia sounded mad but she didn't care. She had no right to be mad at her right now.

"Well, I'm going then…"

She turned and left, and Petunia didn't say anything.

Nothing much happened after that, she carried her trunk downstairs and waited with James for Dumbledore. When the doorbell rang, Lily answered to a worried-looking Dumbledore.

"Ah, Ms. Evans, Mr. Potter. Are you ready?" he asked Lily after stepping in through the door.

"Yes,"

"I'll get that," he said as she moved toward her trunk. He flicked his wand in an upwards motion and her trunk floated up in midair. It followed them as they walked out of the door and to the knight bus that was waiting for them on the street in front of her house.

When Dumbledore stepped in, Lily turned to James who had come out behind them.

"Er…Thanks, for comforting me and all…" Lily said nervously, shivering in the cold.

"It was no problem," said James charmingly, grinning. He looked down at his half-wet shirt. "Except you wet my shirt."

"Sorry…"

"Ms. Evans?" It was Dumbledore.

Lily turned toward the bus. "Thanks again…bye."

"Bye."

James watched as the door of the bus closed behind Lily, and the next time he blinked, it was gone.

He kicked the snow and started back to his brother's house.

* * *

"We're almost there," Dumbledore smiled at Lily from the bed across from her own.

She let out a forced, painful smile. "Good."

They had been quiet most of the way. The silence was killing her. Lily had so many questions inside of her head, and she couldn't decide which one to ask first.

"Professor," She started, "That was you-know-who wasn't it?"

"Yes, Lily, it was. And you can call him by his real name. Voldemort. Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself."

Lily hesitated before continuing. "Ok…Er, why did he--" she nearly choked on her own voice but forced the rest out, "kill my parents?"

Dumbledore let out a tired sigh. "Well, at first I thought he might have been after you for something you did, but…I don't believe that anymore. Now, I believe that some of Voldemort's followers were just out for a good time. They enjoy doing terrible things, Lily, mostly to muggles or muggle borns. I cannot tell you why."

Lily was silent for another long while before asking: "Professor, what about the police? Won't it look weird if my parents are killed and I run from the murder scene and then don't turn up until next summer?"

"It would, but you'll be ok. They'll just keep forgetting to ask you about it."

Lily was lost. "Er, what?"

"Lily, are you forgetting that I'm a wizard?"

"Oh."

* * *

Lily sniffed and tossed the dirty tissue into the waste basket. he couldn't believe that her parents were dead. She tried to believe that it was all just a very bad dream, but when she received an owl from Petunia about the time and date of the funerals, it had been confirmed true. She hadn't even gotten to say goodbye or 'I love you' one last time. And the thought of someone killing her parents just for fun was…sick. It made her sick to her stomach to think of someone doing things like that just for fun.

Adrienne had been a very good friend to her, comforting her and hugging her at all the right times. She didn't ask questions, she just listened and told her it was going to be ok.

Speaking of Adrienne, Lily had a funny feeling she was hiding something from her. She had already had that feeling before, but now it seemed as if she didn't see her as much as she used to. She used to study with her and they would go on walks around the grounds, but lately, she had been cutting the walks short, and insisted that they didn't really have to study that much. She would disappear and come back a few hours later, looking flushed and tired.

She decided to ask her.

"Adrienne, I want to ask you something," Lily said the last night before everyone was to return to Hogwarts.

Adrienne looked up from the book she had been reading on the squashy armchair in front of the common room fire. "Sure." she placed her book down and looked at her.

"Well…I was wondering…is there something you're not telling me? I mean, you just haven't been spending as much time with me as you used to, I was wondering if it was me…Am I being too annoying?"

Adrienne laughed. "No, no, of course not…I just…well, I was going to tell you but you came back with the bad news," She paused before continuing, "and I thought it would sound like I was gloating if I said something…"

"That's ok…you don't have to tell me if you don't want…"

"No, I do! Er, well, Jack and I…"

Adrienne told her the whole story.

"Aw, Adrienne I'm happy for you." Lily hugged her friend. "But there's one thing I don't get…I thought you hated him, what changed?"

"Well, I guess you can't judge a book by it's cover. He acted stupid and perverted, but once I got him alone, and we actually talked, we actually had a real conversation, and he turned out to be a good guy, not the guy I thought him to be." Adrienne looked at Lily as if to say, 'Like James'.

"I know what you're thinking Adrienne, and James Potter is not a good guy. I've been alone with him before and all he ever does is make spit balls and talk about sex. Me and him sex, him and Amelia Bones sex, him and some third year girl sex, he's even talked about him and you sex."

Adrienne laughed. "Me is…weird, but a third year? They're only thirteen! They've barely gone into puberty!"

Lily nodded. "I know! Now do you see why I think he's so disgusting? He told me he's slept with every girl in the school, and I wouldn't believe him, but ninety percent of the girls here will actually admit to it."

"What!"

"I know…"

Everyone returned to school the next day, including James. He kept trying to catch her in-between classes, at meals, and in the Gryffindor common room, but somehow, miraculously, Lily had managed to avoid him. He had even gone so far as to ask Adrienne to come up and ask her to come down. Adrienne never came back down, so James assumed that they were having a lesbian affair, and decided to announce it to the whole school. If this was how he was trying to get Lily into bed now, it certainly wasn't working.

When she went into the girl's loo, they all scooted away from her as if she were going to jump at them and demand sex. 'I'm not James Potter!' She thought every time this happened.

It calmed down after about a week though, when everyone saw that Adrienne wasn't gay, but had a boyfriend, a Slytherin boyfriend and now everyone was talking about how they would never date a Slytherin and how you should never trust a Slytherin.

It was Thursday, the day Lily and James always met to practice their transfiguration project. They were supposed to practice every night, but it just didn't fit in with their schedules, so they both decided on Thursday. Lily walked into the library, feeling apprehensive about having to sit with James for a few hours. She had done the last two weeks by herself in her dorm, just looking up spells for them to practice.

James was already there. He sat, as he always did with his feet on the table and his chair tilted back on two legs. He saw her coming but didn't budge, just sat there and grinned at her as she walked toward him.

"Hi honey," He said in a sickening sweet voice.

Lily walked past him, and thought she felt something touch her leg. She walked faster and glared at him as she sat down. He laughed but then his face turned into a more surprised look.

"Hey, you changed your hair!"

She had. Instead of the curls she had always had, she had straitened it and decided she wanted to grow it out. In actuality, she now spent her mornings willing herself not to cry, so she didn't have the time to curl her hair anymore.

"Yes, I did. Now let's get to work. I found a bunch of spells I can practice on you. Stand up."

"I like it."

Lily looked at him while rolling her sleeves up. "What?"

"You're hair, I like your hair. It's very pretty."

Lily turned her face away so he wouldn't see the blush that was creeping up her neck and onto her cheeks. She busied herself with tying her shoelace while she tried to push down it down. When she stood up, James was already standing behind her. Very close behind her.

"Potter, what are you doing?" Lily whispered. She wasn't sure why she whispered, it just came out in a whisper.

He slid his hands up her arms. They were very warm and inviting. Lily felt a funny feeling in her stomach. He slid his hand up onto her shoulder and then her neck, hot with her blush. He let his fingers liger there for a moment, and then ran them through her hair. Lily stepped away and turned around looking at him.

"Stop it! Don't do that! Especially not in here!" She hissed angrily.

He grinned. "You know you liked it."

Lily, if it was possible, turned more red than she had before. "I did not." She actually hadn't liked it, it scared her. She had sat for a minute, and let him do it just to see if she would feel any different. To see if it wasn't really so scary. It was.

Lily awoke at five the next morning with a feeling of dread settling in her stomach. Today was her parents funeral. She nervously slipped off her pajamas and stepped into the shower, letting the ice cold water wake her up. She wanted to cry, her chest and throat hurt, threatening to burst at any moment. But she had promised herself not to cry anymore. It was no use crying over it, it wasn't going to bring them back. But just the thought of going home and them not being there…it made tears trickle down her face.

She stepped out of the shower, put a towel around herself, and started on her teeth just as Adrienne walked in, rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

"Hi," she said sleepily, sitting on the counter beside the sink Lily was using.

Lily let out a miserable, "Hi," through a mouthful of toothpaste.

"Getting ready to go I suppose?"

"Yeah."

Adrienne thought for a moment before speaking again. "Do you er…do you want me to go with you?"

Lily had just rinsed her mouth out. She looked at Adrienne and burst out into tears.

Adrienne looked horrified. "Are you ok?"

"I'm ok," Lily sniffed, "You're just such a good friend."

Adrienne laughed. "So I guess that means yes?"

They got to London at eleven, and two hours before the funeral was to start. They decided to eat lunch before they went to see Petunia. When they did get back to Lily's house, they walked inside and found Petunia and Vernon Dursley snogging on the couch.

"Er, Petunia?"

Petunia pulled back from Vernon slowly, not embarrassed one bit and looked at her.

"What?"

Lily tried not to think of squeezing Petunia's long neck. "I'm here…This is Adrienne."

Petunia looked at Adrienne as if she had never seen such filth before. She smiled an obviously fake smile when Adrienne politely held out her hand for Petunia to shake. But Petunia didn't stick her hand out, instead, she said: "It's um, nice to meet you, I guess…That's a nice nose ring you've got there." Vernon turned around both to leer at Lily, and to look at the nose ring.

Adrienne rolled her eyes and pulled her hand back. "Well thank you, I like it very much. You have a very um…nice dress on." Adrienne looked uncertainly at the ugly dress Petunia was wearing.

It was brown, with big, orange and puke green polka dots on it and had long sleeves and a very low neck line, revealing Petunia's very bony chest. The neck line was also lined with orange and green puff balls, as was the end of her sleeves and the bottom of her dress.

Why Petunia decided to wear this dress to her parents funeral, Lily didn't know. She looked at Adrienne as if she were crazy saying she liked the dress, but Adrienne looked as though she was on the verge of tears.

Petunia didn't notice. She stood up from the couch and looked down at her dress, smoothing it out. "It is a very nice dress." she smirked. "I paid one hundred and fifty pounds for it."

Vernon interrupted her. "You mean I paid one hundred pounds for that dress."

Petunia smiled at him. "Yes, you did, and he picked it out."

Petunia and Vernon were very dull.

Lily looked at Adrienne. She looked as if she were about to burst. Lily excused themselves and they stepped out onto the front porch and laughed for several minutes.

"Who made that? Why would they do such a terrible thing!" Adrienne gasped, while she held her chest.

It felt good to laugh again. Lily hadn't laughed in it seemed forever. When they finally stopped, the realization of exactly why they were there settled in. It was if they had never spent several minutes laughing. They both went upstairs and changed.

Through the whole thing, Lily felt like she was walking through a bad dream, a really really bad dream. There were her parents, lying in their coffins, her mother had never worn any makeup, but she was, and her father looked…strange. She absolutely hated the thought of them being put in the ground, and sealed up in a box forever. Petunia made a very big dramatic show of bursting into tears and running out of the service. Adrienne just placed her arm around Lily's shoulders and patted her arm.

When it was finally all over, a lot of people came up to both Lily and Petunia, hugging and patting and asking if they were all right. And she was doing fine until the one person that she didn't want to see at that moment walked up and hugged her roughly before she could stop him. Jeremy strutted away and got into the limousine that awaited him outside of the graveyard. Looking over, Lily saw Adrienne watching her with a strange expression on her face.

"Who was that?" She asked, lighting up a cigarette.

Lily looked down at her feet nervously and took a deep breath.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," Lily answered in a breathy voice. She looked back up at Adrienne. "You should stop that, it'll kill you."

Adrienne sighed and looked at her cigarette. "I know, Jack wants me to stop too, but he really doesn't understand how hard it is. Here, try one." She held out the pack of cigarettes.

"No thanks,"

"Lily!"

It was Petunia. She walked up to them very fast, looking like a strange moving skeleton in an ugly dress. Adrienne snorted and turned away from them.

"Yes, Petunia?" Lily asked sweetly.

"There's a man over there, he's going to take us through mum and dad's will," Petunia had a greedy look in her eyes that scared Lily. "Let's go now. But your friend's not allowed so she has to stay here." Petunia grabbed her arm and started marching off down through the graveyard.

"Petunia, I can walk myself," Lily argued.

But just as she started to protest, a man with a big, wide grin that took up most of his face and a very big nose seemed to come out of no where. They stopped in front of him as he shuffled through some papers.

"Ah, here we are!" He said this in an excited voice as if he were about to win an award of some kind. "Let's see…Who's who?"

They introduced themselves, Petunia somewhat excitedly.

"Ah, well, hmmm…Ok, Petunia takes possession of the car, and her father's wedding band, everything else goes all to Lily."

It was terrible. Lily always thought that her parents would split it up between them equally. Lily had always been the good one, and Petunia the bad, but Lily knew that they had both received the same amount of love. She supposed they just didn't trust Petunia with all that. But she wished they had. Petunia acted awfully toward her for the rest of the day, and pushed her away when she tried to hug her goodbye.

"It's not so bad you know," Adrienne commented while they were walking on the grounds back up to the castle that night. Which was very hard with all the snow. They had to keep stopping and melting it with their wands. "I'm sorry, but if I had a sister like that, I'd be glad that she didn't want to speak to me."

Lily sighed, "don't be sorry," she told her.

Lily went to bed that night wondering if she would make it through the rest of her life without something else bad happening to her.

She highly doubted it.


	10. That Secret No One Should Know

_Was that?_ It was. Lily Evan's walking out in front of the castle. She walked down the stone steps, onto the snow covered ground, and under a big maple tree. Her delicious red hair was swinging back and forth across her back as she walked.

James watched as she walked, arms crossed, hair swinging. She came out here a lot since her parents died, he had noticed. Just walking around until her nose turned blue. He hadn't been walking out and watching her on purpose, every time she came out, he just happened to be out also, doing something different each time. He had thought about approaching her several times, but had thought better of it, going by the fact that he wasn't really her favorite person in the world.

This time, he was in quidditch practice and sat, hovering on his broomstick above the stadium watching her walk. It was the yelling of his name that made him snap back to reality.

"Potter, watch it!"

James swerved out of the way just as a bludger came hurtling his way, narrowly missing his elbow.

Approaching Lily…Maybe he should, just to see what would happen…He pondered this as he cleaned up in the Gryffindor locker room showers. It wouldn't hurt anything would it?

She was walking serenely and quietly around the lake, her head down. James approached her and walked along with her for a few minutes before she actually noticed him there.

Lily looked up at him with a blank look on her face and purple lips. "Yes?"

James stuffed his hands in his pockets and hunched up his shoulders. "Just thought you might want some company…" He trailed off, watching her freckled face.

"Well I don't want company right now, so would you please just leave me alone for a while?"

"I see you come out here every day you know," James changed the subject.

Lily looked at him suspiciously. "Been spying on me Potter?"

"You can call me James," said James, even surprising himself. "And no, I haven't been spying on you; you're just always out here when I am."

Lily looked at him with a look of unbelieving on her face. "Potter, lately, it's been…what? Sixteen degrees below zero outside everyday? I have reason to believe you haven't just come out here for fun."

"Well, Lils," James said, throwing an arm around her shoulders, "You're out here, so I can be too, can't I?"

Lily pursed her lips and pushed his arm off of her before crossing her arms over her chest.

"Fine, but you can leave me alone."

The month of January, February, and then March went by in a blur for James. He was, along with the rest of Gryffindor, a little more than upset about the Gryffindor's recent loss in quidditch to Ravenclaw. Lily only spoke to him during their project studies, but only when she had to. It was as if she were somewhere else, not completely there. He would say something and she would either nod or 'uh-huh'.

But something more was than that was bothering him. Every time it came to where they had to transform each other, Lily would never let him put his wand point near her. He always had to be the one was turned into a bouquet of flowers (which felt really weird), or a monkey, or a hare, and it was starting to annoy him greatly. So he spoke up one day and insisted that he be the one with the wand this time.

"Potter, I don't think that's a good idea…._I_ haven't learned the spell yet."

"Evans," he said in an irritated sort of voice, "_I_ haven't learned any of the spells _you_ have been practicing on _me_. You're going to get me a bad grade if you don't let me practice too."

Lily bit her lip. James wondered what could possibly be wrong with her. What did she think he was going to do? James had noticed that she rather strange about trusting people. Why that could possibly be so, he had no idea.

After a lot of arguing between the two, James had somehow miraculously convinced Lily to let him do it.

They did, and James felt glad that he had talked her into it. But after he changed her back, she suddenly burst into tears and ran out of the library, leaving her things behind. James looked after her dumbstruck.

'_What the hell was that?' _he thought as he watched her rush through the door and run into a fourth year Hufflepuff.

Perhaps he had done something wrong. Maybe it had hurt and she wasn't used to the pain? James contemplated all of these things as he picked up his and Lily's things and walked back to Gryffindor tower. Inside, he didn't see Lily, or her friend Adrienne, so he carried both of their things up to his dorm and set them on his four-poster bed. He was about to go back down to find Sirius, when one of the bags fell from the bed and all of its contents fell out. It was Lily's.

James, sighing, went over and started stuffing the contents back in when he noticed a little brown book with the word 'Journal' in gold letters at the top corner. It was bad, he knew, and he couldn't help but feel a surge of guilt pass through him as he sat on his bed and flipped it open to the middle.

_Came back home today and met Petunia's new boyfriend, Vernon Dursley. He's so vile. He leers at me when no one's looking, and he tried to touch my thigh after dinner. So tomorrow I'm going to have to find something to do out of the house…_

James flipped through the book and to the beginning. And what he saw was something he would have never expected to read.

_Well I'm not really too crazy about writing, but mum gave me this for a going back to school present and I don't talk to a lot of people at school, so I need something to talk to, even if you don't talk back…Well, the reason I don't like to talk to people is because I don't trust them. I don't trust them because- well, I don't know if it's such a good idea to write this in here, because it's my deepest, darkest secret, and I have a tendency to loose things…But I have to tell this to someone, it's eating me up inside. I heard once that a secret can kill you if you don't tell someone. Well, here goes…I don't trust anyone because I was raped last summer…quite a secret, I know. His name was Jeremy Stanfield and now, I hate him more than anything…Well, I hope that no one ever reads this except for me. _

_Lily

* * *

_Lily couldn't believe that she had actually let him do it. And she wasn't quite sure why she was crying. It was just…overwhelming. Overwhelming to trust someone that much. She ran up to Gryffindor tower and up to her dorm, closely followed by Adrienne.

She curled on a ball on her bed, and cried for all it was worth. She felt Adrienne sit on the bed next to her and place a hand on her back.

"Lily? What's wrong? Did James do something to you? Because if he did, I'll beat him up if you want."

"No, yes, no-yes." Lily sniffled.

"Um, ok."

Lily sat up and wiped her eyes.

"I let him transform me…"

Adrienne's brow furrowed as a confused look crossed her face. "Um…ok…is that really that bad?"

"I don't know!" Lily wailed, putting her face in her hands.

They sat for a moment, Adrienne contemplating all of this.

"Lily, I think maybe you're upset because you trusted him…and the only people you ever truly trusted were your parents. So when he transformed you, it maybe brought on some feelings, and memories of your parents."

Lily lifted her head up and looked at Adrienne with a tear-stained face. "How do you…how do you know that my parents were the only people I ever really trusted?"

Adrienne shrugged. "I guessed it."

"I'm going to finish that essay professor Flitwick gave us." Adrienne said after a while of comforting. "You want to go down to the common room with me and study?"

"Sure," Lily said, standing up and straitening out her robes which had become very wrinkled. "Just let me get my bag," Lily looked in her trunk, and not finding the bag, walked around her bed, searching.

"Lost it have you?" Adrienne said, swinging her own bag over her shoulder.

Lily gasped. Her bag was in the library. With James Potter, and he would probably go through it and find everything. "Shit!" Lily sprang to the door, remembering exactly what was in her bag, and ran down the atone steps ignoring Adrienne's calls behind her.

'_I knew I shouldn't have carried that damned diary around like that! God, the only day I bring it with me, and then I lose it to the worst person possible!'_ Lily thought as she rushed to the library, running into quite a few people.

She wrote everything in that diary. _Everything. _Her thoughts, her feelings, _her secrets_, if she let it fall into the hands of James Potter…there was no telling what he would do.

She rushed into the library, earning herself scalding glare and a "SHH!" from the strict librarian.

Lily ran all the way to the table they had been at and scrambled around, pulling out chairs and crawling underneath. Her bag was no where to be found.

* * *

James stared dumbstruck at the diary in front of him. _Lily was raped?_ But she must have gotten the name wrong; she had to have gotten the name wrong. Lily had never met Jeremy, had she? 

'_No, no, I introduced them at that party! They had never met before!'_

A million thoughts and questions shot through James's head at that moment. It was starting to give him a headache, so he closed the book and put it back into the bag. His hands shook as he ran his hands through his hair and up and down his pale face.

Then it struck him. That was why Lily wouldn't go out with him! Or have sex with him, or let him practice transfiguration on her! All this time…He felt guilty now about the whole thing, and he vowed to never come at her so strongly again. The only time he would ask her out now would just be on a date. NO SEX.

James pouted slightly at the thought. That had been his goal for years. To sleep with Lily. It may have been a stupid goal as Sirius had told him, but it had been, and it felt weird to just give it up. She had trouble trusting anybody, and he had only made it worse! He sighed again and was lying back on his bed when the door burst open.

James moved his hands out of his eyes, but at seeing Lily, hair a mess and face red, he jumped up and nervously ran a hand through his hair.

"Hi Lily," He said, trying to calm his shaky voice. "You er, left your bag in the library and I tried to bring it to you, but I couldn't find you or your friend, so, I er, I brought it up here with me."

Lily looked down at her bag, and gasped. James looked too, only to see that the diary he had put back in had fallen out and lay face-down, and open.

"You read it didn't you?" Lily whispered fiercely.

James stuck his shaking hands in the pocket of his robes. "Er, no, no I didn't read anything…That must have just fallen out." said James in a guilt ridden voice.

Lily looked like she was about to cry again. She closed her mouth and bit her lip hard, while her eyes brimmed with tears. "Just-just give it back to me, "she said in a shaky voice, "Now!"

James, feeling more terrible than he ever had in his life, silently picked up the book, put it into Lily's bag, and handed it to her.

"Lily, I-I didn't read it," he tried again, as Lily was turning to leave out of the door.

"Don't lie to me," she croaked, "I can tell when you're lying. Just tell me the truth. Did you read my journal?"

He hated seeing her cry like this, he hated it. He didn't like to see anyone cry, but knowing what Lily had gone through, he hated this time even more.

"I-" he whispered, not sure what he should say, "I promise, I won't tell anyone Lily,"

Lily looked horrified. She had already known he had read it, but him actually admitting it to her was worse.

The silence was terribly loud in that room right then, and they both jumped a minute later when they heard three pairs of footsteps bounding up the stone steps accompanied by loud, hyper laughter.

"Quick behind the door," James motioned toward the door.

Lily ran behind the door just in time. Sirius, Remus, and Peter, ran into the room, Sirius laughing about something or the other.

"Prongs! Tonight's full moon! But I dunno why Moony is so unhappy about it. What do reckon we should do tonight?"

"Er, Sirius, I'm not sure…"

James saw Lily slip around from behind the door and down the stone steps.

"We could just stay here," Peter put in, "It's been really cold out there lately."

Sirius began to argue with Peter about how stupid he thought he was being.

"I am not stupid!" Peter yelled.

"Well, you know what guys, "James interrupted after a few minutes of this, "I've got a lot of school work to catch up on, so I think I'm just going to stay here tonight."

Sirius looked horrified at the very thought. "What! Prongs, what are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, Padfoot, I've just got something to think about."

* * *

Lily hated James right now, she hated him. 

'_Why would you read someone's diary?'_

A million questions ran through her head. How much did he read? What was he going to do with his new information? Why had he said that he wouldn't tell anyone? Had he been lying? What was she going to do?

Lily whimpered. What _was_ she going to do? What if he spread this all around the school? She lay awake all night, thinking about it, and just staring up at her canopy. But when she went down to breakfast next morning, everything seemed to be normal.

"Hey, where did you go last night? I went out looking for you, but I never found you. I eventually just came back to the common room and slept down there, thinking if she comes back, I'll see her." Adrienne asked her angrily as she sat down next to her at the Gryffindor table.

"I'm so sorry Adrienne," said Lily guiltily, "I just ran to the library to get my books because I had forgotten them there…and then I just came back up to the dorm. I didn't know that you were out looking for me. If I had known, I would have gone out to find you."

"It's alright I guess," Adrienne grumbled, pilling toast onto her plate. "Just...don't do that again."

The month of April went by and James acted perfectly normal. Except for the fact that he had stopped hitting on her constantly, and had started acting like a complete gentleman. It was strange to see James like this, and pretty much the whole school had noticed. Rumors flew around as to why this sudden change had occurred. The most popular one was that James was now homosexual. Sirius seemed to think that this was hilarious though, and spread the rumor around even more, much to James's disliking.

But all those thoughts were driven from James's mind as his attention was drawn to the upcoming quidditch match against Slytherin. He felt sick the morning before the game, and didn't eat breakfast. Instead, he headed out onto the grounds, his broomstick over his shoulder. He sat in front of the lake and just smelled the sweet smell of the grass, no longer covered in the thick frost that had laid itself over it that winter.

He heard soft footsteps approaching him from behind and turned around, and to his surprise, saw Lily, arms crossed over her chest. He stood up, and they just looked at each other for a long time, the silence waiting anxiously to be broken.

It was Lily who finally spoke up first, somewhat nervously. "I was just coming to wish you good luck…on the game."

"Oh, thanks," James ran a hair through his hair from the back, making it stand up more than it already was. "Lily," he started in strange sort of voice. "I'm so sorry--"

"Don't tell me," said Lily angrily, "that you're sorry. I don't want your sympathy. That was none of your business in the first place; I don't understand why you read that."

"I know, and I'm sorry for reading it; I don't know what I was thinking."

It was quiet for a few more minutes before James remembered something and asked Lily about it.

"Lily," said James, "I won't ever talk to you about any of that again, but I just need to know one thing…The guy you said, er…well you know, that guy, he wasn't my brother, the one I introduced you to...was he?"

Lily stared at him with a hard expression for a long moment before answering. "James, the boy who raped me was named Jeremy Stanfield. I know it's your brother, didn't you notice I was acting a little strange when you introduced us? Wait, why did you introduce us in the first place?"

James felt his face burn as the realization of a crush dawned on him. He just wanted to have sex with Lily, to get her in the sack; he didn't actually _like_ her! But a little voice inside his head argued with him. _Then why did you hate seeing her cry? And why did you comfort her when she was crying about her parents? And why do you get that funny feeling inside when you see her? And how come you enjoy spending time with her? And how come you haven't just dropped it and moved on to someone else? _Hm...Interesting.

His thoughts were interrupted by loud footsteps and the call of his name. Sirius was striding toward them, telling him to get his ass down to the quidditch stadium. He glanced Lily once more before dashing off to the quidditch stadium, already half-way full.

Dashing into the locker rooms, he gave a quick speech to his team, and then they all headed out, brooms over their shoulders.

The announcer, Jamie Rail's voice filled the stadium as he welcomed the Gryffindor players.

"And on the Gryffindor team, we have Potter as Seeker and captain, Trullivan and Rivers as beaters, Keaton, Corsesia, and Smith as chasers, and Willis as keeper."

The Gryffindor crowd roared.

Apparently, he had already announced the Slytherin team who stood looking mean and grumpy, holding their broomsticks. James was made to shake hands with the Slytherin captain and then off they went; onto their brooms and up into the sky, going higher and higher.

It was a rough game; the Slytherins weren't really known for being the nicest or the gentlest team, but the Gryffindors weren't giving in to their bullying, and fought back just as hard. They had been in the air for an hour, and everyone was getting more and more tired by the second. The score was seventy-sixty to Slytherin, but James knew if he caught the snitch now, they would for sure win the quidditch cup.

Fifteen more minutes went by, and then he saw it, a speck of gold, hovering by the right Slytherin goal post.

* * *

The next week in their transfiguration study, things were a little more quiet than usual. Lily was trying to find more advanced transformation spells, and James was trying to sort out his feelings. He would think he did have feelings for her, but then told himself that he couldn't, he was James Potter, James Potter didn't just go getting all mushy hearted over a girl. But now when he thought about it, sure he wanted to have sex with Lily, but he wanted to do more than just have sex. The thought of him just being able to say that she was his excited him. 

"Here, try this on me, I want to see if it'll work," said Lily, handing James a book with a more advanced transfiguration spell in it.

James looked into her eyes, silently asking what brought this change on, but Lily was already standing up and rolling up her sleeves. He mimicked her and stood up.

"Lily," he said when they were ready, "Are you sure-"

"Just do it," said Lily somewhat weakly. She closed her eyes, gripped her fists and waited for it to come.

James stared at her for a second and then looked down at the book in his hand which told him how to turn someone into a book. This was harder magic. . James recited the spell four times before Lily finally shrank and suddenly, there was a book where she had just stood.

James looked down, bewildered. He had the sudden urge to pick up the book and just hold it close, but thought that would look rather stupid to anyone passing by, so he transformed her back.

Lily was sweating and breathing deeply. "Next time you turn me into something that can't breathe, turn me back fast because I couldn't breathe like that."

James gasped. He hadn't even thought of that. "Lily, I'm so sorry, I didn't know-"

"Well you can't be too sorry, I didn't know either." Lily surprised even herself. What was she saying? James could have just planned that whole thing out! But something inside her told her that he didn't; that it truly was an honest mistake.

Though Lily didn't trust James fully, she felt a little better around him after that. He didn't seem to want to sleep with her anymore, and made no more attempts to get her into bed. Everytime it came to something having to do with trusting him, she would just force herself , and then she realized, it wasn't that bad. Wasn't that bad to have someone to trust that is. Though she wouldn't trust him to touch her, or kiss her, or to tell him any secrets, it felt good because she knew she was improving, and something told her that she was going to be all right.

Lily and James felt dread growing inside of themselves at the thought of the up-coming summer vacations. Lily because she would miss Adrienne's company, and because she had to go back to live with Petunia being she wasn't old enough to live on her own yet.

One Friday, James had been too caught up in school work so they arranged to meet later that night. So at eight thirty, James stood in front of the boy's bathroom's mirror, pushing his hair up into the air, and dabbing cologne on his neck.

"Prongs I swear," said Sirius, who sat on the counter watching him, "that girl is going to break your heart. Do you honestly think that she's going to fall for this?"

"Sirius, I already told you, I'm not trying to sleep with her!" said James, a bit annoyed.

"Yes, you told us that, but you didn't tell us_ why_ you've given up on that," said Remus as he walked into the bathroom.

James was silent. He hadn't told anyone what he had read in Lily's diary. He felt terrible about not telling his friends everything, but knew he would feel worse if he told Lily's darkest secret to them, so he kept himself silent.

"It's just…" said James, trying to come up with something to say, "Moony, remember when you were telling me and Sirius that maybe girls were good for something other than sex?"

Remus nodded and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well I was thinking, you know, maybe you were right. Because Lily is a person, a person with feelings…and she's really fun to be with, I don't want to ruin it all…"

"I think someone's in looove!" said Sirius in a sing-song voice. "I think someone's in looove!"

At nine James met Lily in the library and they studied hard amongst the crowd of other students for about an hour. The school year was almost over which meant that final exams were soon to come, so everyone was studying harder than they had been the rest of the year.

"Changing one human into another human is the hardest kind of transfiguration," Lily read, "You think McGonagall wants us to go that far?"

"Probably not," said James while flipping through all the notes they had taken for the final exam. "We're six years, there's only so much we can do."

"Yeah I guess you're right," said Lily, looking up at the shelf of books behind her.

"Hey," said James, "Will you read to me the part about the scoiattolo transformation? I can't remember if it said to flick your wrist up down left then up, or up down right left and then up."

"Sure," said Lily, pulling out one of the books out of the small stack they possessed. Lily proceeded to read to read all about the scoiattolo transformation aloud to James who sat watching her lips move. He had heard the first part but now it was if someone had turned off the sound. Now her lips were moving in slow motion, just begging him to kiss them. He inched forward slowly, mesmerized. Her tongue darted across her lips moistening them lightly and she bit her lower one then preceded in muted talking.

James inched just a little bit closer, still mesmerized. He was inches from her face when she turned and looked at him as if he were crazy. He seemed to snap out of whatever spell she had put him under when he heard her voice.

"James, James?"

He lifted his big hazel eyes up to her almond-shaped emerald green pair, but didn't move his head back.

"Yes?"

She looked at his face, her eyes traveling down to his full lips then back up to his black round glasses.

"I've got to go," said Lily standing up and grabbing her things. "I'll see you later."

James sat there up against the book shelf for a long time, pondering.

* * *

Lily walked back to Gryffindor tower slowly, hardly paying attention to where she was going. Had James been trying to kiss her? And in front of everyone? But what surprised Lily even more than James trying to kiss her was the fact that she hadn't really tried to stop him. She had watched him move closer and closer, and then got scared at the last minute. She didn't want James to kiss her. NO, she DIDN'T want James to kiss her. Then why am I trying to reassure myself that I don't want to kiss him? Lily asked herself that question over and over again until she noticed; she had no idea where she was. 

Lily looked at her surroundings. She was in a big room that looked as if no one had been in it for years. There were cobwebs on the walls and in the corners, and the windows were so dusty they let in what looked like black sunlight. It seemed to have been a ballroom once a long time ago. Lily wondered why no one used it anymore for dances and such instead of the great hall.

She stared around the room for a while before heading back out of the door from which she hoped she had come and headed down the un-familiar passage. Where _was_ she? A second later he heard footsteps heading her way. She squinted through the dark-lit passage way and saw James and Sirius. She ducked behind a suit of armor.

"You've got to stop ditching us like this," said Sirius in an angry voice. "Poor moony, no wonder he's been paler than normal lately, he thinks his friends have left him! You run off to be with Evans, I go out to find you, and that just leaves him with Peter, and he can't do anything for Remus with his animagi form!"

"Sirius I've told you and told you I'm sorry, I just keep forgetting." said James, running a hand through his hair.

"Well you need to tell him you're sorry, not me."

They walked away arguing leaving Lily to wonder…Peter Pettigrew was an animagus? But why? Lily stood up and silently traced their steps back down the corridor. They led back into the ballroom. She stopped when she saw two figures at the opposite corner of the room, messing with something heavy on the floor. She watched closely and silently as they lifted up a hidden marble trap door that looked exactly like the marble floor. Sirius went through first and then James, pulling on the door as he slid through.

Lily waited until they had gone all the way through and closed the door behind her before walking over. The door handle lay hidden very well under the huge window drapes. She pushed them aside and pulled, but the door, being made of marble, was very heavy and she couldn't pull it up by herself. Lily sighed. Where had they gone? She finally gave up, and panting, and made her way back out of the ball room.

She walked down the hall, but it came to a fork at the end. Now what? Lily stood and looked from left to right helplessly. Deciding she would eventually run into another student and ask for directions, Lily took the left path, hoping it was the way to the Gryffindor common room. She walked that way for a while but still hadn't run into anyone. It had to be about eleven o'clock by then, and Lily was starting to become quite worried that she would find the caretaker or one of the teachers before she found another student, and they probably wouldn't believe her story of being lost and would probably take points from Gryffindor.

She groaned after another ten minutes of the never-ending hallway and turned around, deciding to go back and take the other path. But when she turned, someone was standing right over her, sneering at her. She screamed and dropped her bag, whipping her wand out of her robes.

"Hey, watch it!"

Lily looked up at the face of who she recognized to be Jack's friend; the one who had spoken to her before Christmas holidays.

"Watch it," he said again.

Lily slowly lowered her wand and stepped back away from him. "Where did you come from?" she asked cautiously, wondering why she hadn't heard him coming up behind her.

He motioned to a door next to him that stood ajar. "The loo…why are you out this late Gryf?"

"I was…I was lost. Can you tell me how to get back to Gryffindor?" she asked cautiously, not fully trusting him.

"Why should I?" he asked in an 'I'm so Slytherin' voice, crossing his arms over his chest.

Lily had no idea what to say to that. Why should he help her? Then she saw the silver badge gleaming on his chest. "Because you're a prefect."

He looked as though his fun had been crushed and grumbled something about Gryffindor's. But then something flickered on his face. "Ah, yes, but I should ask, since I am a prefect, why are you out of bed at this hour?"

"I wasn't watching where I was going after I came out of the library…that's when I got lost…and I've been wandering around ever since." Hoping he would believe her, Lily bit her lip.

But he seemed to think she was faking. "And why should I believe you?"

"Because…." what was she supposed to say? "I don't know! Will you just point out how to get back to Gryffindor?" Lily knew right after she said it that snapping at the prefect wasn't going to get her anywhere.

"Tisk tisk, little girl," he said, waving a finger in her face. "Thou shall not snap at a prefect. That'll be ten points from Gryffindor."

Lily bit her tongue, wishing he would just tell her where the damned Gryffindor common room was.

"Besides," he went on, "I don't know the way to Gryffindor."

Lily gaped at him.

"But I do know the way to my bedroom, you're welcome to come sleep in my bed."

Lily turned and walked the opposite direction, wanting to put as much distance between herself and the boy who was starting to creep her out. But when she glanced sideways he was there, walking alongside her, smiling.

"Er, sorry about that…I do know the way to the entrance hall though, I can lead you that way."

She didn't want to walk with this boy, alone, at night, with no one to hear her scream if need be. She didn't like the feeling she got around him, he sent chills through her and the hair on her neck stood on end when he talked to her.

"Just tell me where to go," said Lily, continuing her walking.

He sighed. "Go strait until you see a girl's loo then turn right then go all the way down that hall turn left and go strait until you appear in the entrance hall."

"Er, ok, thanks," Lily set off down the path he had directed as he stopped walking alongside her and stepped in a room to her left.

Lily let out a sigh of relief when she finally stepped into the dark entrance hall. She quietly slipped up the big marble staircase leading to the other levels, trying not to make a sound.

Once back in Gryffindor tower, she let out a sigh of relief and ran up to the girl's dorm, glad no one had caught her out of bed. How she had gotten to that strange part of the castle without hardly noticing, she had no idea, and it sent strange chills through her.

She pulled off her robe and got into bed, thinking about James and Sirius. Where had they gone? And something they had said about Peter Pettigrew..Was Peter Pettigrew an animagus? Sirius's words ran through her head again and again.

'_You've got to stop ditching us like this! Poor moony, no wonder he's been paler than normal lately, he thinks his friends have left him! You run off to be with Evans, I go out to find you, and that just leaves him with Peter, and he can't do anything for Remus with his animagi form!'_

With _his_ animagi form? Did that mean…no, no sixteen-year-olds could pull that off. Animagi was a very advanced form of magic, most adult wizards couldn't do it, and you had to be registered! Lily knew it wasn't impossible, it _could_ be done, but…but James and Sirius and Peter, animagus's? The thought was almost laughable, if she didn't think it might be true…Lily eventually drifted off to sleep, a million thoughts running through her head. She woke up a few hours later to tapping noises on her window.

Opening her eyes slowly, Lily saw a mean-looking black owl pecking at her window. So as not to wake any of the other girls up, she silently rolled out of bed and creaked the window open. Figuring she could read it in the morning, Lily threw the letter the owl tossed at her aside. Until she saw who it was from. Petunia. Why would Petunia be sending her a letter? Too curious to go back sleep, Lily tore the letter open and read.

_Lily,_

_As much as I hate to write to you, I think you should be informed that I will be marrying Vernon in a week. Now, I will be moving in with him in a very expensive house that he bought just for me with cash. That means you can't live with me. I don't really want you around while Vernon and I are trying to pursue a very heated and passionate relationship. Besides, you have this weird thing about relationships because you were raped and now you hate men or whatever and you act weird around Vernon and he doesn't like it. He really doesn't like you that much either, just to let you know. So, to keep you out of our hair, because we both know that you are a very big handful with all of your melodramtic stuff and all, I'm sugesting you find a house or apartment or whatever and I'll sign the papers so they'll think it's mine and I'm living with you or whatever._

_-Your sister, Petunia._

Lily re-read the letter in disbelief, her mouth open. What was wrong with these people? Now she understood why her mother and father had left everything to her and hardly anything to Petunia. It wasn't like she wanted to go live with Petunia--that was the last thing she wanted to do, but it did hurt to know that no one wanted her. No one wanted her...The thought stayed in her head for the rest of the night, bothering her to no end. When she figured it was a decent time to get up, Lily slid out of bed, her head pounding from lack of sleep. She was gathering her clothes up to get dressed when something out of the window caught her eye. Through the semi-darkness, Peter Pettigrew stood in front of a tree, looking at the base of it as if waiting for something. But what?

Lily stood impatiently, watching closely out of the window. Just when she figured he was just out acting stupid for no reason, and was about to walk away, something seemed to be coming out of the tree.

"What the-" Lily whispered. She muffled a scream by sticking her fist in her mouth when she saw the insane sight of Sirius Black squeezing himself out of the trunk of the tree, first his head, then his shoulders and chest, followed by the rest of his body. And then, just when she thought it couldn't get weirder, James Potter came out of the tree, closely followed by Remus Lupin. That was when Lily noticed that it wasn't just any old tree they were coming out of, they were coming out of the womping willow, the ferocious, violent, and very angry tree that hated anyone coming near it, and crushed everything that did.

They seemed to be arguing about something for a moment, but looked at Remus and stopped. Lily watched closely, her nose almost touching the glass of the window as she watched James pull something long and silver out of his pocket and throw it over the four of them.

Lily had to stuff her fist in her mouth again as she watched them disappear out of thin air. What was going on? This was the weirdest thing she had ever seen. That silver cloth...it was probably an invisibility cloak. But where had James gotten an invisbility cloak? They were extremely rare. And why were they coming out of the womping willow and why was the womping willow being still and allowing them to prance around in front of it?

It was all making Lily's head hurt worse than it already was, so she stepped back, pulled her robe around her and walked down to the common room. She rubbed her temples while she sat in front of the fire, trying not to ponder too hard. Maybe she should ask James.

_'Well of course I'm going to ask him, I deserve to know! He know's my biggest secret!'_

So Lily waited until the portrait swung open and emmited no one into the common room. You couldn't see them, but you could hear them. It was as if they were trying to wake the dead with all the noise they were making. Lily wondered briefly how they had possibly made it through the castle making the racket they were, but the thought was wiped from her mind when they tore the cloak off of them, and ran up the boys staircase, James at the back.

"James, may I speak to you please?" Lily said calmly standing up from her chair.

James jumped and a hand shot up to his chest. "Oh God...Lily, it's just you...I'll be up in a minute," he said to Sirius who stood at the bottom of the steps looking at Lily curiously. He turned and left as James stepped down to Lily, stuffing the cloak in his pocket so she wouldn't see it. "Yes, Lily? Is there something I can help you with?"

Lily crossed her arms over her chest. "I want to know what you were doing up all night inside of the womping willow." She said in an annoyed and bossy voice. "You and Pettigrew, and Black, and Lupin."

One of James's eyes twitched. "Er...what are you talking about? We just...were out for a midnight snack."

"At six o'clock in the morning? Why didn't you just go down to breakfast?"

James bit his lip nervously and sent her a shaky grin while running a hand through his hair. "Well...we wanted to come back to bed afterward-"

"James Potter, don't give me that load of bull shit! I know you weren't down in the kitchens! I saw you and Sirius and Peter and Remus coming out of that damned tree, and I want to know why!"

"Lily," said James shakily, "How could we be inside of the womping willow? It hits everyone that goes near it! I think you might be having hallucuonations-"

"I am not having hallucionatonations and you damn well know it! You better tell me what's going on now or I'll tell Professor Dumbledore about it! You know my secret, I deserve to know yours!"

"Lily," said James slowly, "there is no secret. You didn't see anyone coming out of the womping willow...We went out for a snack!"

Lily shook her head and placed her hands on her hips. "James...I'm not stupid. I know what I saw. Last night, I saw you and Sirius go through this trap door out of the castle which must have led to outside or whatever is in the womping willow, and then, this morning I saw you, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, coming out of that stupid tree. If you don't tell me the truth, I'm going to Dumbledore."

James was silent for a moment, and then-"There's nothing to tell."

* * *

Lily checked her watch. Eight fifteen. Was it a decent time to go to the headmaster? He wasn't at breakfast yet so she supposed it wasn't and sat and ate her toast silently. She had decided to tell Dumbledore. If James was going to play innocent with her when she knew what she saw was true, he was probably doing something awful down in the willow like growing marujana or something. Plus, she was mad with him because he knew her darkest secret and didn't think it was important for that to go both ways. 

"Hey Lily," It was Adrienne, she sat down and started picking at her nose ring. "This thing is starting to annoy me, I think I'm getting a new and smaller one this summer. Everytime I kiss Jack it rubs all over his face and once I accidently poked him in the eye with it...Damn girl, you look like shit!" She exclaimed noticing the bags under her eyes. "What the hell have you been doing? Off with Potter? Did you finally screw him?"

Lily sighed. Adrienne usually didn't talk like a normal teenage girl should and used about three curse words in every sentence, and used some of the worse phrases when talking about sex. "No Adrienne, gross...I just..." Lily sighed again and then told her everything that had happened. James trying to kiss her, getting lost in the castle, seeing James and Sirius go through the trap door, and then seeing them coming out of the womping willow later with Peter and Remus. She also added in the bit about Petunia.

"That bitch! And those fucks! How can he say you were lying! And why didn't you wake me when all this shit was going on?"

"God, Adrienne, your language! It's driving me crazy!"

"Er, sorry Lils, I'll try to stop..."

"It's alright..."

"So you're going to Dumbledore?"

"Yeah..."

"Well there he is," Adrienne said, motioning toward the high table where Dumbledore sat talking merrily to tiny professor Flitwick. "Are you going to tell him in here? I think I'd wait."

"Yeah, I'll wait..."

Fifteen minutes later, Dumbledore left the great hall. Lily said goodbye to Adrienne and walked out after him. She followed him down the entrance hall and was about to call out to him when someone grabbed her from behind and pulled her into a room to her right. She tried to scream through the fingers that had sealed themselves over her mouth, but couldn't, so bit them instead.

The someone who had grabbed her yelped and let go of her. Then she recognized the voice.

"Damn Lily, calm down!"

It was James. Lily wirled around to face James. Sirius sat on a desk behind him looking bored. Behind him, Remus sat in a chair looking at his hands, and Peter stood watching her with a strange expression on his face.

"Lily, we decided to tell you what is going on...Why we were down there...we can't afford for you to go blabbing it all to the headmaster," said James, sitting down on top of a desk and crossing his arms. "But you have to promise not to tell anyone. Ever."

Lily swallowed and looked at all of them. Remus glanced at her with a pleading look on his face, James did the same, Sirius looked at her still looking bored. Peter stood looking out of the window.

"Fine. I promise I won't tell anyone."

They all looked at one another and then Remus started. Telling her first that he was a werewolf, then, that Dumbledore had let him into Hogwarts anyway, and had built the shreaking shack with a tunnel leading to the castle, that the womping willow was planted over the entrance of to let him transform in. When she asked why the rest of them went in with him, Sirius spoke up, telling her that they were un-registered animagius's, and kept him company when he transformed.

Lily sadly wished she was in a group of friends like Remus was. How had Remus, being a werewolf, have people want him, but her, not have anyone? She wished she had a group of friends to trust and a group of friends who liked her no matter what was wrong with her. When they finished, she looked at all of them sadly, and walked out of the room slowly, not saying anything, and headed outside.

"Lily, wait!"

It was James. He followed her out of the room and down the entrance hall outside.

"What is it, James?" Lily asked shakily, not wanting to cry in front of him again.

"You're...you're not going to tell anyone are you?"

"Of course not," Lily whispered, sitting down on the stone steps and burrying her head in her arms. "Will you please leave me alone?" She choked out at him.

But he didn't leave her. He sat down and placed a hand on her back. "Lily, I won't ever leave you..." he whispered.

Lily cried silently in her arms as thunder clouds rolled over head them, and it slowly started to sprinkle.

"We should go inside-" James spoke up.

Lily lifted her head up and wiped her tears away. "No, I like the rain."

James looked at her and smiled a sad smile that made Lily want to hug him. A few minutes later, James stood up and held a hand out to her. "May I have this dance?" He asked, grinning toothily at her.

Lily looked at him strangely. "Er...James, there's no music."

"We'll make some," he grabbed her hand and pulled her up, the rain starting to pour down harder on them.

James pulled Lily close and started humming 'Unchained Melody', rocking back and forth, one hand on her waist, the other in her hand. Though Lily hated to admit it, she knew this was very romantic, and James was pulling her in to his little trap. She sighed happily, and he pulled her into him even further, placing his cheek on hers and rocking, humming away.

"Oh, my love, my darling, I hunger for your touch," James sang into her ear and kissed her earlobe gently, but Lily didn't stop him, or pull away or shout at him to both of their surprise. Instead, feeling tingles all through her, she shakily, pulled her head back from his, looked into his hazel eyes for a few seconds and then, slowly, very, very, slowly, she kissed him.

A/N: There you are, hope you liked it as much as I did. : )


	11. Breaking Away

What was she doing? Lily screamed inwardly at herself that she was just setting herself up to have her heart broken again. But James seemed so sincere…That, and this, wrapped up in his arms, his lips pressed gently to hers, it felt….right.

"James," she pulled her head away from him. "Why me? You could probably have any girl you wanted, but you chose me? I'm a total wreck all the time, I've had a horrible past, and I feel like I cry every day-"

"Shhh…" James pressed a finger to her lips. "I want you Miss Evans." He kissed her again, "only you," he whispered, and kissed her cheek, "only Lily," he kissed her other cheek and both of her eyelids, kissing her tears away.

"Oh James," Lily sobbed again and buried her face in his chest.

"Come on babe, it's getting cold out here and we're soaked."

He didn't wait for her to say anything, but picked her up in his arms and walked back up the stone steps of the castle. Lily didn't object, she rather liked the way this felt, and, she added to herself, he smelled good. And then, suddenly, she felt herself back on her feet.

"Thank you James," she breathed into his soaked robes.

James hugged her again burying his face in her copper locks.

"I knew it!"

Lily jumped back, feeling as if an electric shock had just coursed through her. Adrienne stood at the bottom of the marble staircase with Jack grinning from ear to ear.

"Knew what, Andy?" Both Lily and Adrienne had grown a liking to Jack's nickname for Adrienne.

"You two! I knew you liked him back!"

"Er, yes, alright…I think I'll go change now," said Lily, blushing red.

But Adrienne stopped her with an arm. "No, no, I want to hear how it happened! I'll just dry you-"

"No Adrienne, I would really like to-"

But Adrienne had already dried her with a flick of her wand. She smiled, and threw and arm around Lily's shoulders, steering her into the great hall for lunch. Jack walked on her other side, a sly grin on his face.

"So, did you guys…do it?"

"Jack!" Adrienne hissed from Lily's other side. "Stop it!"

But Jack didn't seem to hear her. "I'm guessing by the look on James's face that you didn't."

"Why's that?" Lily asked in what she hoped was an offhand voice.

They sat down at the Gryffindor table together. When Jack had squeezed himself in between Lily and Adrienne on the bench, he replied, "Well, he looked a little…upset that you were leaving. Did he say anything to you about going somewhere alone, say…the astronomy tower?"

Lily blushed again. "No…"

After that, they just ate while Adrienne heckled her for details. When Lily had finished, Adrienne had a dreamy look on her face and sat with her hand on her chin. "How sweet…Jack and I just slept together. It was good though," she added to Jack's quizzical look.

Lily didn't see James for the rest of the day, and didn't think she was going too until he showed up with Sirius in the common room somewhere around eleven. He spotted her, left Sirius, and strolled over to the table she and Adrienne were sharing.

"Oh, Lily, I'm sorry, I forgot I had to…wash my hair!" Adrienne stood up and smiled cheekily at her before walking up the steps to the girl's dorm.

"Adrienne!" Lily hissed at Adrienne's back, but she merely waved a hand back over head at her. Lily wasn't so sure she wanted to be left alone with James, she had been thinking about what Jack had said earlier and she didn't like it. What if James was fake after all? What if he just slept with her, got what he wanted, and then just left?

"Hi," James said somewhat sheepishly as he pulled out a chair and sat down. "Sorry about not being here all day…Sirius and I got detention from McGonagall…"

"Mhm…Well, I'll just be off to bed then…" Lily made to stand up, but James placed a hand on her arm.

"No, please wait…are you mad at me?"

Lily looked James in the face and realized how handsome he was. Somehow, she had never _really_ noticed it before. Sure, she had known, but hadn't…seen him. His hair pointed out in all directions, he was tanned, and his face seemed…strong somehow, his jaw looked firm which made him look tough, but when he smiled dimples formed beside them and you would never think of him as a tough guy. His eyes were big and hazel, like a puppy's, but with a little more mischief twinkling in them. His nose was a strait line, and his lips were fuller than most guys, but not so full that they looked like a girl's.

"You're so pretty…" Lily said distractedly. Then, realizing what she had just said, blushed, and turned away.

She heard James chuckle and stand up behind her, and then felt his mouth press itself lightly against her ear.

"Not as pretty as you, Miss Evans," he murmured.

He took her hands in his and wrapped their arms across her front.

Lily was glad there was no one in the common room to watch them, because she didn't feel like moving. James felt so warm and welcoming and her body seemed to fit right into his. Every time he touched her, it was strange…it was almost as if she had been waiting for that touch all her life, and now that it had come she had better not spoil it.

Lily was confused as how to feel about all of this right now, it all seemed to be moving so fast. Just that morning, she had attempted to get him booted out of the school, and now she didn't want him to let go of her and just hold her forever…

They stood there for a while, rocking slowly before they finally bid each other good night and headed up to bed.

* * *

Five days later, Lily was back in the place she now hated most in the world. Home.

Petunia ran around, making phone calls and screaming at people to make herself feel better. She was gone off a lot, making trips from store to store. Lily was forced to stay with her for a few more days. Though Petunia knew it and scheduled her wedding on that day anyway, Lily was turning seventeen in two days. She had been looking around for a place of her own and had found a few places she liked, but had not chosen yet.

With reluctance, Petunia had invited Lily to her wedding, as a guest, but Lily suspected that was just because Vernon's mother had asked if she would be there. Vernon's mother, though Lily didn't know why, seemed to be quite fond of Lily, which made Petunia like her less than she already did. Petunia had spent the last few days sucking up to Mrs. Dursley, though none of it worked, she seemed to know what Petunia was doing, and gave her harder time about it.

Lily wished either James or Adrienne or even Jack was there with her. Lily had no one to talk to, and was started to get very lonely. She had asked them to come to the wedding in a letter she had sent, but they hadn't replied.

Two days later, the day of the wedding, Lily woke up, showered, and went down to breakfast. She was the first one up. Yawning, she turned on the coffee pot and walked to the front door to pick up the paper.

She placed some bread in the oven to toast and sat down to read the paper. Sipping at her hot coffee, she flipped over and seeing the front cover, spit her coffee out all over the table.

Above a huge picture, was the headline: **Stanfield Son Arrested for Attempted Rape**. The page featured a picture of Jeremy and his father, some time earlier that year at a parade. Not only was that surprising to Lily, but she also spotted her own name in the column below.

_**No one believed Lily Evans when she made a claim that Jeremy Stanfield, son of Jonathan Stanfield the II raped her just shy of three years ago.**_

_**Now we should wonder if we made a mistake in not believing her accusations. Elizabeth Rice, a Canada native who's family had just moved here a few months back, is now saying the same thing almost happened to her last night.**_

_**Seventeen-year-old Rice says that her car tire had gone flat, stranding her out in the country. She had been walking for hours when a car pulled up. Stanfield was in the car, and seemed nice enough, says Rice, so she let him drive her back to town. But instead of stopping at her house, he drove past it and stopped in a clump of trees.**_

_**Stanfield then proceeded to force himself on her, but, says Rice, she broke away just in time and called officials.**_

Lily placed the paper down, breathing slowly. Was it true? Had he really been caught and arrested? What would happen now? Would he go to jail like he deserved, or would he weasel out of it again? And something about that girl…the name sounded familiar…Lily shrugged it off for now though, it wasn't important. What was important right now was staying as far away from Petunia as was possible.

She walked down the stairs at that moment, looking absolutely atrocious with curlers in her hair and green gook on her face. She wore her pink bathrobe and slippers. What didn't make her appearance look any better was the glare she gave Lily.

"Oh, _you're_ up." She sniffed.

Lily gritted her teeth and tried not to let her emotions overcome her. "I made you some coffee," she gestured to the full coffee pot.

"I don't drink coffee," she said, nose in the air.

Lily bit her lip until it nearly bled. Stay calm, she told her herself over and over again. "Well, is there anything I can do for you?"

Petunia gave her a look that seemed to be one of humor, though it was hard to tell from behind her face mask. "The only thing you can do is to stay out of the way." she scoffed before turning on her heel and stomping back up the stairs as if they had just had a fight. "Oh, and by the way, have you found a place? It would really help if you could get out of here now."

Once again, Lily held her tongue, though she didn't know why. "I'm looking for a place of my own."

"Well hurry up so I can sign the stupid papers-"

"You don't have to sign any damn papers Petunia!" Lily took a deep breath, trying to calm herself before continuing. "In the wizarding world, the legal age is seventeen, not eighteen. I'll be gone soon enough."

Before Petunia could remark about how dumb she thought the wizarding world to be, Lily silently walked out of the kitchen and continued on out the front door.

* * *

"What about this, this is a beautiful home, just freshly built, two bedrooms, two baths, along with kitchen, basement and living area all for just one thousand, five hundred galleons." **(A/N: Sorry, I don't know how much it would really cost in the wizarding world.)**

Lily had been dragged to house, after house, after house to find nothing she really liked. But the one she stood before now in Godric's Hollow seemed to be saying, 'Buy me'. It was a tall, cozy looking, white, wooden house with blue shutters.

"Would you like to see the inside?"

The witch trying to sell the house smiled at her, waving an arm at the house as she spoke.

"Of course," Lily replied.

The house was just perfect. There were shiny hardwood floors, a lot of windows, and big rooms. After signing what seemed to be tons of papers, and after handing over the gold galleons she had gotten from trading some of the money her parents had left her at Gringotts, Lily finally had a home. A home of her own where no one sat dreading the moment she would come home. Her home….

* * *

Dread filled Lily as she forced herself to walk into the big fancy church. She wasn't sure why she was forcing herself to come here and watch Petunia get married. Part of her wanted to see her sister get married. It was her sister; she would always care for her no matter how much of an ass she could be. Another part of her hoped dearly that things could one day be ok between the two of them. She hated fighting and didn't understand why Petunia kept pushing her away.

She sat at the back, watching people walk in. Who would be walking Petunia down the isle? Lily bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. Who would walk her down the isle when it was time for her to get married?

"Lily!"

Who would bother talking to her? She turned in her seat, knowing her face showed utter confusion. She gasped. It was Adrienne and Jack.

"Adrienne!" she stood and hugged her friends but quickly sat them down before Petunia or Vernon could see them.

"I didn't think you guys were coming!" she gasped at them.

"Well we couldn't ditch you here with your bitch of a sister," said Adrienne, scratching at her nose ring.

An elderly couple in front of them whom Lily didn't recognize swiveled around in their seats to stare in horror at Adrienne. She smiled cheekily at them and winked.

"James is in the restroom." said Jack, trying not to laugh as the couple got up and moved to a different spot.

"James is here?" Lily breathed, getting an unfamiliar feeling that she figured was excitement in her chest.

Jack nodded. "And he brought that bloke with him, Sirius, is it?"

"Excuse me."

Lily felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up. It was one of Petunia's stuck up friends and bride's maid. "Petunia wants to see you."

She had the horrible feeling that the reason Petunia wanted to see her was because of her friends. The elderly couple must have said something. She really didn't feel like dealing with Petunia right now, but followed her friend anyway, steeling herself for what she knew was about to come.

Lily was led through halls and into a large, elegant bathroom that stank like Petunia's favorite perfume. Lily wrinkled her nose and saw Petunia's friend do the same.

'_Someone should really tell her that stuff smells like crap_,' she thought to herself silently.

Petunia was seated in front a large mirror and sat dabbing her face with powder, making herself look freakishly white. She saw Lily in the mirror, didn't turn, but instead proceeded with her makeup.

"Lily, who are those people with you?"

Lily looked around the room. There were about five bride's maids getting ready and they were looking in their own mirrors, fixing their hair but Lily could tell that they were listening by the way their ears twitched.

"They're my friends."

She heard Petunia suck in some air sharply. "Friends from-" she glanced around and then whispered, "school?"

Lily clenched her fists but kept her eyes on Petunia's face in the mirror. "Yes."

Petunia whirled around in her stool furiously. "And what are they doing here?" she whispered fiercely. "I didn't think I would have to tell you to keep your freak friends away from my wedding! I suppose you're just stupid though, you don't seem to realize that _I_ don't associate myself with _your_ crowd."

Everyone in the room had stopped what they were doing, no one spoke. The only sound in the air right then was the low rumble of the crowd in the sanctuary. Though she didn't look, Lily had the feeling that all eyes were on her.

"Petunia," she started in a shaky voice, "I have tried so hard to be a sister to you. I've tried to be your friend. But no matter what I do, you just can't let me love you. And I'm sick of it. One day, you're going to fall off of your high horse, and I _dearly _hope that you'll be able to pull the enormously large pole from your ass."

She didn't wait for a reply from her open-mouthed sister. Lily walked from the room, slamming the door behind her. She walked down the long hall again giggling as she remembered the look on Petunia's face.

"Oh, excuse me," she murmured as she ran into someone.

"Lily?"

Lily looked up into a pair of big, hazel eyes. It was James.

She was opening her mouth to speak when the doors to the sanctuary opened and emitted a laughing Adrienne, Jack, and Sirius.

"Lily," said Adrienne, "we er, need to go…"

"What did you do?" Lily asked knowing full well they had done something.

"Well, er, Sirius knocked over a huge bouquet of flowers…so we ran for it."

"What?"

Before she could say anything further, the doors to the sanctuary opened and out walked Vernon. Before he could spot them with his furious purple face, they ran out of the front doors, laughing as they went.

* * *

They had all come to help Lily pack her things. All of her things. That was including all of the things her parents had left her. The sofa, coffee table, refrigerator. Every thing in the house that wasn't Petunia's they took. Sirius made them all laugh by imagining Petunia's face when she walked in later that day to find that everything was gone.

They had finally finished clearing her room and Adrienne, Jack, and Sirius had carried boxes down to the fireplace to floo back to her house. James turned to her, and by the look on his face she knew he had waited all day to be alone with her. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms firmly around her. She took in his warmth and his smell. It felt so good to be in his arms again…

James leaned back, took her face in his hands and was leaning down when they heard footsteps racing up the stairs behind them.

James sighed. "Damn Sirius, I could just kill him right now…"

Lily stepped back from him as Sirius and Adrienne walked through the door arguing.

"I'll have you know," Sirius was saying, "Girls go crazy over my butt. I have the best butt you could have. Don't I James?" he turned around, hands on his butt, looking at James over his shoulder.

James looked at Sirius with one eyebrow raised.

"I didn't say you had a bad butt," Adrienne cut in. "I said it was an ok butt, just not a great butt."

"You're just jealous because you don't have a great butt like mine!"

"Sirius don't be so stupid!" Adrienne snapped at him. "My ass is nice."

James stepped in and suggested they finish up over Lily's giggling.

* * *

Lily carried an assortment of things in her arms as she walked around the house, trying to find anything she had missed. Sirius was right; this was going to be quite a shock to Petunia when she got home. Lily held the urge to cry as she walked into her parent's bedroom. So many memories were in this house and she was just going to walk away from them all…She felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Adrienne.

"Don't cry Lily," she said, placing her arms around her from behind and resting her chin on her shoulder. "You cry all the time, don't cry about this too," she joked.

"It'll be ok Lily, we're here for you." James came around in front of her and hugged her and Adrienne.

Jack came up alongside Adrienne and hugged her also.

"Oh, don't leave me out!"

Everyone laughed and made a space for Sirius in the group hug. And Lily realized she was going to be ok. Jeremy was going to jail, she never had to see Petunia or Vernon again, and she had some of the best friends in the world. They would always be there for her no matter what, and she wanted to be there for them also. If this was the case, then why did the anxious and scared feeling in her heart continue to grow? Lily shrugged it off as they broke up. It didn't matter right now.

She walked downstairs with her friends, grabbed the toaster and the newspaper, and stepped into the fireplace shouting, "Lily's House!"

* * *

Lily found her life to be quite enjoyable in her new house. There was no Petunia, no Vernon, and no nosey neighbors. The only thing she returned for was to sell the house, but she did that as fast as she could before returning without seeing either one of them. She doubted she would ever see them again, and there was only one tiny sliver of regret there.

Adrienne, Jack, James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus always seemed to be at her house, and soon she not only trusted Jack, Adrienne, and James but Remus, Peter and Sirius also. She had found friends in all of them and felt as if she could trust every one of them with her life.

Things had gone wonderfully until one day when Adrienne had come over to help her paint the living room but said she wanted to tell Lily something.

"Can we just go sit down…in the kitchen," said Adrienne, eyeing the plastic covered couch.

"Sure," Lily said while tying her hair up.

She followed Adrienne into the big kitchen and poured them both glasses of tea before sitting down.

"Thanks," said Adrienne, accepting the glass Lily offered her.

Lily noted that her hands were shaking and her face seemed a little pale. "Andy, are you all right?"

"I'm fine; there is just something that I want to tell you…" Adrienne nervously took another swig of her tea before continuing. "I-I don't want you to be mad at me for not telling you sooner, it's just that this is really hard for me, and I've been through a lot…"

She stopped and wiped her brow.

"Andy are you alright-"

"I'm fine, this is going to be a real shock to you…um, alright, and I'm just going to spit it out."

She stopped once again and made for more tea but realized her glass was empty. "Ok…" she said, staring down intently into her empty glass.

A/N: Man, I could drag this on forever just to annoy you! But I didn't update for like, two months so I won't be evil…

"I was abu-"

There was a short knock on the front door before he swung open to admit James and Sirius laughing. "Lily! We're here!"

"We're in here," Lily called, not taking her eyes off of Adrienne. "I'm sorry, what were you going to say?"

But instead of answering her, Adrienne shot up and shook her head furiously. "NO, not here, not with them, I'll tell you later."

Lily's reply was cut off as the two boys bounded into the room.

"Lily, what is coffee?" James asked her happily.

"It's a muggle drink."

Sirius spoke next. "Well we just had some and it was GOOOOOOD!" He bounced on the balls of his feet as he said this, as though he was itching to run and scream around the house for no reason.

"Sirius, how many cups did you drink?" Lily asked cautiously eyeing Sirius.

"I DON'T REMEMBER!" Sirius shouted before both he and James burst into fits of laughter. Adrienne snorted.

"Why were you drinking-" Lily attempted to ask them why they were drinking a muggle drink, but with the noise level in the kitchen right then, she could barely hear herself speak.

Later that night after a hard day of work and a small dinner, everyone bid each other good night and left. Except for Adrienne. Lily loved her friend dearly, but she couldn't help but feel a twinge of annoyance at this; she and James had not had one private moment together yet, and they didn't want to start kissing in front of their friends yet, even though they knew. They had shared two quick, clinging kisses before one of them walked along. James stayed only a half hour after Sirius left, trying to get her alone, but Adrienne remained and he bid her goodnight with a pat on the back.

Adrienne was back in the state she had been in that morning, pale, sweaty, and nervous.

"Ok, I want to tell you something now," she said, sitting down next to her on the couch and folding her hands on her lap.

Lily waited patiently. What on earth did she want to tell her that she didn't already know?

"I…don't live with my parents in London."

Adrienne didn't look at her questioning look, but at her hands ringing themselves in and out on her lap. "My dad isn't a lawyer and my mother isn't even alive…My mother died when I was six, and my father…well my father abandon me and-" she stopped and coughed softly, placing her face in a hand. "And he…killed…my brother."

Lily didn't know what to think. She just stared at Adrienne with a look of surprise on her face. She gingerly placed a hand on her back and rubbed softly, trying to think of something to say, but what could she say to that?

"And he…killed my mother…also." Adrienne choked and sobbed into her hands. "I'm-I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, you're my friend, and we share everything and I just told you lies-"

"Shhh," Lily soothed, rubbing her back with her hand. "It's alright, I'm fine. Really," she looked at her friend's tear-stained face before pulling her into a hug.

She felt very close to Adrienne right then, and supposed she should tell her about her own secrets, but Adrienne spoke before she could say anything.

"He abused us. Me and my brother and my mother…He was awful…my mother said he was a good man, and a good dad but it seemed wrong to me to be terrified of when your dad came home from work."

Lily just hugged her friend tighter and tried her best to sooth her as she listened to her go on and on. She knew how she felt, not knowing if she was going to want to still be her friend, knowing she had kept that from her and lied about her parents. She had the same feeling, but perhaps that would change?

"I just wanted to tell you because…well, I'm not sure why, but it feels great to get it off of my chest…I don't want there to be anymore secrets between us, ok?" Adrienne sobbed into her neck.

Lily took a sharp breath that hurt her chest. She needed to tell her now.

"Adrienne-"

"How could she have stood by him, all that time and just-just watch us get beaten? How could she do that to her own children? How could she do it to herself? Why would you do that?"

"I know, I know," Lily soothed, hoping her friend would give her a chance to speak.

"And he not only just hit me, he- he-"

She choked again and sobbed harder into Lily's shoulder, soaking her shirt.

"Adrienne? If you want, you don't have to tell me now…"

"No, I want to," she said, straightening up and wiping her face with her hands. "He not only hit me, but he really abused me…"

She stared into her eyes, blue meeting green.

"Sexually?" Lily whispered, knowing the answer.

Adrienne nodded and Lily noticed her jaw muscle tightening up.

"All the time. He would come home from work and-and touch me…and sometimes he would come in when I was-" she choked again but continued. "In the bath, or-or in bed…"

Lily pulled her close once more, feeling tears well up in her own eyes. How could someone do that? Do that to her Adrienne? To her friend? To their own daughter? It was sick.

"Lily," Adrienne sat up again. "I've always thought there was something you weren't telling me…what is it?"

Lily pulled her eyes away from her friend's. Suddenly she found that she couldn't tell her; at least not now. She hated even thinking about it and never wanted her best friend to know. She would look at her different after that. Everyone did; after they knew, it was a normal reaction to feel bad for her, and try to keep her away from as many men as they could.

Staring into Adrienne's face she decided she would tell her. But not now. It wasn't the time or place…

The phone rang before she could answer.

They stared into each other's faces for a moment before Adrienne seemed to come to her senses.

"That's probably Jack, it's getting late…"

"Yeah…"

They stood up and Adrienne walked to the phone in the kitchen.

Lily listened to her short conversation from the living room.

"Ok, bye." She finally heard from the other room.

But Adrienne didn't come back in. It was about a minute before she came back in.

"Lily?"

She heard her name being called and turned toward the kitchen. Adrienne's voice sounded strange.

"Yes?"

Lily looked up at Adrienne and her mouth fell open at the site of what she was holding. It was a newspaper. _The_ newspaper she had brought from her house.

"Who is Jeremy Stanfield?"


	12. Diagon Alley and Natalie Clime

"Who is Jeremy Stanfield?"

Lily felt like she couldn't breathe anymore. Adrienne couldn't have found that. No! Why didn't she put that _stupid_ newspaper somewhere safer? She didn't want to tell Adrienne yet and it was just her luck that she had found out this way.

"Adrienne I wanted to tell you, I really did-"

Adrienne wrinkled her brow in confusion. "You wanted to tell me? Tell me what?"

Lily stood up and took the paper from her. Adrienne just looked at her, still with a confused look on her face.

"Er, why did you want to know who Jeremy Stanfield is?"

Adrienne cocked her head to the side and gave her a funny look. "Because…I was curious…I saw that paper sticking out of a box and saw some rich kid had been arrested for rape or something like that…why are you acting weird?"

Lily tugged a lock of red hair behind her ear. "What? What are you talking about? I'm not acting weird, why would you think I was acting weird? Did you read this?"

Adrienne gazed at her for long moment before speaking again. "No, but I want to, give me that."

Adrienne moved for the paper but Lily stepped away from her.

"No!"

Now Adrienne was looking at her like she was crazy. "And why not?"

Lily backed away from her and around the couch while they spoke, and Adrienne followed. Lily backed away all the way into the hall.

"Because, I don't want you to…" Lily thought fast. "I want to talk to you some more about…what we were talking about before."

"Oh." Adrienne stopped walking after her and her shoulders drooped. "Nah, I think I'm going to go home now, wallow in my self pity…"

"Hey, Andy, where _are_ you living? Before I thought you lived with your parents…"

"Oh, well I used to know Jack when I was little and his parents liked me enough to let me stay there for a while until I find a place of my own…"

Lily nodded. "Oh…" Then an idea popped into her head. "Hey…why don't you just…live with me?"

Adrienne looked at her, almost shocked, and then looked around her at the big house. "Well, I turn seventeen in three days, but…I thought you would want to live by yourself, you know, give yourself some breathing space after living with your sister all that time…"

Lily hadn't thought about that, but she really didn't think she would mind. It would be fun to get to live with her best friend.

"Petunia was my sister, but she was a mean, stuck up, rude, horrid person whom I hated, but you, you're not like that, you are my friend and I would love it if you came to live with me."

Tears welled up in Adrienne's eyes and Lily hugged the friend she never thought she would have.

* * *

Three days later, Adrienne moved in on her seventeenth birthday and was surprised by her friends with a small surprise party, this time including Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.

But they didn't get to experience living together in their own house for long, school was to be starting up again soon and they all headed to Diagon Alley the day before leaving.

Lily saw people she recognized from Hogwarts, but of course, had never spoken to them in her life. James and Sirius however, spoke to everyone she recognized and more. Lily envied them, she wished she could be like that; carefree, easy to talk to, and fun to be around.

They were finishing as it was starting to get dark. It turned out that it was difficult to do that, because right as soon as it started to show the slightest trace of nighttime, everyone started rushing to close up the shops and return home. In times like the ones they were living in now, even a place as populated as Diagon alley was attacked at uncertain times.

Lily shuffled down the street with James trying to find the others, bags slung over her right shoulder. The torches above them flared up and lit the street. James's left hand remained in his pocket, and Lily suspected that he was gripping his wand just in case. Suddenly, it was like a whoosh of air woke Lily up from a day dream she had been having and she gripped James's hand as she felt the hair on her neck stand up.

"I feel it to," James whispered and then quickly looked around, only to see the last of the shoppers grumpily making their way back to the Leaky Cauldron.

James didn't want to take any chances though, and pulled her into the shop nearest them, Flourish and Blotts. Lily was relieved to see Adrienne, Jack, Sirius, Remus and Peter inside, arguing with the shop keeper.

"You heard me, we're closed now, go home!"

Sirius grumpily looked at the grouchy shop keeper. "And I said we only need five of the same book! How can that be hard? Just go over there and pick them up!"

"No!"

Lily turned around to look out of the window as James stepped forward into the argument. The street looked to be nearly deserted now, but was still lit up by the torches. She turned back to the people behind her.

"All of you go home or I'm calling the ministry of magic!"

"My father works at the ministry; I don't think he would be too happy that you wouldn't just give us our books. We have to go back to school tomorrow, we can't come back tomorrow!"

"This is breaking and entering! Get out! Get out now!"

"Chill out man-"

Suddenly, the lights in the shop went out and the man started screaming. "Who did that? Who did it?"

Lily raced for the door and locked it firmly. They somehow got the man to stop screaming and they crowded around the window and looked out onto the street.

The lights in the other shops were out too, and had their owner's faces in the windows looking out onto the street also. But the torches were still lit of course; those torches never went out, not until the first ray of sunlight hit them.

They looked down at the ends of the road, waiting for something to happen. Just when they thought it was safe, there was a loud bang! almost like a gunshot.

Everyone around Lily screamed, the shop owner the loudest as Lily looked frantically around outside for the source of the noise.

"Look up."

That was James. He whispered and pointed high above their heads to an emerald green light figure in the sky in the form of a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth.

They all gasped in unison. The dark mark. There was another noise, but this time, it was the loud crash of glass shattering. Looking down at the end of the street, they all saw about twenty or so death eaters making their way along the road, breaking into some stores, throwing torches into others. They watched in horror as store owners and their families came running from their shops, in flames, screaming in agony.

"Fireplace," said James in a shaky voice, "we need a fireplace, we can get out with floo powder."

The store owner nodded in silence and led them in a run to a fireplace upstairs. He took some powder first, and threw it into the fire. They quickly turned emerald and he stepped into them and shouted, "Ministry of Magic!"

But nothing happened; the pale man before them didn't disappear. He looked down at them.

"What happened? Why am I still here?"

"It's been blocked," said Remus. "Get out of those flames now before they turn back to normal."

The man jumped out of the fireplace. "What do we do now, then?"

Before anyone could answer, there was a crash of glass from downstairs. Sirius raced toward the stairs and looked down. He ran back to them two seconds later and closed the door and locked it.

"They're here, but they haven't set it on fire yet. Is there a way to the roof from the inside?"

The store owner nodded and raced to a door in the corner of the room. He opened it up and led them outside onto the roof.

The sound of anguished cries, children crying, flames roaring, and death eaters screaming in glee reached their ears as they walked along, bent at the waist so that no one would see them.

'_**I am going to die**_.' That thought went through Lily's mind every five seconds, but she didn't really _feel _scared. She knew she should, and perhaps it was strange not to, but she couldn't help but feel calm inside. Looking around, she could tell everyone else was terrified.

Slowly, and ignoring the hurried whispers she received, she crept up the wall and looked over.

"Damn death eaters everywhere."

Remus. Lily looked to her left and saw that he had also crept up and was drawing his wand. Lily did the same.

"We should quietly attack one by one with _Petrificus Totalus." _

That time it wasn't Remus who had spoken; it was Sirius on her right with James, Jack and Adrienne next to him.

Lily nodded and carefully aimed her wand at a death eater in a dark alley, unseen by anyone but them. He was attempting to force himself on a teenage girl Lily thought she recognized from school, but she couldn't be sure.

He wrapped his arms around her small frame and turned his back completely to Lily.

"_Petrificus Totalus_!"

Her spell hit him square in the back and he fell backwards with his arms and legs pinned to his sides. The girl he had been after looked around with a scared, tear-stained face, looking for her rescuers. When she saw no one, she crept back into a dark corner where Lily couldn't see her anymore.

Lily averted her attention back to the main street, still in flames. Her friends had brought down four more death eaters together, but hadn't paid any attention to the flames.

Lily longed too, but if they did, it would definitely draw attention to themselves, unlike the _Petrificus Totalus _spell did; that was an invisible spell. But if someone were to see jets of water coming from the roof of a store, they would certainly draw attention to themselves.

Instead, she got the idea to go back and make sure no one would be able to get onto the roof.

Slowly, and gingerly, as to not let anyone below her in the house hear her, Lily crawled back to the door and preformed a silent spell on the door and also an invisible spell so that no one would be able to tell it was there.

On her way back to the fight, she noted that the only one not fighting was Peter. He sat huddled in a corner with his legs drawn to his chest and seemed to be arguing with himself, though Lily couldn't hear what exactly he was saying, but she could tell that that was what he was doing.

Lily ignored him though, and returned to her friend's side.

"How's it going?"

She crouched down next to James. "I think we've got all of the death eaters except for about six, but we still have all of those death eaters. I just saw a man walking down the road, he looked…dead. I think he was kissed."

Lily shuddered. The Dementor's Kiss was one of the scariest things _she_ had ever heard of.

James groaned and sat back up, looking over the wall.

"They've gone! They've gone back!" The store owner shouted from his post on the far corner. "They've just disapparated!"

"Then let's try to save these buildings best we can!" Sirius shouted.

There was no point really, most of the buildings were already just a pile of burning ashes on the ground, but they did manage to get down from the roof of the building and save some of the ones that had just started burning.

Jack and Remus went to fetch help from the ministry while the others stayed and tended to the burned and wounded, but most were dead.

Lily slipped away from everyone else and walked down to the alley she had seen the teenage girl being attacked.

"Lumos."

She saw her immediately, crouched in the far corner with her knees drawn to her chest. Lily started toward her but tripped over something. The masked man was still there, lying on the ground, and though Lily could not see his face, she knew he was glaring at her.

"Are you alright?"

The small girl looked down at her with a pair of large, pretty brown eyes framed by long lashes.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Lily stood up and dusted her jeans off. "Are _you_ alright?

"I-I don't know…" she stuttered. "Are they gone? Who saved me?"

Lily nodded and held her hand out to the girl. "Yes, they're gone, and the ministry should be here soon, so you're safe."

The girl stood up and rushed to her side, staring uneasily down at the masked man below them. "He was just all over me, and then he fell over. Do you know who did it?"

Lily nodded again and took the girls hand, leading her out of the alley. "It was me; I was on that rooftop with my friends." She pointed at Flourish and Blotts.

"Oh. Thank you."

"No problem." Lily looked over at her.

She was her height, maybe an inch taller, with thin, wavy brown hair down to her waist.

She was so skinny; Lily thought she looked a little unhealthy. Her bones protruded from her, which almost reminded Lily of Petunia. She had sharp looking cheek bones and a pointed nose, followed by a pair of thin lips. The only thing pretty about her was her eyes, but they made her whole face look striking.

"Do you go to Hogwarts?" The girl asked curiously, studying her face.

Lily nodded. "Yes. Lily Evans. You?"

"Oki Peterson, I know you--you're James Potter's girlfriend!"

Lily blushed. "Er, yes I am…Erm, what year are you in?"

"I'm going on into my seventh. You're in Gryffindor right? I'm Ravenclaw."

"Yes, I'm also in going into seventh."

They talked all the way back down to Flourish and Blotts where Lily's friends, about thirty ministry wizards, and two dozen wounded had stationed themselves.

Lily led Oki to an empty pallet on the floor and asked for a nurse.

"No, I'm ok, really-" Oki tried, but the strict nurse hushed her and started checking for injuries.

Lily stood back and patiently waited for her to finish.

"Found a new friend?"

Lily turned around to find at the handsome face of James.

"What are you doing?"

She wanted to hug him, but not in front of everyone. Lily could tell by the look in his eyes he was thinking the same thing.

"Nothing right now…would you like to go for walk?"

Lily looked around at Oki, but she was currently arguing with the nurse. She turned back to James and nodded. He took her by the hand and led her back outside.

They walked slowly, as to not catch anyone's attention and then slowly slipped in a small alley between to shops.

James hugged Lily around her neck, pulling her close to him. Lily hugged him around his waist, pulling him as close to her as she could. She breathed in his scent and sighed.

"Hey, we're finally alone…" said James above her.

Lily lifted her head up to look at him and grinned. "Well then let's make the best of it."

James grinned back at her. "Yes ma'am."

He bent his head down and kissed her softly on the lips. Lily lifted one of her hands to the back of his neck and into his hair, pulling him into a deeper kiss.

They kissed for what felt like to Lily, about two seconds, but in reality was probably much longer. But when she felt that James's hands were going a little too far south, she pulled away, grabbing his hand as she went, and led him back into the main street, sending him back a sweet smile.

* * *

_Sometime around nine thirty last night, Diagon Alley was attacked by a large group of twenty or so death eaters. They burned down various shops, and killed many of the families inside. They would have done much more damage if it were not for a group of teenagers on the roof of Flourish and Blotts, along with the bookstore owner, Donald Naire._

_The teenagers have asked us to not have their names printed in the paper, but we can tell you is that they used the Petrificus Totalus (the full body bind) spell to trap most of the death eaters. Sadly, most of the ones that they were not able to trap, brought back with them most of the petrified._

Lily set down her copy of the _Daily Prophet_ and stood up from the breakfast table. She cleaned up, did the dishes, and threw out the remainder of the food in the pantry.

After sweeping the floors, Lily trudged upstairs to wake Adrienne, who stumbled out of her room, glaring daggers at Lily. Unlike Lily, Adrienne was not a morning person.

Lily finished up her packing, and drug her trunk downstairs to the front door. When done with that, she walked all around the house, making sure every window and door was securely locked.

"Lily?"

Adrienne called her from upstairs.

Lily walked back up to meet Adrienne at her door. "What is it?"

"Er…I kind of need your help with something…" Adrienne stuffed her hands into her pockets.

"Help with what?"

"Um…"

Adrienne opened up her door to reveal her disaster area room. Lily's mouth dropped open. Her books were lying on the ground, her bed was unmade, she had dirty dishes on the bedside table, and it seemed that every piece of clothing she owned lay on the ground or bed, or hanging out of her open drawers.

"Adrienne!" Lily gasped, looking horrified around the room. She had never ever, kept her room this messy. Nor had she even seen a room this messy. Her parents had always been neat, and so had their daughters. "Oh my God Adrienne! The cab is coming in an hour!"

"I know, I know!" Adrienne seemed exasperated. "I was cleaning it last night, but then I fell asleep, please help me Lily!"

Lily glared into the face of her pleading friend and sighed. "Fine! Take those dishes down stairs and wash them, I'll pack your things."

"Thanks," Adrienne hugged her briefly before sprinting down the stairs, dishes in her arms.

* * *

"Adrienne, I can't believe you, now we're going to be late!" Lily yelled, throwing her trunk into the backseat of the cab with a strength she didn't know she had.

She jumped in and scooted over to make room for Adrienne and her trunk. They somehow managed to all scrunch themselves and the trunks in the tiny backseat.

"Ya' know girls," said the cab driver in a lazy drawl, "I can put those in the trunk for ya."

Adrienne stared incredulously at him. "Oh, well thanks for saying that _before_ we got in!"

Lily shot her a look and smiled at the cab driver. "No thank you, Kings Cross please, and step on it, we're late."

But the cab driver seemed to hold a grudge against them, even if he talked cheerfully about the weather, because he seemed to be driving as slow as possible the whole way there. Lily formed a head splitting headache, Adrienne grumbled about stupid people who drive cabs, and on top of all of it, it started to rain, which caused the cab driver to drive even slower, if that was even possible.

Lily glanced at her watch. It was eleven fifteen already and they were almost there. At eleven twenty, they mercifully pulled up at the gate and Lily and Adrienne sprang from the car with their trunks, paid the stupid cab driver, and raced onto platform nine and three quarters through the rain, soaking themselves.

"That man is evil! I swear he secretly wanted to chop us to bits and eat us for dinner!" Adrienne yelled over the rain as they raced for the platform.

"And did you pick that up when he talked about how sad the rain made him, or how bright and happy he felt when he saw the sun?" Lily gasped.

Adrienne hooted with laughter as they came to a stop at the barrier between platforms nine and ten.

They didn't take a moment to breath; instead they quickly flung their trunks through the barrier and then ran in after them. The train had already started up.

"Oh my God! Adrienne, hurry!"

They scrambled for the train, threw on their trunks and jumped on themselves just as it started moving. They lay on the ground breathing heavily.

"I think that cab driver did want to kill us." Lily gasped.

They lay for a moment more before Adrienne burst into laughter, followed by Lily. Somehow, after all that happening to them, it now seemed funny. The evil cab driver, the rain, the headaches and grumbling.

When people started sticking their heads out of their compartments to see who was making all the racket, Lily decided that they had better get up. The stood up, still laughing and drug their trunks down the hallway, looking for either friendly faces or an empty compartment.

They found an empty compartment halfway down and stuffed their trunks onto the rack above them.

Flopping down on the comfy seats, they settled themselves in, Lily with a book, Adrienne staring out the window.

"Who's the new head girl?" Adrienne asked, turning to Lily.

Lily shrugged. "I don't know…I haven't heard anything."

But as soon as she said it, a tall, Gryffindor black girl they knew to be Kayleen Piper and a prefect stepped into the compartment.

"Hi Lily, hi Adrienne," she smiled at them. "Lily, I was sent to get you."

Lily shrugged at Adrienne, stood up and followed Kayleen outside.

"What do they need me for, Kayleen?" Lily asked curiously.

"Well you know how you can hardly get a letter to anyone these days?" Kayleen asked as they walked along the bumpy corridor.

Lily nodded. She had only had one letter successfully be delivered. She wondered why the dark side would even bother. Did they really think the ministry was so stupid as to write anything important down in a letter? But they hadn't even thought of that, Lily supposed, because they had been intercepting owls left and right.

"Well, when we all got onto the train, they called up certain people, and gave us these," Kayleen proudly showed Lily her new prefect's badge.

"Oh…" Lily wondered is she was to get one of those. She had wondered, knowing that her grades had been some of her best last year.

Finally, they ended up at the front end of the train at a large compartment. Kayleen walked in first, and Lily followed slowly.

She was met by James, Oki, two Slytherins, two Ravenclaws, and two Hufflepuffs all wearing prefect badges except for James.

Lily slipped in beside him and grinned. "Head boy?"

He grinned right back at her, the dimples forming in his cheeks as he did so. "Head girl?"

Lily cocked her head slightly to the side. "What?"

Before James could answer, Kayleen jumped in. "Yes, Lily, you are our new head girl! None of us knew we were prefects until getting on the train. Professor McGonagall met us and had the badges ready."

Lily jumped. She hadn't even noticed her transfiguration professor in the corner of the carriage. McGonagall gave her tiniest of smiles and nodded at her. Lily smiled back, but didn't have much time to express her happiness of being head girl, because Kayleen sat and McGonagall started to speak.

"Now only a few of you were prefects before, so you might not know that the prefects hold a meeting every two weeks. In these meetings they discuss such things as planning events, that is, if you choose to have events to plan, any suggestions you may have to the school, and choosing where you would most like to patrol the halls at night, and which nights you would like to patrol and the hours you wish to patrol…"

"Also, I will speak to all four quidditch captains about this later, but professor Dumbledore has decided to hold weekly quidditch matches-"

There was a whoop from one of the Ravenclaw prefects, but when snapped upon by McGonagall's stern gaze, he blushed and sank down in his seat, embarrassed.

McGonagall went on for what Lily thought had to be an hour at the most. She went on and on about how this was a big opportunity for them and how they should treasure it. Lily felt guilty about daydreaming through most of this, but was sure she hadn't missed anything too important.

By the time she was finished, most of the prefects had grown restless and raced for the door when she dismissed them.

"So I reckon they've all found each other by now." said James, talking of their friends as they walked back to their compartments. "I hope they bought us some lunch."

He gently took Lily's hand in his and kissed her fingertips lightly. "I missed you."

"That's silly," Lily said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "We only saw each other just yesterday. Remember? In Diagon Alley? I helped you fight off about twenty death eaters."

James placed his hands on her waist and cocked his head to one side. "That was you?"

"Oh hush." Lily grinned again as he kissed her softly. Suddenly remembering where they were, Lily's eyes opened, and she was relieved to not see anyone. She shared a few more quick kisses with James before taking his hand and he leading him away.

"Lily wait," said James, placing a hand on either side of her waist. He pulled her back into him and put his mouth to her ear, feeling her shiver. "Let's go find an empty compartment," he kissed her ear and then slowly trailed kissed along the skin below that.

Lily wriggled away from him awkwardly. She took a moment to breathe and put her thoughts back into order. That had felt too uncomfortable for her. James wasn't the bad guy, she knew that much, but she had felt that that moment was too familiar to her.

Last time that had happened, she had obliged to it, but then changed her mind, but was too late; she had already dug herself a nice deep hole. It wasn't going to happen again, Lily wouldn't let it. She knew James wouldn't do that, especially not here on a train full of people, but she still wanted to remain on the safe side.

"What's wrong?" James asked her curiously.

Oh God. Lily felt a stab of guiltiness. James stood there, looking at her with those huge brown eyes, looking at her as if he had just done something terribly wrong.

"Nothing, let's go find the guys."

* * *

The sight of Hogwarts used to be a pain to Lily's eyes. Now, she felt it to be her second home, and welcomed it. She stepped out of the flying carriage with Adrienne, Jack, and James and walked up the castle steps, remembering the last time she had been standing there on a rainy day…

James excused himself to the restroom so Lily walked into the great hall with Jack and Adrienne, staring around her at the familiar sight of Hogwarts.

* * *

James walked down the long hall that went into the entrance hall after coming out of the restroom. He walked, wondering if they were going to cancel all trips to Hogsmeade this year, when he looked up, hearing his name called.

"Hi James."

Natalie Clime, a girl he had dated last summer was walking towards him as she had always done, swaying her hips in what she thought was a sexy manner.

James smiled at the long haired blonde girl in front of him, wondering what she could possibly want.

"Hi Natalie. It's er, nice to see you…" he trailed off, feeling awkward.

James was strangely aware of her standing too close to him and he backed up a bit.

She pouted. "Why are you backing away from me?"

James crossed his arms over his chest. "Natalie, is there something you want?"

Natalie licked her lips, and James knew what she wanted.

"Don't." He said before she could lunge herself at him. "I have a girlfriend, though I'm sure you know that. I really like her too, so don't."

Natalie pouted again and she stepped closer to him until she had her lips to his ear. "But don't you remember how good I made you feel?" James felt her tongue flick his ear lightly.

James stepped back from her, his hands on her shoulders. "Well, Lily makes me feel better."

Natalie glared at him for a moment before lunging herself at him and crushing her mouth to his.

* * *

"Lily, I think James is going to miss the ceremony," said Adrienne, looking up at the high table.

Lily sighed and stood from the table. "I hate to be the girlfriend who goes in search for her boyfriend when he's gone for more than five minutes."

Adrienne laughed as Lily hurried along between the tables and out into the Entrance hall.

Where were the bathrooms again? Oh yes…Lily followed the path to the bathrooms, humming quietly to herself as she went. Turning the last corner, she stopped dead in her tacks as she felt her mouth drop open.


	13. Of Kisses and Nightmares

It felt as if someone had just taken a knife and punctured her happy heart. Lily felt her mouth drop open and gasp escape her. How could this be? James was her boyfriend…she trusted him…the first person she had trusted since…

Hearing her gasp, the couple broke apart, and Lily recognized the girl as a seventh year Ravenclaw she thought had once dated James.

James seemed to realize what he was doing and looked between the two of them, his mouth open.

"Lily, really, this is not what it looks like-"

Lily didn't stay, she ran back into the great hall. She would have gone to the common room but she didn't know the password yet. Usually, the head of house thought one up and told them before they went up after the start of term feast.

Ignoring James' calls behind her, Lily took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears from spilling over and slipped into the great hall.

Thankfully, no heads turned her way as she raced up to sit in between Adrienne and Remus. Adrienne immediately noticed something was wrong and gently lay a hand on Lily's shoulder.

"What's wrong?" she asked in an alarmed whispered.

Sirius and Remus looked at her also, worried expressions painted on their faces.

Lily placed her face in her hands, unable to look at them. She felt so stupid…how could she have trusted James? She knew it was a mistake to ever trust anyone; at least any man. Don't cry here, _please._

Those thoughts shot through her mind again and again and Adrienne confusedly rubbed her back.

Oh God…Why did this hurt so much? It wasn't as if they had been dating that long…maybe because he was the first man she had trusted in a long time…she had always felt safe when she was with him.

Lily swallowed and lifted her face up to look straight into James's. She jumped. When had he gotten here? He sat across from her at the table, and Lily could tell he was itching to tell her something, but didn't want to while the sorting was going on.

Remus, Sirius, and Adrienne were still looking back and forth between the two of them, obviously confused.

James opened his mouth and leaned forward. "Lily, listen to me, I didn't kiss her she-"

He was drowned out by the loud applause and cheering the Gryffindors were doing around them, welcoming a new first year into the house.

James stopped and glared around at them all. He leaned forward once again after they had stopped, but this time, he was cut off by Dumbledore, who stood up and merrily smiled around at them all.

"Ah, another year and more fresh faces to teach and old faces to re-teach."

James decided to ignore the headmaster and leaned forward again and tapped Lily on the shoulder. Instead of turning to him to listen, however, Lily slapped his hand away and hissed at him.

"Stop it, I'm trying to listen."

"And a happy note to all of you quidditch fans out there! For this year, and possibly this year only, the quidditch captains of the four houses have agreed to weekly quidditch matches so a note to all who wish to try out for the team this year, beware that you will be working extra hard."

A buzz immediately filled the great hall but Lily could care less. Most people were probably wondering why Dumbledore thought this a great idea, but clearly, none of them would ever know why Dumbledore did the things he did.

Her appetite had vanished, but Lily ate anyway because she knew she would be starving in the morning. They were all awkwardly silent as they ate together, the others occasionally shooting glances at Lily and James.

Once they had finished, the three of them stood up, all making lame excuses as to why they should go. They left and sat at the other end of the table, leaving Lily and James somewhat by themselves.

James immediately started talking in a fast whisper. "Lily, I didn't kiss her, honest, she kissed me, she threw herself at me, I told her I didn't want to, but she came at me anyway. Lily, you've got to believe me, please say you believe me."

Lily didn't look at him, instead she looked down at her empty golden plate. She wanted so badly to believe James, she really did but…she couldn't. Couldn't make herself believe him all because of a cold, heartless, rich kid who had screwed her up so badly, she closed herself up from everyone else.

Besides, James was a player, he loved sex, everyone in the school knew that. It was hard to believe that he could just suddenly want only one girl. It was impossible. Wasn't it?

Lily swallowed. "No…I…can't…"

Ignoring James's horrible silence, she told him: "Go get the password from McGonagall, I'll round up the first years…"

Silently, without looking at him, Lily stood from the table and walked away from a heartbroken boy who couldn't care less about the password.

* * *

The first day of school was hard. The teachers piled homework on them, demanding that they study a series of new spells, potions, and wizarding history. Lily had tried hard with herself not to cry all day, and so far it had worked. 

She was determined not to cry, she told herself firmly that she simply cried to much, and to cut it out. It was hard however, when things seemed to be going the worst way possible for her.

By the time classes had ended, and the students of Gryffindor had dragged themselves up to the tower, it was time for supper.

Lily walked down by herself, wondering how she had managed all day without crying once when she heard her name being called.

"Evans!"

Lily stopped and lazily turned around, exhausted from the long day's work. She was greeted my McGonagall walking towards her, her usual grim look in place.

"Prefect meeting, tomorrow night, in the prefect meeting room. It's behind the painting of giant one winged raven. The password is 'silver rings'."

Lily nodded absently as McGonagall walked the other way towards the great hall.

* * *

"Lily please talk to me!" 

Lily shoved James's hand off of her shoulder yet again and marched away from him towards the lake.

"James, leave me _alone_," Lily said as viciously as she could.

"No." James said firmly.

Lily stopped and swirled around. James was shocked to see tears on her face.

"Lily-" he started but was cut off.

"You want to talk to me? Then talk to me! Tell me why you were kissing that-that _girl_."

James sighed. "I wasn't kissing her Lily, please believe me, she threw herself at me! She's an old girlfriend of mine, I told her I only wanted to kiss you, that I didn't want her, but she just did it anyway!"

Lily stared right into his face, tears running down her own. This was James…he had chased her for so long, why, when he finally got her, would he cheat on her? It didn't make any sense.

"I-I know we haven't really dated that long, but Lily, when I look at you, I see my-my…future…" James cut off and Lily could see a twinge of pink in his cheeks. "I know that sounds really corny, but it's true, and you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, but that's not the only reason I want you, Lily. You make me feel…you make me want to be a better person, a person that I didn't used to be.

"I think about the person that I was before, and I'm horrified that that was me…you _changed _me. My whole life I grew up, reading and hearing about these mushy romances where the guy or girl says that their mate changed them and made the want to be a better person, and I always thought it…impossible.

"But now I see what they're talking about! It's…strange, but I love it…" James trailed off somewhat awkwardly.

Lily was just standing there, so James cautiously stepped forward. As soon as he did, however, Lily leaned forward into his arms and placed her face into his chest, throwing her arms around him, remembering how good he smelled and how good it felt to be in his arms.

James held her, confused, and finally, Lily lifted her eyes back up to meet his own and whispered: "I believe you."

* * *

Natalie Clime had dated James Potter at the end of their fifth year together for about a week. However, they actually hadn't stopped seeing each other. They had devised a plan that James loved. 

Sex with no commitment. That was how James had liked it, and they had proceeded to meet every Wednesday night, even over the summer. It was when James wanted to stop, sometime in the middle of their sixth year due to 'having feelings' for someone else.

Lily Evans. Natalie now loathed her with a passion. James was _hers_, _not_ Lily Evans's and she would do anything to get him back in her bed. Hopefully, she had split them apart when Lily had caught her kissing him.

If that didn't work, Natalie didn't know what would. But really, what girl would go back to her boyfriend after she had caught him kissing some other girl?

What was so special about Lily Evans anyway? She had horrid red hair, she never spoke to anyone and if they tried to speak to her she would go into bitch mode and push them away. Also, she had pushed James away for years so why would he want her, over Natalie, who would give him sex anytime he wished for it?

Natalie thought these things over as she inspected her nails in the Ravenclaw common room with a group of friends just as mean as she was.

"So you think you got him?" Said her best friend, Evan. She was tall, and skinny except for her hips which were rather sharp looking and she tended to wrinkle her nose a lot.

"Hm?" Natalie was still in her own thoughts and was considering her next move. Should she ask him out, or just offer the no commitment sex again? She would be happy to have either, of course, but James seemed to have changed in the last year (she couldn't figure out how and why) and she didn't know what to expect from him anymore.

"Do you think you have him?"

Natalie snapped out of her reverie and looked sharply at her friend. "Who?" she snapped.

"James, stupid," Evan snapped right back at her.

"Oh…I think so, Evans should dump him, or has dumped him, and when she does, I'll be right there for him, hugging him, wiping his tears, and telling him everything will be alright. I'll have to give him a little time, I think, before I swoop in and make my move."

"What I want you to do," Natalie continued, looking at the group of girls around her, "is to keep Lily Evans away from James Potter. I don't want her near him, giving him ideas to come back her, opening her legs for him, that sort of thing. You guys just keep an eye on her and if she tries anything, do anything you can to keep her away."

* * *

Lily clasped James's hand in her own as they walked through the crowd to the great hall for dinner. Looking at him again, she noticed that he couldn't help but keep smiling, which made her keep smiling. 

A giggle escaped her as she he looked at her and grinned. This was so…fun.

She had even surprised herself when she had found herself telling James that she believed him. It had been (and still was) hard for her to trust anyone, especially men, but there was something about James that made her want to trust him, and it scared her.

Perhaps it was the way he smiled at her, or the way he held her, or simply the way he had talked with her, but Lily knew that she could trust him and that he would always be there for her, no matter what.

* * *

(Natalie's point of view from the Ravenclaw table) 

Holy fucking shit! SHE FORGAVE HIM? How could she forgive him?

Natalie glared in the happy couple's direction as she watched them happily enter the great hall and sit in a group of friends at the Gryffindor table.

There was Sirius, whom Natalie had also slept with once but then had moved on to James. Now that she thought about it, Natalie wasn't even sure that James even knew about her and Sirius, but she doubted he cared.

There was Remus, whom she had never liked, simply because he didn't seem interested in her.

There was Peter Pettigrew whom she thought was disgusting. He was always tagging along with everyone in the group and always seemed to be sweating. Oh, and she found him ugly.

The last one, she didn't recognize but stared at her with critical inspection. She had to be one of the ugliest girls she had ever seen. She had a nose ring! Ew! She wouldn't be caught dead wearing that! What was she thinking? In fact, all girls were ugly, she thought while staring around the room at them all and flipping her hair over her shoulder. SHE was the only good looking girl!

(Just so you guys know, I ACTUALLY know someone like this. Really.)

Natalie banished these thoughts from her mind and once again averted her attention to James. She had to think of some way to get them apart again…maybe kissing him again? If Lily forgave him once, Natalie was almost sure that she wouldn't a second time.

With a small grin playing on her lips, Natalie turned back to her friends to form a plan to split Lily Evans and James Potter up for good.

* * *

Lily walked with her friends back up to the Gryffindor common room, somewhat loudly. Sirius, and Remus were loudly singing the Eagles, 'Desperado' as loud as they could and laughing. If Lily didn't know any better, she would have thought that they were drunk. 

"Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? You been out ridin' fences for so long now! You know Lily," Sirius stopped singing and spoke to Lily, "this used to be James's song. That is, before he went out with you, of course."

Lily looked at James who now wore an annoyed look on his face and shook his head.

"That was never my song," he said, sending a half playful glare in Sirius's direction. "Remus and Sirius just said that it was."

"It _was _your song, James." Remus pointed out, grinning widely.

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Was not-we'll be in in a minute-" James stopped Lily and waited for their friends to walk through the portrait hole into the common room. When he was sure they were in and there was no one else in the hallway, James swiftly pulled Lily's mouth to his own.

Lily gasped, not expecting this but forgot about the shock and concentrated on James's warm mouth on hers. This felt sooo good. Lily really couldn't say that she had never felt like this about another guy before because, well, James was only the second guy she had ever kissed.

His arms were hard with the muscles he had earned from long, hard quidditch practice under her hands as she slid them up them and into his hair. He groaned into her mouth and she grinned against him, she forgot how he liked that.

James was so-ew, was that his tongue?

Lily broke away swiftly from him but didn't go very far, his arms were around her waist, holding her to him.

"James," Lily panted.

James looked into her eyes, and Lily forgot what she was going to say. "I'm sorry." James whispered and then crushed his mouth back onto hers. They shared kisses for about a minute more before the portrait swung open and they quickly pulled apart to see a group of giggling twelve-year-olds.

They walked in between them and away towards the library. They were silent for a moment just looking around when James finally announced he was going to bed.

"Well, goodnight." He placed his hands on the upper part of Lily's arms, reached down, and softly kissed her on the lips before sprinting back up into the common room.

Lily let her fingers linger on her lips where she her had just kissed her for a moment before sighing happily and walking through the portrait hole into the common room.

* * *

(Later that night in the girl's dorms) 

"So you and James made up, eh'?" Adrienne smiled mischievously at her and ripped her covers down, Adrienne's special way of pulling down her bed.

Lily sighed happily again, something she seemed to be doing a lot tonight. Before she could answer, however, a voice from across the room squealed.

"That's so great! You guys make such a great couple!"

Lily and Adrienne turned awkwardly to the source of the voice. It was their room mate, of whom Lily only knew her first name.

She was extremely short and blonde with a small pretty face. Her name was Chloe.

Chloe smiled nervously at them and her face turned pink. "Er-I mean, you guys were just so, erm…cute looking together…"

Chloe smiled awkwardly and turned red. Slowly, she turned her back on them and finished pulling down her bed.

Lily blinked and turned back to Adrienne who seemed to be trying not to laugh. Adrienne shrugged and jumped into bed.

Lily sat down next to her and Adrienne closed the drapes. She also put a silencing spell on them for good measure.

Adrienne turned back to Lily when she was finished. "So?"

Lily explained everything James had said to her outside, how she believed him, and why she believed him. Adrienne served as a good audience, she awed in all the right places.

"That's so great; I'm really happy for you guys." She told Lily when she was finished. She smiled tiredly at her.

Lily furrowed her brow. "Adrienne? Are you ok?"

Adrienne sighed. "I'm-I'm fine-it's nothing…"

"Adrienne it is not nothing, tell me!" Lily argued.

Adrienne groaned silently and frustratingly ran a hand through her hair. "Are you sure?" she asked. "I mean, I don't want to ruin your happiness or anything…"

Lily crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm sure."

Adrienne cleared her throat, ran both of her hands through her hair, and rested her forehead on her knees that were drawn up to her chest. "Well…I don't even know if it's…anything _too_ serious yet…

"It's just…Jack's parents are…different from him…They always knew he was a wizard; they were wizards themselves…but they didn't know he hung around with me…Lily-Jack's parents are the wrong sort…"

"Wait a minute-" Lily cut in. "I thought you've been staying with them-"

"Let me talk…" Adrienne swallowed hard. "I did stay with them…that's how I know what kind of people they are. Jack doesn't know--at least I don't think he does."

When Adrienne fell silent, Lily asked: "How-how do you know?"

"I…I saw his dad's left forearm-he had some weird mark on it and I'm guessing that's that mark that Voldemort guy puts on his people. Remember when professor Dumbledore told us about that? Remember when he told us to beware of that sign?"

Lily nodded. "What did it look like?"

"I don't know, I didn't really see it all that well…" Adrienne blushed. "I was walking down the hall in the middle of the night to use the bathroom when I was passing by Jack's parent's room and I heard him saying something about his arm burning. The door was cracked open a little and I saw him inside, showing Jack's mom something on his left forearm."

"I saw a small dark shape on his skin, but then he moved away…then I heard him say he had to go, but I didn't hear where because the door closed; I'm guessing Jack's mom closed it…I just hope they didn't see me there…I thought it was nothing until I saw that same sign in Diagon Alley when they attacked."

Lily didn't say anything, neither did Adrienne. After a few seconds Adrienne turned to Lily with pleading eyes.

"Please tell me I'm wrong! Jack's such a good person--I don't want him to get hurt."

Lily opened her mouth and then closed it. Instead, she hugged Adrienne and after a few minutes of silence, she went back to her own bed.

Lily tiptoed through the dark and finally slid into her sheets, shivering slightly. Drawing her curtains, she looked up at her canopy, mulling things over. Jack was a good person, and parents and children were not always the same. Hopefully, Adrienne was wrong in suspecting Jack's parents of being death eaters. If she proved to be right, then she would have to turn them in, and Lily was sure that that would permanently ruin her relationship with Jack.

With these unsettling thoughts in her mind, Lily somehow managed to drift into a deep, nightmare filled sleep.

* * *

(We're in Lily's nightmare now because I have nothing else to write about) 

"_**NO!"**_

_**Lily screamed to the top of her lungs as Jeremy forced her legs open with a bruising grip on her knees.**_

"_**Keep them open Lillian, or I'll hurt you more! You don't want that, do you?"**_

_**Lily shook her head as angry tears leaked down her cheeks. "No…Just please stop…"**_

"_**But Lily it's me!"**_

_**Lily, alarmed, blinked and looked up at the face of James above her. "James? What are you doing? Let me go!"**_

"_**But Lily, I love you. We need to do this."**_

"_**No James! Stop!"**_

_**Suddenly, the dream changed and Lily was standing on a high cliff. At the familiar sound of the ocean's waves, Lily looked out in front of her at the never ending scenery of beautiful blue waves.**_

"_**Lily!"**_

_**Lily looked down and saw Adrienne hanging onto the cliff, looking up at her with pleading eyes. **_

"_**Help me, Lily!"**_

_**Lily reached down, but slipped, fell off the cliff, and landed hard on the pointy rocks down below her with a loud crack as the bones in her face broke.

* * *

**_

"What's wrong with her?"

"How should I know, you idiot?" (You have got to know this is Adrienne…)

"Well make her stop, she's scaring me!"

"Yeah, Lily is so self involved isn't she? Lily? Lily, wake up!"

Lily's eyes snapped open and landed on Adrienne's pale face in front of hers. She was on the floor and her face hurt.

"Oh my God, she bleeding!" Chloe screamed from behind Adrienne.

"Lily," Adrienne asked, "What the bloody hell were you dreaming?"

Lily simply stared around at all of her dorm mates, all of which were very pale and scared looking. "I fell…off of a cliff…why?"

Adrienne blinked at her. "You were screaming bloody murder, that's why! And you flew off of the bed, and I think you broke something in your face because it's getting blue, fast, and you're bleeding."

The pain in her face finally registered with her and Lily fought not to grab it, knowing that would just hurt it even more.

"We need to take you to the hospital wing."

To Lily's surprise, it wasn't Adrienne who had spoken, it was Chloe, and she walked toward her and held out her hand.

Slowly, Lily stood up and followed Chloe to the hospital wing.


	14. The Fight

Lily awoke in the hospital room the next morning with a dizzy head. After Adrienne came in, she learned that the whole school had somehow learned what had happened.

"How in the world-" Lily started but was cut off at the slamming open of the hospital door.

James stormed in, and the look on his face was enough to startle Lily and Adrienne.

"James? Are you alright?" Lily asked worriedly.

James's eyebrows knitted together and he looked at her as if she were the strangest thing he had ever seen. "That's what I wanted to ask you…Remus told me you were hurt last night-what happened? Are you alright? Can I do anything to help?"

Adrienne placed a hand on his arm. "Calm down Potter, she's fine, she just fell out of the bed and hurt herself."

James looked back and forth between Lily and Adrienne. "Oh...that's all?"

Lily shrugged. "What are you talking about?"

James sat down in a chair by Lily's bed and slowly ran a hand through his hair. "Everyone out there…they're saying you went crazy, had a sort of fit or something…I'm so relieved that you're okay…"

Adrienne abruptly cleared her throat. "I'll er, be just outside…" She left.

"So I'm going crazy, am I? And what brought this on?" Lily asked as the door closed, smirking slightly.

James shrugged and pecked her forehead with a kiss. "I figure your face got the worst part of it?" He asked, examining her black eye.

Lily picked up a mirror on her bedside table and looked at herself. She grimaced. Half of her face was swollen and red, her nose looked slightly crooked, and her eye black.

"I look awful, why didn't you say anything?" Lily asked, still grimacing at her reflection.

James leaned forward and rested him elbows on his knees. "I did, didn't I?"

The rest of the day seemed to go by slowly for Lily. Madam Pomfrey had shooed James out and placed a spell on her face to stop the swelling. After that, she gave her a sleeping potion, claiming that she needed to rest.

After the nightmare she had had the night before, Lily was a little scared to go back to sleep. Even though she hadn't had any more bad dreams after she had fallen asleep again that night, she still felt reluctant to taking the sleeping potion the nurse offered her.

Reluctantly, Lily accepted the potion and drained the goblet. She was asleep before her head hit her pillow.

_**She was clad in a sleeveless yellow sundress and no shoes. Her hair pulled back and the wind whooshing around her legs felt wonderful. Looking around, Lily noticed herself to be in the middle of a field made up of tall, brown grass. **_

_**She sprinted through the grass, enjoying the way is tickled her bare legs. **_

_**But at the site before her, Lily stopped. Even in the dream, she felt her legs go weak from being so scared. Her heart seemed to stop. Before her, was the beautiful, yet terrifying blue waves. But before that was the cliff.**_

_**She backed away. But stopped when she saw a hand appear over the cliff. It was followed by a pleading voice.**_

_**"Lily, help me please!"**_

_**Lily's heart stopped. That was her mother's voice!**_

_**She ran for the cliff and looked down. But somehow, she stepped on her mother's hand and she slipped down onto the pointy rocks below.**_

_**Lily screamed, somehow lost her footing, and fell off of the cliff again.**_

Lily awoke with a scream as she shot up, drenched in sweat. Once she found herself to be swaying on the edge of the bed, she scrambled back up and onto the middle. She had almost fallen off again!

Lily's face fell to her hands as she sobbed. That was the worst nightmare she had ever had. And thoughts of old nightmares didn't help, especially knowing that when she had at least had those, her mother or father had been there to comfort her, to shush her and stay with her until she fell asleep again.

She cried for a moment longer before forcing herself to stop. Lily sighed and wiped her tears away, noticing for the first time that no one had come running at the sound of her scream.

There was no clock on the wall she could see, so she looked out of the window. It was raining heavily, but seemed to be growing dark.

'Must be supper time...' Lily thought to herself and slowly slung her legs out of bed. Her clothes stuck to her because of the sweat. She felt gross and hoped someone had brought her some clothes.

Her questions were answered when Madam Pomfrey walked into the hospital wing carrying as tray and a bag.

"Oh good, you're up."

She walked over to Lily's bedside and placed the tray and bag down.

"How do you feel?" she asked, checking her temperature with a hand.

"I'm fine--is that bag for me?"

Madam Pomfrey nodded and only after she made her eat her supper, did she let her go shower.

* * *

Lily had wanted out the next day. She felt fine and consistently told Madam Pomfrey this, but she wouldn't have any of it.

"You need your rest!" She would tell her every time Lily pleaded to be let go.

James and Adrienne visited during their lunch break and again after supper, bringing her homework to her, this time followed by Remus and Sirius. They talked and laughed for about two hours until Madam Pomfrey shooed them out again.

To Lily's surprise, Madam Pomfrey reluctantly allowed her to go the next morning. She had just finished dressing when in walked to her great surprise, Oki Peterson, the girl she had saved in Diagon Alley during their adventure with the death eaters.

"Hi," Oki said gently. "I heard you were up here...I wanted to see how you were doing. And thank you again for saving me..."

Lily smiled and blushed. "Oh, that's ok; you don't have to thank me any more..."

But Oki insisted. "But I do! If you hadn't come, who knows what would have happened to me!"

Lily blushed again and turned around to grab her bag to hide it from Oki. When she turned back around, Oki was holding onto the door handle.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked, throwing her bag over her shoulder.

"I thought you were leaving, I figured I should go-"

Lily interrupted her. "Why don't you eat breakfast with my friends and I at the Gryffindor table?"

Oki seemed to be debating on whether she should eat with her, and also had a nervous look on her face. "I don't know if your friends would really want me around...I better not..."

That startled Lily. Why wouldn't her friends want Oki around? She voiced her thoughts to the scrawny girl in front of her. "That's absurd! My friends haven't even met you! Look--it will be fine, just come and eat breakfast with me, please?"

Oki looked like she seriously thought about it for a moment before reluctantly nodding. Lily smiled and walked down through the castle with her, trying to think of something to say to her.

Something was definitely up though. The first couple of people they passed looked at Lily strangely and walked passed her and Oki as fast as they could. Lily looked over at Oki when this happened but she seemed to be embarrassed for some reason and didn't look at her.

Lily passed it off, figuring if it happened again; she would have to ask Oki about it. But when it did happen again a few minutes later, she didn't ask, but pondered. Again, she shook it off.

Once she got inside of the great hall, however, she couldn't ignore it. People's heads turned as she walked down to where she had spotted James and Sirius sitting.

Lily stopped. Oki had stopped behind her, looking around at the students around her staring. But they weren't staring at Oki, Lily realized, they were staring at her.

"Lily, I'm sorry, I forgot to do something--I need to go."

And before Lily could stop her, Oki dashed out of the great hall. Lily stared after her, wondering what on Earth that had been about. She thought everyone had been staring at her because, as Adrienne had told her, everyone had heard about her and had made up their own stories about it. But maybe she had been wrong?

A hand on her shoulder startled her and she jumped away.

_'As if I didn't have enough people staring at me,'_ Lily thought to herself. She was relieved to see James.

"Well, you're jumpy," he teased. He grinned.

Lily barely managed a small smile. She couldn't get the image of Oki running out of the great hall out of her head. Had something happened to her while she had been in the hospital wing? Maybe James would know something about it?

"Let's sit down," James murmured to her. "People can't seem to mind their own business." He said this a bit louder and many students' heads jerked back to their plates.

James grabbed her hand and Lily let him lead her back to where Sirius sat making eyes at a dark haired girl at the Ravenclaw table. James kissed her briefly before pouring her a goblet of orange juice.

"Thanks," she murmured.

"So," James said, "I guess you haven't heard."

Lily swallowed her mouth full of toast before asking what he was talking about.

"At the prefect meeting the other night that you missed, McGonagall told us prefects something pretty interesting."

Lily stared at him for a moment. He didn't say anything to her, but grinned instead.

"So," Lily said slowly, "what did she say?"

"If you really want to know," James leaned forward, propping his elbow on the table and his chin on his hand, "It'll cost you." He wriggled his eyebrows and grinned again.

"James!"

"Relax, I just want a kiss, please?"

Lily sighed and pecked him on the forehead. James looked a little putout, causing Lily to giggle.

"Lily, that's it? Just one more-"

"James, just tell the woman already!" Sirius threw a piece of toast at James that landed on the top of his messy hair and seemed to stick. Lily laughed aloud this time.

James calmly plucked the toast out of his hair and placed it back on his plate, pulling out the marmalade as he went. Sirius's eyes went wide as he saw his plan and he jumped up from the table and sprang behind a crowd of passing second year Gryffindors. Once they passed, Sirius was gone.

Sighing, James placed the toast back on his plate.

"They want us to plan a winter ball," James looked slightly stressed as he ruffled his hair.

"And you and I being the head boy and girl, of course have to plan it all. It's for six and seventh years only...but that will be nothing compared to the farewell one we have to throw at the end of the year."

_'As if I didn't have anything else to deal with...'_ Lily thought rubbing her eyes.

"When do we have to start?" The thought of getting to plan something this big excited her, but there seemed to be so much going on with her, she wasn't sure if she was going to be able to handle it all.

Class work this year seemed to be impossible. Not just the amount, which Lily was sure if she stacked it all up it would reach the ceiling, but the complexity of it. Most of the spells she couldn't even pronounce.

She had a relationship to work on. All they had really done was kiss. Well, that wasn't completely true; they had talked a lot. They had talked about each other's families, though James was careful to avoid talking about his brother. Also, she needed to avoid--well James needed to avoid a certain blonde girl from Ravenclaw.

She felt that she should be there for her friend. Adrienne seemed scared but intent on telling Jack that she felt something was wrong about his parents. And Lily knew she had only had two nightmares, but they were similar and she had to wonder if they were linked somehow. Plus, she was head girl this year, and Lily was sure that came with a huge load of work.

"As early as we can. I tell you Lily, I hope I can handle being head boy, now that Dumbledore is wanting weekly quidditch matches."

Before Lily could respond, the bell rang loudly over them and everyone shuffled out of the great hall.

* * *

Two days later, it was Saturday. Lily had decided to come watch James in his first quidditch practice of the season. Adrienne had reluctantly followed, and now they sat in the stands, homework and breakfast in their laps

Adrienne rolled up her finished potions essay and looked at Lily with big eyes.

"Would you look this over for me?"

"Sure," Lily accepted the parchment from Adrienne and scanned her eyes over it, looking for errors.

"No fucking way!"

Lily lifted her gaze up to Adrienne. She was looking incredulously at the side of the stands. Lily was a little afraid of what she would see, but looked anyway. Her reaction was similar to Adrienne's, except for the cursing.

"Is that-"

"It is." Lily bit the inside of her cheek. Natalie Clime and a bunch of friends sat giggling and looking up at the one player with shaggy black hair and glasses.

"Want me to go pound her face in?"

Lily slowly shook her head no. Lily had told Adrienne all about Natalie and everything James and her had had to go through. Adrienne seemed to hate her more than Lily herself did.

Their view of the bunch was blocked out when James swooped down in front of them. He grinned at them. "Hi." He leaned down to kiss her and Lily could see the glares she was receiving from the other end of the pitch.

When James pulled back, she asked him, "They're in Ravenclaw; they're not supposed to be here are they?"

James turned and looked and sighed. "No. I'll tell them to leave."

He took off.

The Ravenclaw girls looked excited at the sight of James coming toward them. Lily and Adrienne watched him swoop down on them, but he didn't even get off of the broom; he hovered over them and told them something with a serious face.

Natalie looked as if she were pouting, but James said something else and they stared at each other for a moment before the girls slowly turned and drug themselves away. Nasty looks were shot in Lily and Adrienne's direction as they left.

Adrienne looked at Lily with raised eyebrows. "Well, it looks like somebody likes your boyfriend."

Lily of course took no comfort in that fact. James had told her that he and Natalie had dated--or rather had a lot of sex for almost a year. It made sense that Natalie would be upset, but not that she would stalk James after he broke it off. Lily had to wonder whether she wanted him for sex, or if she was in love with him.

Adrienne could tell Lily was uncomfortable with that fact so she changed the subject.

"So...about that nightmare the other night...What was up with that?"

Lily cleared her throat, not so comfortable with this subject either. But Adrienne didn't know that.

"I dreamed I fell off of a cliff...but," Lily turned to Adrienne, "when I hit, it hurt and when I woke up, I had fallen off of the bed and broken half the bones in my face..."

"Whoa...creepy."

"But-" should she tell Adrienne about the other dream she had had? Who knew if they were related? You would think so since they both had the same field with the same ocean view, and the same cliff, but people dreamed about the same things a lot..."Then I dreamed almost the same dream again the next day. I fell off again, and I almost fell off of the bed."

Adrienne didn't say anything, but remained silent. "I'm sure it was just your mind playing tricks on you," she said finally." You've never done this before, and people dream about the same things a lot. If you dream about it again, don't worry, I sure it's nothing."

She had said exactly what Lily had wanted to hear, and Lily hoped that she was right.

"So..." Lily finally spoke up after a long silence. "Have you told Jack?"

Adrienne shook her head. "No...but that reminds me, I need to. I'm scared though, Lily, what if he doesn't believe me and hates me for saying something like that about his parents?"

"He won't, Andy, Jack loves you--or does he? I don't know where you guys are with that..."

A small smile painted Adrienne's lips. "We said it this summer, before I moved in with you. I really do love him Lily. I didn't think I would ever be able to love someone like that."

"Aw."

"So what about you and James?" Adrienne teased. "Have you guys done...anything?"

Lily gasped. "Adrienne! That is all you ever talk about, isn't it?"

Adrienne sighed. "I don't get you guys. Every other couple would be shagging like rabbits at the point you guys are at."

A breath caught in Lily's throat and she started coughing. The only reason that her and James hadn't had sex yet was because she had asked him to wait. He had expected that, of course, and seemed perfectly content with the way things were.

"Well, I uh-" Lily spluttered, trying to find something to say about that.

Adrienne put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, I know it's scary your first time, but you will get used to it."

Poor Adrienne. Lily felt bad about not telling her what had happened to her a few years ago, but the fact was, Lily had never told anyone about what had happened. Except for her parents, and that was the only two people she trusted enough. She trusted Adrienne now, of course, but Lily was afraid of what she would say now. Lily knew she would be upset for her not telling her sooner.

Lily nodded absently and ran her hands through her hair, knowing that someday the truth was going to come out, whether it would be from her, she didn't know. But the truth always came out sooner or later.

An hour later, Lily and Adrienne walked with the quidditch team, along with a few of their girl and boy friends back up to the castle. The trip was rather fun, everyone seemed to have a joke to crack, everyone was in light spirits.

It went well until seven members clad in green, broomsticks in hand walked down through the front double doors.

It wasn't that they had had a problem with the Slytherins, not until a few years ago when Voldemort had started reign over the wizarding world, and the Slytherin's openly agreed with him. It seemed that everyone who had gone into Slytherin always turned out to be evil.

Lily realized with a jolt that Jack was in Slytherin. But...Jack was different. There usually ended up being one oddball in the clan.

(A/N: Remember, they don't know Tom Riddle, so they don't know that Voldemort was in Slytherin. I'm guessing that all of Voldemort's followers went with him when they started the whole thing, and this is them younger.)

"Just ignore them," James murmured to his team.

They obliged, and kept their eyes forward, not looking at the Slytherin's sneers. They had seemed to make it past them without one comment being passed between the two teams. Lily had just let out the breath she had been holding for good luck when a low whistle sounded behind them.

"Potter, _this_ is your excuse for a team?"

Lily bit her lip. She shouldn't have let the breath escape. _'Oh James, please keep going, please.'_ But Lily knew James better than that. If someone insulted him, he wasn't the type to ignore them. And of course he turned.

Lily had to admit, she had had her own worried thoughts about the new team at first, but of course hadn't say anything to James about it. They were all very small and skinny, mostly fourth and fifth years. Plus, there were a few girls, which was something the Slytherins didn't agree with.

But the advantage of them being small and skinny was that they were fast flyers, probably a lot more quicker than the large, bulky all-male Slytherin quidditch team.

James eyed the large, hairy Slytherin team and snickered.

"Avery...this is your excuse for girlfriends?"

The Gryffindor team sniggered whilst the Slytherin's glared.

Lily placed a hand on James's arm and pulled.

"Let's go," she whispered.

James seemed to oblige until the next words from the Slytherin team's captain's mouth slipped out.

"Speaking of girlfriends Potter, what's that mudblood bitch doing attached to you arm?"

All hell seemed to break loose after that. James attempted to jump forward, but everyone had expected that. They were small and skinny, but they were pretty strong. They held James back, but forgot about Adrienne.

Adrienne sprang forward, and the totally unsuspecting Slytherin captain was taken off guard and knocked to the ground. And of course, after bewildered stares from the Slytherin team, they jumped on Adrienne and the Gryffindors, seeing this, jumped on the Slytherins.

Lily knew they were no match for the bulky Slytherins. But despite this, she herself jumped in on the fight on Adrienne's behalf.

A sharp blow immediately connected with her jaw and she staggered, swearing loudly. When another fist barely missed her ear, she pulled out her wand, wondering why no one had done so in the first place.

"Lily, don't do that, this could be fun!"

Surprisingly enough, the voice belonged to Sirius. He stood beside her with a Slytherin under his arm in a headlock.

"Sirius! What are you doing here?" As Lily spoke, the pain in her jaw increased.

"I saw the fight out the window, and lucky for you, I brought some back up for you guys."

Lily looked around, there now was definitely more scarlet and gold ties than there were green. This wasn't fair. Sure the Slytherin's started it, and sure they had called her a mudblood, but they were outnumbered, and it wasn't fair. She was the head girl, she wasn't supposed to be involved in this!

Lily dived from the circle, planning on finding a professor as fast as she could. But the professor had already been found. Professor McGonagall stood on the stone steps, fists clenched at her sides, her lips so thin they were barely visible.

She raised her wand and for a moment, Lily thought she was about to hex them all.

But instead of hexing them, she shot sparks into the air, and a loud BANG like a gunshot. (not that most of them would know what a gun was.)

Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing and looked for the source of the noise. McGonagall looked furious. Lily swore she saw smoke coming from her teacher's nose. McGonagall looked around at them all, hands on hips.

James and Adrienne had finally gotten the Slytherin quidditch captain, and Adrienne was currently holding his arms behind his back for James to hit him. Adrienne dropped his arms and smiled sheepishly when she saw the professor. Everyone's reaction was very similar to this one, until, everyone was free of each other's grasp.

"Ms. Evans!" McGongall's eyes widened when she saw Lily. "_You're_ here? I would have never thought! Our own head girl. I would expect something like this from Mr. Potter, but never from you!"

Lily's cheeks reddened as everyone turned to look at her.

"Same thing goes for you all!" McGonagall continued, "What is the meaning of this? You know what, don't tell me. Every single one of you out here right now, has earned themselves a detention every night for a month."

A load groan rippled through the group but McGonagall sternly shushed them. "Report to me after supper. Now go your separate ways!"

Everyone shuffled away from each other, muttering threats at each other, every one of them promising to get back at them sooner or later.

Later that night, Lily walked up to her empty dormitory alone, all of the other girls were in the library, except for Adrienne, who was on a date with Jack.

Adrienne had told Lily that she was going to tell Jack about his parents that night, but Lily wasn't so sure. Sometimes Adrienne said she would do things like that, but ended up not doing them.

Lily sighed and closed her transfiguration book, deciding to finish her homework later. It was only ten thirty, she felt sleepy, but didn't want to go to sleep for apparent reasons.

She had thought about her reoccurring nightmares all day. Sure there had only been two, but she couldn't help but worry. Everyone had told her to brush it off, that it was nothing. But Lily couldn't, especially when it was happening to her.

Having reoccurring nightmares wasn't good, and in the wizarding world, it was worse. Maybe someone had put a curse on her? But Lily couldn't think who she would have made mad enough to want that to happen to her.

Then it hit her. What if Natalie was doing it? It would make sense; in the first dream James had been about to rape her. Maybe Natalie had somehow put that in there to make her scared of him?

But then there had been Jeremy, but that was a memory, maybe she had just been remembering while sleeping and then started a real dream?

Lily sighed again and rubbed her eyes. What she needed was a long, hot bath to ease her nerves. She walked into the bathroom and ran herself a bath, adding plenty of bubbles.

She was about to step in when she heard a knock at her door. Lily groaned inwardly but threw on her bathrobe and answered it anyway.

It was James. He smiled sheepishly at her.

"I'm sorry-- were you about to shower?"

Lily smiled tiredly. "Yes, but that's alright. Wait--how did you get up here?"

James grinned and waved a hand in front of him signaling that it was no problem. "Oh, I figured that out _years_ ago."

"Ok…why are you here?"

"I just wanted to see you."

Lily blushed as James stepped closer and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Ok...what did you really want?"

James grinned and placed a hand on the small of her back, pulling her closer to him. He ignored Lily's gasp of surprise and pressed his mouth to hers hungrily.

Lily wasn't sure how it happened, but one minute they had been standing up kissing each other and the next, they were laying on Lily's bed, James on top of her.

She didn't think about it. But she felt it. Somehow, James was doing something to her that he hadn't done before. He seemed to be making her want for him to touch her. He lightly ran his hands right underneath her breasts, but didn't touch them.

Lily's bosom started to ache, she wished he would just touch them already.

But when he did slowly slid his hand onto her breast, it wasn't what she thought it would be. Too many flashes of a summer night nearly three years ago flashed through her mind and she shot up, knocking James in the head.

He slid off of her to the floor and Lily scrambled off of the bed.

He sat up and looked at her, alarmed. They stared at each other for a moment before she spoke.

"I'm sorry. But...could you leave now please?" She tried to control her voice but it still came out shaky.

Lily could see the muscles in James's jaw twitch as he stood up. He looked mad. He didn't say anything, but walked toward the door. But he didn't go out. Instead he turned to her before he left. "I'm not what you think I am, Lily." He looked at her again and then left without saying another word.

I'm not what you think I am? What was that? What did James think Lily thought he was? These thoughts baffled Lily. His words ran though her mind again and again, and yet she still couldn't figure out what he was talking about.

"I'm not what you think I am, Lily."

(Later that night)

_**She was standing on the edge of the cliff. Once she realized it, she jumped away but bumped into James. **_

_**"James? Please don't let me fall," Lily begged.**_

_**He didn't say anything, didn't even move, but stared at her coldly.**_

_**"James?"**_

_**He reached out and Lily thought he was about to pull her to him, but instead, his hand hit her shoulder, hard and she stumbled backwards, she turned and slipped off of the cliff.**_

_**This time, she screwed up her eyes tightly and thought quickly.**_

_**'WAKE UP! WAKE UP!'**_

Miraculously, she woke up, dripping in cold sweat. She lay in bed for a moment, looking up at the dark canopy. No one else made any noise, confirming that they were asleep.

Lily's watch told her it was only four a.m., and she attempted to get back to sleep, but was unsuccessful. Finally, with a large sigh, she rolled out of bed and dressed slowly.

When she finished, she was going to library. There had to be something about reoccurring nightmares in there somewhere.


	15. Answers

Lily pulled a large blanket around herself and slipped out of the dorm, heading down into the common room. She had never snuck out at night before, and should have asked James exactly how he did it. Lily was sure he was probably an expert at something like this.

Without warning, the portrait hole swung open and Sirius appeared, carrying what appeared to be James's invisibility cloak. He stopped and grinned at her.

"Tisk, tisk, Lily, you weren't trying to sneak out, were you?"

Lily cleared her throat and looked away from him, studying her surroundings. "No...I, er, was just coming to...um...get some fresh air. I couldn't sleep."

Sirius furrowed his brow. "You know, you're a horrible liar so why don't you tell me what you're _really_ up to? Perhaps I could help?"

"No, I need to do this myself. I really don't need your help," Lily attempted to walk out of the portrait hole without him, with no such luck. Sirius skipped out after her.

"Lils, you're going to need my help and you know it."

Lily sighed. "What are you doing up, anyway?"

"Had a date." Sirius grinned at her and threw the invisibility cloak over the two of them. "I never thought I would be sneaking out in the middle of the night with of all people, the head girl. Tisk, tisk, Lily! What would Dumbledore say? And where are we going?"

"To the library--Shh!" Lily shushed him, even though he wasn't talking.

Someone was coming around the corner. Sirius grabbed her arm and dragged her behind a very large tapestry. But instead of meeting the wall, they stumbled into a long tunnel, lit by only one torch that was halfway down.

"This is a shortcut," said Sirius letting go of her arm and throwing the cloak off of them. "It'll take us down to the forth floor."

"Right," Lily nodded, showing she understood and followed Sirius down the dark tunnel.

There was a very uncomfortable silence. Lily wasn't sure what to say to Sirius. Sure she talked to him all the time, but that was always when she was with James, or Adrienne, or Remus, or all of them. But, now that she thought about it, she couldn't remember a time when it was just her and Sirius.

"So...Sirius, how has your week been?"

Sirius glanced back at her and Lily saw a small grin playing on his lips. That was something she liked about Sirius, he always had something to smile about. It had always been quite annoying to her until she had started dating James. Then she had actually talked to him and realized he wasn't a bad person at all.

"Try and be as nice as you want, Little Lady Lilykins, but I still haven't forgiven you."

Lily knitted her eyebrows together as they started down a set of stone steps. "What are you talking about? And _Little Lady Lilykins_?"

"Yes that's my new name for you. Lily is pretty, but it needs some spice," at this, Lily snorted loudly, but Sirius didn't seem to notice, "and you must remember that you fiddled with my brain to make me think that I was a young girl named Delilah."

At this, Lily started to have an uncontrollable giggling fit and they had to stop and wait until she had finished.

Right in the middle of this fit, Sirius spoke up again. "James's parents had quite a ball with me. His dad just got married again a few years ago and they've been thinking of another baby. Having a little girl in the house was quite a joy for them."

This did _not_ help Lily at all. In fact, it made her worse, and she almost fell down the stairs until Sirius caught her by the arm and held her up.

"Oh my God, I think you're drunk," Sirius muttered.

Finally, after a lot of giggling, probably too much for her own good, Lily stopped. But now she seemed to have uncontrollable hiccups. They started making their way up the steps again.

"Oh God, I haven't laughed like that in a number of years." Lily almost lost it again, but managed to hold on to herself.

"Well, I'm glad my misery helped you break your chain of not laughing."

"Oh Sirius, I'm sorry."

"Well, you shouldn't be, because I still have something planned for you, Little Lady Lilykins."

"What? After I said I was sorry?"

Sirius stopped and looked around at her. "They had me try on some of Mrs. Potter's dresses."

Lily gasped and clamped a hand to her mouth, trying with all of her might not to start laughing again. Somehow, she managed to control herself this time. "Sirius, I am so sorry."

Sirius grinned mischievously. "That doesn't change anything." Before Lily could reply he asked her, "So, what is it that you need in the library? Porno? It has to be, or otherwise you wouldn't be out in the middle of the night."

"Ok, for one, I don't look at porn. Two, they don't have porn in the _school_ library, and three, I was going look something up. I'll tell you about it when we get there."

Sirius nodded as they came to the end up the staircase. They had to stoop to avoid hitting the ceiling of the tunnel, and Lily soon found out why. Sirius lifted his arms and pushed open a trap door above them into a dark room.

Sirius flicked his wand and it lit up. It was only after he had climbed up and then helped Lily up that Lily realized that they were in a broom closet.

"The library is right across the hall," Sirius whispered, sliding the trap door shut again. "Check if the coast is clear."

"Ok." Lily slipped her hand on the door knob and pressed her ear to the wood. When she didn't hear anything, she slowly pulled it open and looked out. "It's clear."

Sirius pushed her out of the closet and together, they slipped into the library, not making a sound.

"You seem to know how to do that all too well," Lily narrowed her eyes at Sirius.

"Yeah, well it's not like you can do anything about it, Ms. Head Girl. You just snuck out of bed yourself. Speaking of which, why are you here in the middle of the night anyway?"

Lily bit her lip. "Well...I'm sure you know Natalie Clime, right?" Sirius nodded. "Well...right after James and I made up, you know, after she kissed him, later that night, I had this horrible nightmare that seemed nearly real...at first I thought that it was just a nightmare, but then I had two more. And they've all been very similar..."

"So you're thinking that maybe Natalie Clime is doing this to you?"

Lily bit her lip. "I'm not sure...I don't want to make accusations, but it would make sense."

Sirius sat down at a table. "Well, I don't know much about the subject...in your dreams, is it making James look like the bad guy?"

"Yes!"

"That would make sense, wouldn't it?"

A long silence followed that was finally broken when Sirius stood up and pulled out his wand. "Well, there's only one way to find out." He held his wand on his palm and spoke to it. "I need to find a book on dreams. Point me."

Sirius's wand did a funny twirl, turning left, then right, then right again. When it finished, Sirius and Lily followed it's directions to a section where the books seemed dustier than usual. Apparently, no one cared to look up enchanted nightmares but the two of them.

"Lumos." Lily lit her wand to see the books better. She held it up and scanned the books names.

"How to Make Your Dreams More Pleasant, Dreams, a Guide on Where They Come From.…"

Sirius lit up his own wand and scanned the books on the opposite wall. "Charmed or Enchanted Dreams." He pulled the books out of the shelf as Lily turned to him. "You think this will work?" Sirius grinned and held the book up.

"That's perfect, here," Lily took the book from him and opened it up gently. It was apparently very old.

After accidentally blowing dust into Sirius's face, Lily, grinning sheepishly, flipped through to the index until her eyes found Enchanted Dreams under the 'E's.

"Here it is!" Lily flipped through the book to the page the index told her to.

Lily and Sirius looked down at the page together and read silently.

_'Buono Songo' _

_The spell for the good dreams._

_Enchanted dreams are a common thing in most hospitals for traumatized victims who complain of nightmares. Sometimes if the hospital has run out of the usual 'sleeping potion' that is more commonly used to avoid dreams, the sleeping enchantment will be used. _

_'Cattivo Songo' _

_The spell for the bad dreams._

_The enchantment can also be turned the other way around to make someone have a bad dream. Or bad dreams, but it varies on the power behind the spell. A little simple spell can cause someone to have a bad dream, but a much stronger (and much darker) spell can cause the person of your choice to have a series of bad dreams until the counter curse is uttered by the one who placed the spell or someone of equal power._

_It has been used in war times, when one side wanted one of the rival army's men, they placed the enchantment on the one they wished to have, and the spell caused the man to turn against all of those he trusted._

_Cattivo Songo was not used for this. Much darker spells were used for such times._

Lily and Sirius stared at the page in astonishment. After a nearly a full minute's silence which consisted of Lily reading the page ten times over, Sirius licked his lips and looked at her with wide eyes.

"I guess you were right."

Lily nodded and shut the book, tucking it under her arm.

Sirius spoke up again. "But...it seems far fetched to me that Natalie Clime could be doing this..."

Lily jerked her eyes over at him in a glare.

"What I mean," Sirius continued, "is that Natalie really isn't that powerful. I mean, she's a seventh year still in school, Lily. I don't think she could muster up the power. You saw what the books said, it's powerful dark magic."

Lily nodded. "Maybe so, but Sirius, we can't compare how powerful she seems to how powerful she really could be. She might be more powerful than you-know-you for all we know!"

Sirius snorted. "I'm sorry, but I highly doubt that."

"Fine, whatever. Let's go to bed."

Sirius nodded. "Alright."

So they headed back the way they came. The trip was silent until Lily decided to ask Sirius about something.

"Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"James said something strange to me earlier...I was wondering if you knew anything about it?"

Sirius glanced over at her. "What's that?"

"Well, James and I were, er, snogging in my dorm," Lily blushed and Sirius of course just _had_ to notice and grinned.

"Oh my."

"Sirius!"

"Ok, I'm listening."

"Well...I pushed him off before anything could go too far and well, he got a little weird...he said, 'I'm not what you think I am'. What the bloody hell does that mean?"

Sirius nodded. "You're going to have to ask James."

"What?"

"James. Ask James."

"Why? Why can't you tell me?"

"Because."

"That's not an answer!"

"I know."

"Sirius!"

"Lily."

They had arrived at the portrait of the fat lady without noticing. They argued for a few moments, Lily telling Sirius that he was impossible, and Sirius just smiling his charming smile. The fat lady finally woke up and screamed out for the password in an extremely rude manner.

Sirius's eyebrows went up. "Whoa, grouché."

Lily shot him a warning look before apologizing to the fat lady and giving her the password. Once they had entered the common room, they could have sworn they heard the fat lady mumbling threats after them.

Sirius's eyebrows were up again. "Who taught the fat lady language like that?"

* * *

The next morning, James approached Lily first. 

She was eating breakfast with Adrienne and few of her dorm mates when he came. The girls (except for Adrienne) around Lily giggled, confusing her. James grinned charmingly at them before turning back to Lily.

"Can I talk to you?"

Lily, somewhat reluctantly, stood up and followed James out of the great hall and out onto the front lawn.

Once they were standing under a willow tree in front of the lake and out of everyone's sight, James turned to her.

"Lily, I just wanted to tell you...sorry. I'm sorry for the way I acted last night; I know it must be hard for you and all-"

Lily cut James off. "What did you mean when you told me that you weren't what I thought you were? What was that?" The question had been burning in her mind all night.

James didn't answer her immediately. Instead, he looked down at his feet, making Lily more suspicious that he wasn't telling her something. It wasn't normal for James either; he was usually all out there. But dealing with her own inner demons for years told Lily to leave it until he was ready to tell.

But something else boiled inside of her. She wasn't ready when James found out about _her _secret! She wasn't even dating him at the time, and had been furious with him for prying into her personal life.

James looked back up into her face with a look that made her feel guilty about what she had just been thinking.

He took her hand and sighed. "Lily, I'll tell you, I will...but later. I promise."

Lily nodded, not sure when 'later' was. Later could be in an hour, in a week, or possibly years. When was later?

The day trickled by slowly, much to Lily's dislike. Three hours of sleep was not a good thing for a person who worked as much as she did. Adrienne kept throwing her worried glances after she nearly fell asleep in charms, her favorite class.

But the strange thing was that Sirius seemed not at all disturbed by his lack of sleep. Every time Lily saw him, he was the same old usual insane Sirius as he always was. This pissed Lily off to no extent; he had gotten less sleep than she had!

Lily glared at him as she shuffled through the halls on the way to transfiguration. He was playfully chasing a dark haired Hufflepuff (probably his date from last night) and grinning like there was no tomorrow.

Adrienne interrupted her thoughts with a worried look. "Lily? Are you alright? You look like you want to kill Sirius, and you look fucking tired."

A thought entered Lily's mind that she had yet to tell Adrienne or anyone else of last nights discovery but her hatred for Sirius right then seemed to be the only thing that was of importance. "I'll tell you later," was all she would say.

Perhaps Lily had thought too soon that once supper was through she could run up to the Gryffindor dorm and snuggle into her nice, warm covers and sleep until the sun came up.

McGonagall approached her after class and informed her that she had missed the first prefects meeting so tonight, after supper, the head prefect from Ravenclaw was to meet with her in the library and bring her up-to-date.

"Wait-why can't James bring me up-to-date?" Lily asked.

"James has patrol duties tonight, dear. You have them tomorrow night."

What she could have possibly missed in ONE prefect meeting, Lily wasn't sure, but she knew that it better be damn well big.

So, to Lily's great displeasure, right after supper, she drug herself up to the library.

**The Ravenclaw Common room.**

"So, Natalie, I hope you have a plan?"

Of course she had a plan. Natalie Clime always had a plan. She swept her long, blonde hair over her shoulder and leaned forward into the small circle of Ravenclaw girls.

"Tomorrow, after lunch, I'm going to send James a letter, addressed from Lily. He's going to meet you, Evan, in a broom closet where you will pose as Lily." Natalie bore her eyes into her bony friend, Evan. "Kiss him, touch him, do whatever looks the raunchiest."

Natalie turned to the other three girls. "And it's your job to make sure Lily sees what's in that room."

One short, curly -haired girl spoke up. "Why are we doing this again? You have motive, but we don't."

"You all owe me and you know it," Natalie snapped, bringing her piercing gaze on the girl. "I've helped you all more than once with your own troubles."

They all nodded.

"Alright, then it's settled. Tomorrow after lunch."

Natalie smirked. This was definitely going to work.

* * *

The library was packed with mostly seventh years pouring over heavy books and rolls of parchment. So far, every one of their teachers had given them five times the amount of homework that they had had the year before. 

That was one of the privileges of being head girl (or boy). Not as much homework was placed on you as the other students. But really, you had no extra time on your hands. All of the time that would usually be occupied with homework, was filled in with a number of other things such as keeping control of the students (which was a LOT harder than it sounded), showing around the first years, planning the Hogsmeade trips, and any other trips that may take place, quidditch games, balls, parties, ECT.

A dark blonde, blue-eyed Ravenclaw seventh year approached Lily as she waited by the door. His face held a small smirk but his eyes twinkled with mischief, reminding her greatly of Sirius.

He was handsome and nice enough, but Lily didn't trust him, which was of course, normal. He smiled and for some reason, Lily felt her heart warming.

"I'm Tristan Banks," he held out a hand for her to shake.

Lily grasped his hand in her own briefly. "I'm Lily Evans, but you probably know that."

Tristan nodded and looked her up and down. "I've noticed you for years, and I must say, every year you come back to this school, the prettier you are."

A blush crept up Lily's neck and onto her cheeks. Flirting usually made her uncomfortable, but today it didn't seem so bad. Lily thought grudgingly that it was probably from her lack of sleep.

Tristan led her to a table and over the course of the next thirty minutes, Lily was informed of all of the nights she was to be on patrol, everything they were to plan in the next month, a Hogsmeade trip, and two other prefect meetings, the fact that they had convinced Dumbledore that a quidditch game a week was too much for the players and that now there was to be a quidditch game every month, and the students of every house had decided to throw their own Halloween party in the Astronomy tower.

"I had no idea that the seventh years ever had so many parties, did you?" Lily asked once he was finished.

Tristan nodded. "My brother was a seventh year last year. He got me into most of them."

"Oh...well, I guess that's all?" Lily reached for her bag.

"Yep."

Finally she could go to bed and sleep in until noon. Lily thanked the heavens for Saturday. Tristan walked with her out into the corridor, making small talk.

"You look tired, are you tired?" He inquired.

Lily nodded. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

Tristan nodded, "Yeah, I have a sleeping problem, I can never get to sleep, and if I do it's lighter than air. You should try a pepper-up potion, that's what I use. The nurse wouldn't let me use a sleeping potion because she claims I could become dependent on it."

A pepper-up potion! That must be what Sirius's secret was! But he knew she was bound to be exhausted too, why didn't he share? That bastard...

Tristan bid her goodnight when it was time for them to part ways. Lily merely waved in his direction and stomped up the stairs to the seventh floor. Sirius was going to get it.

A/N: Thank you guys so much for reviewing, it means a lot.

Since you've waited so long for this chapter, here's a preview of the next one.

**We find out what's up with that Oki chick, Lily and James's relationship is once again on the rocks by Natalie's interference, Sirius finds coffee, and a quidditch match takes place!**

If anyone wants this preview to be a regular thing, tell me!

Thanks for reading,

-ElvenMuggle.


	16. The One Where NOTHING HAPPENS!

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything you recognize except for Adrienne, Jack, Natalie Clime, friends of Natalie, Oki, Chloe, and Tristan. Everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Saturday was the day of rest. Yes, Lily was very happy with the large amount of sleep that she had that day, very happy indeed. She rested and rested. That is until Chloe's cat decided that sitting on her head and refusing to leave her bed would be a great idea.

So Lily drug her self out of the comfort of her warm bed and threw on her old pair of jeans and long sleeved shirt. After tying her hair into loose ponytail and washing her face, she forced herself to walk downstairs into the empty common room.

Grumbling about stupid cats, Lily jogged down to lunch in an attempt to wake herself up a little more.

Feeling a little more awake now, Lily walked through the open doors of the great hall, pushing past students, and finally found Adrienne sitting next to Peter and Remus at the Gryffindor table.

They all three greeted her as she sat down next to Adrienne.

"Where is James?" Lily asked once she had grabbed herself a ham sandwich.

"Hogsmeade," said Remus.

"I thought we weren't allowed to go to Hogsmeade until a trip was scheduled?" Adrienne inquired.

Remus shook his head. "Yes, we aren't, but they, Lily and James," Remus motioned over to Lily who was also listening, "being head boy and head girl, are allowed to. It's another one of the many privileges of being head boy and girl. I still don't see how James got it over me."

"Wait," Lily cut in, "I didn't know that! How could I not know that?"

"It's only for emergencies, but I highly doubt James had an emergency." Remus spoke with slight disapproval but he seemed to brighten with his next words. "They probably went to Zonkos."

"They?" Adrienne lifted in eyebrow in Remus's direction.

He turned a bit pink as if he hadn't meant to say anything at all. "Well...I think Sirius might have gone with him."

Lily shook her head. "So he's abusing his head boy privileges."

After lunch, Lily just happened to glance over at the Ravenclaw table to see Natalie Clime looking the Gryffindor table up and down, seeming to be searching for something--or someone.

Lily clenched her jaw. Of course it had to be James, who else would it be? This girl _really_ needed to get a life. She nudged Adrienne's elbow and nodded her head to the blonde Ravenclaw, still carefully searching the Gryffindor table.

Adrienne expressed her feelings a little more clearly than Lily.

"I'm gonna knock that bitch's teeth out if she doesn't cut this shit!"

Several people around them turned and stared with wide eyes until Adrienne sent them all a glare that could melt steel.

But Lily kept her gaze held on Natalie. She seemed upset that she couldn't find James, assuming that was who she was looking for of course. Her gaze finally came to Lily. She stared at her for a moment and then to Lily's horror, she gave her an evil smirk.

Something about that smirk gave Lily a horrible feeling. She just _knew_ she was planning something horrible for her.

She was torn out of her thoughts by the late arrival of James who sported a wide, goofy grin. Lily looked back to where Natalie had been a moment before but found the seat empty.

James leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

Lily managed to nod. "Yes...why were you in Hogsmeade? I thought we were only allowed to do that if there was an emergency."

James nodded. "It was an emergency."

"What emergency?" Adrienne asked suspiciously as James sat down between her and Lily.

A crooked grin formed on James's face. "I was out of ink. And," James continued, ignoring the look Adrienne gave him, "I realized, I have never brought my girlfriend a flower."

Out of no where (or so it seemed), James pulled out a white rose and handed it over to Lily with a small smile. "For you," he handed it over to her.

Remus and Peter very rudely interrupted this touching moment, where Lily actually felt loved, with a loud "OOOOOOOHHHHH!!!"

James turned and sent them a fake glare and then proceeded to eat his lunch.

They were all about finished when Sirius unceremoniously ran into the great hall, looking quite insane, straight at them.

"Isn't he going to slow down?" Remus asked worriedly.

But Sirius seemed to run faster as he said that. He seemed to be laughing manically and jumping at times.

"Oh my God, what is wrong with him!?" Adrienne yelped.

A split second before he ran into their table, Sirius stopped just in time.

They all stared at him as if he had gone insane, but he seemed to find this hilariously funny and nearly toppled over on the table.

"Man, what is wrong with you?" James asked with his mouth open and a bewildered sound in his voice.

"Are you high?" Adrienne blurt out.

Sirius sat up and jumped in James's face, _way_ too close for comfort.

"I found it! I found it in Hogsmeade, oh how I've dreamed of finding it in the wizarding world for so long..."

Everyone sat and stared at him with blank expressions on their faces.

"What are you talking about?" James finally asked and backed away when he started to get a cross eyed feeling.

Sirius grinned. "Coffee."

Everyone groaned, (with the exception of James) remembering all to well the last time Sirius had coffee. He and James had been hyper the rest of the day, continually running through house screaming, playing prank after prank on Adrienne (only Adrienne because she screamed the loudest), and putting their own underwear on their heads and then talking to the neighbors as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

James perked up. "Really?" he asked a strange glint in his eye. "Where did you find it?"

"James, please don't drink anymore coffee!" Lily cut in.

James nodded. "Ok...I won't drink any..." He hung his head in mock hurt but then snapped back up a second later. "Today."

Before Lily could object, James grabbed her hand and suggested a walk around the grounds. Not waiting for an answer, he pulled her right up out of her chair and carried her out of the great hall, much to Lily's embarrassment.

Some people watched them strangely, others smirked knowingly. One blonde person at the Ravenclaw table glared in their direction, but they either didn't know or didn't care.

Once they were outside James set Lily carefully on her feet and grinned at her flushed face.

"You didn't need to do that," Lily scowled at him, "that was embarrassing."

James grabbed her hand and kissed it tenderly. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"You're not getting off the hook that easily, James Potter, " Lily replied, ignoring the way her heart jumped at his touch, "but I forgive you."

James grinned and led her down next to the lake where they sat and talked for hours about everything they could think of. In a few hours, Lily got to know James more than she had in six years. They talked about everything from their lives at home, to their favorite things, to their futures, what they wanted to do once they got out of school.

Lily had thought about that for past six years but nothing had ever caught her attention until her parents died. No, until her parents were _murdered_. Murdered by dark wizards, and Lily had decided that she wanted to hunt those dark wizards as an auror.

She explained this to James who admitted that he had also been thinking of being an auror but was still undecided.

They talked until the sun was nearly gone over the horizon and everyone else on the lawn started to make their way back in.

They lay on the grass next to one another, propped up on their elbows, studying one another's face. James played with Lily's hair slowly.

"Don't you wonder why none of our friends have come looking for us? We've been gone all day."

Lily's brow furrowed. "I know! Where do you think they think we've gone?"

James lifted his eyebrow suggestively and Lily blushed.

Right on cue Sirius, Adrienne, Remus, and Peter came over the hill straight at them. Sirius screamed their names and ran at them, Adrienne walked looking rather pissed off, Remus looked stressed as he rubbed his temples, and Peter seemed to be the only one not bothered by Sirius's screaming.

Lily quickly sat up, James slowly followed suit.

"Where the _hell_ have you guys been?" Adrienne asked in a very stressed sounding voice

"We've been looking everywhere-" Remus started but was cut off by a bouncing Sirius.

"PARTY IN THE GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM!!!!"

"What?" James asked.

Remus proceeded with rubbing his temples so Peter answered. "Sirius er, planned a party in Gryffindor tower."

"Sirius, we all have detention, remember? Detention for a month for fighting?" James pointed out.

"That's what we tried to tell him," Remus cut in, "but he's says-"

"IT'S ONLY FOR AN HOUR!" Sirius jumped up and screamed, causing several birds from the tree they sat under to fly out in alarm. "After that, we can come back to the common room and paaarty all night lo-" Sirius was cut off by the scared birds swooping down and pecking his head furiously.

Everyone scattered away from Sirius and his birds and up the lawn towards the castle, chuckling and ignoring the screams from Sirius.

"James, I forgot to tell you something," Lily said once she and James had escaped from the rest of them and were making their way back up to the castle.

"Yes?"

"Remember the nightmares I've been having?"

James nodded. "Sirius told me everything."

Lily stopped. "He told you everything?"

James stopped too. "He told me that you guys went to the library and found out that someone must have put some kind of curse on you to make you have them...oh, and he also said that you think Natalie did it."

Lily narrowed her eyes and looked back out to where Sirius was still wrestling with the birds. "That bastard..."

James reached out and took her chin in his hand, pulling her gaze back toward him. "Do you really think its Natalie?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she nodded slowly, "Judging by the way she's been acting lately, I would think so...why? Do you think it's someone else?"

He removed his hand from her chin and ran it through his hair slowly. "I don't think its Natalie. But," he placed a finger on her lips before she could interrupt, "that's only because I know her so well. It's not as if I don't think she would ever do such a thing, but it's more of the fact that I don't think she's smart enough...Lily, she's in Ravenclaw, but she's sortave dense...Sirius always said she should have been a Hufflepuff."

Lily thought this over in her head as they continued their walk up to the castle. There was no other magical person in the world that she could think of that would want to do this to her besides Natalie. She didn't have a lot of enemies; mostly because she rarely talked to anyone, she mostly kept to her herself. So who would want to do this to her?

* * *

Sirius was very upset when Lily informed him that she was not going to be able to join the party until late, being that she had patrol duty. 

"But Little Lady Lilykins!! We already did our detention!" Sirius wailed over the loud music blaring from no where in the common room. "Why don't you stay and paaarty!? We can get drunk together, I brought plenty of butterbeer!"

Lily ignored him and fought her way through the jumping, screaming hyper people (Courtesy of Sirius) to the portrait hole, James sticking close being her.

Once they had freed themselves out into the deathly quiet hallway Lily turned to James and pecked him on the nose. "I'll see you later, try to keep things under control here, please," she told him. "Hey...did you guys soundproof the common room?"

Lily listened as hard as she could but didn't hear a thing.

James nodded. "Sirius did it...and asking me to keep him under control is like asking me to wrestle a dragon! Have you ever seen Sirius drunk before?"

"No...And I'm sure I don't ever want to...I have to go, I'm going to be late, Tristan is probably waiting."

James suddenly came to an abrupt stop and grabbed her arm. "Tristan?"

"Yes, let go James, I have to go." Lily pulled on her arm, failing to notice the horrified look on James's face. Finally she turned and looked at him. "What's wrong?"

"Tristan Banks?"

Lily felt her brow furrow. "Yes...why?"

"They put you on patrol duty with Tristan Banks?" James asked in a horrified voice.

"YES! WHY?"

"I can't believe this!" James let go of her arm and rubbed his eyes.

"James, I am becoming very impatient with you." Lily threatened to turn and walk away but James finally spoke up.

"Ok...I'm just going to spit it out...remember me before we started dating? You thought I was a playboy? Well Tristan is like that only about a hundred times worse."

Lily didn't say anything. Nope. Nada. Probably because she didn't believe him. James seemed to suddenly be able to read her mind because he noticed her look and sighed.

"You don't believe me," he stated simply. He ran a hand through his hair again. "He hides it well, but believe me, he's pretty set in his ways. You can ask Sirius, he knows."

"You want me to ask the drunk, hyper guy?" Lily asked incredulously.

James shook his head in frustration. "Lily, please, be careful around him, he can be _very_ convincing."

Lily studied his face for a moment, noting the complete honesty in his eyes. Finally she nodded. "All right, I'll be on my guard for anything...erm...strange."

This seemed to satisfy James to a certain extent and he finally (reluctantly) let her go with a swift kiss to her lips.

"Be careful," he told her one last time.

* * *

Tristan was waiting for her in the entrance hall, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. His eyes were closed and Lily thought he was asleep until he spoke, startling her. 

"Hello Lily Evans..." He opened his eyes and Lily silently wondered how he had known it was her. "Ha, I was right." He grinned cheekily at her and held out his arms. "Don't I get a hug?"

Lily shook her head quickly, remembering what James had said to her. "Are you ready to patrol? What floor do we have?"

Tristan tisked at her and shook his head. "Ms Head girl, shouldn't you know that?" He shook his head and continued, "Here in the entrance hall, of course, it's the hardest place to patrol because of all of the halls branching off..." He motioned to the many doorways along the walls on either side of them.

Lily felt herself nod. "Alright then, I'll start at that end and you start at the other."

Tristan looked a little disappointed. "To business so fast? And at separate ends of the hall? I'm going to miss you Lily," he sent a charming wink in her direction before strolling off to the other end of the long hall, whistling a tune she had never heard before.

The next three hours seemed to drag on forever in Lily's opinion. At the end of her rounds it felt like it had been six hours instead of three. Walking up and down the entrance hall over and over again was not fun work, and it didn't help that Tristan kept sending flirtatious grins and winks in her direction.

Finally, as the clock struck one a.m., she was greeted by the prefect due to take her place. Oki.

"Oh, Hi," Lily was surprised to see her and was sure that it showed on her face.

Oki blushed at the site of her. "Oh…hello...how are you?"

"I'm fine," Lily shook her head, "What happened that last day I saw you? Why was everyone staring? And how come you ran away?"

When Oki became flustered by her questions Lily started to become more curious than she already had been. Nothing made sense here, first Oki seemed normal, and then the next thing she knew, everyone was looking at her and then Oki runs away. Now, Oki didn't even want to speak to her?

Lily's frustration was only drawn out further when Tristan came and slung an arm around her shoulders. "Are you ready to go?" he asked in his charming voice. He noticed Oki standing beside her and sent a grin in her direction also. "Why hello there, Oki, how are you tonight?"

That sent a bright red blush creeping up the girl's neck and onto her cheeks. She mumbled something incoherent to the two of them and turned to greet her partner for the night, a fifth year Hufflepuff boy.

Without Lily's permission, and without even asking, Tristan turned her and guided her up the grand staircase, getting way to close for comfort in Lily's opinion.

She was just pulling his arm from her shoulder (ignoring his sounds of protest) when a familiar voice greeted them.

"Hello Tristan, what are you doing with my girlfriend?"

They both looked up in surprise to find James staring down the staircase at them. Tristan quickly pulled his arm off of her shoulders and sent an innocent looking wide eyed look up at him.

"Hello James, I was just finishing up prefect duty with your girlfriend is all."

James glared at him for a split second before he turned his gaze on Lily.

"I just came to walk you back up...I missed you." He glanced in Tristan's direction briefly before turning back. "You are done aren't you?"

She nodded and made her way up the rest of the steps to James. Tristan sent up a goodbye before strolling off into another direction whistling that same tune again.

"What did he try to do?" James asked immediately.

James's back was facing Tristan's slowly retreating form so only Lily noticed him turn and glance at them with a mischievous grin at James's words. She returned her gaze back to James's eyes before he could notice anything.

"Nothing. He just flirted a little bit is all...is the party still going?"

James nodded, but then shook his head. "Yes...it's still going, and don't try to change the subject!"

"James," Lily stepped forward and placed an hand on his upper arm, "I told you what happened; he just flirted is all...you don't have to worry, I wouldn't let myself cheat on you, I lov-"

Lily stopped herself in surprise, shocked at what she had almost said. She kept telling herself to say something, anything to change the wide-eyed look James was giving her now.

Why had she almost said that?? Of all things that she could have said, she had to say that, those three words that could or couldn't destroy their relationship. It could because what if James didn't love her back? It couldn't because what if, Lily dared herself to think it, he loved her back?

"What?"

James finally broke the silence. He searched her eyes, trying to find the answer there somehow until Lily looked down.

"I didn't mean to say that," Lily told her shoes, "I wasn't thinking about what I was saying...I'm sorry."

The silence stretched itself out further and further until Lily couldn't take it anymore. Finally, she looked up and immediately regretted it. James looked hurt, but he wasn't looking at her, he was looking up at the ceiling.

"James?" Lily was surprised to find that her voice came out in a whisper.

He stared up at the ceiling for a split second longer and then announced louder than was necessary, "Let's go back to common room now." Lily jumped at his suddenness but was forced to comply when he pushed past her and started his own special route to Gryffindor tower, a maze of shortcuts that confused her to no extent.

After watching him walk away for a few seconds, she came to her senses and jogged to get up alongside him. "James, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." But he wasn't, Lily could see that clearly. He bit his lip and didn't look at her for the rest of the way there.

Once back in the noisy common room, James swept down and pecked her on the cheek and said something that sounded like 'goodnight', but it was hard to tell with the noise level right then. He didn't look back once he had started his trip up to the boy's dorm.

Lily searched the common room until her eyes fell on a drunken Sirius with several girls around him. She marched over to him and was appalled to hear him saying something about the tunnel into the womping willow.

"There's a tunnel in the womping willow you know," he slurred, "it leads to the Shrieking Shack..."

The girls laughed as if he was making some kind of joke and one asked, "And how exactly do you get in there?"

Sirius shook his head, a wild, goofy grin on his face. "I..." he suddenly stopped and looked up at the ceiling, confused. "I don't remember..." And then he passed out.

Lily groaned and was suddenly met by Remus, looking as if he were little bit on the tipsy side himself. "Let's get him to bed," he mumbled into her ear. He stumbled but then picked himself up.

"Are you alright?" Lily asked, holding onto his arm.

He reassured her he was fine, or 'quite alright' as he liked to put it, and they marched over to the passed out Sirius, each took an arm, and slung it over their shoulder, ignoring the girl's drunken protests, and drug him to the boys staircase. It was hard to get him up the stairs, mostly because he woke up and exclaimed that he wasn't done at the party and tried to fight them.

But with a swift and firm, "Sirius, stop it now!" From Remus, Sirius grew silent and still for the rest of the way, mumbling something incoherent under his breath that sounded much like death threats.

They somehow managed to get him inside of the boys dorm and over to his bed.

"Shouldn't we get his shoes off or something?" Lily asked Remus as he turned for the door.

Remus waved an arm over his shoulder at her. "Sure, if you want to...and don't worry about waking James," he added as an afterthought, "he puts a silencing charm around his bed every night...Sirius likes to chatter."

Lily could barely see in the dark room, but she could hear Sirius exclaim, "No I don't!"

He got the door closing behind Remus as his response. Lily wasted no time in grabbing his shoes off and throwing the covers over him.

"Goodnight Sirius, go to sleep now." She told him before turning to the door.

"Lily, wait!" he called after her.

She stopped and turned slowly. "Yes?"

Sirius sat up and looked at her intently. "I have to ask you something."

"What is it, Sirius?"

"Well..."Sirius plucked at his bed covers, "How come Adrienne doesn't like me?"

Whatever Lily had been expecting, she wasn't sure what it was but it certainly wasn't that. "Um...she likes you fine, Sirius...why would you think that?"

"Well she's mean to me! And she said I wasn't cute."

Lily snorted. "She's not mean, Sirius, she just doesn't fawn over you like the other girls do, so you see it as mean. And you're a very cute lad, never mind what Adrienne says, ok? Wait...why do you care?"

Sirius fell silent and Lily could just barely make his out his outline in the dark lay back down and roll over away from her. "No reason." he stated simply.

Lily took this as a sign that the conversation was over, so she turned and made her way back down to the common room where the music had mercifully stopped and people were stumbling up the stairs to the dorms.

Spotting Remus sitting in front of the fire, sipping a fresh butterbeer, Lily decided to join him with a butterbeer of her own.

"Only Sirius could get three fourths of the Gryffindors drunk in one night," Remus chuckled in her direction.

Lily smiled and nodded in agreement. Yes, only Sirius could achieve that. There was somewhere inside of her that forbade her to feel happy at the moment and suddenly she remembered. James. Poor James...he thought she didn't love him...

Wait a second...The truth hit her like a ton of bricks. She was in love with James Potter. But...when did that happen? It just seemed to have appeared from no where tonight. But maybe it hadn't...she recalled in her mind every time she was away from James, the longing of wanting to see him one more time...the way he smelled, the way he looked at her, as if she were the most important person in the world, and the way he made her feel inside.

Over the past few months, Lily had changed, she felt like a new person, and she thanked James for that. He had changed her in more ways than one.

Remus seemed to notice the dazed look on her face because he suddenly asked if she was alright.

She nodded slowly. "Yes...I'm ok...I just feel," Giddy? Excited? In love with your best friend? "Tired."

"I have to tell him tomorrow," Lily muttered more to herself than to Remus, but he noticed anyway.

"What's that?"

Lily shook her head. "Nothing...it's nothing." She quickly changed the subject to something she had been wondering about. "Hey, have you heard of a Hufflepuff girl named Oki Peterson?"

Remus looked at her strangely. "Who hasn't?" He finally asked.

"What does that mean?"

Remus gave her that same strange look again. "It means that everyone has heard of Oki Peterson."

"Why is that?" Lily, intrigued, leaned forward.

"You really don't know?"

"No, if I did, I wouldn't have asked."

Remus nodded. "Alright...about a year ago, her parents were discovered to be working for Voldemort."

Lily blinked. "What?!"

"Just listen," Remus shushed her. "Apparently they were _very_ close to him and had been for years; even before Oki was born. Now, there was no damning evidence against Oki or anything, but everyone suspects it. Haven't you ever noticed that she's always alone? No one wants to be around someone who has associated themselves with Voldemort..."

"Oh that's absurd! She's a perfectly nice girl-"

Remus interrupted her. "Put yourself in her shoes, Lily. If it were you, would you come into the school blasting people apart and causing havoc with Dumbledore in the same building? Or would you bide your time, take notes on when Dumbledore is coming and going, and seeing how things are done around the school?"

Lily fell silent and stared at the opposite wall, thinking.

Remus bit his lip and continued.

"We're living in dark times, Lily, we have to be careful. Everywhere we go, we have to be careful. Someone in this very school could be working for Voldemort, and if we suspect them, then I'll be damned if we don't save someone's life."

They both fell silent after that. And then they watched the fire crackling as millions of thoughts raced through their heads.

* * *

"Lily? Lily, wake up, we fell asleep in the common room. Lily?" 

Lily groaned loudly and waved an arm around in front of her, attempting to swat whoever was waking her from her deep slumber.

"Go 'way Adrienne." She mumbled.

"Lily, its Remus."

Her eyes snapped open to the sight of Remus bending over her.

"We fell asleep in the common room," he told her again, "it's still early, so we have a chance to get out of here before anyone sees...you know what people would say." A bright red blush found his cheeks as his words. "I'm gonna go now," he mumbled and then went up to the boy's dorms.

Slowly, and despite the aching neck and back, Lily pulled herself out of the lumpy armchair that had held her all night and stretched. Just as she did so, Sirius walked down the boy's staircase levitated three large boxes in front of him. Her eyes narrowed at Sirius and then at the boxes. He noticed and grinned.

"Morning Lily," he said cheerfully. A little _too _cheerfully in Lily's opinion.

"Good morning, Sirius. Had some pepper up potion?"

Sirius grinned again and set down his boxes behind a large table near the portrait hole. "In fact I have, Lily."

"What's with the boxes?"

"Well," Sirius smirked, "since I got all of Gryffindor tower drunk as hell last night, I see it as my duty to help them rid of their hangovers." He opened a box as he spoke and pulled out about twenty small vials all labeled 'Pepper up Potion'. "With the cost of five sickles of course."

Lily's hands were on her hips in an instant. "That's despicable!"

"What! Do you have any idea how much it cost me to get all of that butterbeer?" Sirius defended himself.

A couple of very weathered looking fourth years came out of the boy's dorm at that moment to end their argument. Sirius immediately jumped to selling them some potion as Lily headed up to her dorm.

All of the girls there were still sound asleep so Lily jumped into the shower and quickly cleaned herself as her thoughts drifted back to James and the hurt look that had crossed his face the night before. She loved him and he was going to know it today. She had to tell him. If he had looked hurt by her words the night before, maybe he really did love her back?

Lily couldn't help but be filled with a strange giddiness that she hadn't felt in a long time. She started giggling uncontrollably and even let out a small yelp.

Fifteen minutes later, when she walked out of the bathroom, dressed and ready for the day, she was met by the grumpy faces of her dorm mates.

"Why the hell were you laughing and yelling in the shower?" Adrienne glared in her direction. "You sounded drunk."

Lily shook her head, feeling a grin forming. "Never mind that-You guys could probably use some of the pepper-up potion Sirius is selling down stairs."

"Sirius is selling pepper-up potion?" Chloe asked, rubbing her temples. "We should get it free. After all, he is the reason we all got drunk."

Adrienne swept up some clothes out of her trunk and let the lid drop shut, much to the displeasure of her hung over roommates who all winced and groaned. "You all got drunk last night, not me." She sent them all a sickening sweet smile over her shoulder as she made her way to the bathroom. "Have a nice day!"

* * *

"Why didn't anyone bother telling me that there was a quidditch game today?" 

Sirius snorted. "Isn't it funny? You, the head girl, know hardly anything, while the rest of the school knows just about everything. James got this folder that tells of every event this year...didn't you get one?"

"No!" Shouldn't Professor McGonagall have given her one of those? No...She never made it to the prefect meeting. So, didn't that mean that Tristan should have given it to her?

"Who's playing?"

"Ravenclaw versus Slytherin."

* * *

Lily, Sirius, Peter, Adrienne, and Jack walked down to the quidditch pitch right after breakfast. 

"Has anyone seen James?" Lily looked over at them all.

Sirius stopped briefly in the middle of counting the money he had made in his potion selling business to answer her question.

"Not since this morning…Before I got up he said he was going out for a walk...that one is off his rocker if you ask me...but he said he would meet us at the pitch."

Lily nodded absently. So she would see him soon. She would get to apologize for the night before and tell him how she really felt. Lily felt her stomach do a small flip. She suddenly felt like backing out. What if he didn't feel the same? But no...he wouldn't have looked so hurt the night before if he didn't, would he?

Before she knew it, they were in the stadium, walking up to the Ravenclaw side to meet James who waved them over.

No matter how hard she tried, Lily couldn't seem to be able to get James's attention. He didn't seem mad at her, over enthusiastic actually. First, Sirius plopped himself down in-between them and grinned charmingly at her. Then, after the match had started, Sirius voiced his appetite for Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans. James offered to go to the concession stand without glancing in her direction, much to her dismay.

After he had left, Sirius turned to her. "What's wrong with him?"

She shrugged a shoulder. "We...kindave had thing last night..."

"Yeah...about last night," Sirius rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and glanced over at Adrienne and Jack, "I didn't say anything...erm...strange did I? I get a little weird when I'm drunk."

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "You mean anything about Adrienne?"

"SHHH!" Sirius shushed her.

"What is wrong with you? You know what, never mind, I'm going to find James."

Finding James was harder than she thought it would be. He wasn't with the other Gryffindors, and but he wasn't at the concession stands either. Finally, Lily decided to just go back and wait for him when she spotted him under the vibrating stadium stands.

Lily felt her heart drop. He wasn't alone. His mouth was pressed down hard on another girl. A girl that wasn't her.

"James!"

A/N: Yes, I am evil. In more ways than one. First, I make you wait nearly three months for an update, and then I end off in a cliff hanger! Mwahaha! At least the chapter was freaking LONG. Sixteen pages this one is. Not the longest of all the chapters, but still pretty long.

Thanks for reading. : )

-ElvenMuggle


	17. Breakups

**Saturday (The day before) Lunchtime. **

A bony, seventh year, brown eyed, brunette at the Ravenclaw table seated herself down next to her close friend, Natalie Clime. She spoke not a word, nor was she spoken to, but she watched the Gryffindor table intently. People came and went eating their lunches and then hurrying out to the bright sunny day that awaited them outside.

But their eyes stayed on a red haired girl sitting with her friends.

"Did you send the letter to James?" The brunette asked her friend, Natalie.

Natalie turned sharply and eyed her in the same manner. "_No_," she stressed,

"_You _were supposed to do that."

The brunette ignored the death glare she was receiving and argued back.

"No I wasn't! I was supposed to meet him in the closet and pretend I was Evans, _you_," she poked her arm with a finger for emphasize, "were the one that was supposed to send the letter."

Natalie pursed her lips and bit the inside of her cheek, realizing her friend was right.

"Evan-" she started but never finished once she saw James Potter walking through the double doors of the great hall. Frustrated, she threw her arms up in the air. "Well, I guess there's no point in arguing over it now."

"But," the brunette who we now know as Evan, nervously bit her lip, "this isn't over; you've got another plan...don't you?"

Natalie was about to speak when the doors burst open and Sirius Black came running in with an insane look all about him. He ran over to the Gryffindor table strait at Lily and James and it took a second for Natalie to look away.

When she finally did however, she held a sour look on her face.

"Yes."

Evan shook her head. "I wish you wouldn't, Nat, they look so happy..."

Natalie glared fiercely at her. "Well I want to be happy too! My life is crap, it always has been, you know that! James was the only bright spot I've ever had-"

"Don't say that!" Evan interrupted, "You're parents never meant to hurt you, Natalie-"

"Stop it." Natalie whispered.

At that moment James walked right by them with a blushing Lily in his arms and out the door.

"Perfect timing..." Evan muttered to herself. Thankfully, Natalie didn't seem to hear her. She sat with her face in her hands.

"Why can't I have that?" Natalie whispered.

Evan was shocked to see a tear roll down her friend's face. She placed an arm around her gently.

"You _can_ have that. You're just looking in the wrong places. James-" she hesitated before saying what she was about to say, sure it would upset Natalie, but knowing that she needed to hear it. "James loves Lily, I can see it in his eyes...you can tell by the way he looks at her...I think he always has."

Natalie shook her head but didn't say anything.

"Why don't you go for Sirius? He's a lush lad," Evan giggled.

Natalie shook her head again. "No...He has eyes for somebody else; can't you tell?"

"Oh yes," Evan nodded, aware of the same thing, "I forgot...why not..." Evan looked around the room and pointed to a random guy. "Why not that guy?"

"What? Who is that?" Natalie questioned.

"I don't know, why don't you go ask?"

Evan eyed her while she bit her lip, contemplating. When she didn't speak, Evan placed a hand on her arm.

"I think it's time you moved on..." she whispered.

Reluctantly, Natalie finally nodded, causing a grin to break out across the other girl's face.

"Alright then, go meet him!"

Natalie finally grinned. "Thank you..."

And with that, she headed across the entrance hall.

**Present time. The Quidditch game.**

This couldn't be happening. NO, it wasn't happening not now, of all times, not now...

"James?"

James jumped back from the unrecognizable girl as if he had been shocked by her. He whirled around with a bewildered look on his face.

"Lily! What--" he looked over at the girl who smirked at him and left.

"I...I don't know what happened-" James gulped.

Lily swallowed hard and had to physically force herself not to cry. No, she couldn't do it, she finally realized. But she couldn't cry in front of James. Slowly, and feeling as if she were in a dream, Lily turned and sprinted out of the stadium. She numbly realized that everyone seemed to be immersed in the game and no one noticed her.

Her legs felt as if they were made of lead as she ran up the sloping lawn, which seemed to take longer than usual.

"Lily! Lily, wait!"

She heard James calling behind her and he sounded quite a ways back, but she increased her speed anyway.

As she burst through the front doors of the empty castle, Lily suddenly realized that the unrecognizable girl might not be so unrecognizable after all. She had a very memorable tattoo of butterfly on her right arm, memorable because she was the only person in all of Hogwarts who had one, and she liked to show it off a lot. Lily had never met her, and had only seen her twice in her life, but of course, she had heard of the infamous tattoo.

The common room was empty except for Chloe's cat who sat licking his paws in earnest next to the fireplace. All of Gryffindor tower was deathly silent, signaling that everyone was down at the pitch watching the game.

Lily burst through the portrait, much to the displeasure of the fat lady. Unable to keep running, she slowly sank into an armchair and tried to catch her breath.

It took about ten seconds for James to storm into the common room, also out of breath.

He didn't speak, but sank into the chair opposite her.

"You-you run fast," he gasped in-between sharp intakes of breath.

Lily stood up quickly, avoiding his gaze, and walked as fast as her tired legs would allow (which wasn't very fast at all) toward the staircase leading to the girl's dorm.

But even when out of breath, James was quicker. He sprinted in front of her, successfully blocking her way.

"Move." Lily's voice shook, threatening to break at any minute.

"First," James panted, "let me explain-"

"EXPLAIN WHAT?" Lily cried. "THERE'S NOTHING TO EXPLAIN, I'M NOT BLIND, JAMES!"

He reached his hands up and rubbed his eyes quickly. "No," James waved his hands in front of him as if trying to block a bad memory out, "No, no, no, no...It wasn't what it looked like...I don't know what happened! She said she had to ask me something about the next prefect meeting...and then, I don't know, she just started kissing me!"

"Oh really?" Lily asked, unbelieving.

"Yes!" Suddenly, James looked at his a light bulb had gone off in his head. "Natalie," he breathed, "Natalie did this! She sent one of her friends-"

"And how do you suppose she managed to make sure that I saw you?"

James hung his head. "I don't know," he moaned, "I just know that I was set up."

Lily scoffed. "Or maybe that girl just likes you. Seems to me that you like her back."

"I did not kiss her!"

A new voice entered the conversation. "What?"

Lily and James turned to find Adrienne and Sirius standing with their mouths hanging open. It was Adrienne that had spoken. "What's going on? You guys didn't come back so we came to find you..." her voice trailed off. Her eyes slid from the heart broken looking Lily, to the panicky looking James and back again.

Lily sighed and slowly sank into an arm chair, her face resting in her hands. "I can't do this anymore, James...This is the second time I've caught you with another girl...It hurts too much...I can't do it anymore."

Silence and then-"what are you saying?" James's voice shook violently.

She couldn't help it; Lily looked up-- and immediately wished she hadn't. James looked as if he had been crushed, so crushed he looked close to tears.

Lily gulped and felt a tear roll down her face. "I think you know," she whispered.

When she couldn't stand the look on his face anymore, she stood up and made for the portrait hole.

"No! Wait Lily, please don't go," James yelled from behind her. He reached for her arm and turned her so she could see him. He looked into her face with sad, wet eyes for a moment before he spoke. "I love you."

Lily bit her tongue to keep from crying anymore than she already was. Every moment she spent here, the more upset she was becoming. "How could you say that to me now?" she asked him. "Why didn't you say it yesterday?"

"Why didn't _you_ say it yesterday? I think you love me but just don't know how to say it."

Lily shut her eyes tight and shook her head. "Let me go," she finally told him.

James eyes bore into hers. "I will if you say you don't love me, because I know you do."

Lily looked away. "Let me go, now. I don't want to hurt you." She pulled on her arm but James's grip was tight.

"Say it."

Lily swallowed. "Fine, I don't love you."

There was moment of silence before- "You're just saying that," James let go of her arm.

Lily took the opportunity to sprint out of the portrait hole and away from James.

She wasn't going to get off just like that, James wouldn't let her. He started toward the portrait hole but was stopped by the surprisingly strong grip of Adrienne around his arm.

"Leave her alone for a while, let her cool off..." She murmured soothingly.

James hung his head and quickly wiped his eyes before turning to Adrienne and Sirius. "I don't know what happened," he told them silently.

Adrienne rubbed his arm gently. "Well, neither do we, so why don't you run it by us?"

James sighed and sank into an armchair. "I was getting Sirius's candy, and then that girl--Hilary something or the other--said that she had to ask me something about the next prefect meeting...so I followed her a little ways under the stands. We talked for few minutes about the next meeting, and then...she just grabs me and starts kissing me real hard...I was so shocked, I just sat there, and that's when Lily appeared."

He sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know why she did that..."

"Do you think that Natalie girl set you up?" Adrienne asked.

James shrugged. "I thought so at first...but then Lily pointed out something--how was she able to make sure that she saw me? Plus-it was that girl, Hilary, the one with the tattoo..."

Sirius bit his lip. "Are you going to let Lily know that she and Natalie don't get along?"

James snuck a glance over in Adrienne's direction who held up her hands in front of her. "I'm not saying anything to anyone. You know I hate gossip."

James nodded slowly. "I know they hate each other, but I don't know why...and I'm telling you, somebody set me up."

"We'll find out," Sirius told him calmly. He stood up, along with Adrienne, who also nodded. "We'll find out tonight and then we'll come back and tell you."

"Erm, actually, could we meet back here around five-ish?" Adrienne interrupted. "I have something to take care of."

"Alrighty then..." Sirius sank back down next to James. "I guess I'll see you at five...

Adrienne left and they sat together in silence for a long time, pondering. Nothing mattered anymore...at least that was how James felt. Nothing but getting Lily back.

* * *

She didn't want to break up James, but Lily had no choice. She had already given him a second chance, but he had blown it again already. Breaking up was the last thing that she wanted to do, and the first thing that she needed to do.

Even after catching him kissing two different girls, Lily knew that he still had a tight grip on her heart. Nothing was ever going to be alright again...not without James. He was the one who made her laugh, the one who made her be brave, and the one that made her see that the world still had a little good in it…

And to think that she had almost told him that she loved him...That would have made things even worse. Him knowing that she loved him and then kissing another girl anyway...And she had almost thought that he had loved her back.

But a small part of her wondered if he was telling the truth. Perhaps he had been set up? Or maybe that girl just really liked him and had grabbed him at the worst time possible?

Even if he was actually truly cheating on her, why would he try to hold onto her? Why not just let her go?

Lily ran to the first place that came to mind. The whole school was empty, but it wouldn't be for much longer. She found solitude in the giant, roofless Astronomy tower.

The wind whipped at her face as she walked in, drying the still falling tears immediately.

From here she could see the quidditch pitch. The players were flying around very fast, and she could still hear the commentator loud and clear.

Seating herself down in the middle of floor, Lily lay down and closed her eyes, listening intently to the commentator in an attempt to concentrate on something else other than what had just happened.

"Jones passes to Hamlen, Hamlen passes back to Jones who passes to Flint, but no! It's intercepted by the one and only Tristan Banks who races towards the goals and scores!"

Lily opened her eyes. Listening to quidditch wasn't going to do any good, James played quidditch. He loved quidditch...

"Oh no..." Lily muttered to herself when she felt fresh tears making their way down her face.

**Later that day (5:03)**

Adrienne shuffled into the crowded Gryffindor common room and sighed heavily. Today did not turn out to be so great. First, Lily and James break up, and then-

"Adrienne!"

Adrienne turned and was met by a serious looking Sirius. (Erm...)

"Yes?" she sighed.

"Are you ready?" Sirius wasn't wearing his usual happy grin, nor was he trying to joke or flirt with any of the girls. He did something very un-Sirius like by walking quietly without even a smile.

Everyone in Gryffindor seemed to notice this strange behavior, and watched him out of the corner of their eyes. Suspicions were only heightened by the fact that none of the marauders were present, nor was Lily.

Adrienne didn't look so good herself. A scowl graced her pretty face that dared anyone to look at her twice. She nodded to Sirius who followed her out of the portrait hole.

"What's wrong with you?" Sirius asked once that had started down the hall alone.

Adrienne shrugged but didn't look at him. She seemed to think about something for a moment and her eyes darkened as if she had remembering something bad. "I'm just upset about Lily and James..."

Sirius sensed that she wasn't telling the entire truth but didn't push any further.

"So...I guess we're going to find Hilary Sylvia first?"

Adrienne nodded. "Yeah, I guess, that's all we have, isn't it? What house is she in?"

"Ravenclaw, but I figured we could stand outside of the great hall and wait for her to come in for supper. What do you think?" Sirius looked over at her.

She checked her watch, not noticing his long glance. "Dinner doesn't start until five thirty...but I guess we could wait..."

They walked down to the entrance hall and after making sure Hilary wasn't in the great hall already, they headed back out into the entrance hall leaned against the wall next to the doors leading into the great hall.

They sat in silence before Sirius finally spoke up.

"This sucks doesn't it?"

Adrienne nodded sadly and Sirius got the feeling that she was thinking of something else again.

"What's wrong?" He asked her again.

She sighed. "I...I'm just upset about this too."

But Sirius didn't let it go this time. "No, it's something else, it's alright, you can tell me."

Adrienne glanced at him before she bit her lip. "Um...do you think I should get a lip ring?"

Sirius scowled at her. "That is not what's on your mind!"

"So?"

"So tell me what is!"

"But seriously, what do think about a lip ring?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know...I'm not an expert on piercings."

Adrienne laughed lightly. "What about a tongue ring?"

An exited grin broke out across Sirius's face. "Oh, yeah, get a tongue ring!"

"Excuse me?"

They both looked over at the new voice that had entered their conversation. It was-

"I'm Tristan Banks, but I've met you Sirius--but I'm afraid I've never had the pleasure of meeting you, miss." Tristan grinned and grabbed Adrienne's hand, kissing it softly.

She watched him as if he had grown an extra head and Sirius glared heavily at him.

"Erm...hi." She told him awkwardly.

He grinned at her as if not noticing the strange look she gave him, or the look that Sirius was giving him.

"I was looking for Lily." He told them.

"Why?" Sirius blurted and looked at him suspiciously.

"I have to give her this," he held a blue file.

"Well I can give it to her for you," Adrienne held out her hand after rubbing the back of it on her pant's leg.

Tristan grinned again and shook his head. "Sorry sweetheart, Professor McGonagall says that I have to give it to her myself. We wouldn't want it to er," he glanced at Sirius, "fall into the wrong hands."

Sirius smirked in his direction while Adrienne nodded understandingly. "Alright then...I'll tell her you're looking for her."

"Thanks," Tristan winked in her direction, ignoring the death glare he was still receiving from Sirius. "Thanks."

When he finally left, they both fell silent as they watched the students starting to file into the great hall for supper. Remus and Peter walked by them mentioning that James didn't want to come down.

What Sirius found strange was the fact that when Jack came up from the dungeons, he completely ignored Adrienne, and she did the same to him. He was just about to ask her about it when she spoke up.

"There she is!"

He turned and saw Hilary the tattoo girl walking and talking with a few friends. Sirius held his arm out to stop Adrienne who bumped into it and glared at him.

"Let me take care of this," he told her charmingly, "I'll meet you in the transfiguration classroom."

Adrienne watched Sirius for a moment as he strutted over to the girls before heading to the transfiguration classroom.

* * *

_Lily looked down to find herself in a very nice dress. Inspecting her surroundings, she found she was on the beach. A very pretty beach. The blue waves stretched out endlessly in front of her and she watched in awe._

_Suddenly, she heard her name being called. Called from up above her. She glanced up on the cliff above her and saw Petunia in a yellow sundress and sunglasses calling out to her._

_"Lily! Come up here, Lily, someone is here to see you!"_

_She didn't want to go up there, but her feet seemed to move off their own accord. _

_Wondering who had come to see her, she looked curiously to see who Petunia was talking to. But their back was turned to her, and as she drew closer she could tell it was male, whoever he was. _

_As she drew closer, she noticed she was far to close to the edge of the cliff so she moved over only to bump in a grumpy looking Vernon wearing a suit and bowtie. _

_She stumbled back and was tittering on the edge of the cliff's edge when the mystery person that had come to see her turned and grabbed her arm, pulling her back to safety._

_Lily gratefully looked up to thank her rescuer. She gasped. No...It wasn't-_

Lily snapped her eyes open.

"Jeremy..."

Lily let out a breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding. That was a...strange dream. It hadn't been her normal kind of nightmare, but still, anything that included Jeremy, she thought of as a nightmare. And why in the world did she dream of him saving her? She numbly noted the fact that that had been the only nightmare she had had where she hadn't fallen.

Inspecting her surroundings, Lily found that she was still in the Astronomy tower, in the middle of the floor. The wind blew gently at her face, waking her up. Something felt wrong, and she suddenly remembered what had happened earlier. A painful blow struck her heart at the memory of James with his mouth pressed down on another girl's.

She slowly sat up and stretched as she heard someone walk into the room.

"Hello there."

Lily turned and was met by the warm smile of Tristan.

"Erm, hi," she told him cautiously while wrapping her robe around her.

"Are you okay?" he asked suddenly, glancing at her face worriedly.

Lily turned away from him and stood up. "I'm fine," she told him without looking at him. She heard the door close and when she turned to look at him he was walking toward her slowly.

"You don't look fine..."

"I am," she assured him.

But he pressed on.

"No you're not, love, I can see it. What's wrong?"

That same feeling of calmness came over her as it usually did when Tristan was around. Her heart warmed as she watched his worried look. She hadn't planned on telling him anything, but somehow, the words found their way out of her mouth.

"I...broke up with James today."

His eyebrows creased and Lily almost thought that she saw a flash of satisfaction cross his face but it was gone so fast she was sure she had imagined it.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he told her with a note of honesty in his voice. "Do you think you guys will...get back together?"

Lily shook her head sadly and studied her shoes. "No...I don't think so; we broke up for a pretty good reason..."

"Oh."

Silence enveloped them for a few minutes before Tristan finally spoke up again.

"Well, I've been looking for you...I came to give you this," he held out a thick, blue folder. "It's the school schedule and passwords, that kind of thing," he handed it over to her.

"Thanks," Lily accepted the file and tucked it under her arm securely.

"You know, it's supper time, I could walk you down if you like..."

Lily shook her head. "No, that's alright, I'm not very hungry."

But Tristan didn't leave; instead, he walked past her and leaned against the far wall, staring out of the window with a clouded look in his eyes. Finally he turned back around and smiled lightly at her.

"I know how you feel; I have--or had--this girlfriend back at home, we broke up just before I came back to school."

Lily felt sympathetic for him before she remembered what James had told her about him being a player. But...if James lied about kissing some girl, maybe he had lied about that too?

She crossed her arms and looked at the floor. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks...It sucks doesn't it?"

Lily nodded. "Yeah."

"The worst thing was that I loved or _love _her."

Lily glanced up at him in surprise. He wasn't looking at her anymore. He seemed to find that looking out at the grounds was a much better idea. She could tell that he was sad; his eyes were still clouded over.

He looked too upset to not be telling the truth. Maybe he wasn't such a playboy after all? Maybe he just liked to flirt? Lily had to admit it to herself, she had never had a good judge of character; she could never tell if someone was bad or good. James, Jeremy, Petunia, Oki, Sirius, Adrienne; she had been wrong about all of them.

Again, she hadn't even realized that it was coming out of her mouth until it actually had.

"I...love James...and he told me that he loved me right after I told him it was over..."

Lily was embarrassed when she felt the tears coming. She attempted to turn away from Tristan so that he couldn't see her, but he noticed.

He caught her arm and looked into her eyes. "Lily, it will be alright," he scooped her up in a warm hug.

At first, she was shocked that he had done such a thing, but then she relaxed into his hug, placing her face in his warm chest, feeling very comforted and safe.

"It's ok to cry about it, Lily. It may even help; it's not good to keep it all in, you know."

Up until then, she had tried to keep it all in, but at his words, the tears found a mind of their own and flowed out of her eyes and onto his chest.

* * *

"Why do you want to go into the Transfiguration classroom, Sirius?"

"I told you, love, I have to ask you something."

Adrienne listened to the voices outside of the door of the transfiguration classroom. She waited atop one of the desks with her wand twirling in one of her hands. She had waited for a full ten minutes like this, wondering if Sirius had remembered what room to go into.

The door finally opened and Sirius ushered the girl he accompanied inside with one hand. Once she saw Adrienne inside, her brow furrowed.

"I'm sorry," she told Adrienne quickly. She turned to Sirius who was closing the door behind him. "Sirius, there's someone already in here," She looked back and forth from Adrienne to Sirius nervously.

"I know," Sirius leaned against the door.

"Um...What?" She asked.

Adrienne slipped off of the desk, still twirling her wand in one hand, and walked toward the girl slowly. She stopped about a foot from her and looked at her menacingly.

"Who hired you to kiss James Potter?"

Hilary (Who so far we have known as 'the girl') looked back and forth between them again for a second before shaking her head confusedly.

"I don't know what you're talking about--James Potter kissed me."

* * *

"I'm sorry Lily, I know that might have been a bit too forward, but...I know how it feels to lose someone you love. And even worse--I know how it feels to not have anyone there to understand how you're feeling."

Tristan stepped back from Lily and smiled. Blushing a bright red, Lily wiped her face and eyes with the sleeve of her robe. Tristan politely looked away and out the window.

James certainly had changed her a lot; before him, she wouldn't let a guy near her much less let a guy hug her and comfort her. But Tristan was right, at least she had someone there to know how she was feeling. She felt a huge surge of gratitude toward him right then. Slowly, she reached out and placed a hand on his arm.

"I'm going to bed...thank you...for everything."

Tristan sent her a crooked smile and nodded. "You look like you could use some sleep," he stopped and then added as an after thought, "...Send me an owl anytime you want. I'm serious..."

Lily thanked him once more and then headed for Gryffindor tower, hoping for a bit of solitude.

* * *

"She's lying." Adrienne stated as soon as Hilary had left the Transfiguration classroom.

Sirius nodded in agreement. "I know."

For nearly fifteen minutes they had accused her of being hired to kiss James, but she had just kept repeating what she had said earlier about James kissing her and not the other way around. Finally, they had let her go, but both of them were still very wary of her.

But they both knew there was no point in trying to get it out of her now. But later...later they would be waiting for just the right moment.

* * *

Everyone must have been at supper because the common room was empty. Except for one person. James dozed in an armchair directed in front of the fire.

Lily stopped and stared hard at him for a minute, watching his chest go up and down. His head was tilted back and his lips parted slightly and for some strange reason, she had the urge to trace them.

But she resisted the urge and tiptoed across the common room. But before she could make it across, his eyes fluttered open and they stared at each other for a moment quietly.

"Lily?" He whispered and blinked a few times.

Lily looked away from him and into the fire. Looking at him hurt too much right now. "What is it, James?"

"I'm sorry."

Lily brought her gaze back sharply to his face now. "You're sorry? Are you admitting it now?" She asked quietly.

James bit his lip and looked at his hands in his lap. "Lily, I have to ask you something," he stood up and continued before she could refuse him. "Why don't you trust me? I know you've been through a lot, and you have good reason not to, but have I ever given you a reason not to trust _me_?"

Whatever she had been expecting him to ask her, it hadn't been that. Lily opened her mouth to say something but then stopped short several times. Thinking it over, during their relationship, James had never given her any reason not to trust him.

"I did trust you!" she snapped at him, "But you just went and blew it!"

"Oh, bull shit!" James interrupted her, "Lily, you never trusted me! When you first found Natalie kissing me, you never even gave me a chance-"

"And how would you feel if you found me kissing some other guy?" Lily yelled back at him.

James ground his teeth together in frustration. "That's not the point--you never trusted me before or after that anyway! You never let me touch you--you barely let me kiss you!"

"I don't want to have sex, James! I just wanted to be with you! But I guess that wasn't enough for an ex playboy!"

"Lily-" James rubbed his face in frustration, "I've told you before, I'm not what you think I am..."

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?" Lily exploded but James didn't even flinch.

Instead, he chewed the inside of his cheek for a second before responding. "Alright...I'll tell you, but you have to keep it to yourself. Promise me you will keep it to yourself."

Lily crossed her arms. "Alright, I promise. What is it?"

James swallowed and hesitated before continuing. "Do you know...all those girls that say that I slept with them?"

Lily nodded slowly, wondering what he was getting at, and wondering if she really wanted to know.

"Well..." James hesitated again and took a deep breath. "It never happened...I paid them all to say that."

Lily felt her mouth drop. No...There was no way that was true...too many girls said that...how could he have afforded all of that? And why would he even do that in the first place? But of course...his mother was rich. Being married to Jeremy's father made her that way, which made James that way also.

"Why...would you do that?"

James shrugged and didn't look at her. "I thought it was cool...But now I see it was dumb-"

"Does that mean you're a virgin?" Lily interrupted.

James swallowed hard. "No...The only girl I've ever slept with..." he sent her a cautious look from under his eyelashes, "was Natalie."

After getting over the shock, Lily blinked a few times and covered her face with her hands. "Oh my God," she sank into an armchair as the portrait hole opened.

"Lily," Adrienne looked miserable as she stumbled over to where Lily sat. "Lily, I know this isn't a good time or anything-"

Lily turned to face James. "What is wrong with you?! Why would anyone do something so stupid?!"

Adrienne spoke up again, "I've dealt with it for about an hour but it just hit me, and I don't know what I'm going to do-"

"Adrienne what is it?!" Lily turned sharply to face her.

"I told Jack."

"What?"

Adrienne's voice shook as she spoke. "I told him--about his parents--and he blew up on me, he said he never wanted to see me again, and that I was wrong, and then he asked why I would say such a thing and I told him but he didn't believe me and he said that I was purposely trying to hurt him."

She said all of this very fast and Lily had to think for second before it all sank in. Shaking her head in confusion was all she could do. James and then Adrienne--it was all too much at the moment. But things weren't about to slow down.

An owl flew through an open window and dropped a letter into her lap. Ever since she had come to Hogwarts she had had one of the school owls bringing her her mail from her house in Godric's hollow to her here at the school.

She had decided to ignore it for the time being but a bright red 'OPEN IMMEDIATLY' stamp on the front and back of the envelope told her to do otherwise. Ignoring the stamp, she shoved it into her pocket and stood up.

"Let's go up stairs, Adrienne."

James grabbed her arm as she made to walk past her.

"Please, Lily, please believe me when I say that I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you, and I'm telling the truth; I didn't kiss that girl."

Lily pulled her arm away and avoided looking into his eyes as she felt her heart literally aching. "I told you, James, It's not...it's not going to work. Please try to see this from my point of view," Lily cast a look over at Adrienne who stood at the end of the stairs, waiting for her and looking off into space with a sad look on her face.

"I have to go," she told him before following Adrienne up the stairs.

* * *

Adrienne walked into the dorm silently followed by Lily, who quickly wiped the tears from her eyes so that her friend wouldn't see.

"I'll be right back," Adrienne told her, turning toward the bathroom.

Lily nodded and sat on her bed. Once the bathroom door had closed, she pulled the letter out from her pocket and tore it open. The contents of the letter shocked her more than anything else had lately. Never had she thought that this would happen...

_**Ms. Evans,**_

_**The one Elizabeth Rice requests your testimony against Jeremy Stanfield in the rape case which is due to take place this November. **_

_**Mr. Stanfield is accused of the attempted rape of Ms. Rice. It is known by Ms. Rice that you were also involved with a similar case against Mr. Stanfield three years back in which you also accused Mr. Stanfield of rape. **_

_**Now you are needed by Ms. Rice in an attempt to convict Mr. Stanfield of such acts. Court dates are scheduled for November fifth through the eighth.**_

_**Please reply with your answer ASAP.**_

_**No pressure,**_

**Mr. John C. Buckner **

**Attorney at law **

A/N: Oh my...thanks for reading!

Ok, here's your preview:

**October comes and goes, the Halloween party in the astronomy tower takes place, Lily goes home, and Adrienne receives a threatening letter.**

-Elvenmuggle.


	18. Where Lily Has a Bad Day

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house _

_That don't bother me I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out_

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while _

_Even though going on with you gone still upsets me _

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok _

_But that's not what gets me _

_What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away and never knowing what could have been and not seeing that loving you is what I was tryin' to do _

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go _

_But I'm doin' It _

_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone _

_Still Harder Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret _

_But I know if I could do it over I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken _

**'What hurts the most' by Rascal Flatts

* * *

**

Rain was strange for October, but it fell anyway. Nearly everyday it rained down showers on the rooftops and the grounds of the school. Being that they could barely get outside anymore, most of the school was very unhappy. It wasn't a good month for the students (or the teachers) of Hogwarts.

In Lily's world, it was the worst month she had been through since the months after she was raped. Everywhere she went, something reminded her of James. Sirius, Remus, Peter, anything about quidditch, roses, Natalie Clime, and once she had even run into Hilary the tattoo girl. James himself seemed to be everywhere she looked and it didn't help that he still insisted that he wasn't guilty of kissing anyone but her.

Lily had wondered briefly if he was telling the truth but even if he was it wouldn't make any sense. Natalie had started dating someone else--something Lovegood...if she had broken them up, wouldn't she be going after James?

After two weeks however, he finally gave up trying to convince her everyday. But he still tried to talk to her at least twice a week until Lily nearly begged him to leave her alone. He reluctantly agreed, vowing to make her see the truth.

Her nightmares had seemed to disappear for now, but Lily had a gut feeling that they would be back.

Classes weren't going so well either. Her mind kept wandering from the subject onto her personal life despite her best efforts. For the first time in her life, Lily had been asked to pay better attention in class.

It killed her to see Adrienne who looked to be doing as bad as she was. She was unusually quiet, keeping her head down a lot.

Lily admired her strength. Only once had she seen her cry and even then it was only for a few seconds. Even though it was apparent that she was upset, Jack never came near her again, and she treated him the same way. She had told Lily of the fight they had had and it sounded like it had been pretty bad.

The letter she had received the night of the breakup stayed shoved at the bottom of the trunk for about a week until she couldn't stand it anymore. After thinking it over for a long time, she replied with a yes. Seeing Jeremy again was certainly not going to be fun, but it _would_ be nice to incriminate him.

And something about the name Elizabeth Rice seemed familiar to her...it had driven her crazy until she had noticed the empty bed in the corner of their dorm. She asked Chloe about it and she had told her that It belonged to an Elizabeth Rice, a transfer student from Canada.

Only when she mentioned Canada, Lily remembered Elizabeth from their sixth year. She had been assigned to do the school project with her and James...And James had hit on her and she refused him, confusing James to no extent. (A/N: See chapter five.)

At that time, there was only one bright spot in her life. Tristan acted as if they had known each other for years, treating her very kindly and teasing her at just the right times. She soon grew used to his flirtatious ways and became much more comfortable around him, but made sure that James or any of his friends never saw the two of them together, figuring they would get the wrong idea.

It was hard to hide their friendship though; Tristan walked her to the three classes that they shared, and sometimes they ate breakfast together.

Soon, word had spread that she and James and broken up. Everyone in school buzzed about it for days, bringing bizarre stories about the reason for the split.

Everyone had wondered about the reason for only a few days before Hilary boastfully told a group of Ravenclaws that James had kissed her. They had then taken it upon themselves to pass it around to everyone. Once James heard about it, he nearly cracked and ended up screaming at Hilary in the middle of lunch and ended up having to be dragged off by the rest of the marauders.

Lily hadn't asked him about it, but she had heard that he had received a week's worth of detention, right behind the month's worth they had all just finished for fighting with the Slytherin's last month.

Lily thought she had been doing very well with hiding her relationship with Tristan until the day before Halloween. The halls were very crowded in-between classes so usually the two of them being together wasn't very noticeable.

But today was different. The halls were as usual, jam-packed with students rushing to their classes. Lily and Tristan were heading to Arithmancy and the first strange thing that happened was the appearance of Adrienne, who ran up to Lily looking very anxious and worried and also like she had been running for quite some time.

This was strange to Lily because one) Adrienne didn't go to Arithmancy and two) Adrienne didn't even have a class at this time on this floor.

So naturally, Lily became instantly worried when her friend came running up to her with a look on her face that told her something horrible had happened.

She fought through the crowd to get to where Lily and Tristan waited up against the wall. When she finally reached them, she grabbed Lily's arm and asked her a strange question.

"Are you dating him?" Adrienne nodded toward Tristan who quirked an eyebrow.

"What?!" Lily asked, shocked. "No, I'm not dating him!" She shook her head in confusion. "Why are you asking me that?"

Adrienne looked around, searching the crowded hall before turning back to them with a worried look on her face. "There's this damn rumor that just started down stairs that you two are dating," she looked back and forth between the two of them. "You're really not?"

Lily shook her head again. "You took the chance of missing class just so you could find out if we were dating?"

Adrienne bit her lip nervously. "No...James heard about it..."

"Shit."

That came from Tristan. Both of the girls turned and looked at him, but he wasn't looking at them. He was looking down the hall, over the heads of the students. He slid down the wall, now looking just as anxious as Adrienne.

"He's here."

It was true. As they turned around, they were met by the sight of James and the rest of the marauders pushing their way through the thinning crowd.

"I would run," Adrienne told him quietly, "I saw them huddle after they heard. I suppose they were scheming..."

But it was too late. Sirius spotted them and pointed their rather horrible hiding spot out to James. Tristan stood up and straightened his tie, suddenly looking very calm. (Freakishly calm in Lily's opinion.)

The halls were slowly emptying and upon checking her watch, Lily found it to be two minutes until class started. But James didn't seem to care that class was about to start; instead, he locked eyes on the three of them waiting anxiously.

Adrienne finally seemed to come to her senses and stepped forward toward the marauders.

"Guys, stop--this isn't necessary; they're not dating!"

They completely ignored Adrienne as if they didn't hear her. They didn't even look in her direction. Instead, they pushed past her and headed strait for Tristan who now had his wand drawn.

Lily stopped them short by stepping into their path quickly. James, startled, looked down at her and blinked. "Move Lily."

"No!" Lily pushed him lightly but he must not have been expecting it because he stumbled back a little. "This is stupid--we're not even dating!"

"Lily, you may not be dating now, but you don't know what's going through that guy's head! I told you before--" James cast a dark look over at Tristan and leaned down to her and whispered, "He's a pervert!"

Lily looked from James, who had a very serious dark look on his face, to Tristan, who seemed to find this funny and stood with a smirk on his face, to the rest of the Marauders, who all looked as concerned as James, and then to Adrienne, who looked very confused and irritated.

"Well, he's not been very perverted to me, so if you don't mind, James-"

James cut her off with a furious look toward Tristan. "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!"

Lily turned to look at Tristan who stood smirking at James. "Get over it, Potter, you're not dating any more, you don't own her-"

It went by so quickly, Lily wondered if it had really happened, or if she had imagined it. James pushed past her and struck Tristan's nose with his fist as hard as he could.

Tristan, outraged, tackled James and they began to scuffle in the middle of the hall, wands laying forgotten a few feet away.

"Somebody stop them!" Lily yelled at the watching boys and Adrienne.

Adrienne turned to look at her with her brows furrowed. "Why? This is good--let's watch!"

Lily looked at her in horror. James and Tristan still threw punches, kicks, and Lily even saw a few bites here and there. Finally, she had had enough and pulled her wand from her pocket.

As she raised her wand arm, Tristan and James rolled into a suit of armor, sending it crashing down sending loud noises echoing through the hall. The doors to the three classrooms opened and the three professors stepped out to see what all of the racket was about.

Professor Vera, the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, pulled the two boys apart roughly.

"What in Merlin's name is going on here?!" The Professor looked between the two of them angrily. "You know what, don't tell me; I can see that you were fighting." He turned and saw Lily with her wand still drawn. "Lily, will you please escort these two up to the headmaster's office?"

And that was how Lily ended up in the Professor Dumbledore's office sitting in-between the two bloody and bruised boys waiting impatiently for the headmaster.

One of James's eyes was nearly swollen shut and he held onto his left arm gingerly. Tristan wiped under his bloody nose and winced when he rubbed against it.

"That hurt, pretty boy?" James taunted at him from the other side of Lily.

"James!" Lily scolded with a stern look.

"It's alright, Lily," Tristan interrupted, "He's just mad because I won."

"You did not win, you asshole!" James fired back, "You knocked over that suit of armor, that's not winning!"

Tristan started a comeback but Lily stood up.

"Alright that's enough!"

They both fell silent and looked at her worriedly.

"Another word out of either one of you, and I'll erase both of your memories so that neither one of you can remember anything about each other at all!"

No one made a sound after that until Professor Dumbledore came in a few minutes later and sat down. He smiled as if this was going to be a fun occasion and Lily honestly wondered if he was seeing right.

"How are you all today?" He asked nicely, folding his hands on the desk in front of him.

Lily nodded shortly, James shrugged, and Tristan groaned lightly from the pain in his nose.

But Dumbledore smiled and nodded as if they had given him real answers. "So...," he looked from Tristan to James and then back to Lily, "What happened here?"

Tristan and James immediately launched into two totally different tales as Lily sat stunned, in-between them. James told a bizarre story of innocently walking to class when Tristan jumped him and suddenly began beating up on him for no reason. Tristan's was pretty much the same, but closer to the truth, he was walking to class when the Marauders attacked him and beat him up for no reason.

When they were both done with their identical endings, both of which consisted of the victim coming to his senses and defending himself when Professor Vera walked out on them.

But Dumbledore did not seem to find any of that strange. Instead, he patiently waited for both of stories to end and when they had, he sighed lightly.

"Well...hearing both of your stories, I realize that both you have been fighting so therefore, must have bumped your heads very hard." Lily snorted at the looks the boys gave him. "So, I am going to ask Ms. Evan's to tell the story. Do you mind?" He smiled at Lily who shook her head.

"Tristan and I were walking to class when-" she stopped short, suddenly realizing that she was about to get James into trouble.

"Is everything alright?" Dumbledore smiled innocently again.

Lily nodded and sighed with a glance over at James who stared fixedly at the wall, away from her. "When my friend came up and told me that James had heard a _rumor_," she glanced over at James again who glanced at her too, "that Tristan and I," she motioned over at Tristan, "were...dating."

"This is just a rumor?" Dumbledore inquired.

Lily nodded. "Yes, we're just friends, he's been very nice to me," she shot a look over at Tristan who winked at her, "and...Do you know James and I just broke up?"

Dumbledore shrugged. "I...might have heard something, yes."

"Well, when James heard this rumor, he was...upset. So he and his friends-"

"Which friends?" Dumbledore asked.

Lily hesitated with another look over at James. "Is it alright if I don't say?"

"Were they in the fight?" At seeing her shaking her head, Dumbledore smiled and nodded. "If you didn't get a clear look at their faces, that's alright."

Lily smiled gratefully at him before continuing. "Anyway...so James and his friends came up and found us and...Erm, one thing led to another and Tristan and James ended up fighting..."

Dumbledore nodded and looked at Tristan and James. "Do you have anything to say for yourselves?"

They both mumbled apologies.

He turned to James who didn't look at him. "James, this is very disappointing for a head boy to have this many fights. I'm afraid if you don't straighten up I'm going to have to strip you of your badge, understood?"

James nodded. "It's understood, sir, I'm sorry."

Dumbledore nodded. "Thank you." he turned to Tristan. "And the same goes for you too, Tristan. This is your first fight, therefore your first warning. Don't let it happen again or else you loose your prefect's badge."

Tristan nodded. "Yes sir."

"Now..." Dumbledore turned in his chair and looked out of the window. "I've never been fond of discipline, but..." he turned back and started scribbling on a roll of parchment.

"I'm going to allow your injuries to heal on their, own time for now. That way, you don't have to do any detention, and you learn the consequences of fighting. Please take this note to Madame Pomfrey, Lily."

Lily took the note from the professor. James and Tristan looked at him in horror.

"Are you serious?" Tristan gaped at the professor.

Dumbledore stood up and smiled. "Of course. It's nearly lunch time, so you're all dismissed!" He sprinted out of the office, shocking them all to no extent.

Lily took Tristan by the arm and half led, half pushed him out of the office before any more fights could break out between the two boys.

* * *

"So then Dumbledore told them that he was going to let their wounds heal on their own, so that they would learn the consequences of fighting." 

Adrienne gasped as Lily finished her story.

"Are you serious? Is he really going to do that?"

Lily nodded. "I took them up to the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey was pissed as hell. Let's see...Tristan has a fractured nose that is going to take up to six weeks to heal on it's own--among other injuries of course, but that's the biggest--, and James fractured his left Ulna-"

"Wait," Adrienne interrupted, "what's an Ulna?"

"This bone," Lily pointed at her forearm. "Well actually, there are two bones there, but James only fractured one of them, the smaller one. Anyway...it's supposed to take about eight weeks to heal and he has to have a cast."

Lily sat at lunch with Adrienne telling her the story of the first half of the day. Everyone in the hall had obviously heard of the fight because they kept sending Lily glances and everyone was whispering amongst themselves. Lily was embarrassed but Adrienne seemed to find it hilariously funny.

Suddenly, the hall went quiet. Lily and Adrienne, knowing what it must be, turned slowly to see Tristan walking through the doors of the great hall. A few people gasped at his bruised appearance, but he walked in smiling as if everything were normal.

He came over and sat down next to them. Up close, Lily could see the purple bruises all over the left side of his face. The right side looked alright, except for a small scratch on the corner of his mouth, and his nose was swollen twice its normal size.

"I suppose it's alright if I sit with you for a moment?" He grinned at them and then winced.

"Are you alright?" Adrienne worriedly looked across the table at him.

"I'll be fine, love. I'm just glad that I didn't get detention; I've already got some piled up...I just came over to see how you were doing," he looked at Lily with worried eyes. "I'm sorry that happened--I should have controlled myself."

"What!?" Lily could barely believe what she had just heard him say. Was he really taking the blame for the fight that broke out between the two of them? James had hit him; Tristan had only been defending himself! But a different, more reasonable voice deep inside of her questioned that. Hadn't Tristan provoked him? His voice rang through her head _"Get over it, Potter, you're not dating any more, you don't own her." _

It was nothing that wasn't true. But it was obvious that James was having a hard time registering that little fact. Thinking about that made her ache. It had been hard for her at first too; she had caught herself several times right after the split about to send James a letter whenever she got bored before she remembered. She would hear little bits of new information about some things, and sometimes she still thought to herself, 'I'll have to tell James about that later' before she would remember that she didn't speak to James much anymore. She missed him, not just as her boyfriend, but as her friend.

Adrienne snapped her right out of her thoughts by speaking up in an unbelieving voice. "Are you serious?" she eyed Tristan doubtfully.

But Tristan didn't seem to understand why both of the girls were so skeptical. He quirked an eyebrow. "Yes...It takes two people to fight. This wasn't all James's fault. I was involved too, and for that, I'm sorry."

Ignoring their opened-mouthed stares, Tristan went back to his normal flirtatious, cheerful self in a flash. "So," he looked between the two of them. "Hogsmeade trip, day after tomorrow. Who's going?"

After getting over their small shock, they both agreed on Hogsmeade. Day after tomorrow...the day after Halloween...Lily was planning on leaving for court two days later, on the fourth. She had told only Adrienne (and Dumbledore) of her going back home, but not the reason. She had given her a half truth. She had told her that she had to go home to go to court. That was the half truth. The lie was the reason she had told her she was going to court; Petunia was in trouble with the law.

When she had told her of going to court, Lily had _almost_, told Adrienne about the whole thing; the whole story from the beginning. But the inner Lily had talked her out of it, reminding her of how long they had been friends and she had never told her before now. It would mess things up, telling her now after so long, wouldn't it? So she decided against telling her for the time being, hoping that when and if it did ever come out, that she would be the one to tell Adrienne instead of her hearing it from somebody else.

* * *

Halloween consisted of floating pumpkins all over the school, dancing skeletons, a quidditch match between Hufflepuff and Slytherin (Hufflepuff won), Sirius, Remus, and Peter jumping out of no where from around corners and such trying to scare people (unsuccessfully), and finally, the Halloween party held by the students in the astronomy tower. 

Lily fretted all day about Tristan and James both being there and possibly running into each other. Horrible scenarios repeatedly ran through her head where James might notice her talking to Tristan at some point and start another fight. They were both already bruised enough, James seemed worse than Tristan but only because his arm was wrapped in a cast which Sirius had taken upon himself to sign. But comparing Tristan's and James's bruises, Tristan looked a lot worse off.

But once she had actually arrived at the party, the astronomy tower was so jammed packed, that her worries immediately washed themselves away.

Spotting Sirius and Remus across the room spiking the punch (and not doing very well at hiding it), she made her way through the crowd over to where they stood.

When they both noticed her looking at them disapprovingly, they attempted to hide it better by standing in front of the punch bowl with sheepish grins on their faces.

Sirius still held a bottle of fire whiskey in his hand without noticing until Lily lifted an eyebrow at him.

Laughing nervously, he tossed the bottle away to his right. A loud CLUNK caused them all to look over in horror. At first, they couldn't tell what the bottle had hit but a few seconds later, Adrienne walked out of the crowd with an angry look on her face.

"Sirius, you idiot!!"

At first, they had thought she had been the one that had been hit, but then they noticed the limp figure she held at her side.

"You knocked Peter out!"

A few people turned to look with grins on their faces, Lily snorted, and Sirius and Remus burst into laughter all at once.

"Why are you getting so worked up about it?" Remus managed to gasp.

Adrienne lifted an eyebrow and glanced down at Peter. "Oh, no," she shook her head, "I'm not, this is actually pretty funny," she grinned, "But that idiot almost hit me!"

Sirius didn't catch a word of this; he continued to laugh until he had tears streaming down his face and he had to hold onto his torso. He laughed until everyone had left him to laugh by himself.

While Sirius was laughing, Lily absentmindedly strolled away onto the empty balcony.

Smelling the air, she realized that it smelled like snow. The rain had tricked her more than once into thinking that snow was on its way during the past month, but she soon turned giddy when small white flakes started their way down from the sky.

Snow reminded her of Christmas. It was hard to believe that Christmas was already here again, it seemed like just yesterday that it had left them.

But Lily doubted that she would ever enjoy Christmas as much as she used to. Not after her last Christmas...

She hadn't even realized that she had started crying until she felt a hand rest itself gently on her shoulder in a sign of comfort. She barely got to register in her mind that it was James before he pulled her into a hug.

But she didn't fight him. It felt too good to be in his arms (or at least the one good arm) again to let go. He held her without asking questions until she fell silent.

Slowly looking up at him, she noticed that he too looked very sad.

"What's wrong?"

He looked at her with a pair of big, sad, hazel eyes. "I was just...wondering if this would be the last time I ever get to hold you..."

"Oh," his response was nothing that she was expecting.

"Lily, I'm sorry for what happened. I shouldn't have done that."

Lily looked sharply back up at his face at these words. "Are you admitting it now?"

James was visibly battling with himself. He ground his teeth together and Lily could tell very plainly that he didn't want to say his next word. "Yes."

At that exact moment, Sirius showed his awful timing by stumbling onto the balcony. Lily jumped away from James before Sirius could get the wrong idea.

"HEY HEY HEY!!!" Sirius jumped over to where they stood. "It's snowing! I loooove the snow, don't you like it, James?" He jabbed James with his elbow and James winced painfully. "OH!" Sirius's face brightened up, "Snowball fight!"

James looked at him strangely. "Padfoot, it's not even sticking yet."

Sirius made a face as if he didn't understand what James had said.

"I think I'm starting to get drunk," he told them quietly before stumbling back inside.

They stood apart quietly avoiding each other's gazes for quite some time.

"I'm sorry," James whispered finally. He glanced over at her to find her glancing over at him. "Is there any way that I could gain your trust again?" he asked her quietly.

Lily bit her lip. James meant way too much to her to not give him another chance at her trust. But...she had bad experiences when giving people her trust. This wasn't something that she could just say yes to without putting any thought into it. But she already knew what her answer would be. She believed that James genuinely meant it when he said he was sorry.

"I think...I could _try_ to give you another chance if you do one thing for me," she told him slowly.

James nodded vigorously. "I'll do anything; what is it?"

"I want you to let up on Tristan."

James looked as if she had asked him to do something horrible. He shook his head and looked at her with a strained look on his face. "Lily, I'm only trying to protect you, but please listen to me when I tell you that he's not a good guy!"

"Well, he's been perfectly nice to me! If he's such a bad guy, then how come he hasn't tried to get me in bed?"

"That's how he works! He befriends the girls he wants first, makes them feel like they're best friends, someone they can always count on, and then he gets them into bed. But of course, one girl isn't enough, no, he uses them and then he dumps them!"

"You're just jealous that he's spending more time with me than you are!"

James ground his teeth together again. "Yes, you're right, it drives me crazy to imagine you with him; I hate it! But I would not lie to you about something like this."

Lily had had enough, she attempted to walk back into the tower but James stepped in front of her.

"Look," he told her slowly, "I'm sorry for yelling, but if don't believe me, then you can ask Remus or Sirius, or even Peter!"

Lily scoffed. "Oh that's right that would be very smart to ask your best friends about it, they wouldn't lie for you would they?"

James fell silent, looking very hurt. "What's happened to you?"

"What's happened to me!?" She exploded, throwing her arms into the air, and barely noticing that people were starting to stare. "You cheated on me, that's what happened to me! You were _my_ guy, James! I never thought you, of all people, would do that to me.

"I have a hole in my heart, James. It came from what happened to me years ago, remember that? When you came into my life, when we started our relationship, you changed everything for me. That hole was filled again. You healed me."

She glared at him menacingly. "So if you want to know why I'm so pissed off because you went off kissing some other girl, then think about that." She shoved passed him into the party, through the astronomy tower, and out into the empty hallway.

Once she was alone, Lily let out the deep breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, and slid slowly down the wall and onto the floor.

She hadn't meant to break down in front of James like that. But at least he knew how she felt now. Thinking about him accusing Natalie of setting him up after he had first kissed Hilary made her blood boil.

Why would he do that to her? Why would he cheat on her and then not want to break up? None of it made any sense to her right then. She felt angry and confused as she pulled herself up onto her feet again.

No more thinking about James. She had forbidden herself to ever think of James ever again when they were apart. She would at least liked to have stayed his friend, but she wasn't sure if that would hurt worse than just staying away from him altogether.

But now wasn't the time to think about, no time was the time to think about it anymore. James was out of her mind. No more thinking about him every second of the day.

And with a new goal in her mind, Lily set off back to Gryffindor tower.

* * *

The next day was Hogsmeade. Lily went with Adrienne, Tristan, and a seventh year friend of Tristan's who Adrienne described quietly into her ear as 'yummy'. 

She had figured she would have to dodge James all day to avoid him seeing her and Tristan together, but it turned out to be quite easy.

Remembering all of the shops he liked to go to was easy because there was only one; Zonkos. So all day she simply avoided Zonkos and it turned out to be a nice day.

They went into pretty much every other store there was to go into and even paid a visit to the Shrieking Shack, a fairly new house that people claimed was haunted.

Lily felt a stab of pain hit her heart when she remembered James telling her exactly why people thought the Shrieking Shack was haunted. But it was over once she built up the tiny damn in her containing every memory of James.

The three broomsticks was the last visit that they made of the day. Lily was horror struck when she realized that it wasn't as crowded as it usually was (probably due to the darkening skies outside) and she spotted James over in the corner with the other marauders.

Tristan noticed her worry. "Do want to leave?"

Lily shook her head slowly. "Let's just sit behind those guys," she directed her gaze to a pair of very large, bearded men.

Tristan nodded. "Okay."

Tristan's friend, Daniel, offered to go get the drinks to spare them anymore drama between the two parties as they sat down between the two large men, successfully hiding themselves.

"Did I tell you I'm going home day after tomorrow?" Lily asked Tristan.

He shook his head. "No, how come?"

Lily blushed. "Um...my sister got into a bit of a spot with the law..."

"Isn't she married?" Adrienne cut in, "Why can't her husband help her?"

Lily blushed again. "He is...she just needs more than one person there...it won't look very good to a judge if she only has one person there..."

Tristan made a face. "What exactly is she in trouble for?"

Daniel returned with the drinks just in time so that she didn't have to lie anymore. She hated doing it, especially to Adrienne, but how bad would things get if she just told her the truth?

As soon as they had all settled themselves in with their butterbeers, an owl flew into the pub behind a group of fifth year Hufflepuff girls and dropped a letter onto Adrienne's lap.

Adrienne looked at it in surprise. "What the..." She looked at Lily and shrugged who also looked on curiously.

"Who is it from?" Daniel asked.

Adrienne shook her head. "I don't know...I guess I better open it up..."

She tore the envelope open and Lily could see a lazy scrawl on the front that simply read 'Adrienne Broxter'.

Adrienne quickly scanned the paper, her eyes widening a little. She stopped and looked around the pub for a second. Finally, she folded the letter and stuffed it in her pocket.

"Lily, I'm going to the girl's room, won't you come with me?"

She didn't wait for a reply; she grabbed hold of Lily's arm, sloshing her butterbeer a little bit, and took off for the bathroom. Lily was surprised by her strength; she easily dragged her along behind her.

They passed by the marauders table and they looked on curiously at the sight of Lily being dragged the restrooms.

When they had finally reached their destination, Adrienne checked under the stalls, making sure no one was in there, and the shoved the letter at Lily.

"Adrienne what is going o-"

"Just read it!" She quickly snapped at her.

Lily gave in. She read the letter.

_**Adrienne Broxter,**_

_**This is a warning. Do not go any where near Mr. Jack Clavine for the duration of your life. If you do go near Mr. Jack Clavine, you will face the consequences. They will be deadly. Upon reading this letter, you have been placed under a spell which prevents you from ever having the desire to see Mr. Jack Clavine again. **_

_**This letter will destroy itself three minutes after its opening.**_

Lily gasped and dropped the letter as it went up in flames. She looked over at Adrienne who looked scared. She had rarely seen Adrienne looking scared before, and it scared her to see it.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?" Adrienne looked to her for answers but she had none.

"I don't know...I...I don't know..." She shook her head.

Adrienne gaped at her. "And what is it with that duration of my life thing? What the hell..."

"Do you think Jack sent it?" Lily inquired, just as confused as Adrienne was.

Adrienne shook her head. "I don't...No, no, no, he wouldn't do that!"

"What about his parents?"

Adrienne slid down the wall and onto the floor, her face placed in her hands. "I don't know Lily," she mumbled through her fingers. "What do I do? Do I ask him about it? No...I don't want to do that..." She looked up at Lily, amazed. "That spell is already working!"

"What spell?"

"You know...the letter said that I would never want to see Jack again. And...I don't. I really really really don't want to see him."

"Why not?"

Adrienne shook her head. "I don't know..."

Lily came over to pat the top of her head. "I think you need to tell Professor Dumbledore about this."

Adrienne stood up and dusted off her robes. "I can't do that, I have no evidence, besides, he'll think I'm crazy."

"But you have to try-" Lily tried to convince her friend but Adrienne ignored her and checked her appearance in the mirror before pushing open the door.

"The damage is already done; I'm never going to see Jack again. There's nothing anyone can do about that so there's no need in telling anyone."

"Adrienne, just think about it-"

But she was gone. Lily sighed and glanced at her own appearance in the mirror wondering if their lives would ever be normal.

* * *

"Goodbye and good luck-" Adrienne reached over to Lily one last time and pulled her into a bear hug. 

Lily laughed as she received the twentieth hug that morning.

"I'll owl you every day, I promise." Lily told her.

Adrienne nodded and stepped back from the train that was just starting to move. Lily leaned out of the door and waved. "Tell Tristan I said goodbye!"

Adrienne sent her thumbs up in a positive sign.

Once she was out of sight, Lily made her way into her compartment and plopped down on the seat, watching the scenery flash by. A jolt of fright suddenly flashed through her. She was going to see Jeremy.

A/N: Ok, here's your preview:

**Lily goes home to testify, but Jeremy breaks out of jail. And we get to go back in time to see what life was like for Adrienne after she lost her family.**

Thanks for reading!

Elvenmuggle


	19. Oh Dear

Now, one of you lovely reviewers asked me to put a summary of what happened in the last chapter because, due to my hectic life, I'm not able to update that often. So, here to refresh your memories, is the new thingy thing to remind you.

**Ok, so Lily was all depressed because of loosing James. James and Tristan get into a fist fight because James thinks that Lily is now dating him (not true). So, as a punishment from Dumbledore, James and Tristan are not allowed to have their injuries magically healed. James and Lily had a big fight, Adrienne received a threatening letter that told her that she could never see Jack again, and then it ended with Lily going back home to testify against Jeremy.

* * *

**

The scene at fourteen Congareed road was not pretty. Several cop cars were stationed on the side of the road, in front of a small, house white with blue shutters.

Yellow tape was placed around the front yard, warning approaches to stay away and even a few policemen prevented the curious neighbors from entering the yard.

Tire marks on the driveway and half way down the road were clearly visible to anyone who cared to look. Two ambulances with their lights still flashing were stopped next to the cop's cars.

Everyone seemed to be talking at once, some of the neighbors were crying, they were sure someone had died inside of the house, because the E.M.T.s that had gone in ten minutes before had yet to come out.

Through all of the noise, the sirens, the talking and crying, no one noticed a small girl in the back of one of the cop cars with very wide eyes as if she had just seen something horrible and rolling herself into a small ball.

The girl was so immersed in trying to stay calm like the nice E.M.T. had told her to do just a few minutes before that she barely noticed that the door to the car had opened and a young deputy had poked his head in.

"Are you alright Ms. Broxter?"

The young man was suddenly pushed out of the way by an older woman who threw herself into the car and scooped the girl up in her arms.

"Adrienne, honey, are you alright?"

Young Adrienne shook her head silently against her grandmother's warm neck.

"I want mom." Adrienne pressed her face against her grandmother. She felt the woman shake with a silent sob that she suspected she wasn't supposed to hear.

"Adrienne, would you like to come home with me and your grandpa?"

Adrienne nodded silently before her grandfather scooped her up into his grasp and out of the cop car. As he carried her off, Adrienne was able to get one final look at her childhood home where some of the best of things, and some of the worst of things had happened.

The E.M.T.s were rolling out a black bag on a stretcher and Adrienne realized too late that it had to be her mother inside. She looked away and never looked back.

* * *

The present Adrienne was currently doing her overdue homework in the library next to a couple who kept making doughy eyes at each other. This was annoying her greatly, especially since they were trying to play footsie under the table and kept on unknowingly hitting on her feet instead of each other's. 

Finally, she turned to them, annoyed, and snapped quietly at them. "I don't care if you go back there and make out--or snog--whatever you call it here--but for the love of God, _please_, stop playing footsie with me!"

They didn't seem to notice anything she said except for the kissing part, which they gladly left the table and went to the back of the library to do.

_Finally_ she could get some work done...But no, using his great talent for approaching at the worst times, Sirius came bounding into the library (not noticing the death glare he was receiving from Madam Pince) and over to her table with a huge grin on his face.

He plopped down into the chair next to her and proceeded to stare at her intently until she finally looked up.

"Watcha doing?" Sirius grinned at the annoyed look on her face.

"I'm trying to work," Adrienne replied calmly as she could without exploding.

"What are you working on?" He smiled charmingly at her, but she wasn't fooled.

"Pretty much everything. Do you mind?"

Sirius nodded. "Of course," he suddenly donned a sickly sweet tone. "I'll see you later, _honey_," before Adrienne could stop him, Sirius planted a big, slobbery kiss on her cheek and ran off, giggling to himself.

Sighing (and wiping her cheek off) Adrienne bent back over her work. She had just started to get back into her 'zone', when James interrupted her train of thought.

"Have you seen Lily?" he immediately asked her.

Adrienne didn't look up at him, she continued scribbling on her parchment, but replied anyway. "It's nice to see you too, James."

"This is serious, I need to speak to her--where is she?"

Adrienne dropped her quill and started rubbing her face in annoyance. "I don't have a tracking device on her!"

James looked at her, obviously confused. "What?"

"Take a muggle studies class and you'll know."

James nodded and then shook his head. "Anyway...where is Lily?"

"I don't know!"

He sighed in frustration. "Fine, I'll ask Sirius if he knows-"

Adrienne caught his arm before he walked away. "It won't do you any good."

"Why?"

Adrienne sighed and gave in. "Her sister had a run in with the law and she went home to help her out--why is it so damn important?"

But James didn't answer her. She wasn't even sure he had listened to her last few words. The color in his face drained immediately and he didn't seem to be breathing for a second. He leaned forward and grabbed her shoulder, staring into her eyes intently. "Are you sure?"

Looking at him like he had lost his marbles, she nodded once and he closed his eyes. "Back to London or Godric's hollow?"

Adrienne shook her head; Lily hadn't told her that much. "I don't know, she said she was going home. I suppose she's going to wherever her sister is; you know that would make sense."

But James was gone. He dashed out of the library, knocking over chairs and bumping into people as he went. He received an appalled look from Madam Pince and several others from the working students around him.

Adrienne watched him go with a look that questioned James's sanity on her face. She didn't stop to wonder what was wrong with him; her homework truly was WAY overdue, so she sat and started scribbling again.

* * *

_Jeremy walked into his bedroom and flipped on his radio before he started walking towards her._

_A slow, familiar tune floated at them from the background, but Lily was concentrating more on Jeremy coming closer to her._

_Surprising her, he stopped short and sat down gracefully into an armchair. "I'm not going to hurt you, Lily," he told her slowly, looking her up and down._

_Lily shuddered and scoffed inwardly. She would never believe anything he told her._

_"I just wanted you to know that I know where you're going. I know what you're about to do to me, and I'm telling you to STOP."_

_His gaze pierced her own and he seemed to be emitting steam. That was strange--muggles didn't do that when they were mad. But Lily pushed the thought away and shuddered again. _

_"If you incriminate me,"_

_How could he know that she was on her way?! Did his lawyers tell him that?_

_He continued, "I will hurt you again."_

_A loud knocking noise suddenly ripped into the dream and Jeremy looked around with wide eyes. "Wait! Don't you dare wake u-"_

Lily jerked awake from the dream. She stared at the ceiling for a moment, thinking about what a strange dream it had been--almost as if he were actually there with her...he had known what she was going back home for, and had threatened her.

It took her a second to realize that the same knocking that had been in the dream was at the door.

With shaky legs, Lily wobbled over to the door and slid it open to meet the young woman who pushed the trolley up and down the train.

"Are you all right?" the woman looked at her with worry in her eyes. "I've been knocking for about a minute and--erm, your nose is bleeding,"

Lily brought her hand up to her nose in shock. How long had it been doing that?

"Here," the woman brought out a clean, white handkerchief from her pocket and held it out to her.

Lily shook her head. "I couldn't take that, it would be ruined!"

The woman laughed and shook her head. "Its fine, take it--they only cost a few sickles anyway."

Reluctantly, Lily took the handkerchief and placed it under her nose. "Thanks, I'm gonna go clean up a bit."

The woman nodded. "Ok, I was just bringing your lunch."

Lily thanked the woman quickly and hurried off down the empty corridor of the train and into the tiny bathroom. Sliding the door shut behind her, she inspected her reflection in the mirror.

Her face was pale and there was sweat trickling down her temples. Her nose wasn't bleeding badly; there was just a small trickle that she was able to stop easily.

As she cleaned herself up, Lily's thoughts drifted to her dream. It had been a strange dream...There had been steam coming out of Jeremy--which was really weird because wizards did that; not muggles. But it was just a dream, so nothing to worry about...But there was bad feeling in the pit of her stomach every time she heard Jeremy's voice in her head telling her that he knew what she was doing, and to stop it before he hurt her again.

It must just be her imagination; there was no way that Jeremy could know that she was coming--unless his lawyer told him. That might be true, but there was no way that he could hurt her again, not the same way anyway. She kept telling herself that worrying about it was just silly, that Jeremy would never be able to do _that_ again, but somehow she found herself wishing that she hadn't come. She suddenly wished to be back at school with Adrienne, or Chloe, or Hagrid, or James--no, not James she quickly corrected herself--Tristan, or even Sirius would be good.

Thinking of the nice woman mentioning lunch for her back in the compartment, Lily finished cleaning up and walked back slowly. Waiting for her on her seat was a small, brown paper bag and a sealed pitcher of pumpkin juice.

The rest of the day went by without any more sleep or disturbing dreams. She attempted to do some of her homework she had brought along, but it was more difficult than she thought it would be.

Her thoughts kept drifting back to her dream, Jeremy, and the whole situation she about to put herself into. She hadn't realized how long she had been worrying about it until a voice drifted through the train corridors announcing their soon expected arrival in London.

She took a deep breath and packed her books back away, trying to ready herself. There was no going back now.

* * *

So preoccupied by James's strange actions, Adrienne was unable to finish her homework. What had that been about? Why had James freaked out about Lily going home? It wasn't like it was any of his business anyway--Lily and James weren't together anymore. 

Grumbling about 'bastards ruining her concentration', Adrienne threw her things into her bag and walked out of the library, attempting to find one the marauders to see if they knew what was going on.

Sirius was the first one to come into her line of sight but he wasn't alone.

He had a girl backed up against the wall. One of his hands was resting on the wall next to her head; the other was neatly folded behind his back. He was grinning charmingly at her as she blushed a brilliant shade of scarlet and batted her eyelashes up at him.

For some reason, something about this picture didn't seem right to Adrienne. As if it wasn't real--it looked almost like a scene from a movie. How strange...

She had decided to just leave Sirius alone with this girl when she remembered how he had disturbed _her_ earlier when _she_ was trying to work. Smirking to herself at her own evilness, Adrienne approached Sirius.

"Hey dumbass, I need to speak with you," she announced herself rather rudely.

Sirius turned and gave her a strange look. "Why are you calling me a dumbass?"

Adrienne ignored him. "It's a private matter." She stared pointedly at the girl who scowled at her now.

Sirius quirked an eyebrow at her. "I'm a little busy right now."

Adrienne rolled her eyes. "See, this is why you're a dumbass!"

He tried to hide it, but Adrienne caught Sirius trying not to crack a smile.

"He said he's busy," the girl foolishly interjected. But once Adrienne turned a glare on her she shrank away. "I'll see you later," she told Sirius quietly before pushing past him and walking away quickly.

Sirius sighed and turned to her with a grin on his face, leaning against the wall. "Alright bitch, what is it?"

Adrienne gasped. "Hey!"

"Hey baby, you called me a dumbass first, I think it's justified."

"Fine-we're even. Have you seen James?"

He shook his head. "Not since this morning, how come?"

"Um well...never mind, it's nothing, he was just acting weird earlier."

Sirius slightly lifted an eyebrow and studied her face. "That's it? That's all you wanted?"

"Yep."

He smirked and started nodding. "Oh, I see."

For a second, she had no idea what he was talking about. "What? What do you think you see?" she asked curiously.

Then he really freaked her out. Sirius suddenly got that look on his face--the one he looked at girls with--the one he had just been using on that girl just a few moments ago. It was that look that he got in his eyes that said 'I want you'.

What bothered her more was that he took a few steps toward her until they were dangerously close to touching.

These few actions were enough to have her nervous. Sirius had never approached her like this before, and she was sure that this was no special occasion for him--he did this everyday.

"You could've gone to Remus or Peter and asked them that, but it had to be me," he murmured softly, "and right when I was...busy."

Adrienne narrowed her eyes at him. "You're not implying that I'm-"

"Jealous? Yes I am." He smirked.

Now it was time for Adrienne to smirk. She licked her lips slowly and leaned forward until their noses nearly touched. Sirius looked quite pleased with himself before she whispered at him.

"Sirius, you better back away from me before I knock that over-inflated head of yours off."

Sirius frowned before backing away slowly. "Fine, deny it."

She rolled her eyes and started moving away from him. "I'm going to find Remus, maybe he knows what's going on."

* * *

There was a man waiting on the platform for Lily when she came out of the barrier. He held a sign that had her name scrawled on it. She slowly made her way over to him. 

Once he noticed that she was heading toward his direction, he smiled and asked, "Are you Lily Evans?"

She nodded once and he smiled again.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Stan." He reached out to shake her hand once and at her quizzical look continued. "Mr. Buckner sent me to drive you to his office."

"Oh...ok," Lily nodded and before she could say anything more, Stan grabbed her bag and led her out to a small, black car where he ushered her inside and threw her bag into the trunk.

The ride to the office was pleasant enough except for the knotting in her stomach. It seemed to know about the ordeal that she was about to step into. Suddenly, Lily wished that she hadn't eaten her lunch, she was sure it was going to come up.

All too soon, the car pulled into the parking lot of a big, intimidating looking building.

Taking a deep breath, Lily struggled to get her stomach under control and stepped out of the car.

* * *

John C. Buckner's office was on the top floor so it took some time for Lily and Stan to get all the way up to the top and find the lawyer. 

He was sitting behind his desk when his secretary ushered them into his large office. He looked to be a younger man possibly in his early thirties, with wavy black hair he had slicked back on his head at the moment. His jaw was firm and his face was very serious.

"Thank you Stan," he thanked the driver who nodded and stepped back out with the secretary.

"Hello Lily, I'm sure you know I'm Elizabeth Rice's lawyer--please call me John." He reached out and shook her hand briefly before fixating her with a very serious stare that made Lily uncomfortable.

"I'm afraid we have some bad news," he sighed, "Jeremy Stanfield has broken out of his holding cell."

Lily was sure she hadn't heard right. No...That couldn't be right...Jeremy couldn't have broken out--that would be disastrous. Knowing of the money his family possessed, Lily was sure that if he managed to leave the country, they would never find him again.

The lawyer--or John--didn't seem to notice her paling face because he went on. "I just got word this morning, but no need to worry about it, he just escaped and the police are on his trail. They should catch him in no time."

_Yeah right_. Lily didn't tell the man that she thought he was dead wrong about that.

"For now, it might be a good idea for you to go home and rest...I'm sorry, I forgot to ask, how was your train ride?"

"It was nice," Lily replied, wondering if this man knew about the place she had come from.

"Hogwarts is nice isn't it?"

Maybe he did...Lily nodded. "Yes."

He stood up and walked to the door. "Well, I'm sure you're tired from such a long ride...Stan will take you home where I've arranged for two officers to guard your house in case the Stanfield kid gets any...ideas."

Lily shuddered at that thought and followed John out the door.

* * *

"I'm sorry Adrienne; I haven't seen him since breakfast." Remus apologized to Adrienne for not knowing where James was, something that annoyed her to no end. 

She explained what had happened earlier in the library to him as he listened curiously. Once she had finished, he sat silently for a moment with his eyebrows drawn together.

They sat in the corner of the common room next to the window talking quietly.

"I'm not sure what that means...did he say anything else?"

Adrienne shook her head. "No..."

It was past dinner by now, and no one had seen or heard from James since earlier in the day.

"I'm sure he'll turn up..."

Adrienne nodded silently, hoping that he was right.

* * *

Her home in Godric's hollow was just as homey as Lily had left it. Stan carried in her bag for her and walked out the door, but before leaving, complimented on its warm feeling. 

The cop car across the street didn't help her feel any safer, so she double checked all of her doors and windows to make sure they were locked and headed upstairs.

Lily stumbled into her dark room, silently wondering why she had left her wand downstairs instead of using it for a source of light, and flipped on her light switch.

"Hello Lillian."

Lily nearly jumped out of her skin at the unexpected voice. She whirled around to find where it had come from.

Over in the corner of her room, lounging in an armchair, was Jeremy, wearing a smirk and a prison jumpsuit.

Blinking a few times to make sure she wasn't seeing things, and taking a deep breath was all Lily's shocked brain told her to do at the moment. Jeremy stared at her and all she did was stare back. Her legs didn't want to move--she was too scared to move. But her hand was on the doorknob, if she could move fast enough-

"I've been waiting for you for about an hour now...where have you been?" His gaze pierced into her. He quickly raked his eyes over her body. "You look lovely, Lillian."

"What do you want?" She finally worked up the courage to speak and snapped at him.

He shrugged and casually stretched his arms out in front of him and leaned forward so that his elbows were resting on his knees. "Nothing much, I just need your help."

Lily shook her head, thinking that he must be crazy if he ever thought she would help him.

"I'm not-"

"All I need is a ride. Take me to the train station."

She almost scoffed at him. She was right; he _was_ crazy.

He must have noticed her almost amused look because he fixed her with a mean stare. "Something funny?"

She sighed and shook her head. "What do you need a ride for? Walk there--or better yet, get your daddy to drive you."

A scowl was sent her way. "Walk there? In this?" He motioned to his jumpsuit. "Don't you think someone would notice me?" He didn't wait for an answer. "And I can't just walk over to my father's house, I'm sure the police are watching it very carefully."

"I'm not helping you."

Jeremy slowly shook his head. "Lily, Lily, Lily," he sighed, "_you _should know better than _anyone_ not to resist me." He looked back up into her face and that's when it hit her.

His words sunk in deep, and the meaning behind them. She _hated_ the man that was sitting in front of her. He was the one that had ruined her life. He was reason why she couldn't trust anyone. He was the reason that she couldn't trust James. He was the reason that she was here right now. If it weren't for him, messing her up, she would be at Hogwarts with her friends sitting around a warm fire instead of here standing in a room with her rapist.

But no matter how much she hated him, no matter how much anger she could feel boiling inside of her now, she was still scared of him. She was still scared of what he could do. He wasn't a small guy, he could definitely take her.

So she did the only thing she knew to do then. She ran.

Backing out of the room quickly, Lily slammed the door shut and made a run for it down the hall.

But Jeremy was close behind her. She hadn't even reached the stairs before she heard her door swing open so hard it hit the wall behind it.

Making a big mistake, Lily turned and looked behind her. Jeremy was coming up fast, sprinting after her with a mix of pure murder and panic drawn on his face.

He was very fast; he had reached her by the time she had reached the stairs. But he wasn't as graceful as he was fast. At a poor attempt at a skidding halt, he rammed into the back of her and they both went tumbling down the stairs head first.

Right before she first hit the first step on her way down, Lily cringed at the thought of how bad this was going to hurt. And she was right. Every part of her body seemed to be bruised, if not by the stairs, then by Jeremy's falling body next to her. Luckily, it was a small staircase and they didn't fall very far, but they did fall hard.

They finally landed on the hard wood floor below. Lily landed on her back, slid on the wood floor, and smacked the back of her head against the wall. Jeremy's ankle somehow ended up caught at the bottom of the banister between the bars and he yelped in pain as it caused him to stop falling.

Sitting there, slumped against the wall, watching Jeremy struggling to get himself free, Lily wondered if they had made enough noise to send the cops coming. She didn't hear anything, and it just occurred to her that maybe she should call out for help.

But the air was knocked out of her. Her lungs struggled to gain back to air the fall had taken from her, but it was no use. Not yet at least.

Jeremy finally got his ankle free from the banister and fell on his back at her feet.

She should move. Lily knew that getting herself to the door would be the smartest to thing to do right now so she took a deep breath and attempted to pull herself up.

Her body screamed in protest. Every part of it felt like she had been beaten, and not only did she feel like she was about to die, as soon as she moved, her head started spinning (probably from getting smacked against the wall) and she lost her balance and went tumbling back down. Only this time, she landed on her stomach.

Everything in her told her to run--to get away from the man beside her, but her body groaned with the very thought of it.

Jeremy hadn't moved an inch since he had fallen, and Lily suspected that he probably felt the same way she did, but she wasn't taking any chances.

"_Get up! Get up!_" she inwardly screamed at her body.

She stretched her arms out and groped for anything she could pull herself up on. The closest thing was the door and it was only a few feet away now.

It took every ounce of strength she had now to pull herself up into a crawling position. Her left knee screamed underneath her and she stopped and turned over into a sitting position, now feeling less dizzy than before.

Jeremy looked up at her from his position on the ground, breathing heavily. "Stop," he gasped out lightly at her.

Lily silently wondered why he thought she would listen to him before she grabbed onto the wall and started trying to pull herself up. It seemed to take forever before she finally managed to stand up (leaning more on her right leg than her left).

She glanced at the door again. She could make it if she hopped over there quickly enough. It was only a few feet away...

Jeremy let out a tremendous groan as he sat up.

A rush of panic flashed through Lily as she watched him.

She turned to the door again and lunged for it, grabbing hold of the doorknob before she could fall short. She pulled herself up quickly and struggled with the locks.

A loud crack echoed from somewhere down the hall, and when she looked back to see what it was, Jeremy was limping toward her.

She turned back and finally the last lock came free. She turned the knob, pulled on the door--and was grabbed by the hair before she could pull it open completely.

"You're not going anywhere-"

Lily suddenly heard a noise that sounded like a punch. For a moment, she wondered in a dazed confusion if Jeremy had hit her. But her hair was released and she fell against the wall.

"Oh fuck," Jeremy was on the ground again, he spit out a mouthful of blood onto her white rug. "What the hell-"

Lily moved her gaze over to where Jeremy's was.

She nearly passed out, not only from the shock of it, but from everything else she had just gone through. James held his wand steadily, aiming it straight at Jeremy's heart.

Jeremy looked as shocked as she felt. "James? What the hell are you doing here?"

Lily felt like asking the same question.

James glared down at his brother. "I'm saving my girl, what are _you_ doing here?"

Jeremy looked over at Lily and then back at James. "_Your_ girl?"

James ignored his question. "Lily, go get the cops. Hurry."

All Lily wanted to do was lay down and sleep right then, but she obeyed James's order and prepared herself to limp toward the door again.

What happened next happened so fast that Lily was sure it would seem abnormally fast to her if she wasn't a witch. Jeremy kicked the wand out of James's hand (with his good foot) and swept his legs out from under him.

A bolt of fear flashed through Lily when she realized that Jeremy might be about to hurt James, so she turned and lunged at the door again, this time able to open it.

"Help!"

As soon as she called out, the two police officers threw themselves out of the car and ran up the lawn.

She must have looked a sight, because the two men's eyes widened when they saw her. They both ran past her and into the house. She slumped outside on the wall next to the door, trying to convince herself that everything would be alright now. They were going to catch Jeremy, and take him back to prison where he belonged.

"Lily?"

James stepped out of the door, looking at her worriedly.

Lily was shocked to see that his arm was still in a sling, she hadn't even thought about it.

"Are you ok?" He looked at her with eyes filled with worry.

Lily ignored his question. "You're the last person I ever expected to come," she suddenly felt tears welling up, "thank you for coming."

The sounds of struggle coming from inside of the house caused them to stop talking.

"Stop or I'll shoot!"

At hearing those words, Lily instinctively reached out and grabbed James out of harm's way, pulling him to her.

There was a sound like someone being hit, and then a loud clunk hitting the floor (The gun).

"Stop resisting!"

More sounds of struggle and then the sound of the back door being thrown open. Running footsteps could be heard fading away.

James looked down at her with wide eyes. "Lily, we have to get out of here." He wrapped his good arm around her.

Lily's voice shook as she spoke. "Where are we going?"

"The hospital."

* * *

Sirius followed Remus and Peter up the stairs to the dormitory, chatting loudly about various strange things that only made sense in the mind of Sirius Black. 

"So I took all of the jelly beans and threw them into a pot of boiling water--"

Remus sent him a strange look over his shoulder as they entered their dorm. "Sirius--what the hell are you talking about?"

Sirius opened his mouth about to answer when Peter spoke up.

"James isn't here."

It was true. The dorm was empty and silent except for the snickers coming from Sirius. "Maybe he found a new lady friend to take his mind off of Little Lady Lilykins."

Remus rubbed his temples. "Sirius, shut up."

"Fine, be that way," Sirius pushed past him and threw himself onto his bed, folding his arms behind his head. "But I bet you ten galleons that's what he's doing."

"Alright, you're on," Remus and Sirius shook hands. "Where's the map?"

Sirius shrugged. "I think it's in lover boy's trunk."

Remus sighed and pulled out his wand, aiming it at the lock on James's trunk.

"Alohomora!"

A loud click resounded from the lock and Remus flipped the lid open. He rummaged through the trunk for what seemed about forever. Not because he was slow, but due to the horrible tangled mess that lay within.

Suddenly, the door opened and Adrienne walked in.

Sirius gaped at her. "Woman, what the hell are you doing in here? This is our bedroom!"

Adrienne tossed him a look. "Shut up buttbreath," she turned to Remus, "I was coming to ask if you could check the map for James...but it looks like you thought of that already."

"Ahah!" Remus finally pulled out the Marauder's map while Peter and Sirius applauded.

They all gathered around Remus as he unfolded it slowly. But as soon as he did that, a crumpled up piece of parchment fluttered out of the rolled up scroll.

Adrienne scooped it up and was planning on tossing into James's trunk but Sirius stopped her.

"What are you doing? Read it!"

"No!"

Adrienne looked around at the boys. They were all looking at her like she had grown another head. "What?"

Remus blinked. "Just read it."

"Um..." They all just continued staring at her so Adrienne unfolded the parchment. She glanced back up at them when she saw who it was from. "It's from his mother."

Peter nodded his head. "And?"

She narrowed her eyes at them all. "Are you guys always this nosy?"

Remus grinned at her toothily. "Yep. What does it say?"

Sighing, Adrienne averted her gaze back to the crumpled paper. "It says, what do you mean, you won't come? You're not going to--" she stopped and threw the paper at Remus. "You know what, I'm not that nosy, I can't do it."

Shaking his head at her and smirking the slightest bit, Remus cleared his throat. However, he read the first few lines and stopped, reading silently to himself.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked very loudly.

Remus shushed him and finished reading the letter to himself before looking back up with a look of stunned shock. Sirius jerked the letter from him and together he and Peter read it. Sirius had much of the same reaction as Remus did, but Peter looked like he was trying to work a complicated math problem out in his head.

Adrienne waited for them to finish before grabbing hold of the parchment and reading what it said.

_What do you mean, you won't come?? You're not going to support your brother? If you ask me, it's just plain WRONG. You two were much closer when you were little. Don't you remember how he always stuck up for you? If he could, he would be there to support YOU in court. I think you're being immature and childish. You must not love any of us very much to turn on us like this._

_Mother_

_Mother, I don't give a flip about what you think! I am so sick of this all the fucking time! Jeremy never cared about me! He never cared about anyone but himself! You say he stuck up for me? WHEN THE HELL WAS THAT???? WE DIDN'T EVEN GROW UP TOGETHER! I BARELY KNOW HIM! And I'M being immature and childish? Well, maybe I am, but at least I'm not so blind that I can't see that my son is a criminal. Tell me mother, HOW MANY TIMES IS HE GOING TO BE ACCUSED OF RAPING GIRLS BEFORE YOU START TO BELIEVE IT? He's a no good piece of filth that has you all fooled. I just hope that one day you will be able to see it._

_James _

_Well I'm sorry you feel that way. Now he's only going to have your father and me there to support him. How do you think that is going to look for us? Not only that, but they have that girl that used to claim she was raped by Jeremy. Did we ever tell you about that? I didn't think so, but she's coming to testify against us. I can't believe her! She infuriates me just thinking about her. I'm sure she would just LOVE to get her hands on our money. _

_But wait! I've just been informed by your father that your brother has escaped! Now all we need is a place to store him safely. Any ideas?_

_Mother_

_MOTHER, WHAT WAS THAT GIRL'S NAME?_

_James_

_Oh, Lillian something or other--why?_

_Mother_

She finished bearing the same look as Sirius and Remus. She looked up to find them looking at her. Peter, however, still looked very confused.

Sirius turned to Remus. "Moony," he said softly, "I think you need to check that map."

A/N: Ok, my sister is pregnant and she was supposed to have the baby yesterday but that weird kid does not want to come out! Anyhoo--you guys tell me what you thought of this chapter. It was hard to write about Jeremy and Lily, what with their history and all...

Thanks to:

**anny hickie, LandUnderWave, Hotkat144, ReadingRobyn, Super Cara **(Lol, I can't tell you when they're getting back together! But, I will tell you that it may be sooner than you think. :) As for Hillary, I don't think we will see anymore of her.) **Klorfrosken** (Aw, you're so nice! Thanks for the tips, they're very much appreciated.), **Katie, reeltreble1031, firewalker32, I love fred and George, Siriusbrillantbrunette, Becca, Alex, **and **Mabel** (Ok, one) Lily is not an idiot, it's just very hard for her to trust someone, and come on, she _saw_ her boyfriend kissing another girl, if that's not concrete evidence, then I don't know what is. And two) If I want to put Adrienne and Sirius together, then that's my business, if you don't like it, don't read it. And I only put Adrienne in there so much because people request it!)

OK, preview time!

**James and Lily spend some time at the Potter house and James gets a reward for saving Lily.**

Yup.

Review and you get cookies!


	20. No more waiting

**A/N: The writers block bug bit me with this story. I had no idea what I wanted to do next, and then this morning, I woke up, and the story wrote itself out in my head. Yay! **

**Ok, last chapter, Lily went home to testify against Jeremy in the trial with Elizabeth Rice, but when she got there, they told her that Jeremy had broken out of jail. Lily went home and Jeremy was there. She tried to run, but they both fell down the stairs and got really hurt. He was about to finally get her when James showed up and saved her. Adrienne, Remus, Peter, and Sirius broke into James's trunk and read a letter that clearly states that Lily was raped by James's brother and she went home to testify against him. The last we saw Jeremy he was running from the police.**

**

* * *

**

Maybe it was wrong, maybe it wasn't. Call her nosy, or call her curious, but Adrienne didn't care what anyone thought right now. She wanted an answer. Was what she had just read in that letter true? Was Lily really raped?

It all fit together...Lily went home to testify against James's brother, and then James disappeared because he thought Lily was in danger...

After she had finished reading the letter, she walked from the boy's dorm, ignoring Remus asking her if she was alright, and headed for the girl's dorm.

Now that she thought about it, it did make sense. Lily never wanted to trust anyone, she was always pushing people away...it had to be hard to trust anyone after you were raped.

She walked into the girl's dorm and went straight for Lily's trunk. She hesitated before she unlocked it. Maybe this was wrong? But then again, if James was right and Lily really was in danger, maybe she should go through her stuff to make sure so that she could warn Dumbledore?

Yes, that seemed like the right thing to do. Adrienne pulled her wand out and pointed it at Lily's trunk.

"Alohomora."

As the lock clicked open, Adrienne heard a disapproving voice sound behind her.

"Hey! That's Lily's trunk!"

Adrienne ignored her for the most part. "Shut up Debbie."

The voice was sounded more annoyed this time. "My name is Chloe."

"Right well, Lily asked me to get something for her, so mind your own business." Adrienne snapped as she threw the trunk's lid open.

The girl huffed behind her and left the dorm, leaving her alone.

It was mostly Lily's clothes and books in here, all stacked neatly, except for a single folded piece of paper that Adrienne grabbed. Closing the trunk, she sat on the lid and unfolded the paper.

**Ms. Evans,**

**The one Elizabeth Rice requests your testimony against Jeremy Stanfield in the rape case which is due to take place this November. **

**Mr. Stanfield is accused of the attempted rape of Ms. Rice. It is known by Ms. Rice that you were also involved with a similar case against Mr. Stanfield three years back in which you also accused Mr. Stanfield of rape. **

**Now you are needed by Ms. Rice in an attempt to convict Mr. Stanfield of such acts. Court dates are scheduled for November fifth through the eighth.**

**Please reply with your answer ASAP.**

**No pressure,**

**Mr. John C. Buckner **

**Attorney at law **

So it was true. She _was_ raped.

**

* * *

**

The sun bore down on Lily's closed eyelids, trying to force her to open them. She resisted at first, but finally she complied and blinked a few times at the bright rays coming in through the window.

Lily yawned and stretched slowly. She looked at her surroundings as she glanced at the clock to her right. It read seven fifty; no one else was probably up yet.

Sighing slowly, Lily sat up and looked around James's room. Yes, James's room.

The memory of last night hit her hard. Jeremy coming after her, falling down the steps, racing for the door, James coming in and rescuing her, the police coming in, Jeremy escaping, and James grabbing her and telling her that he was going to take her to the hospital.

They had been in the hospital until at least two in the morning where Lily learned that she had nearly sprained her knee, received a very mild concussion, and had gotten bruised up all over from her fall. (Though the last part she already knew.)

When they had finally let them go, James had grabbed hold of her and had managed to apparate with her to his parent's house.

Lily had never met James's parents before and she had started worrying about it, but they actually turned out to be quite nice for two people who had been woken up at two in the morning.

Lily also learned that James's father was a trained mediwizard and he fixed up her injuries for her quickly. James's step mother pulled out leftovers and fed them.

Lily thought it most strange that they didn't ask any questions, but she figured they would ask James later. She wondered what he would tell them; surely not the truth, right?

It was three thirty before they had finally ushered her to James's bedroom. Though she was more tired than she ever had been, she tossed and turned all night. It seemed like once every hour she woke up from a nightmare filled with Jeremy chasing her.

Lily stared at James's quidditch poster hanging on the wall next to her as she wondered if anyone at Hogwarts was looking for James. Had he told them that he was leaving? Or did he just leave?

Getting up out of the bed slowly, Lily looked around for her clothes. But they were gone. She looked down at the pajamas that Mrs. Potter had lent her and sighed.

She was heading for the door when James's face frowning up at her from a small portrait on his bedside table caught her eye.

That picture seemed vaguely familiar for a moment before she racked her brain and remembered. She used to be in this picture. Before they had gone home for the summer earlier that year, Sirius had taken a picture or her and James standing outside of the castle. She had really liked this picture because they had looked so happy...

But now she was gone, and James looked horribly depressed. It struck Lily that the picture must have changed when they had broken up, and she jerked her gaze away from it quickly.

She ended up jerking the door open harder than she had meant too and nearly tripped over something on the floor before she caught herself on the door frame.

Looking down, she saw her clothes, folded and stacked neatly for her with a toothbrush and a letter sitting on top.

Lily scanned the letter from Mrs. Potter that told her she had cleaned her clothes for her and that the toothbrush was new. Lily smiled and picked up her clothes. She _really_ liked James's parents.

* * *

Lily didn't have to wait very long for anyone else to get up. Mrs. Potter woke up first and started making breakfast and Lily went down to meet her.

Mrs. Potter smiled when she saw her. "Good morning, Lily. Did you sleep well?"

Lily lied and nodded. "Can I help you?"

"Sure," Mrs. Potter handed her bowl of eggs to whisk. "By the way, you can call me Mary."

Lily stopped whisking and looked at her. "Your name is Mary?"

Mary nodded.

"Oh..."

"What's wrong?" Mary asked her.

Lily shook her head. "Nothing...it's just that was my mom's name too..."

Mary sat down at the table next to her. "Was?"

Lily nodded and bit her lip. "Yeah...my parents-" Lily stopped short and bit her lip again. She looked over at James's mother who placed a hand on her arm.

"It's ok...My mother passed away when I was young too."

"I'm sorry," Lily said quietly. They were quiet for a moment. "Did you--" she looked over at Mary who waited politely, "did you ever look for her? Or feel like it wasn't real? Or like you could change it?"

Mary sighed. "Of course, it's only human to do those things...I was small, only about seven, and I was convinced that my father was lying to me." She paused for a moment while she stared at the table in front of her. "I went searching through every room in my house until I finally gave up." She looked up at Lily. "I've never told anyone that before...I guess you're the only person I can relate to on this..."

Lily nodded. "My friend Adrienne's mother died when she was young...but she doesn't like to talk about it...I hate not talking about my mom."

"Oh I know," Mary agreed, "no one would ever talk about my mother in front of me! It drove me crazy!"

"I know," Lily said, "I want to remember my parents, not forget them."

Mary smiled at her. "Exactly what I was thinking..." She stood up. "Here, let's put some cheese in those eggs."

"Oh, eggs?"

James and his father stepped into the kitchen, ending their conversation. Lily couldn't believe how easy it was to talk to Mary about her parents. Actually, she was more relieved that someone would actually talk about them. Everyone else she knew tiptoed around the subject.

During breakfast, Lily watched the family of three laughing and talking while she quietly ate her own breakfast. Her heart ached watching them, thinking about how that had used to be her with her parents.

Lily sighed quietly to herself and started making up a schedule in her head. She had a lot to do today...

**

* * *

**

Adrienne grumpily drug herself down the stairs to the common room the next morning. She hadn't had a lot of sleep due to what she had learned about Lily and the gigantically loud thunderstorm outside of her window all night long. She saw that the storm was still going strong as she passed a window on the way out of the portrait hole.

If she could just get to breakfast fast enough, she would be fine. Being hungry only made her ten times grumpier, so eating now was probably the best idea.

But she couldn't seem to stop dragging her feet and walking slower than normal. And it didn't help that as soon as she decided to pick up her speed, a pair of arms came out of nowhere and dragged her into a small alcove behind a large curtain.

"What the hell?" Without thinking, she swung her fist at the assailant who dodged her, letting go of her quickly.

She blinked at the light coming from a window before she realized it was Sirius who had grabbed her next to a stressed looking Remus and a happy looking Peter.

"I'm sorry," Remus apologized, "I told him to just call you over..."

Adrienne glared at Sirius for a moment before turning to Remus. "What did you guys need?"

"To talk about Lily and James," Remus sighed, "We were thinking that maybe it would be best to not tell them that we know...especially Lily...she obviously didn't want us to know, after all, it is a very personal thing."

Adrienne nodded. "Yeah, I was thinking the same thing...We should cover for James too, if anyone asks where he is."

They all agreed and stepped out of behind the curtain.

Adrienne ignored them as they walked behind her on their way down to breakfast, though she heard Remus saying happily to Sirius, "Oh by the way, Padfoot, you owe me ten galleons."

**

* * *

**

Once breakfast was finished, Lily told the Potters that she was on her way to the police department and she was surprised when they offered to drive her. She wasn't surprised because they offered, it was more due to the fact that they _could_ drive and they knew what a car even was.

At least for the most part. Mr. Potter kept referring to it as an audiobill. On the way to the police station, he proudly told Lily and James that he had just gotten his license.

Though the first half of the day was enjoyable, the second half was not. Lily went into the police department and reported what had happened with Jeremy. She had only expected to have to tell the story once, but then they asked her to tell it again, and then a third time. Then they had her thinking it over in her head extra hard to make sure she had given them every little detail.

Not only did she have to tell the story over and over, but she also had to pretend that she was in pain. It was the only thing about Mr. Potter healing her that wasn't good. If the police saw that she didn't have any bruises, or wasn't in any pain, then they might think that she had made the whole thing up.

She kept her coat on the whole time so that they wouldn't see that she didn't have any bruises on her arms, so by the time she had told them her story for the third time, she was nearly sweltering.

It had gone on for nearly three hours when John C. Buckner, Elizabeth Rice's lawyer walked into the office Lily sat in, surprising her.

He reached out to her and shook her hand in greeting. "Ms. Evans, how are you? I'm terribly sorry about Mr. Stanfield."

Lily shook her head. "Don't be, you're not responsible for him."

He nodded. "I just came to talk for a moment," he sat down in the chair next to her's. "No one has seen nor heard from Mr. Stanfield since last night. Due to this, the case against him as been postponed until further notice. His father's house, his friend's houses, and pretty much everywhere within a fifty mile radius of here is being closely monitored, so it shouldn't be long until the case is back up. But until then, you're free to go back to school until we need you...ok?"

Lily nodded. "Ok..."

He stood up and shook her hand again. "It was nice to see you again, Ms. Evans, thank you for coming out here. I hope to see you again soon."

**

* * *

**

She really liked James's parents, so Lily hated having to leave their house so soon. They had politely driven her to her house in Godric's Hollow where she quickly grabbed her bags and locked her doors before going back to James's house.

After they had eaten their lunch, courtesy of Mary, they crowded around the fire place.

Mary leaned over and grabbed Lily in a hug while James and his father did the same thing.

"Goodbye Lily, I hope you come back and visit us soon."

Lily hugged her back. "I do to, thank you for having me."

After everyone had said their goodbyes, James threw a handful of floo powder into the fire and stepped into the green flames.

"Hogsmeade floo station!"

In a whirl of green flames, James was gone. Lily stepped into the flames after him and tucked her elbows in.

"Goodbye," she shut her eyes tight against the flying ash as a comfortable feeling started to settle into her stomach. She was going back to Hogwarts.

* * *

Oh no. No, no, no...She had _not_ just done that. No, she had made the whole thing up in her head. It didn't happen!

Adrienne sighed and rubbed her eyes before she entered the common room. She was so distracted by what had just happened that for a moment, she didn't realize that Lily and James were there.

"Adrienne!"

Adrienne looked around and was shocked to find Lily coming towards her.

"Oh...hi Lily," she hugged her briefly before letting go. She licked her lips, "How did it go?" She asked quietly.

"Um," Lily looked around the room before looking back at her, "Everything went fine...Petunia got off with a slap on the wrist..."

Adrienne nodded slowly and held back a grim look from forming on her face. She hated being lied to. "That's good...I'm going to go now." She turned and went for the girl's dorm.

"Oh...ok then, I guess I will too..."

Adrienne ignored Lily as she walked up the girl's stairs behind her. It wasn't that she was mad at her, not at all; she was more distracted by what she had just done.

She walked into the dorm and went straight for the bathroom. She needed a shower. After all, she _had_ just-

"Adrienne, are you ok?"

Adrienne nodded quickly and sent a smile towards Lily. "Yep, I just need a shower."

Lily nodded, but Adrienne barely noticed as she walked into the bathroom and closed the door quickly.

Adrienne had been so weird earlier, that Lily didn't bother asking if she wanted to go down to dinner with her. She went ahead by herself wondering why Adrienne was being so strange.

She would have to ask Sirius or Remus, but the strange thing was, Lily hadn't seen either of them all day long. But James had also disappeared when he had arrived, so they were probably all off together somewhere...

**Earlier that day**

James walked into the common room with Lily and immediately started looking for one of his friends. They were most probably wondering where he was, and where he had run off too. He had no idea what he was going to tell them, and despite Lily's request for him to make something up, he was starting to think that maybe he should just tell them truth.

Sirius, Remus, Peter and James had so many secrets between all of them that he didn't even remember them all. They had always been trust worthy, so why lie to them now?

He found Peter and Remus first doing their homework over in the corner of the common room together.

They had barely exchanged greetings when Remus blurted out at him, "Where the hell have you been?"

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Where is Sirius?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know...I haven't seen him for hours...why?"

"Because I don't want to say all of this twice."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Why? Never mind; there's Sirius now."

Sirius was walking through the portrait hole with a grossed out look on his face. He saw them and headed over.

"James! Where the hell have you been?" He asked the same question Remus did.

James looked over his shoulder at the students around them. "I'll tell you in the dorm." He turned and walked toward the boy's staircase, ignoring the annoyed sounds coming from the marauders.

**

* * *

**

James looked around at his friend's reactions, waiting for them to say something. Anything would be nice about now.

They had been staring at for at least twenty minutes straight now. Ok, maybe not _twenty_ minutes, probably more like a few seconds, really…but it felt like a lot longer.

"Um, James," Remus finally spoke up, "I don't know how to tell you this, but...we sortave...already knew..."

James felt his eyebrows come together in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"When you ran out on Adrienne in the library, she wanted to know where you had gone...she was worried about you, and after not seeing you all day, we were too...So...we went into your trunk and found the letters going back and forth from your mom...We remembered that Lily had gone home, and we put it all together."

"Yeah, about that," Peter said quickly, "I'm still a little confused-"

"You put it all together?" James interrupted Peter.

Sirius and Remus nodded while Peter shook his head confusedly.

James let go of a deep breath he hadn't realized that he had been holding. He ran his hands through his hair slowly before looking back over at Sirius and Remus.

"Then why didn't you tell me that before I told you that whole story??? I mean, come on, I went on and on for about twenty minutes, it was a long ass story, and you just sat there?"

Remus and Sirius nodded while trying not to snicker.

"I started to when I found out about her secret and then all the way to saving Lily from Jeremy last night and you didn't stop me?"

Sirius shrugged, this time, he wore a lopsided grin. "Nope. Speaking of saving Lily though, does this mean that you guys are back together?"

James stared at him. "What? I don't know...what do you think?"

Remus leaned forward. "Did you talk to her about it?"

"No..."

"You should."

"You think so?"

Remus and Sirius nodded.

"Do something romantic for her," Remus suggested.

Sirius turned and looked at him. "What?! No, he shouldn't be doing anything, he just saved her life! She should be doing something for him." He turned back to James. "James, mate, just go up to her, grab her, and plant one on her."

Remus looked at Sirius like he was crazy. "What?? Do you know nothing about women, Padfoot?"

Sirius smirked. "I'm the women expert; I know everything there is to know about them, thank you very much..." He paused and then bit his lip before looking back up at them. "Just...don't become really good friends. Because then it will feel like she's your sister, and that's just twisted."

Remus and James stared at him for a moment before deciding to forget about it.

Remus shook his head and turned back to James. "Ignore Sirius, you cannot just go up and 'plant one on her'. Think about it, she's been raped, if you just go up and grab her, she's going to feel like you're attacking her."

James nodded. Remus was right...maybe he should talk it over with Lily...but one side of him agreed with Sirius. He_ had _just saved her life...It was all so unfair...He hadn't even cheated on Lily in the first place, they should still be together right now. Suddenly, a flame of anger came to life inside of him. It wasn't a raging inferno of any kind; it was more of annoying itch. Why had stupid Hilary kissed him?

He thought about it all day. Should he go talk to Lily? He loved her more than anything else, but sometimes it didn't seem that she loved him back quite as much...or at least that was how it felt.

There was also the horrible feeling that he might get his hopes up.

All day all that was in his mind was Lily, and every different scenario that could take place between them. His friends had become so annoyed by his lack of interest in their conversation that they left him alone up in the dorm, to brew in his own thoughts.

It was starting to get dark when he finally built up the courage to decide to just go and talk to her. Slowly, he stood up from his bed and stretched out his one good arm.

**Back in the present..**

Lily was walking down the corridor alone when she heard her name being called behind her.

"Lily, wait up!"

She turned to find James down the hall coming towards her.

"Ok..." She stopped to wait for him.

Suddenly, professor Dumbledore seemingly appeared out of no where in front of James.

James nearly crashed into him but managed to stop just in time.

"Mr. Potter! Could I see you for a moment?"

"Oh," James looked over at Lily, but Dumbledore spoke quickly.

"It will only take a minute."

Lily nodded and motioned for him to go. "I'll wait."

James nodded quickly and followed the professor.

Lily crossed her arms and stared at the opposite wall in front of her. She wondered what James wanted. But she barely had any time to think about it. Dumbledore had been true to his word. He and James only took one minute.

They came back a minute later side by side.

"Good evening, Lily." Dumbledore smiled kindly at her as he passed.

James held up his arm for her to see. "Look, he fixed my arm!"

Lily felt her eyebrows furrow. "Why?"

James shrugged. "I don't know...He told me that everyone loves a hero and then he just fixed it!"

"He said that, did he?"

James nodded. "You think he knows?"

"I don't know...but...about that whole thing, I don't think I thanked you well enough...thanks." She leaned forward awkwardly and slowly put her arms around him.

"Oh, you're welcome," James to the opportunity and put his arms around her quickly.

They stood like that for just a quick moment.

Lily almost found herself liking it before the images of James kissing Natalie and Hilary popped into her mind. James shifted above her and she felt something tickle the top of her head. She glanced up to find him smelling her hair

Lily pulled away from him quickly. "What are you doing?"

James just stared at her for a moment. It felt like they stood staring at each for a long time before James finally blurted out, "Do you think we'll ever get back together?"

Lily felt her mouth drop open an inch. She didn't have an answer to that question. Her mind was telling her two different things. She _missed_ James, she knew that he was a good person, but...her heart was still broken. It hadn't just magically healed itself overnight.

She didn't have to say anything to James, however, who saw the look on her face and backed away.

His head dropped and he didn't look at her. "Why not?"

"You know why not." It might have come out just a _little_ harsher than she had meant it to.

James's expression changed in a split second. He lifted his eyes up to meet hers. His face was red with anger.

"I did NOT cheat on you!" She flinched away from his harsh tone. She had never heard James speak like _that _before.

But he didn't seem to notice her flinch. He started running his hands over his face quickly; he looked like he was trying to control himself. Finally, he dropped his hands.

"You--" his voice shook, "I--I am so sick of this! I keep trying to tell you the truth, and you won't listen to me! I tried to understand, Lily, I really did, but you're driving me crazy!"

He looked crazy. Lily just stared at him while he spoke. His voice was in a sort of high pitched squeal almost, his eyes were wide, and he kept running his hands roughly through his hair, making it appear more wild than normal.

James must have cracked. His limit had been reached. Lily almost wanted to feel bad for him, but instead she was getting mad.

"Wait, _I'm _driving _you_ crazy? What about _you_ driving _me _crazy?" Lily asked him. "You send me mixed signals!"

James mouth dropped open at her. "WHAT?"

"Yeah, you heard me! One minute you act like you like me, and then the next you're off snogging some other girl!"

James's face contorted around for a moment. He looked like he wanted to say something a few times but kept closing his mouth. Finally, he yelled, "I'M DONE! There's no more of this, ever. You've insulted me too much! I don't even want to get back together anymore."

Lily glared at him. "Then you're in the same place I am."

But James was gone. He had already stormed away.

Lily stared at the place he had been moments before for a long time. It must have been at least half an hour or maybe even more...all she knew was that one minute James had just left and then the next, students coming from dinner were walking around her.

"Lily?" Adrienne came up next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Are you ok? You look dazed..."

Her gaze drifted over to Adrienne. She felt like she was in a daze, so she probably looked like she was...

Something on her face must have alerted Adrienne because she wrapped an arm around her and started steering her toward Gryffindor tower. "Come on, Lily, let's go to bed..."

She didn't argue with her. Instead, she just let her lead her into the Gryffindor common room and all the way up the stairs to the girl's dorms. Thankful that they were alone, Adrienne led Lily over to her bed and sat her down on it.

Lily took the opportunity to lie down on her side. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself tightly.

Adrienne must have somehow known that she wanted to be alone because she quietly closed the hangings around her bed and went into the bathroom. She was all alone now.

James's words attempted to repeat themselves in her head, but she forced them out. She wasn't going to think about it. And even though her throat ached, she wasn't going to cry about it. James didn't want her anymore...No, she wasn't going to think about it. She bit her lip between her teeth tightly. She _wasn't _going to think about it.

Suddenly she didn't feel like being alone anymore.

"Adrienne?" Her voice shook. It was the first thing she had said in a while...

Adrienne's voice drifted out of the bathroom towards her. "Don't worry, I'm coming back."

Finally, she appeared from behind the bed hangings and sat down next to her. She placed a cold, wet washcloth over Lily's forehead and wrapped an arm around her.

Lily leaned onto her shoulder and closed her eyes again.

"Lily?"

"Hm?"

"I...don't know what happened, I suppose it has something to do with James, but...it will be ok. Everything always turns out for the better."

Lily sighed. She was probably right. But it sure didn't feel like it was every going to get better right now...Adrienne's arm around her tightened. Maybe she didn't have James anymore, but at least she still had Adrienne...

**A/N: Eh, crappy chapter...But I'll try harder next time, I promise. **

**Thanks and cookies go to:**

**-Scp-, Hotkat144, reeltreble1031, LilyJames addict, anon, marie, Katie, mishi's.shadow, jesikababe, Dreamshade, Emmett's little sister, fache629, Lizzar, Hannah, complicated123, Alex, Loz727, smile123, 5redroses, Legolas' Rider, MoodyMoony241, ICantRemberSodAll, mare12a, Your yellow flower, **and **choco108.**

**Thanks so much to everyone! You all get lots of cookies like I promised. D**

**Anyhoo, I'm feeling a little disappointed with myself about this chapter. I feel like I could have done better, but I think I've kept you waiting long enough...so here you are. I hope you guys liked it.**

**Next Chapter: Adrienne tells Lily what she did, it's a Hogsmeade weekend, and someone uses Veritiserum...**

**Hm, let's see...review and you get ice cream! Mmm ice cream...**

**Thanks for reading! **

**-Elvenmuggle **


	21. Veritiserum

**Last time: Adrienne was obviously hiding some secret and James went crazy and decided to give up on Lily...yes, that's all that happened...**

* * *

Ever since Lily's fight with James, it had been raining contiuously. And that was a week ago. It wasn't nice small showers, or sprinkling, it was pouring hard.

All of the Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures classes were post poned until it finally stopped. Sometimes it would almost let up to a small sprinkle for an hour or two, but eventually, it would go back to pouring.

Lily sat in History of Magic with her chin in her hand staring out of the window. It was almost as if the weather knew how she felt. It seemed to reflect her feelings...but that was silly to think that.

She wished she could say that the past week hadn't been hard, but she would be lying. Most of time she just ignored it. She ignored everything. She didn't think about James, or talk about James, or even look his way. It was time to move on from him.

Eventually though, she _would_ have to talk to him. They were the head boy and girl after all, and from what she had heard, they were going to be planning alot of events together.

Life at Hogwarts had pretty much gone back to normal with a few minor adjustments.

Something was obviously bothering Adrienne. Though Lily had asked her several times what was the matter, she had always somehow managed to divert her attention to something else.

Lily supposed that at some point Adrienne would be ready to tell her what was wrong, but she couldn't help but feel very annoyed by her...

And something else had been bothering her. She hadn't seen Tristan since she had come back to school. They only shared a few classes together, but she hadn't see him in any of those. After asking around a little bit, Lily discovered that he had gone home because his mother was sick.

"Lily?"

Lily was ripped out of her thoughts by Adrienne's voice. She turned to find that the History of Magic class was dispersing around her.

"Sorry," she muttered at Adrienne and threw her book back into her bag.

Lily and Adrienne silently fell into step next to one another as they made their way down the corridor towards charms. Two weeks ago, they probably would have been chatting as they walked, but lately, they didn't talk much. Honestly, Lily couldn't think of anything to say. Most of the time, she was just focusing her attention on NOT thinking about James, and she wasn't sure why Adrienne wasn't talking.

It seemed to take forever to get to the charms classroom, but they finally made it. Five minutes early.

Lily shrugged one shoulder. "I suppose we could wait."

Adrienne just blinked and followed her to a table.

They sat silently at the table together, pulling their things out of their bags. When she was done, Lily propped her hand on her chin and stared out of the window, just as she had done in Professor Binn's class.

"Excuse me, may I sit here?"

Lily glanced up to find Tristan wearing a crooked grin.

"Tristan!"

It was the most lively sound she had made in a week. Beside her, Adrienne jumped in her chair, causing the table to shake and several people around them turned to look at her.

But Tristan just sat down and started pulling his things out of his bag. "Hey flower, hey nose ring," he leaned over and grinned at Adrienne, "how are things?"

Lily ignored his question. "Is your mom ok?"

Tristan nodded. "Yeah, she's ok."

"What was wrong with her?" Adrienne asked.

Tristan rubbed at the back of his neck as he hesitated. "She...fell down some stairs and broke her leg."

Lily and Adrienne stared at him. "But...I thought broken bones could be fixed easily?"

Tristan sighed. "They do...but...my mother and I live alone together and we don't really have _that_ much money...so I had to make the potion from scratch..."

The class around them fell silent as Professor Flitwick walked in.

"Good morning everyone," He beamed around at them all.

The door to the classroom opened and James walked in quickly. "Sorry professor."

Professor Flitwick shook his head. "Don't be, you're on time. Just find your seat so we can begin."

James looked around the classroom, probably looking for the other marauders. For a moment, Lily forgot to look away. But James's gaze didn't linger on her. In fact, it brushed right over her sitting next to Tristan.

He walked by them as if he didn't see them. His jaw didn't clench, his eye didn't twitch, he didn't look mad or jelous in the least. He simply didn't seem to notice or care.

Lily swallowed hard and looked down. Suddenly her throat was aching. NO, she wasn't going to think about it. James didn't exsist.

Lily continued to look down at her hands as Professor Flitwick started to speak. She could feel Tristan's gaze on her but didn't want to look up. She _couldn't_ look up yet even if she wanted to.

"What was _that_?"

It took her a moment to answer but Tristan didn't seem to mind waiting.

She leaned closer to him and whispered, "it's not much, we just had a big fight is all..."

He waited until Professor Flitwick turned away to answer. "Oh...sorry."

Lily shrugged and shifted her attention towards the charms professor. But just as she had done in History of Magic, her attention drifted. Actually, it was more like she was staring at the teacher talking, but didn't hear anything he was saying.

He talked and talked and she stared on. Everyone around her seemed to be listening intently and taking notes. Even Adrienne looked interested. Maybe she should listen? Lily shook her head and cleared her mind.

"And next week we will start practicing them, but now, I'm afraid we've run out of time. Class dismissed."

All of the students started packing their bags back up. Lily slowly stood up and shoved her blank parchment into her bag.

"That was fast..." she said to herself.

Adrienne heard her and gave her a funny look. "It was normal timing Lily."

"Maybe it seemed fast because it was so interesting," Tristan spoke up, "I'm so glad we're finally doing healing charms."

What? They were doing healing charms? Lily had wanted to do healing charms for years. With all of the trouble that seemed to follow her around, she really needed to know some of those...

After lunch, the only other class they had was potions. Because of the heaviest downpour yet, and the fierce winds, Herbology was cancelled yet again.

However, all of the Gryffindor seventh years were pleased with this, and they all gathered in the Gryffindor common room. With the exception of Lily of course, who walked up to her empty dorm quickly before James could see her, though she doubted that he even cared to see her anymore.

A few minutes later, Adrienne walked in looking mad.

"What's wrong with you?" Lily asked her worriedly.

Adrienne swallowed and her eyes dropped to the floor. A few moment later, they drifted back up to look at Lily.

"I..."

And then suddenly she burst into tears.

Lily was caught off guard. One reason being that it was so sudden, she hadn't expected it. The main reason being that she had never seen Adrienne cry before. She was the most strong person she had ever seen.

Finally, getting over the shock, Lily jumped up quickly and made Adrienne sit down.

"What is it?" She asked again.

"I'm a horrible person!" Adrienne wailed. "I am so mean!"

"What? No you're not! Why would you think that?"

"Because, because I..."

Lily waited patiently.

"I miss Jack. ALOT, and I..._might_ have done something stupid in my misery."

Finally, she was going to tell her what was wrong. Lily was more impatient this time. "What did you do?"

It took her a moment to answer. "I...I sortave...made out, or 'snogged' as you guys say it...with...Sirius."

"WHAT?"

"But it was really gross!" Adrienne said quickly, "It was like, we knew each other too well, and then like we were...brother and sister." She shuddered as finished with that line.

They were silent for a few minutes before Lily could get over her shock this time. "Ew." It was all she could say.

"Yep."

Finally Lily spoke up again. "But...why does that make you a bad person?"

Adrienne siffled. "Because when Sirius and I started...kissing, he said that he had been waiting for this for a long time, which makes me think that he liked me...and the only reason that I started kissing him was because I was thinking about Jack and how much I miss kissing _him_." She said all of this very fast.

"Oh. Well, that's not that bad...It didn't turn out that well with Sirius after all, so it shouldn't matter."

Adrienne shrugged. "I guess...But now it's all weird between me and Sirius. And I really liked him...as a friend." She sighed, "And I also feel like I cheated on Jack."

"You didn't cheat on Jack."

"But I feel like I did."

"But you didn't." Lily suddenly remembered something. "Hey, remember that weird letter you got that day when we were in Hogsmeade? That one that told you to never go near Jack again?"

Adrienne nodded. "Of course."

"Well, remember it said that you would never feel the desire to ever see Jack again, or whatever because of some curse it put on you? Whatever the hell that was, it doesn't seem to be working."

Adrienne's eyes widened as she realized what she was saying. "You're right...It worked at first, but...now lately it's seems to be wearing off."

"Wait--" Lily faltered, "why haven't you gone to see him?"

"Well," Adrienne bit her lip, "The last time I spoke to him was when I told him about his parents...He was really mad...He told me that he didn't want to see me anymore so I haven't spoken to him since." Her head dropped. "But I really want to."

They fell silent for a moment. Finally, Adrienne stood up. "Alright, this is stupid! I'm going to Professor McGonagall and telling her about this."

"About Jack?"

"No, about that stupid letter, and that stupid curse. Hey, are you still having those nightmares? You should come too."

Lily shook her head. She hadn't had one of those horrid dreams in a few weeks. "No, you go, I'm just gonna hang out up here..."

Adrienne stared at her. Slowly, she sat back down next to her. "Lily..." she said slowly, "I know it's hurts, but...you can't stay up here _all_ of the time...At some point, you're going to have to go down and see-"

"Ok!" Lily cut her off quickly before she could say his name. "Ok, ok, ok, I'll go down to the library to work on my homework."

Adrienne seemed satisfied enough by this and led her down to the common room with a small smile on her face. Pretending she was just stopping to pull her bag onto her shoulder, Lily paused at the bottom to glance around the room to make sure _he_ wasn't here.

She didn't see him anywhere in sight, so she followed Adrienne out of the portrait hole.

"Have fun." Lily told her playfully before they parted ways.

Lily walked silently down the hall towards the library thinking about how she hated being alone lately. It made her almost feel panicky, as if she were to be alone for to long, then it would be ireversable. Amazingly enough, being raped again wasn't her biggest fear. Her biggest fear was being alone again.

And that's when she realized it. She stopped and leaned against the wall. The only person she had now was Adrienne. Adrienne was the only person that she could depend on to be there for her. She was the only person that she trusted. Of course, she still hadn't told her about being raped. Friends were supposed to tell each other everything, right? At least good friends were...

On the other hand, the hand that she was doing her best to rebel against, part of her mind was telling her to not get too close to Adrienne, because she was going to end up losing her just like she had lost her parents and _him_. Sometimes it didn't make sense to get close to someone when it seemed so obvious that you were just going to be let down again.

Of course, there was also Tristan, but they weren't _that _good of friends.

All of this was making her worry too much. She had to stop worrying; she wasn't going to lose Adrienne today. She _wasn't._

"Ok, he definently doesn't want to talk to me." Adrienne plopped into a chair next to Lily in the Library. "He completely ignored me."

Lily smiled gently at her. "Then he's a troll."

It had taken a whole hour for Adrienne to finally come back. Instead of doing her homework like she had planned on doing, Lily had simply stared out of the window at pouring rain with her chin in her hand. She had mostly been thinking about Adrienne, wondering on wether she should tell her about her darkest secret.

She had finally come to a conclusion that she was NOT going to tell her. But then she had started thinking about it...Everytime she made a descion like this, she always turned out regretting it, and things would get messed up. So, though it might not seem to make sense to anyone else, it seemed perfectly logical to her. She didn't want to tell Adrienne anything, she didn't think it was a good idea, but she was going to go against everything her mind was telling and just do it.

"Adrienne," she blurted out without even thinking about it, "I have to tell you something."

Adrienne lifted and eyebrow and leaned forward. "Ok..."

Lily glanced around her. It was a friday so there was hardly anyone in here now. She _could_ go back to her dorm, but she was sure that it wouldn't be empty. Her table was private enough...

She turned back to Adrienne who sat waiting. Suddenly, she didn't feel so good. But she kept her mind on her task. She had to do it.

"There's a reason why I was so mean to you when you first came to school...I'm sure you've heard from other people that I've changed alot. I was mean person, I didn't trust anyone, I shut everyone out."

Adrienne waited patiently.

Lily took a deep breath. "It's because... a few years ago...I was-" she stopped and then had to force the last part out, "raped. I was raped."

Suddenly she wasn't afraid to say it anymore. Lily could swear she could literally feel a weight being lifted from her chest. She took in a deep breath; it seemed lighter than it had in years.

It was the first time she had ever actually said it before. When it had first happened, people had asked her, "Were you raped?" or "Did he rape you?" and she would just nod or say yes. She had NEVER actually said the words before. Until now.

She somehow felt _free_.

She burst into tears, but for once, they were happy tears.

"Lily, it's ok!"

Adrienne mistook her tears for sad ones and attempted to comfort her.

"I know Adrienne, I'm great; these are happy tears!" She sobbed. "I've just never told anyone before!"

Adrienne smiled lightly at her. "Are you sure? Because you're kindave making a scene..." She glanced around her to make sure no one was watching.

Lily tried to calm herself down. "Ok...I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier; you're not mad are you?"

Adrienne looked at her like she was crazy. "What? No! That would be stupid for me to be mad. I know it's hard to tell someone something like that...I did it too, remember?"

Lily nodded and nearly burst into tears again. "Thanks Adrienne..."

They sat in silence for a moment before Lily remembered why Adrienne had come here in the first place.

"Adrienne, I'm sorry, I forgot all about Jack! What did McGonagall say about that whole curse thing?"

"Oh, said that whoever put it on me had done it very poorly, and that it was staring to wear off...Then she just took it off..." Adrienne sighed. "I saw him in the hall right after that, and I called him, and I know he heard, but he just ignored me."

"Oh...well..."

"I'm not giving up on him, I don't care if he doesn't want to talk to me, I'm going to keep trying."

Lily nodded. "Good."

* * *

Three weeks dragged by. Lily didn't speak to James at all, she hardly even looked at him. Most of the time, she stayed buried in her school work to keep her mind off of him. Adrienne had kept to her word and contiued to try to talk to Jack, who was still ignoring her.

The rain had finally stopped only to be replaced by heavy snow fall. Which everyone rejoiced in until they learned that they were going to have to make up for all of the lost Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures lessons that they had missed.

It was December now and the school was decorated for Christmas. Tall trees stood in the Great hall and fairie's were hired to live in the snow covered bushes to light them up.

The prefect's meeting planning the winter ball--or dance--whatever they were calling it now, was easier to sit through than Lily had thought. She had figured that she would have to talk to James, but most of the other girl prefects were extremely excited to get to be planning it, and chatted constantly through the whole thing. They had pretty much planned the whole things themselves and Lily had given her approval without even hearing what they were saying.

In that same meeting, the prefects had schedualed two Hogsmeade trips for December. The first one was in two days. Lily hadn't been planning on going with the depressing thought in her head that she no one to buy presents for. But Adrienne had eventually talked her into it.

So on Saturday morning, Lily woke up bright and early with everyone else and set to get ready for Hogsmeade. But due to there being four other girls in her dorm all fighting for the bathroom, and the fact that she wasn't so much of a morning person on Saturday, Lily ended up being the last one ready with an annoyed Adrienne waiting on her.

"Come_ on_! You should have just gotten up earlier like I did." Adrienne crossed her arms as she waited for Lily to finish brushing her hair.

"Adrienne, I swear," Lily slammed the brush down, "one more word and I'll hex you!"

"Geese, someone's grouchy today."

Lily glared at her as they finally fell into step next to each other down to the common room. "I'm sorry, but you're nabbing me!"

They entered the empty common room and started to make their way across it.

"I was _not_ nabbing, I was telling you what you should have done, and I'm right."

"Well excuse me for not wanting to get up early on _Saturday_ morning!" Lily growled. "It's the day of rest!"

"Actually, Sunday is the day of rest, Saturday is just like every other day."

"It is not!"

The portait swung open for them and they were about to walk down into the hall, but was stopped short by the sight of Jack looking very tired and holding what looked like the Daily Prophet.

He swallowed hard and looked at Adrienne.

"You...you were right." He slowly held out the Daily Prophet for her to see.

Both girls looked down at the front page. There were two people with their tied behind their back being led into what looked like a big stone fortress. Lily supposed it must have been Azkaban, but she wasn't sure; she had never seen Azkaban before. Above this picture were the words in bid, bold letters, **Two found to be in association with He-who-must-not-be-named caught.**

Judging by the looks on Adrienne and Jack's faces, it was clear that this must be Jack's parents.

Lily was just about to walk away to give them some privacy when Jack stepped forward. "I'm sorry...I love you."

It wasn't even a second before they were caught up in each other's arms.

Figuring they would probably want to have their privacy, Lily walked away quietly, silently smiling to herself.

Now she could either go onto Hogsmeade all by herself and possibly run into _him_, or she could sit here and wait for Adrienne...but Adrienne probably didn't want to go anymore.

Sighing to herself, Lily continued down to the great hall. It was very empty in here except for a few other people. She quietly ate her breakfast by herself.

As soon as she had finished and walked out of the great hall, she was met by Adrienne and Jack.

"Hi Lily." Jack, who stood next to Adrienne while holding her hand, waved at her with his free hand.

"Hi Jack...are you ok?" Lily figured finding out that your parents are the bad guys couldn't have been easy.

Jack shrugged. "I actually found out last night after dinner so I've had to think about it all night."

"Are you sure you want to go to Hogsmeade?" Adrienne cut in.

Jack nodded. "Yes, aboslutely. It will take my mind off of it."

Lily almost sighed again. She had hoped that for one day she would be able to hang out in Gryffindor tower by herself without anyone she didn't want to run into. For some reason, Adrienne really wanted to go to Hogsmeade and was determined to drag Lily along with her.

They pulled their clokes around them more tightly before they entered the freezing blizzard outside. The wind wipped at their faces harshly and the snow soaked through their pants up to their knees as they struggled through it to get down to Hogsmeade.

It took twice as long as it normally did, but eventually, they found their way into the broomsticks.

Lily quickly dried them off with a simple drying spell before Jack went over to get them some drinks. It was more jamm packed in here today than Lily had ever seen it, so she and Adrienne has some difficulty in finding themselves a table. It turned out that all of the tables were already occupied so the two girls joined several other people that were standing up along the walls.

Adrienne suddenly moved in front of her. "Lily! Are you sure you want to stay here? We could go to the Hogshead instead!" Adrienne smiled at her innocently.

Lily lifted an eyebrow at her. "Um...are you ok?"

Adrienne nodded. "Uhhuh, yeah, I was just wondering how different the butterbeer might taste at the Hogshead. I've never been there after all."

"Um...The Three Broomsticks is better, trust me."

"But I've never tried it! Come on, let's go there instead," Adrienne started pulling on her arm, but Lily pulled back.

"Adrienne, stop, you're being weird."

"I am not being weird!"

Lily stared at her for a moment with narrowed eyes. "Move."

Adrienne did her best to look innocent. "Why?"

"Because I want to know what you're blocking from me! It can't be _him_, you've never hid him from me before..."

"I'm not hiding _anything_, I swear!"

"Then move."

Adrienne dropped her innocent act and suddenly became very serious. "Lily," she whispered, "please don't look...I...I don't want you to get hurt again."

Lily's heart skipped a few beats at hearing these words, and not in a good way. She thought for a moment about what Adrienne was saying before she answered. "Is...whatever is behind you, is it something that I'm eventually going to see anyway?"

Adrienne didn't answer. Instead she sighed and moved a few steps to the side.

Suddenly it was apparent why Adrienne had been so reluctant to move. Suddenly it was very obvious why Adrienne wanted to go to the Hogshead. Now that she saw what Adrienne was talking about, the Hogshead didn't seem so bad.

It was as she had suspected. James was sitting at a table with his own butterbeer looking very happy. But he wasn't alone. Across the booth from him was a girl. Lily immediately recognized her from the prefect meetings. This girl was a seventh year Hufflepuff in charge of something or other for the dance.

Adrienne had been wrong. This didn't hurt her feelings at all...No...Instead of hurting her feelings, it just made her _mad_. Anger swept through her at the site of this and she fought to keep it down. How stupid was it for her to be angry...She didn't even want him anymore, so it shouldn't bother her at all. This site was actually _almost_ a relief. At least James had waited until _after_ he had broken up with her to move on this time.

Lily shook her head absentmidedly. "That's it? That's what you were hiding from me?"

Adrienne looked taken aback. "You're not upset?"

She shrugged and sighed. "I'll be fine, I can deal with it. Look, here's Jack with the butterbeer."

In all honesty, Lily probably would have been fine if that was all she had seen of James that day. But all day it seemed that wherever Lily went, James and his date were there too. Either they were holding hands and looking very happy together, or snogging up against a wall, or James was whispering in her ear and making her giggle.

Lily and Adrienne found this very strange (and annoying) until Jack finally pointed out to them that James was trying to make Lily jealous. Steadily, she had grown angrier and angrier over the course of the day but when Jack had pointed this out, she snapped.

"I'm going back to the castle, I'm sick of this," she had nearly yelled.

She had just turned around to march away when low and behold, right behind her stood James and this girl, walking toward them. At least this time they weren't alone. The rest of the marauders were with them this time, all trailing behind James and his date with disgusted looks on their faces. Not that Lily even noticed them.

She _had_ to keep calm. If not altogether, then at least in front of James. Clenching her fists tightly, she tried to breath slowly to keep her emotions in check. She couldn't help but notice that James was looking extremely snug...

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!"

As soon as the words escaped her mouth, Adrienne and Jack both grabbed each of her arms and started steering her back to the castle grounds.

But the damage was done. James let go of his date's hand and jogged over to where Jack and Adrienne had taken her.

"What's my problem?? All I'm doing is having a date! If you're jealous, keep it to yourself!"

"I am NOT jealous! Let me go!" Adrienne and Jack let go of her arms and took a step away. "But at least I'm not the one running all over Hogsmeade trying to make my ex jealous!"

"I wish everyone would stop saying 'jealous' so much." Sirius muttered to Remus behind them. Remus nodded and then motioned for Sirius to listen.

James scoffed. "You think I'm trying to make you jealous??"

Sirius sighed.

At least they were up near the shreaking shack so there was no one watching them, except for all of their friends. But Lily had definentely reached her breaking point; she didn't care who heard or saw them this time. She screamed, "I KNOW YOU ARE! I've seen you all fucking day long! Everywhere I go, you're there too."

"What?! You're wrong! This is a small town!"

"It's not THAT small!" Lily roared.

"Yes it is!"

"Not it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"NO IT'S NOT!"

"YES IT-"

"You know what James?" Lily cut in furiously, "I don't know what the hell your problem is! First you cheat on me, but then you try to pretend you want me back! Then, you tell me that you don't ever want me at all anymore, but then you run around trying to make me jealous! What the hell do you want from me?!"

"I want you to shut up and stop saying that I cheated on you because I didn't!"

She almost hit him at hearing this. Almost. Instead, she just screamed some more. "Oh my God! What is wrong with you?! Just admit it! I don't care anymore, you can admit it now!"

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

A few feet away from them, Sirius cleared his throat. "Um, guys?" Everyone turned to him. "I think I might have a way to find out the truth..."

No one said anything, they just continued to stare at Sirius. Finally, Peter said, "Yes?"

Sirius now wore a guilty look on his face. "Well, the other day in potions, I sort of nicked this out of one of those big cauldrons of Sluhorn's..." He pulled out a clear glass vial filled with a powder blue liquid. "Veritiserum." Sirius said matter-of-factly.

Jack rose an eyebrow in Sirius's direction. "Um, dude, that's not finished. Veritiserum is supposed to be clear like water."

"I know that, Jack," Sirius said. He looked over at Jack strangely. "Wait, when did you get here? Nevermind--anyway, I asked Slughorn what the repprocusions might be if someone were to 'accidentely' take some of this before it was finished, and all he said was that it wouldn't make the person all drowsy and like a zombie when they take it like it's supposed to...and it would only last for about a minute...Oh, and he said that it might cause them to have itchy armpits."

James narrowed his eys at Sirius. "I don't want itchy armpits."

"No, I think this is a good idea." Lily finally spoke up.

James turned to her. "What? That stuff's not finished! I'm not taking that."

Lily tilted her head to the side and stared at him. "What? Got something to hide?"

Everyone stared at James. He glared at Lily for moment before finally responding.

"Sirius, give me the potion."

Sirius walked over and handed James the vial who stared at it for a moment before downing in three gulps. Everyone continued to stare at James but nothing happened.

"I don't feel anything..." He looked down at his hands as if expecting to see something there.

Remus stepped forward. "Is your middle name buttmunch?"

James looked at him strangely, but when he answered, his mouth opened of it's own accord and his voice came out with his telling it to. "No."

Remus grinned. "I guess it works...Do your boxers have little hearts on them?"

Once again, James's mouth worked on it's own. "Yes." This time, James looked embarrased. Everyone started laughing except for Lily and James's date. "Ok guys, that's enough," James growled.

"Have you ever snuck and gotten coffee without Sirius?" Peter asked.

"Yes."

Sirius looked seriously offended. "WHAT? How could you??"

James rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry!"

"Did you take my cookie last night at dinner?" Remus asked him.

"Yes. Ok, let's stop now!" James glared at them.

"I knew you took my cookie."

"Can we get serious now?" Lily muttered.

Sirius nodded. "Oh yeah...ok...James, did you ever cheat on Lily?"

For some reason, James answer didn't shock her. Maybe because she had heard it some much from him, or maybe because deep down she had believed him...Noooo, that wasn't it.

"No."

Lily shook her head. "That stuff's not finished, I don't know if that's true."

Now everyone was staring at her. Mainly James. It seemed as if they stared at her for several minutes, but it was most likely shorter than that.

"Ok Lily...I'll see you later."

James slowly turned and walked back to his date. He grabbed her hand and they walked off together. Sirius, Remus, and Peter didn't say anything as they slowly followed.

Adrienne crossed her arms over her chest and continued to stare at her. "Now you _know _that veritiserum doesn't lie. Why do you refuse to believe him?"

Lily glared at her. "I _saw_ him kissing her! It's a little hard to get over that!"

"You do realize how stupid this is, don't you? You obviously want him, and he obviously wants you, and now it's been proving that he didn't cheat on you, but nooo you can't be together? Why? Why not? It makes no sense at all!"

"I just can't...I saw them kissing, Adrienne. Why were they kissing in the first place? I have to know why before I can move on."

Adrienne shrugged. "Alright fine," she reached out and grabbed her arm, "then let's go find what's her name and ask her."

A/N: Thanks for reading guys! This is approaching an end. Yes, it's sad, but, I have to end it sometime. About three or four more chapters to go...

Ok, I would have updated ALOT sooner, I was actually planning on updating it about a week after I put the last chapter up, but my annoying sister just moved back home, and she hogs the computer for fucking EVER. So, sorry about that.

Ok, here's my thanks: **LilyJames addict, Your yellow flower, Readerforlife, ICantremberSodAll: **Oh my gosh, I like your story! I was looking for a good story to read one day and found yours and I was thinking that your pen name sounded familiar! Lol, I'm going to be reviewing it soon, I was just waiting until I finished it.

**5redroses: **Ha, you're the only one who figured that out!**, MoodyMoony241: **Awww you're so sweet!**, KimRulz, Blue-Eyed Chica, BitterBeginnings, Blueberre, **and** shewearsasmile: **No, no, when James was little, his parents split up. His mother married Jeremy's father and they had Jeremy together. His father got remarried to Mary, that's who liked Lily, not his real mother. Is that confusing? Sorry...

Thanks so much to everyone!

**Oh, and tell me something please!** Is there something that you guys would like to see more of? I may or may not do it, so don't get all hurt if I'm not able to. Oh, and did you guys like the whole Adrienne/Jack thing? I wasn't sure if you would because some of you wanted her to be with Sirius...if you're not happy with it, just tell me!!

Thanks for reading!

-Elvenmuggle

* * *


	22. They Catch a Liar

**Last Chapter: Adrienne and Jack made up, Lily saw James on a date with another girl, and James took veritiserum that wasn't completely made and told Lily that he had never cheated on her.**

* * *

You would think that after hearing James talk while under the influence of the veritiserum that Lily would believe him. You would think after that, she might have a little ounce of faith in James.

But now instead of just simply not believing him, she was confused. Conflicting thoughts were running through her mind.

First off, she wanted more than anything in the world to believe James. If what he was saying was true, then maybe they could once more try to make it work between them. But then, the other part of her mind was telling her that no; James was lying and they would never be together again. Then another part was telling her that she didn't even want James at all, and that she could live without him.

If what he was saying was true, and that he didn't cheat on her, then there had to be a reason why Hilary had kissed James in the first place. No one just came up and kissed someone for no reason. Not unless they wanted something out of it. And her timing seemed to be just right. (For her anyway)

So when Adrienne came to her with the idea of just asking Hilary what she was doing, Lily didn't know what to say.

That Veritiserum that James had drunk hadn't been completely made, so there was still a tiny chance that he could be lying.

Lily stared at Adrienne thinking all of this in a matter of seconds. But Adrienne wasn't so patient.

"What do you want to do, Lily? Come on, let's just go ask her."

Breathing in a deep sigh, Lily closed her eyes and rubbed them gently with her fingertips. Finally, she shook her head slowly. "There's no point, it's too late; James has already moved on, and so have I."

Adrienne's face became very red. "This is fucking unbelievable!"

"Adrienne," said Jack softly. He reached out and took one of her arms.

But it was too late to stop it now. Lily felt her anger flare up inside of her.

"_What_ exactly is unbelievable to you?" She struggled to keep her voice level, but it came out shaky.

Adrienne didn't try to keep her voice level at all. "THIS IS SO STUPID! That's what's unbelievable to me! I'm not blind, no one is! It is so fucking _obvious _to everyone in that whole school that you two still want each other! And yet, even though he has told you time and time again that he didn't cheat on you, you continue to believe that he did! Even when he takes that shit that makes you tell the truth, you still don't believe him!"

This time, Lily couldn't keep her voice under control. "WHY DON'T YOU PUT YOURSELF IN _MY_ SHOES, ADRIENNE? I caught him kissing TWO girls, not one, TWO. The first time I believed what he was telling me, but the second time is going too far! And, that veritiserum wasn't completely finished!"

Adrienne shook her head. "Yeah, but Slughorn never told Sirius that it wouldn't make you tell the truth! All he said that it would do was make you have itchy armpits and some shit like that!"

Silence fell over them as they stared each other down. Lily felt a tear roll down her face as she stared at her friend.

"Adrienne?"

Adrienne acknowledged her by lifting an eyebrow.

"All that stuff with your dad and how he abused you and all...How long did it take you to trust someone after that?"

Now the silence was purely deafening. Adrienne looked shocked. She didn't say anything so Lily spoke up again.

"_Now_ try putting yourself in my shoes."

Adrienne still wasn't saying anything, so Lily did the thing that she wanted most to do at the moment. She turned and walked away, back toward the castle. She would have preferred running away as fast as she could, but figured that that might be a little over dramatic.

* * *

Lily only had to wait for a few hours before Adrienne showed up. The two girls both apologized and made up. They had decided to actually talk about the situation instead of fighting about it, when the rest of the girls that they shared a dorm with showed up, all chatting very loudly.

Their talk consisted mostly of the dance that was coming up later that month. They were already discussing dresses, makeup, and which boys they wished would ask them.

"Sirius Black asked me earlier today!" One of the girls said excitedly.

Amongst all of the excited squeals, Adrienne leaned over to whisper in Lily's ear.

"I bet she's one of twelve he's going with." With a mischievous look on her face, Adrienne leaned forward and addressed the girl who had last spoken. "Hey, did he tell you to meet him there?"

The girl nodded. "Yeah...I thought that was weird since we're in the same house."

Adrienne stared at the girl. "Ok..."

Chloe turned to her. "Are you coming to the ball?"

With a disgusted look on her face, Adrienne shook her head. "No."

Everyone except for Lily and Adrienne gasped and looked horrified.

"_What_?" Chloe gasped, "Why_ not_?"

Adrienne shrugged. "It's stupid. What's the point?"

Everyone gasped again and one of the girls even placed a hand on her chest and sank onto a nearby bed.

While Adrienne rolled her eyes at them, Lily covered up her snickers by coughing loudly.

Chloe placed a hand on her hip. "The point is...it's that-" she faltered. "Ugh, never mind, are you going to the dance, Lily?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't know." Actually, after today, she highly doubted it. First of all, she didn't have a date, so she didn't think there was really much point. Second of all, James might be there with someone else and she really wasn't up for seeing much of that right now.

All of the other girls looked at them strangely. Chloe lifted an eyebrow. "Oook..."

Finally, she decided to ignore them and turned back to the other girls. As they resumed their conversation about the dance, Lily and Adrienne took the opportunity to leave the girls in the dorm.

* * *

Lily would have loved it if that had been the last time she had heard anything about the dance, but luck wasn't with her for the next few weeks (As if it ever had been).

Everywhere she went it seemed that everyone was talking about it. Everyone in the halls in between classes talked about it, when they in classes they just passed notes about it and in the prefect meetings they talked about every little detail of it.

Lily had become so sick of hearing about the whole thing that she hardly ever spent time in the common room or the dorm anymore, but instead sat in the quiet library.

Adrienne, who was also tired of hearing about it, came with her occasionally, but lately had been spending a lot more time with Jack.

When it was three days before the dance, (and Lily knew it was three days because she had anxiously been marking the days on her calendar until all of this torture would _finally_ be over.) Lily was asked to the stupid event twice in one day.

The first time she had been asked by an extremely tall six year Ravenclaw whom she had never even spoken to. She politely declined and nearly strained her neck too hard from trying to get a look at his face.

The second time she had been asked, she had been asked by someone she hadn't expected to ask her.

She had been walking back to the common room after dinner when suddenly Tristan appeared out of no where. He came around the corner with a grin on his face but his sudden arrival was unexpected and she nearly screamed when she saw him.

Ok, maybe _nearly_ screamed wasn't the right term for it.

"Holy shit!"

Tristan's smile faltered "What?"

"Oh my God, don't ever do that again!"

Tristan looked confused. "All I did was walk around the corner."

"Yeah, well...don't ever do it again!"

Tristan rolled his eyes. "Ok...I just wanted to come and see if you would like to go to the dance with me."

If he had been trying to catch her off guard, he had done it very well. If she had been holding something, she would have dropped it, but she wasn't holding anything, so instead she felt her arms drop to her sides.

"What?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to the dance with me-"

"No-"

"As friends-"

"No."

Tristan's face fell. "Ok..."

Lily grabbed his arm before he could walk away. "It's not you, I swear, I just really don't want to go to the dance."

"Why?"

"Because...because I'm a bad dancer...and I don't have anything to wear."

"Oh, ok." But he didn't look convinced. Thankfully though, he didn't look too upset. "I'll just ask someone else."

"Ok...I'll see you later." Lily said quietly.

Tristan smiled lightly. "Ok."

A moment after he had walked away and rounded the corner, James came walking around it. Before Lily could look away, she noticed that James was wearing a smirk on his face. For one brief moment, he looked up and their eyes connected.

It turned out to be one brief moment exactly, as James looked away quickly.

Had he heard Tristan talking to her? Lily wondered as she stared at James' retreating back.

Lily thought she had been driven crazy by all of the girls just talking about the dance but a few days later, on Christmas Eve, she experienced what _crazy _really was.

Six hours before the dance was even going to start, the girls in her dorm were running around like mad women as if they had no time at all. Lily started to become a little scared when a normally sweet Chloe completely flipped out when she couldn't find her face wash.

As she was leaving, Lily could hear the girls conversing over which fingernail polish matched their dress robes the best; a conversation which Lily was sure that would last for at least an hour.

She wondered where Adrienne and Jack had gone off to, but then decided against going to find them. Instead, she headed for the library, which she was sure would be empty.

She was right of course. The library was completely empty except for Madam Pince, who sat behind her desk, snoozing lightly.

Lily walked quietly back to the high shelves away from Miss Pince. She wanted a book, not a text book, but a novel. It had been so long since she had read an actual story that she didn't quite remember what the last one she read was.

It must have been a while that she was searching the books, Lily wasn't exactly sure how long, but it had probably been about twenty minutes or so when she heard a pair of voices on the other side of the shelf she was going through.

She had of course decided to just ignore them, until she realized that it was James's voice she was hearing. The other belonged to a girl and Lily was sure that it must have been his new girlfriend.

Over the past few weeks, Lily had done her best to avoid this pair. It seemed that every time she had seen them, they were always holding hands and hanging all over each other. It was like a repeat of their last Hogsmeade trip except that this was a continual, constant, torturous affair that they seemed to love flaunting in front of her at every opportunity.

She was about to leave when she noticed that they were arguing.

"Come _on_, just one quick snog before I get ready for the dance." Usually, you would expect something like to this to be coming for the guy, but this was coming from James's girlfriend.

"I've already told you _no_." James snapped, "We'll snog later, right now I'm doing _this_."

The girl huffed and Lily imagined that she had crossed her arms in a pouting manner. "Who does homework on Christmas? On Christmas break!"

"I do," James snapped again and he sounded more agitated this time, "_I_ want to graduate this year, and to do that, I have to make good grades, and to do _that_ I have to study and do my homework."

They fell silent for a moment and Lily suspected that the girl was pouting again.

Finally, James's girlfriend spoke up again, but this time she was louder.

"How come you only want to kiss me when Lily Evans is around?!"

Oookaayy, she didn't want to listen anymore. Lily turned around started to walk away, but was still able to hear James low, angry reply.

"Get out of here _now_ or I am _not_ taking you to that dance tonight."

That was enough to get her to leave. Lily had just turned the corner when the girl went stomping away out of the library. Once she had stomped out of the door, Lily carried her book up to a now awake and grouchy looking Miss Pince who checked it out for her.

If James was in here, than this place wasn't such a great hideout anymore, so Lily clutching her book, walked quickly out of the library, down a flight of stairs, up a corridor, and around a corner.

"Lily?"

Lily didn't stop as she looked over to see Tristan jogging up to her so that he could walk with her. "Hey Tristan, what's up?"

"Um, I just wanted to let you know that is you change your mind about the dance, then I'm still up for it...why are you walking so fast?"

"Uh, this is the way I always walk." Lily tried to sound natural.

"No it's not."

Lily shrugged as she started to climb up another flight of stairs. "Ok, so? And I haven't changed my mind, thanks anyway."

Tristan sighed. "Ok...I'll c'ya." He gave a small wave and turned away.

"Bye," Lily continued walking until she reached the common room.

She was of course too early to avoid the girls in her dorm, so she sat in an armchair over in the corner and opened up her book. She wasn't even sure what she had gotten, she had been so distracted by James and his girlfriend that she had just grabbed one.

Upon reading the summary on the back, she learned that it was a murder mystery.

Sighing to herself quietly, Lily flipped open the book.

_I'm completely still. I should be answering the question as fast as possible so as not to make them think that what they are accusing me of is actually true._

_They ask me again._

_"Miss Hannigan did you or did you not kill Robert Kardon?"_

_"No, I did not." _

_Of course, this isn't technically true. _

Lily rolled her eyes.

_I glance over at the jury to see their reactions. Right now, they're all looking doubtful, but hopefully, after they hear my story that will change. _

Lily snapped the book shut. She didn't feel like reading about anyone in any stupid court room. The thought of lawyers and court rooms and jury's didn't bring back such great memories for her. The last time she had been in a court room, she had been made out to be a complete whore who had practically begged Jeremy to have sex with her.

Her parents had hired the best lawyer they could afford to represent her and though they had lost, Lily wouldn't say that it was the lawyer's fault at all; Jeremy's parents were rich, Lily wasn't sure how many people he had probably paid off or scared into get things done his way.

(That's right, we're having a **flashback**)

After she was raped, Lily stayed cramped up in the house for a month and a half. She stayed in her bedroom with the drapes closed and under the covers of her bed.

Her mother had barely left her side the whole time. The only time that Lily ever ate was when her mother made her, and the only times she ever left her bedroom was to go to the bathroom and she kept those times as short as she could.

She had only gone out of the house once, and that was to the hospital and the police department the day right after her rape.

You would think that recounting the story over and over to the doctor in the hospital, the police, and her lawyer would drive her insane. But strangely enough, it was a relief to say it out loud rather than have the whole scenario running through her head constantly as it did for the next six weeks.

Jeremy had posted bail, so if he was out there walking around, then she wasn't going to be.

Now it was the day before she was going to court.

Her stomach was in knots. Despite her mother's pleading, she didn't eat anything. She couldn't; just the thought of having to see Jeremy again tomorrow was enough to make her sick without having any food in her stomach.

Other than the horrible fear that had settled itself within her from having to see her rapist again, Lily was filled with a feeling of hope, mixed with fear.

She was hoping more than anything that Jeremy would go to prison, where he belonged and stayed there forever. But her lawyer had been brutally honest with them and made sure that they knew that this was going to be a hard one to win. He had explained his reasons, but Lily hadn't listened. She didn't anymore bad news; she couldn't handle it. They were going to win and that was that. No one was going to tell her otherwise.

Lily didn't get a wink of sleep that night. She lay on her back staring up at the ceiling feeling anxious, scared, terrified, excited, a series of feelings overwhelmed her.

No one spoke the next morning during breakfast. Lily still couldn't eat, and it seemed that her parents were also having a hard time. She sipped at her orange juice slowly and stared at the ticking clock, watching as the hands moved closer and closer to nine, the time that the hearing was supposed to start.

They left twenty till, all of them riding in anxious silence all the way to the court house.

They were nearly there. Suddenly, like a heavy rain, panic and fear overwhelmed her. Lily didn't want to do this anymore. This was too scary. She started to breath heavily in panic. What had she been thinking?? She couldn't do this! She couldn't face Jeremy, or a judge, or a jury, or anyone else! She wanted out and she wanted out _now_.

Slowly, she reached for the door handle, but that was ridiculous, the car was still moving. Lily watched in horror as the court house came into view. They slowly pulled into its parking lot and her parents got out.

She almost screamed in panic when her father opened the door for her. Immediately noticing her expression, he leaned down to her.

Gently resting his palm on her cheek, he said to her softly, "Lily, it's ok. No matter what happens, it will be ok. You're mum and I are here, _don't worry_."

Maybe it was because he was speaking so softly, or that this was her father, whom she trusted, or maybe because he was very convincing, but for whatever reason, his words calmed her. Taking a deep breath, Lily stepped out of the car. Her father immediately wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you, Lily." He kissed her hair and held onto her for another moment before he finally let her go.

* * *

Lily opened her eyes quickly. There was something stabbing at her chest, wasn't there? Looking down at herself, Lily didn't see anything wrong, but soon realized she was crying.

Turning around and glancing around the common room, Lily found it to be empty. She must have fallen asleep here. Everyone must be down at the dance right now.

Her thoughts drifted back to her dream, but it was a memory also. Wait, why was she crying?

The end of the memory came flooding back to her and the pain was so tremendous that her mouth dropped open.

"Oh!" Lily clutched at her heart where the pain resumed quickly.

Without thinking, Lily sobbed into her hands as the loving memory of her father kept replaying itself in her head. This was torture. Her pain far surpassed the pain she had felt when she had been raped, or when Petunia had been so horrible to her, or even when she had broken up with James. She wanted her parents so bad it was hurting her.

This wasn't worth it. Why was she even trying anymore? She had nothing to live for. James didn't love her anymore, her parents were gone, her sister loathed her for no reason, and she only had one friend, whom she rarely ever got to see anymore anyway.

Lily stood up and saw the library book that had undoubtedly caused these memories to come to her and seized it. Without thinking about it, she threw it furiously into the hearth where he slowly started to burn.

Suddenly the portrait opened and Adrienne walked in.

"What was that noise?" She asked but then looked at Lily. Her face immediately changed in worry. "What's wrong?"

"I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVEN TRY!" Lily yelled furiously, ignoring the tears streaming down her face. "THERE'S NO POINT TO THIS! I SHOULD JUST END MY LIFE NOW AND HAVE IT DONE WITH! Anything to get rid of THIS," Lily rubbing at the pain in her heart, but she was sure that Adrienne was probably confused.

Lily glanced over at the nearest window. "I should just throw myself out."

Adrienne followed her gaze over to the window and her eyes widened.

"Don't look like that! Don't act like you care! You _don't_ care! I'm a waste of space, this is all waste of time-"

"SHUTUP!" Adrienne looked like she was seething. At this sight, Lily fell silent; she had never seen Adrienne look so intimidating before. If she had looked close enough, she would probably have seen smoke emitting from her nostrils.

As Adrienne stepped toward her slowly, it struck Lily how much taller Adrienne was from her. Right now, it seemed that she was at least three or four feet taller.

"Don't you EVER," Adrienne growled at her, "EVER, say that again. DON'T you EVER tell me how I feel. That's something for ME to decide, not YOU. I love you Lily, but I have to say, you're acting stupid!"

At least at first Adrienne had seemed to be trying to keep herself under control, but her next words came out harsher than she had meant them too.

"Do you honestly think that you're the only person in this world that hurts? Or has felt like they couldn't go on? Believe it or not, Lily, you're not the only person who has felt the pain of being abused, or losing a parent, or losing a boyfriend, I suffered all of that too, remember?"

Adrienne glared at her. "I know you're hurting, but you're not the only person that has felt that pain so shut up and stop acting so stupid!"

Strangely enough, it was exactly what she had needed to hear. Proof that someone _did _care, even if it was just one person. She now felt ashamed as the realization of what Adrienne said hit her. Strange, her only friend had also been through what she had been through. They had only spoken about it once before, but now she knew how Adrienne felt. Adrienne knew how _she _felt. More than ever before, Lily and Adrienne were bonded, and all because of their sufferings.

Adrienne understood the look on Lily's face. She was sorry, she was ashamed.

"I'm sorry!" Lily sobbed and wrapped her arms around Adrienne tightly who returned the embrace with earnest.

"Me too!" Adrienne sobbed back.

"For what?" Lily questioned.

"For calling you stupid!"

They shared a wet laugh together.

"But I am stupid. Thank you for being here Adrienne, thank you for being...you."

Adrienne responded with a tighter hug. "And thank you for not jumping out of the window!"

Lily was sure that they must have looked rather silly standing there with tears streaming down their faces and their arms around each other. She took a step back and stared at Adrienne.

"Thank you for all of this...every time I'm upset you're always there to comfort me, you always make me feel better..."

Adrienne nodded. "You're welcome. I'm glad to do it."

They shared one more hug before pulling apart. Lily yawned. "I'm tired."

Adrienne looked at her strangely. "Lily, it's only eight o' clock."

"Hm...Well, I guess I'll go wrap your Christmas present then."

Adrienne smiled mischievously. "What did you get me?"

Lily shook her head. "I'm not telling you. Stop asking me!" Adrienne had been trying to guess what her present was ever since she had found out that Lily had bought it.

"Fine, but as soon as you wrap, it, give it to me!"

"You have to wait until the morning."

"But I want it nooooww."

"No."

"Fine, I'll just unwrap it, see what it is, and then wrap it back before you find out."

Lily shook her head. "You're despicable."

Lily went up into the dorm and wrapped Adrienne's present quickly and then hid it again. She wasn't sure how well she should hide it, she couldn't tell if she was being serious about opening it or not. Finally, she decided she didn't really care if Adrienne opened it or not and shoved it under her bed.

Now she had nothing to do. Lily sat down on her bed as Adrienne walked through and stepped into the bathroom. Her mind strayed back to her memory for a moment before she forced it back. She wasn't going to think about that right now.

Then she started to wonder what James and his girlfriend might be up to at the moment, but that also bothered her to think about, so she forced that out of her mind also.

Glancing over at the clock on the bedside table, she saw that Adrienne was right, it was only eight thirty. But she was tired anyway, so with a wide yawn, she kicked off her shoes and pulled the drapes around her.

She must have been really tired because it only took her a few seconds after she had closed her eyes to fall asleep.

* * *

Immediately she regretted it.

She was standing in her reoccurring nightmare setting. She was on that same cliff with the ocean down below. Lily groaned and started frantically telling herself, "Wake up! Wake up!"

Usually, that worked, but this time, it didn't. She pinched her arm as hard as she could but that wasn't working either.

Lily stopped and thought. If trying to wake herself up didn't work, then she knew what would. She peered over the edge of the cliff. Usually it woke her up when she fell from here. But it always hurt when she landed.

Lily took a few steps back and walked away from the cliff. Looking around, she couldn't find anyone else, unlike in her other nightmares.

However, upon looking around a second time, she spotted a big, white house about two hundred feet off.

Whatever made her do it, she couldn't say, but it was the only thing she could think to do at the moment, so she started toward the house.

It seemed to take hours to reach it. Every time she would walk faster, the house seemed to get further and further away. The sun beat down heavily on her back and a layer of sweat caused her clothes to keep sticking to her.

Finally, after what felt like several hours, Lily reached the house. It was much bigger up close. It was very tall and very white with bright blue shutters and wide, wrap around porch. There was a big number 1703 next to the door, and next to that--

Lily jumped back with a yelp. Jeremy was standing next to the door and watching her intently. He didn't say anything. He just stared at her and she stared back at him.

With a smirk, he winked at her and then blew her a kiss.

* * *

Lily woke with a start. Unlike her others dreams, that one wasn't scary. Not except for the end anyway. The number on the house burned into her mind--1703...Why had she dreamt that? Where was this house and why had she seen it?

Lily pulled her back her bed hangings as Adrienne came walking out of the bathroom. Lily looked at her strangely.

"How long have you been in there?" She asked curiously.

Adrienne shrugged. "Just a few minutes. You just watched me go in, Lily. Remember?"

It took a moment for what Adrienne said to register with her. Lily looked over at her clock. It was eight thirty three. That must mean she had only been asleep for three minutes…

"So weird..." she muttered to herself.

"What?" Adrienne asked her.

Lily told her about the dream.

"That is weird...Oh well," Adrienne shrugged and then looked at her. "Can I have my present now?"

"Alright fine," Lily reached under her bed and tossed the present at Adrienne.

Adrienne didn't seem bothered by her dream, but Lily was. It nagged at her for the rest of the week. It continued to nag at her for the next month but she forgot about it soon due to her heavy workload growing larger and larger and the frantic struggle to get it all done so that she would be prepared for her dreaded N.E.W.T.S.

The months dragged by. Lily could only watch and fear that James and his girlfriend were getting closer. Despite, her growing ache to talk to him, she ignored it and neglected to speak to him once. December turned to January, January turned to February, and before long it was already mid April.

It was a normal Saturday. Despite is being a Hogsmeade trip day; Adrienne, Jack, and Lily were all resting under a maple tree out on the grounds, soaking up the sun. Several other students were lounging out on the lawn also, but there were only two in particular that stood out to Lily.

James and his girlfriend, along with the other marauders, were sitting on the stone steps leading into the castle. James and the girl were hanging all over each other while the other boys tried to ignore them with disgusted looks on their faces.

"Don't look at them, Lily. That's what they want." Adrienne told her.

Lily nodded and looked away sadly. But what she landed her eyes on next just couldn't have been a coincidence. It was Hilary the tattoo girl. She was walking through the crowd and back up into the castle.

Lily glanced over at James who was still immersed in snogging his girlfriend and then back to Hilary. Red hot anger flared up inside of her out of no where, and without thinking about it, she felt herself standing up.

"Lily?" Adrienne stood up too when she saw what she was looking at.

It was like her body had a mind of its own. She felt herself standing up and following Hilary back inside of the castle. Behind her, she heard Adrienne telling Jack she would be back shortly and then coming up to stand next to Lily.

"Hey, what's going on?" Adrienne asked her.

"Remember in Hogsmeade a few months ago when you asked me if I wanted to go ask Hilary what happened with James and I said no?" Lily asked.

Adrienne nodded. "Yeah..."

"Well," Lily ignored James and the marauders as she walked up the steps by them, "I've changed my mind, and I want to know."

Beside her, Adrienne let out an excited squeal; something Lily had never heard her do before.

For a moment, Lily thought that Hilary was headed for the Great hall, but halfway down the Entrance hall, she turned and made her way down the hall towards the kitchens.

Lily and Adrienne hurried their walk and drew their wands. Hilary must have heard them coming because she turned and saw them coming.

Either her eyes widened because she saw them, or their wands, Lily couldn't tell, but Hilary turned around and attempted to hurry away from them. But they were already close enough. Adrienne reached her before Lily did, and roughly grabbed her and slung her around to face her.

Lily licked her lips. This was it...

"We don't want to hurt you, Hilary; we just want to ask you something."

Hilary glared at her in return. "Let me go!" She reached inside of her robes for her wand, but before she had even pointed it at either one of them, Adrienne had sent it flying away down the corridor.

"We don't want to hurt you, but I will if you don't behave, got it?" Adrienne growled at her. "Go, Lily. Ask."

"Why did you kiss James Potter?"

Hilary shrugged. "I wanted to."

Adrienne lifted her wand to Hilary's eye level. "I'm serious about what I said you know."

Hilary swallowed hard. She really did look scared. Finally she sighed. "I can't tell you."

"Why?" Lily questioned.

Hilary hesitated. "Because...because I'll get in trouble..."

Lily looked at Adrienne who looked as confused as she felt.

"Hilary," Lily said calmly, "Please, I have to know, it's very important to me. Please, just do this one favor for me, and tell me, why did you kiss James Potter?"

"If I tell you," Hilary paused. She looked very unsure of herself. "You have to promise you won't tell anyone I told."

Lily glanced at Adrienne who shrugged. Finally, she nodded. "Ok. I promise."

Hilary sighed. It seemed to take forever for her to answer. "I kissed him because...because someone hired me too."

"Natalie Clime?" Adrienne asked her anxiously.

Hilary shook her head. "No...It was Tristan Banks."

A breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding escaped Lily. _Tristan?? _If she had ever thought for a minute that they had been set up, she wouldn't have guessed that it was Tristan of all people.

Adrienne let go of Hilary in shock and stared at her. "Are you serious??"

Hilary nodded. "Yeah...he uh...he paid me one thousand galleons."

Lily shook her head closed her eyes. This was so weird..._Tristan_?

"But I thought Tristan was poor," Adrienne voiced.

Hilary shrugged. "I don't know, but that's what he paid me." She looked back and forth between them. "Please, please, please don't tell him I told you, I don't want to get into trouble."

Adrienne glared at her. "Well you should have thought about that before you agreed to do it."

Hilary paled. "But you promised!"

Lily interjected with a sigh. "I'll keep my word, I promise..." she gently placed a hand on Adrienne's shoulder, "Come on, Adrienne, let's go find Tristan and have a little chat with him." She glanced back around at Hilary as they were walking away, "I won't let him know you told."

* * *

"That bastard! That asshole! I just want to... "Adrienne clenched her fists tightly.

Jack, who sat next to Adrienne, was also looking mad. "That is really messed up." He leaned over the Gryffindor table towards Lily and said quietly, "You know, I have some friends in Slytherin who really wouldn't mind taking him out if you want."

It was lunchtime. Lily, Adrienne, and Jack had been searching for Tristan all day without finding him. They had searched most of the castle and the grounds, so they figured he was either in Hogsmeade, or in the Ravenclaw common room.

Jack and Adrienne's comments went unnoticed by Lily who sat quietly staring at the doors to the great hall. She had never been this angry before. She had been angry when she had been told by Hilary that it was Tristan, the guy she had thought was a good friend, who had caused all the trouble for her. But now she had had all day to think about it while looking for him. She just kept getting angrier, and angrier, and angrier...

Things were not going to go very well for Tristan when they finally found him.

"So...Lily? Does this mean you're going to go for James again?" Adrienne asked from across the table.

That was enough to get her attention. Lily abruptly snapped her head towards Adrienne. "I...I don't know, I haven't thought about it yet."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Well now you know he was telling the truth all along. He didn't cheat on you at all."

For whatever reason, probably because she had been so hell-bent on finding Tristan and hurting him, Lily hadn't even thought about that yet. Jack was right; James _had_ been telling the truth all along. She had been wrong; she had dumped him, and all because of Tristan.

"What are you going to do?" Adrienne asked.

Lily shook her head. She didn't know what she was going to do yet. James had been right but...he seemed happy with his current girlfriend. Would he really just forget about that girl for her? After they had been through so much, and she had refused to believe him for all of these months.

How could she have thought James would ever do something like that? Part of her mind argued with her that she had seen him kissing Hilary, but the other part told her that she shouldn't have believed it in the first place, James had been a great boyfriend.

She just didn't know what she was going to do next. Not with James anyway. With Tristan, she had few hexes and curses on her list for him.

Lily shrugged at Adrienne. "I don't yet; first I want to find Tristan...are you guys done eating?"

Jack nodded. "Aren't you going to eat something?"

Lily shook her head. The news about Tristan had completely wiped her appetite away. "No, I'm not hungry now, I'll eat at dinner."

With a sigh, Adrienne stood up. "Alright, let's go to Hogsmeade then."

They walked out of the great hall, through the entrance hall, and out the giant front doors of the castle and out onto the bright lawn. There were still students here, but when she looked around, Lily couldn't find James or Tristan anywhere.

They started walking across the lawn, when the last person that Lily had expected to come up and ever talk to her, approached her.

"Hey, er, Lily?" Lily looked over to find James's ex, Natalie talking to her. "Could I talk to you for a second?"

Though it was rude, Lily didn't even realize that she was staring at Natalie as if she had grown an extra head. She wasn't the only person doing it though; Adrienne and Jack were also blatantly staring.

Natalie seemed to be expecting this though, and didn't seem that disturbed by it.

Finally, Lily snapped out of it. "Yeah, sure...I guess..."

Natalie smiled politely.

"You want us to wait?" Adrienne asked, but she didn't take her eyes off of Natalie.

Lily shook her head. "No, that's ok, you go ahead, I'll catch up."

It took a moment for Adrienne and Jack to finally unhook their gaze from Natalie and walk away towards Hogsmeade. Lily waited until she was sure they were out of earshot before she turned to Natalie.

"What is it?" Lily tried not to sound _too _mean but it was hard to be nice to this girl when she remembered what all she had done last year.

"I know this is out of the blue and all, and I know that this might be coming a little later than it should, but I just wanted to apologize to you for...well I'm sure you know exactly what _for_, I just want to say that I'm sorry for all of that." Natalie stopped and looked at her anxiously.

Lily hadn't expected for her to apologize. The last time she had heard from Natalie, she had was under the impression that Natalie was a psychotic bitch out to steal her boyfriend from her, and now she was here apologizing? At least she was apologizing.

"Ok...you're forgiven."

Natalie smiled. "Thanks...I really am sorry, and I want you to know that I wasn't just going after James just to spite you or anything...I really did love him at one time, I just had a hard time letting him go."

Lily really wasn't sure what to say to that. "Um...ok."

Natalie nodded. "Ok...I just wanted to let you know that I'm really really really am sorry for everything...I feel really ashamed of myself...and I'm sorry for waiting so long to apologize."

"Ok...thanks."

Natalie smiled again. "Ok...well, I'm gonna go, my boyfriend's over there waiting..."

"Right..." Lily watched as Natalie walk over to a tall, blonde haired boy.

Natalie had apologized...her day was turning out to be weirder and weirder...At least her apology had made Lily a little less angry at Tristan. Remembering Adrienne and Jack, Lily started for Hogsmeade by herself.

* * *

Lily breathed in the smell of the spring air and the blooming flowers around her as she stepped out of the Hogwarts gates. It was one of those days where it's not hot or cold, it's just right.

"Such a nice day for such weird events..." Lily muttered to herself.

She approached the sign that pointed towards Hogsmeade and was about to walk past it when she heard a loud crack behind her.

Startled by the sound, Lily turned toward it and saw Tristan approaching her with his wand drawn.

By instinct, Lily reached for her wand also, but Tristan was faster.

"Expelliarmus!" Her wand flew out of her pocket and neatly into Tristan's awaiting hand.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Lily asked angrily.

But Tristan didn't give her an answer. Instead, he raised his wand, uttered a curse, and the next thing Lily saw was black.

A/N: Oh yes, very exciting ending...Anyhoo, there are going to be TWO more chapters only. Yes, I'm really sad about it, but I can't keep it going on forever. Here's a crappy preview of the next chapter for you. I would give you a better one, but I don't want to ruin it.

**Lily finds out what the house on the beach is and she gets into a big duel.**

Thanks for the reviews go to: **smile123** (I put the post rape trauma in there for you, hope you liked it!), **MoodyMoony241** (Hm, I don't know, I guess she just didn't think of it because she was itching to hear his answer to her other question.), **5redroses **(Thanks, I was debating with myself on whether to put that in or not, but it's good to know that someone liked it), **ICantRemberSodAll **(Thanks! I still haven't reviewed your story yet because my sister loves to hog the computer, but I'll get to it eventually!), **Blue-Eyed Chica **( Thanks!), **LilyJames addict** (I don't think Lily was being stupid, she was just protecting her feelings because she doesn't trust anyone. Thanks!), **-Scp- **(Interesting review! Lol), **A Person **(Aw thanks. Yeah, I'm sad about it ending too...), **rachybaby** (lol, ok I'm working on it! ), **LilyHeartsMarauders **(You read this whole story in a matter of days and reviewed every chapter! You're so sweet, thanks!), **anonymous992 **(Yeah, I like Jack and Adrienne too, thanks for your input!)


	23. 1703

**

* * *

**

Last Chapter: Lily found out that Tristan hired Hilary to kiss James and that James was telling the truth about not cheating on her the whole time, Natalie apologized for everything, and when Lily went to confront Tristan, he jumped her and knocked her out.

* * *

Images of Tristan coming at her, wand raised and ready swam through Lily's head. But then she couldn't remember what happened next. What happened next? That was alarming that she couldn't remember it, wasn't it?

That must have been a dream because she was lying here with her eyes closed...her stomach sank. If all of that had been just a dream then that would mean that she hadn't actually found out that James had been telling the truth about not cheating on her.

It was almost as if she had lost him all over again--wait, why was her bed so hard??

Lily opened her eyes slowly to realize that she wasn't lying on her bed, but on a hard floor, and the sun she had thought was coming through the window in her dorm, was coming through a tall window that she didn't even recognize.

Lily shot up quickly and jumped to her feet. The room she was in didn't look familiar at all. It looked a simple living room in a house all plain and white. None of that had been a dream! Tristan had jumped her and knocked her out and this was where she had ended up! The silly part of her mind rejoiced that the part about James had really happened, but dissolved when she heard a voice.

"Good afternoon Lillian."

Now she wished she _had_ dreamed it all. She _knew_ that voice. That voice, and the owner of that voice haunted her, she would never, ever forget what it sounded like.

Lily forced herself to turn on the spot and was none to surprised to see Jeremy staring back at her with an evil grin on his face.

Tristan stood next to him, also looking quite evil.

"How..." Lily fought to find something to say to all of this insanity. "How long have I been out?"

Jeremy shrugged. "Just about ten minutes...How are you doing today?"

Lily scoffed. "Well you know, considering where I'm at right now, it's been a really shitty day."

Jeremy didn't seem too amused by her comment. He turned to Tristan. "Go get the other girl."

A thrill of fear shot down her spine. "What other girl?" Lily asked.

Jeremy turned back to her and flipped his hair out of his eyes. "You're friend Adrienne of course."

How many times were people going to say things today that she wasn't expecting? Lily's mouth almost dropped open. Why would they want Adrienne??

"I wouldn't do it if I were you," she muttered darkly.

"Why?" Jeremy asked calmly.

"She'll kill you." Lily said matter-of-factly

Tristan, who looked very doubtful of that announcement walked a few steps away from Jeremy and asked him, "You want me to bring her here?" Jeremy nodded and Tristan disapparated.

Lily and Jeremy stared at each other.

"What do you want with Adrienne?" She finally blurted out.

Jeremy looked intrigued by her questioned. "You haven't figured it out yet, have you?" Lily was sure that she must have looked confused because Jeremy smirked at her and shook his head. "All of this time, everything that's gone on between us over the years, and you still haven't figured it out?"

Lily just stared at him with a blank look on her face. "I have no idea what you're talking about." She really didn't, nothing came to her mind at all.

Jeremy shook his head again. "Lily, I love to hurt you. Nothing gets me more excited or turned on than to make you hurt." He ignored her look of disgust and continued. "That's really twisted, I know, but...that's just the way I feel."

"But...why do you want Adrienne?"

"Because nothing would hurt you more right now than for me to hurt her. As I hear from Tristan, you're closer to her than anyone else."

Lily glared at him. A swell of anger bubbled inside of her. "_Don't you dare touch her_, you sick son of a bitch!"

Jeremy laughed. "What are you going to give me if I don't? I won't touch her at all if you give me what I want." At those disturbing words, he trailed his eyes along her body.

Another bubble of anger. "Go fuck yourself." Lily spat. She really was proud of herself so far. Most of the other times that she had been near Jeremy she had been so scared she couldn't see straight. Now she was just mad. Adrienne must have rubbed off on her.

Jeremy just laughed again. "Oh, feisty, that's something you never had...where did that come from?"

Lily ignored his question as something came to her mind. "How do you know Tristan?"

"We're old friends; I met him years ago..."

"So he's just a sick as you are?"

Jeremy laughed. "Hell, he's ten times sicker than I am. Sneaky, too, how he managed to befriend you, isn't he? He's been working at it all year, you know."

"Working at what?"

"Hurting you of course," Jeremy tilted his head. "Did it hurt when you saw James kissing another girl? Did it hurt to know that he cheated on you? Did it hurt to think about how much more he loved kissing her than he loved kissing you? As if you didn't have enough bad experiences, you had to go through that too."

"Shut up!"

"I paid Tristan to pay Hilary you know."

An even bigger bubble of anger this time. "WHAT?"

Jeremy grinned. "I figured that one would _really_ hurt."

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE!" Lily exploded. "This is so twisted! Why is everyone out to get me?? And why am I here?" Lily directed her question at Jeremy.

Before he could answer, something else dawned on her. Something that she should have noticed when she had first woken up.

"Wait...why...why is Tristan doing magic in front of you? He just disapparated and you know I've been at Hogwarts."

"It's been a well kept secret that I'm a wizard, you must admit." Jeremy smirked at her. "I went to Durmstrang by the way."

All she wanted to do right now was sit down and try to contemplate all of this. All of this information was giving her a head ache, but she wasn't about to take her eyes off of Jeremy. Instead, she just quietly nodded.

"I haven't told you one of the best parts yet."

There was more??

Jeremy continued smirking proudly as he spoke. "You know those nightmares you've been having? All me."

It wasn't just a tiny bubble of anger this time; it was a full fledged volcano. Lily completely snapped. Three years of hard feelings towards Jeremy came forward. Every nightmare she had had came back to her, clear as day, every feeling she had experienced when she had thought James had cheated on her, everyday after she had been raped, all of the trouble it had caused.

The normal, sane Lily would have never done it, but she was so angry now she couldn't see straight. She had always heard people use the phrase, but now she understood it.

Lily lunged for Jeremy in anger, taking him completely by surprise. Not expecting it, Jeremy buckled under the weight and they both went tumbling to the ground.

When they were down, Lily was on top of him and started in.

She didn't even take notice to what she was hitting; she just swung her fists as hard as she could at Jeremy's head.

Hurting him as much as she could was the only thing on her mind. Jeremy tried to push her off, but she threw her whole body into the effort of staying on him and punching him longer.

It wasn't long before she felt blood under her fists, but she still didn't care. She hit him, and hit him, and hit him...

Finally Jeremy threw her off. It must have taken every ounce of strength that he had because she landed quite a few feet away.

Jeremy stood up quickly, swayed, and then caught his balance on the wall. He glared at her. And did he look MAD.

Lily couldn't tell exactly what all damage she had done because Jeremy's face was almost completely covered in blood. She stood up to level herself with him. Right now, she didn't care if he was mad, if he touched her she was just going to hit him some more.

"You _bitch_, "Jeremy wheezed. He seemed to be contemplating something for a moment before he spoke again. "Alright, you want a fight? Then let's do it right."

Lily couldn't believe it. Either she had hit Jeremy in the head too hard or he didn't realize that she was a good witch. He pulled two wands out of his pocket and tossed one to her. It was her wand.

As soon as Jeremy had thrown her wand and fired a curse at her.

"Petrificus Totalus!"

Lily somehow managed to grab her wand and move out of the wave just in time as the spell went whizzing past her and hit the wall. She aimed her wand quickly and said the first spell that came to her mind. "Stupefy!"

Jeremy had just happened to send a spell straight at her at the same time that she had sent hers and both spells flew at each other and collided in mid-air. They bounced off of each other and one smashed a lamp sitting on a small table and the other flew into the opposite wall.

Jeremy started toward her, throwing curse after curse at her, but thinking fast, Lily put up what she thought was a very impressive shield charm.

"Protego!"

Jeremy's curse bounced off of it and hit everything else in the room. A few nearly hit him and he had to put up his own shield to fend it off.

When he stopped, the room was almost a complete disaster. Everything that could be broken was shattered and covering the floor.

"So you're not going to fight me?" He yelled angrily from across the room at her. "You're just going to stand there behind your shield?"

Lily ignored him. She kept her eyes on his wand waiting for the next curse.

"FIGHT ME!" Jeremy looked like he was getting angrier by the second. In his anger, he raised his wand again, Lily strengthened her shield when she saw it, and yelled, "INCEDIO!"

A ball of fire produced from his wand, hit the center of her shield and bounced away toward the window.

It didn't hit the glass though; it hit the curtains around the window which immediately went up in flames.

* * *

"Where the hell did Lily go?" Adrienne asked Jack as they walked along the streets of Hogsmeade. "She should be here by now...You don't think she's still talking to that Natalie girl do you?"

Jack shrugged. "I don't know...hey," he grabbed her hand, "I'm sure she's fine, she's probably coming to find us right now."

Adrienne nodded. "Yeah...probably...but let's go back toward the castle, maybe we'll find her there."

So Adrienne and Jack turned around and walked back down the other way back towards the Hogwarts grounds in an attempt to find Lily. Soon they had stepped out of the small village and walked past the Hogsmeade train station.

They were completely alone now. Adrienne stopped.

Jack stopped too when he noticed that Adrienne wasn't moving next to him anymore. "What are you doing?" he asked her.

"Shhh," Adrienne pulled her wand out of her pocket and Jack looked around trying to figure out what she was up to. "Pull out your wand," she told him quietly.

Jack did as he was told and drew himself closer to her. "What are we doing?"

It took a moment for her to answer. She was staring some trees where the forbidden forest had stretched itself out. "I saw something move over there...there's someone in the trees."

Jack looked toward the trees. He hadn't seen anyone, but he trusted Adrienne.

Adrienne stared as hard as she could into the trees. She could have sworn she saw something move again but wasn't sure if she had imagined it this time or not.

Maybe she hadn't. Two seconds later, Jack's wand flew out of his hand. He attempted to dive for it, but Adrienne held him back. "Wait! Protego!" With the protective shield covering them, Jack reached down and grabbed his wand.

"Put the shield down or they'll never come out," Jack told her.

She did what Jack asked and waited, wand ready.

For whatever reason, Adrienne was none too surprised when Tristan sprinted out of the trees toward them firing curses at them.

Doing the last thing they wanted to do, Adrienne and Jack moved away from each other to avoid the oncoming barrage of curses.

A curse flew straight at Adrienne's head. She dropped to her knees to avoid it. "Flipendo!" Her charm flew straight into Tristan's legs, tripping him up in the process.

Jack seemingly came up out of no where. "Expelliarmus!" Tristan's wand flew past him and fell into a clump of nearby bushes.

Tristan wasn't discouraged by this though; he got to his feet and started toward Jack. Jack lazily twirled his wand and several ropes came out and bound themselves tightly around Tristan.

"Wow, that was easy," Jack muttered. "Are you ok?"

He directed his question at Adrienne who was standing up. "I'm fine; I think I scraped by knee though..."

Jack nodded. "Ok...you go get Professor Dumbledore while I hold him here."

"Alright," Adrienne jogged over and kissed him quickly, "be careful."

* * *

Lily ignored the curtains behind her that had gone up in flames. She dropped her shield and pointed her wand at Jeremy. "Stupefy!"

He moved out of the way at the last second, but it nicked his arm--his wand arm. The one arm went limp and he would have dropped his wand if he hadn't caught it with his unharmed hand.

Jeremy glanced at her once and then at the fire and then unexpectedly turned and sprinted away and out of a door that led out of the house.

Lily stared after her. Why had he done that?? Did he want her to follow him? The fire was getting pretty hot behind her. She turned to find that it had spread to a rug and then onto a couch.

She lifted an eyebrow at the flames. "Holy shit..."

Holding her wand out in front of her in case Jeremy was planning on a surprise attack, Lily slowly walked out of the house and onto a porch. For a moment she was thinking that this looked familiar, but then she remembered--the dream she had had months ago where she had found a house with the number 1703n on it. Lily turned and sure enough, the numbers were there next to the door. But it all fit now that she knew that Jeremy had been giving her those dreams.

But that must mean that the cliff in which she had repeatedly fallen off of was real also. Lily didn't want to see that cliff at all. Something crashed in the house behind her, breaking her from her thoughts.

Lily glanced behind her and saw that the fire had spread even further, half way across the room.

Lily sprinted away from it off of the porch and out into the bright sunlight. She glanced around quickly, searching for Jeremy. Suddenly, something started to block out the sun. What was it? Lily looked up and couldn't help but scream.

There was a gigantic tree that had been uprooted and apparently been flung in her direction.

If Jeremy had been magically strong enough to lift that up and throw it then she was in some trouble. Lily doubted that she could handle that. So she didn't bother trying to stop it with her wand, there was no point. Instead, she flung herself to the ground, flat on her stomach and covered her head just as the tree flew overhead, barely missing her.

There was a loud crash. Lily looked over to find that the tree had crashed into the house, completely destroying it. The fire was still going and before long was probably going to eat the tree up.

But Jeremy was still around. Lily was about to look around for him when she had a different idea. She didn't move at all. He had to come at some time, didn't he?

She waited and waited.

Maybe he had turn her head? Or maybe he knew that she was fibbing?

It seemed to take forever until Lily finally heard footsteps approaching her.

Her wand was under her stomach, hidden from his view and she held onto it tightly. Jeremy dropped to his knees and leaned over her. Lily held her breath. He was staring at her. It was now or never.

Lily pulled her wand out and pointed it at Jeremy as fast as she could. "Impedimenta!"

Now he couldn't move so fast, for a few minutes at least. Lily scrambled to her feet and pointed her wand again. "Reducto!"

Besides her protego shield it must have been the strongest spell she had used so far. Jeremy flew at least 3 yards away and landed, unmoving on his back.

Lily stared after him. Had she killed him? It wouldn't be so bad...Where was his wand, anyway? Looking around, she couldn't see it anywhere on the ground. He must still have it.

"Expelliarmus!"

She should have been expecting it, but it caught her by surprise. The spell had come from Jeremy, and her wand flew out of her hand and landed in his lap.

He sat up and struggled to his feet, all the while keeping his murderous eyes locked on her.

Her legs were frozen. Even if she tried to run, he would stop her. He had two wands now and she had none. He was drawing closer; she had to move NOW.

Jeremy raised his wand but then seemed to think twice about it. After a moment's thought he threw both wands away to the side.

Even though she was shocked by this strange action, Lily turned and ran as hard as she could.

She ran until she noticed it--the cliff. It was much closer to the house than it was in her dream. Without even thinking about it, Lily stopped about six yards away from the edge.

Something enormous rammed into her back. She flew forward and landed on her face, hard. There was a sickening crack and her nose went numb, but she barely noticed that; right now she was just trying to breath. Jeremy must have tackled her and it seemed that he had knocked the air right out of her lungs.

Grabbing her by the hair, Jeremy picked her head up and slammed back into the ground. Blood started spurting from her nose; it didn't feel so numb anymore, now it seemed like she could really feel every cracked bone.

Jeremy turned her over to face him and raised his fist. Lily immediately started to franticly get out of under him. She swung her fists at his head and he had to lean far back to avoid them.

They struggled against each other for a moment until Jeremy got his hands around her neck.

He immediately started squeezing as hard as he could. Lily gasped for breath and attempted to unwrap his fingers from her throat, they wouldn't budge. Instead, she swung her fists at him again. But every time she would swing her fists he squeezed at her throat tighter.

She banged on his arms, she scratched at his fingers, over and over, but nothing seemed to be working. The pain was torture, she couldn't breath, she couldn't think about anything but the pain, the blood coming from her nose was trying to cover her eyes, and the world around her was getting darker and darker...

Now she was floating, no more pain, no more Jeremy...Somewhere off in the distance she heard the sounds of someone fighting...it sounded like a lot of people...

"Ms. Evans?"

An unfamiliar voice sounded, but she ignored it. She just sank deeper and deeper into the blackness...

A/N: Sorry for the shortness and all, but that's all I could think of! Lol, yeeaahh, this is the fastest that I have ever updated anything, especially when it's to do with this story! Ok, next chapter, I'm not going to give you a preview because it's the last chapter, and I can't tell you about it yet.

Anyhoo, thanks for the reviews:

**anonymous992 **(Yep, only one more chapter after this one.), **pippapear, 5redroses **(Oh yeah, I just watched that episode! I miss that show...), **A Person **(Well I guess I really did update ASAP lol), **LilyHeartsMarauders **(Well thanks for saying thanks for me thanking you!), **ICantRemberSodAll **(You're the only one who figured that out sortave...), **LilyJames addict **(Um...ok ), **MoodyMoony241 **(I hope this answered all of your questions!), **1BigRomantic, scribbles.pooksta, Blue-Eyed Chica, smile123** (Aw you are so sweet, thank you! I can't believe you re-read the whole story; you must be a true fan. I'm not sure if I'll write another L/J angst again, but I'm pretty sure I'll be writing more L/J. Maybe I'll think about it though...)

Ok guys, the next chapter is the last one. : (

Thanks for reading

-Elvenmuggle


	24. The End

****

Last Chapter: Lily found out that Jeremy and Tristan had been working together to make her unhappy all year long. She found out that Jeremy hired Tristan to hire Hilary to kiss James, that Jeremy was the one who had been giving her all of the nightmares, and that Jeremy was a wizard, not a muggle like we thought.

* * *

The blackness was so comfortable, so peaceful; she didn't ever want to wake up from it. After a while of rest, she opened her eyes, but it was too bright, and she could feel someone prodding her with something.

She groaned and shrugged away from the prodding, it was making her uncomfortable. After that, the prodding stopped and she sank back into the dark.

It didn't seem that it had been very long until she felt something on her head. It wasn't anything annoying though, it was quite nice, and it felt like someone was stroking her hair.

Though it felt nice, it was pulling her out of her peacefulness. The world around her slowly started to get brighter and finally, she was awake.

No...She wanted to go back to sleep; whatever she had been dreaming had been nice. She could just hear small noises around her like a few birds singing outside of the window and whoever was still stroking her hair breathing.

The sun streaming in from the same window was beating down on her eyelids, trying to force them open. She sighed. Guess she was going to have to open them now.

"Lily!"

Lily blinked a few times, adjusting her eyes to the light. Finally, she turned to the voice.

"James?"

James grinned at her. "Hey...how do you feel?"

Lily stared at him and thought for a moment. Why was she here again? And where was she? She glanced around and found that she was in the hospital wing at Hogwarts, though how she got here, she couldn't remember...

Then it hit her. Everything that Jeremy had said and done came rushing back to her. Tristan, the fire, the tree, fighting with him, Jeremy choking her...and that was where she stopped remembering.

"Where's Jeremy?" Lily asked James quickly.

James blinked at her. "Um...Do you want me to get Dumbledore? He was there..."

Lily shook her head. "What are you talking about? He was where?"

James stood up. "I think I should get Dumbledore."

Though she still felt groggy, Lily reached out and grabbed James's arm. "No! Please don't leave me alone! Just tell me yourself...please James?" She looked at him.

Something in her face must have changed his mind because he sat back down and crossed his arms.

"I'm not sure I'm supposed to tell you this..." He told her seriously.

Lily sighed and stared at him.

Finally he uncrossed his arms and leaned forward on his knees.

"Lily...Jeremy's dead."

"He is?"

James watched her wearily. "Yes..."

Lily looked down at her hands. It took her a moment for it to register in her mind. "Well that's...great..." She looked back over at him quickly. "I didn't do it did I?"

James shook his head. "No, you were passed out when they got there."

"When who got where?"

"I still think Dumbledore should be the one telling you this."

"James," Lily looked up at him with the most innocent look she could muster. It must have worked because he sighed and continued.

"Well, Adrienne told us everything...she told us about how you guys confronted Hilary and then how you went to find Tristan," he glanced over at her.

"You can say I told you so if you want," Lily muttered.

Other than shaking his head, James ignored her. "And then she said that she and Jack separated from you and they went into Hogsmeade. Then when they were coming out, they were attacked by Tristan, but they caught him and Adrienne went up to the castle and got Professor Dumbledore...And then Dumbledore informed the ministry and they figured Tristan knew where you were and they forced him to tell them where."

James sighed again. "And all I know after that is that when they got there, Jeremy was choking you...and then he put up a big fight against the ministry officials and ended up-" he glanced over at her, "falling off of the cliff."

Lily stared down at her hands. So Jeremy was gone...shouldn't she feel happy about it?

"Are you ok?" James asked her.

Lily nodded. "I'm not sad about it...I just don't know what to say...I'm not happy, but I'm glad he can't hurt me anymore..."

"You're not happy because you're a good person. You don't have it in you to be happy about someone's death, Lily." He stared at her and she stared back.

"Thank you, James...So what happened after that?"

James smiled lightly at her. "Dumbledore brought you back here for Madam Pomfrey to take care of you, and you've been out for a few days."

"Oh...does everyone in the school know what happened?"

James nodded. "Yes, but no one knows who Jeremy was or why he did it."

"What happened to Tristan?"

"Azkaban, they arrested him for kidnapping you."

Lily sighed. "Why does he say he did it?"

"I don't know...I heard that he did it for the money, but I really don't know for sure."

They fell silent for a moment and listened to the birds chirping outside.

"You know what he told me? Jeremy?" James shook his head. "He told me that he just wanted to see me hurt...why would anyone want to do something like that? Am I that bad of a person?"

James shook his head. "No, you're not; _he_'_s _just that bad of a person to do something like that. There's nothing wrong with you, Lily, it was Jeremy, he was a psychopath."

Lily nodded. "He sure was...Thank you James."

James grinned. "No problem."

They stared at each other for a moment.

"James," she whispered, "I'm sorry for not believing you. I shouldn't have ever thought that you would do something like that. You're a good person and I'm sorry for believing otherwise."

He didn't say anything; he just kept staring at her.

"So..." Lily said hesitantly, "do you forgive me?"

James smiled lightly at her and nodded. "Of course. If I hadn't already do you think I would be here right now?"

"I guess not."

They continued to stare at each other. Lily wished he would do something, or come closer to her at least so she could do something. The air around them became tense. James looked like he was trying to figure something out.

Suddenly, the door opened and in walked Madam Pomfrey.

"Ms Evans, you're awake!"

Madam Pomfrey rushed over to the bed and James stood up and walked a few feet away so that the nurse could look at her. Lily didn't take her eyes off of James as he backed away, though he seemed to be trying to ignore her.

"You're throat doesn't hurt, does it?" The nurse asked her.

Lily shook her head and finally looked away from James. The door opened again and this time Adrienne walked in. Just as she had a few days before, Lily heard Adrienne let out an excited squeal and she skipped over to her bed.

"Lily! When did you wake up?"

Lily was about to answer when Madam Pomfrey interrupted.

"No visitors!"

"Why?" Lily asked her a little more rudely than she meant to.

But the nurse didn't seem to hear her tone because she just continued on with adjusting the bed sheets around her more comfortably. "Because you need your rest! No need to get too excited after you've just woken up."

"Please, Madam Pomfrey, I don't want to be alone." Lily looked up at her with the same innocent look she had used on James.

Madam Pomfrey looked back and forth between Lily and Adrienne sternly. Finally, she sighed. "Alright, but you don't make her too excited," she directed at Adrienne and then turned to Lily, "and you don't get out of bed."

"Yes ma'am." Finally she left them.

Lily looked around for James, but he was gone. Adrienne raced over to the bed and gave Lily a big hug. When she was finished, she sat down in the chair James had just finished using.

"So I saw James coming out of here...did you guys talk?"

Lily nodded. "Yeah...it was nice."

Adrienne grinned. "Reeeally? What did you guys talk about?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "We were mostly talking about Jeremy."

"Oh. I thought you were gonna say you were talking dirty."

Lily looked at her like she had grown a second head. "_Wha_t? Why would you think that?"

Adrienne laughed. "I'm messing with you, Lily." She laughed for again for a minute. "But seriously though, aren't you guys getting back together?"

Lily bit her lip and shrugged. "I don't know..."

Now Adrienne was looking at her like she was crazy. "You don't know? Yes you do! Ok, Jack told me not to get involved, but I don't care. James loves you, and you love James, so don't act like you don't. You want him and you know, now admit it!"

Lily stared down at her hands. There was a small smile forming on her lips. "He does love me, doesn't he?"

Adrienne grinned back at her. "Yep."

She stared at her hands for another moment. "I guess...it wouldn't make much sense...for us to love each other and not do anything about it."

Adrienne was grinning broadly at her. "See, this is what happens when I get involved. I told Jack I was always right."

"He was acting sortave weird before he left though."

"How so?" Adrienne asked.

Lily told her how James seemed to be ignoring her. But Adrienne didn't seem to worry about it much, so Lily tried not to either.

Madam Pomfrey made her stay in the hospital wing for a week. All Lily wanted to do all week was talk to James again, but the nurse refused to let her go, and James didn't come again. Even after getting into several heated arguments, she still made her stay. Lily was almost in her right mind to break out in the middle of the night when one morning she finally let her loose.

As quickly as she could, Lily showered and dressed.

As she was running out of the door, she heard Madam Pomfrey call after her to not run.

Trying not to consider turning around and hexing the nurse, Lily slowed to a walk and continued on down the corridor.

Everyone turned their heads as she passed on her way down to breakfast, but she ignored them.

Once she had entered the great hall, she immediately spotted James over in the corner talking to the other marauders. She waited until the others had gone into the great hall until she approached them.

"James?"

James turned to her. "Oh hey Lily...how are you feeling?"

"Fine, can I talk to you?"

James looked over at the doors to the great hall. "I don't know..."

Why didn't he want to talk to her? "It'll be quick."

James hesitated. "Oh...alright, but it has to be quick."

Lily rolled her eyes. What was wrong with him today? Finally he followed her out of the entrance hall, down a flight of stairs, and then down into the dungeons.

"Ok, what's up?" James turned to her.

Lily licked her lips and wished he would stop acting so weird. "James, I know I already said it, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything that happened and I..." she stopped and looked at him. He was looking at the opposite wall behind her. "I was hoping...that we could maybe...possibly...start...over..."

The room went silent. James continued to stare at the opposite wall. Lily stared at him. The only sound was the murmur of the students moving and talking above them.

Finally, after what seemed like several long minutes, James turned to her.

"I can't go through that again." James swallowed. "I know you're sorry and I forgive you, but...I was just hurt too much the last time and I don't think I'm going to be able to put myself into it again."

It took a while for his words to sink in...He couldn't? Lily stared at him. He seemed to be getting smaller and smaller.

"So," Lily whispered, "you're saying...no?"

Slowly, James nodded. And then it hit her like a ton of bricks. No more James. It was done, finished; it wasn't going to happen again. She had had it and then she had lost it and she wasn't going to ever get it back.

It was so much to take, she couldn't handle it. She fled back up the stairs and out of the entrance hall, ignoring the stares around her, and out onto the bright lawn. No one was out here right now, it was still early. Lily ran to the first tree she came across and dropped to her knees behind it.

She started to frantically rub at her heart. There was no way that this much pain really exist, there was no way that she actually had to handle it, it was torture.

No more James. No more James, no more James, no more James. It kept going through her head over and over.

She let out an anguished cry unheard by anyone. The tears were coming, she hated when the tears started to come. But this time there was no way she was going to be able to hold them back or stop them.

"Lily?"

She looked up. It was James. He wore a sad look on his face. He dropped to his knees in front of her and grabbed her face in his hands.

"I don't know what I was thinking. As soon as you left, I realized it. There's nothing without you. Going on in life without you is not an option for me."

He leaned down to her face until their noses were nearly touching.

"I love you, Lily."

"Oh James!" Lily sobbed, "I love you too!"

She didn't waste anytime in flinging her arms around him and kissing him as hard as she could, trying desperately to make up for all of the months apart. James was just as eager, he ran his hands up her arms, through her hair, down her back, and he touched every part that he could, remembering the smell of her hair and the curve of her back.

Finally, after several long minutes, they pulled apart and proceeded to stare at each other with big grins on their faces.

**Two months later**

Things had gone back to normal. Lily and James were happy and together again; they both took and passed their N.E.W.T.S. along with the other marauders and Jack and Adrienne.

Though glad that the tests were over, they were all dreading on having to leave the school.

Lily was excited to finally get to go out and start her own career, but the school had been her home for seven years. Millions of memories came flooding back to her everywhere she went. Maybe it was a bit mean, but Lily was so happy to be with James that she didn't even feel like crying about leaving the school. Instead of leaving her home, she saw it as going out and finally starting her life and her career.

It was the night before graduation and they were all sitting in the Gryffindor common room (except for Jack of course) watching as Sirius walked in front of them, modeling his navy blue graduation robes.

"Don't you think it's a bit tight on my butt?" Sirius asked, turning and looking at his behind.

James shook his head. "For the hundredth time Sirius, no."

Sirius plopped down on an armchair. "Fine."

They fell silent.

"Hey," Remus spoke up, "What are you guys going to miss most about Hogwarts?"

They all thought for a moment.

"I think this," Lily motioned around to their small circle. "How many times after we're out there in the world do you think we're all going to be together like this again?"

"We'll make a way," James said reassuringly. "I'm going to miss the quidditch."

Sirius, Remus, and Peter all nodded in agreement.

"I've only been here for two years," Adrienne said, "but I still love it...I guess what I'll miss most is the crazy speeches Dumbledore gives at the first feast of every year."

They all nodded in agreement, laughing.

There was too much she was going to miss about Hogwarts, and Lily was hoping to get to say goodbye to everyone and everything tomorrow after graduation.

The next day brought bright happy rays of sunshine. Lily awoke and looked out of her window to see where about twenty people were setting up for the graduation down on the lawn.

There wasn't the normal fight for the bathroom. For some reason, maybe because they all knew it was pretty much their last day here, everyone was nice to each other and all shared everything politely.

When she was finally finished, Lily skipped down the stairs and into the common room. She was immediately met by the awaiting arms of James, who as every other morning since they had been back together, kissed her deeply, ignoring the stares of everyone around them.

Everyone at breakfast was freakishly happy and talkative, or maybe that was just how Lily saw it since _she_ was so freakishly happy and talkative...

Even when everyone's parents and family started to come in and greet their children (they were there to watch the graduation), it still didn't get her down. She hung out with James's father and step mother instead and they all had a nice day together.

It was around eleven when they all went upstairs to slip on their graduation robes. Lily held onto James's hand as they headed down to the lawn.

There was a large stage up outside and everyone's family were already seated on what looked like at least two hundred white chairs.

Professor Flitwick made them all stand up in alphabetical order so Lily didn't get to stand next to James. It didn't bother her though. She was happy enough to be graduating and accepted her diploma from Professor Dumbledore with a bright smile.

Over the last two months, Lily had somehow (she was never going to be sure how she did it) managed to talk the prefects out of holding yet another ball for the end of the year, but instead they would all hold their own party in their own common rooms.

So after the graduation, and after they had bid goodbye to all of their parents, (who were going to apparate back to their homes from Hogsmeade) Sirius and Remus lugged huge crates of butterbeer and various liquors down from their bedrooms.

Lily rolled her eyes at them. "You can't let the younger kids drink that."

"Don't worry," Sirius told her, "I've enchanted them. If a younger kid touches them, they won't open."

Lily and James watched together as Remus waved his wand and suddenly loud music started blaring out of no where. James leaned down to her ear. "Lily, this is too loud for me, let's go out." He nodded his head toward the portrait hole and Lily nodded and followed him out.

After the noise in the common room, the hall seemed deathly silent.

"Where do you want to go?" Lily asked him.

James shrugged. "I don't know, let's go to our tree."

He was speaking of the tree that they had made up underneath. Since that moment, they had referred to it as their tree. Lily held onto his hand as they walked through the quiet castle, only passing a few other people on their way.

When they had finally reached their tree, James pulled her into a hug and sighed happily into her hair.

They stood like that for a moment, both extremely content in each other's arms.

After a while, James pulled away and smiled at her. "Lily...I love you."

"I know, I love you too." Lily smiled back at him.

"Remember when I told you that going on without you in my life wasn't an option?"

Lily nodded. Of course she remembered that; it was one of the best days of her life.

"Well," James continued, "I was telling the truth...it really isn't an option for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

James stepped back from her and dropped to one knee. Her heart skipped a beat. Was he really doing what she thought he was doing? Or was she dreaming?

James reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring with a tiny but bright diamond.

He grinned up at her stunned look. "Lily, will you marry me?"

There was only one thought that ran through her mind. Nothing would make her happier than to marry James.

"Of course I will!"

James sprang to his feet and pulled her into a kiss. He hugged her so hard she was lifted off of the ground, but she didn't care, she was happy.

* * *

The next day was their last at Hogwarts. Lily walked around with Adrienne and said goodbye to every teacher, every friend, every painting, and every ghost.

"I'm trying really hard not to cry," Lily told Adrienne when they were finished.

Adrienne shook her head. "I can't believe you and James are getting married."

"Still stuck on that huh?"

Adrienne nodded. "Of course...You don't think you're too young?"

Lily shrugged. "Well we've decided it will be a while before we actually do it...a year or two maybe."

"Ok...well, we need go make sure we've got all of our stuff...the train leaves in an hour."

The next hour was very hard. Lily kept telling herself that she was heading to something better and something brighter, but when it really came down to it, she was terrified. What if she didn't make it? What if she didn't take what it took to become an auror?

But when she really thought about it, she realized that it didn't matter to her, not when she had James. It didn't matter if she wasn't going to have a great career, just as long as James was there by her side and loving her forever, she would be happily content.

Time went by faster than she would have liked, and before long, they were all sharing a compartment on the way back to London. They all passed the time by playing chess and exploding snap. When they were nearly there, they started to talk about what they were going to do next.

After they had all had their turns, it was Adrienne's.

"So what are you doing, Adrienne?" Remus asked her from the opposite booth.

Adrienne looked over at Jack and then back at Lily. "Actually...Jack and I have been talking a lot about it...and we've decided that...after the summer is over, we're going back to America to find my father."

The compartment fell silent.

Adrienne bit her lip. "I can't stand that he's still out there and free I want to find him and have him locked up."

The compartment was silent for a few more moments until Lily finally spoke up.

"If that's what you want to do...them I'm good with it."

Adrienne smiled at her. "I knew you would be."

The train was starting to slow. A voice came over the loud speaker announcing that they would soon be pulling into King's Cross station. Everyone stood up and started pulling their trunks down form the carriages above their heads.

When the train had finally stopped, they all stood out on the platform in a small circle.

"So what do we do now?" Sirius asked.

Lily shrugged. "Let's go hang out at my house for a while."

Everyone agreed and grabbed their trunks.

Lily held onto James's hand as they walked through the barrier, catching one last glimpse of the Hogwart's Express on her way out.

A/N: Yay it's over...

Everyone who had read and reviewed, thank you very, very much, I love you!

Thanks to the reviewers:

**pippapear, 5redroses **(I don't think he meant for the house to catch on fire, that was a total accident.), **Blue-Eyed Chica, MoodyMoony241, LilyJames addict, BitterBeginnings, A Person, LilyHeartsMarauders, Emelinee, mEntAl-blAckOuT, **and **lilyismyname**

Well, that's it, hope you guys liked the end...If you have any questions about Jeremy, Tristan, Natalie, Jack, or Adrienne, email them to me at . Thanks!

Mwah! (That was a kiss if you didn't know lol)

-Elvenmuggle


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